Worth the Fight (Accidentally on Purpose)

by Davis, L. D.

  “What else did Lena say?”

  I definitely had not intended to go down this road, but we were talking, and I started it, so I needed to answer her questions before she shut down again.

  “She said that she thinks you're depressed and that you think you deserve how I treat you, and that you're still beating yourself up. I guess I didn't stop to think about it before today, or I just looked the other way, but I suppose she's right, on all accounts. I argued with her at first, but she got really pushy, as only a big sister can do.”

  She didn’t answer, and that was like an answer in of itself. It was as if she was conceding to what I said, as if she was just too damn broken to care that we knew she was broken.

  I watched her for a moment as she began to clean up some of the mess she made in cooking. I should have backed off and focused on filling her in all she needed to know about the firm, but I couldn’t stop myself from pushing the current topic.

  “I'm really looking at you for the first time since the day I met Lucas. Em, you just seem...hollow. Like everything that makes you who you are is missing.”

  “Who am I really?” she asked, focusing on the pan she was washing in the sink. “The woman who steals another woman's man? Am I the woman who cheats a good man out of everything he deserves? Or am I the woman who lets herself be used and abused? Maybe I'm the woman who keeps a child from his loving father. That's who I am, Luke. You're not missing anything great.”

  I did not expect to hear anything like this from her. I wasn’t sure exactly what I expected, but it wasn’t this self-depraving bullshit. She really was still beating herself up over what happened between us, but how could she not when I was cold and hostile to her every damn day? And did she say she was abused? If I had not heard her during her nightmare I may have overlooked that sentence entirely, but now it only further confirmed that Kyle Sterling had abused her.

  I didn’t trust myself to speak, but I couldn’t close my mouth. I felt Lucas’s slobbery hands on my face but I didn’t care.

  “Don't look so surprised,” she said as she took out dishes for dinner. “You said yourself that you were wrong about who I am.”

  Fuck. I knew when I first spoke them that those words were cruel, but now I knew she had hung on to them and fueled her self-hatred. I tried to find the words now to try to take back those words, or to take away their effect, but I only managed to sputter out meaningless jabber.

  She took Lucas from my arms and turned away.

  “I'll put him down for bed,” she said. “Enjoy your dinner.”

  The bedroom door closed. I stood rooted to the kitchen floor for a moment before marching over to the door with the intentions of bursting into the room and forcing her to continue with the conversation, but I knew I could push her to shut down completely, and I didn’t want her to shut down. I know I had not intended for our conversation to be a heavy one, but now that it had happened, I wanted more. I wanted to know what was going on inside her head. Everything she did to me suddenly didn’t matter as much anymore. What mattered now was that I wanted the old Emmy back – not as my girlfriend, but as my friend. Not for my sake, but for hers, and for Lucas’s. If I can’t get her to climb out of this dark hole and back into the light, Lucas would never have any idea just how incredible his mother really is. He would know a different person altogether, and that made me sad for him. And maybe a little for myself, too.

  *~~~*

  I watched Emmy’s face as she left Lucas with Lena the next morning. She was struggling with it inside, but she sucked it up and quickly walked away. I understood how hard it must have been – she was never separated from Lucas for more than a couple of hours at a time, and now she was leaving him behind for an entire day. I also had a feeling she tended to use Lucas as a barrier between her and everyone else, and now she had nothing but her own skin.

  To get her mind off of Lucas, on the drive to the office I gave her as much information as I could about the firm and its needs. She listened intently and asked questions, but I don’t think anything could have prepared her for the real mess my office was. She stood in the middle of the main room turning in a slow circle with her eyes wide and her mouth hanging open. I actually felt embarrassed. Emmy was an administrative beast. It was like having a dirty kitchen and bad food at a restaurant and having Robert Irvine come in, but I knew Emmy could be much scarier than the star chef. At least the old Emmy was scarier. I was worried that I would only get the new, quiet, docile Emmy when I really needed Emmy the beast, but she didn’t let me down.

  My associates and I watched with amazement as some of the woman I used to know reared her awesomely scary head and laid into Kacey after she walked in the door with her I’m-Just-Here-To-Get-Paid-For-Taking-Up-Space attitude. My partner Steve was equally impressed, and one of my other attorneys announced his newfound love for her.

  I wanted to watch Emmy in action for a while longer, because even though this was only a little bit of the old Em, I was intrigued and even happy to see her emerge. But I had work to do, so I left her to what she knew how to do best and went into my office. I didn’t see her again until I was on my way out for court. I was just blown over by all of the work she had accomplished in only a couple of hours, and I was even further impressed that Kacey was actually working.

  Emmy had pulled her hair back into a ponytail and rolled her sleeves of her blouse up to her elbows. The first few buttons were unbuttoned, giving me the smallest glimpse of ample cleavage. I had seen plenty of her boobs since she moved in with Lucas, but seeing her with a kid attached to her breast wasn’t even a little bit attractive, but seeing her clothed but sporting a little bit of cleavage was hot.

  “This looks great,” I said with a big grin on my face as I looked around at all of the work she had done.

  “We still have a very long way to go,” she sighed. “And your files are a mess. I have Kacey fixing some of it, but it's going to take a while.”

  I nodded and watched her as she bit her lip and looked around the office, mentally ticking things off on her agenda.

  “I have to be in court in a little while,” I said. “I'll be back to get you around five.”

  “No,” she said with a wave. “Just get Lucas and go home. I will be fine getting back.”

  I wanted to object. I didn’t want her overdoing it on her first day, but before I could speak, my fourth lawyer Lanna, and Craig came noisily into the office, bickering. It was a common thing for them. Lanna was only a few years older than Craig. They actually had become very close friends since Lanna started working at the firm, but they were constantly going at it. Most of the time it was amusing to watch.

  I introduced them to Emmy. I wanted to tell her that I wanted her to leave at five, but when she turned her head to look at the client reception area she had set up, I just barely saw the tiniest curve of her mouth. She was in her element and it had been a very long time since she was able to find something satisfying outside of Lucas. Who was I to squash that?

  “Don’t work too late,” I smiled at her.

  I forced myself to walk out of the door before I did something ridiculous, like wrap my arms around her and giver a big bear hug of thanks.

  *~~~*

  When Emmy came home from work that night, she looked exhausted, but accomplished. She hugged and kissed Lucas for so long, I worried that she may not want to leave him again, but then I realized we never discussed how long she would be working for me. Maybe I’d bring it up over the uneaten dinner from last night that I had set on the table for us. Truthfully, I needed her for more than just a day. I knew if anyone could get us on track at the firm, it was Emmy, and I was still angry with myself for not seeing past my own anger and pain to ask her sooner. I really needed her, and I knew just how to sweeten the deal.

  “My mom made you another apple pie,” I said to her as she practically mauled our son with affection. “She said it's a gift for returning to work.”

  “If I didn't know any better, I'd say th
at your mother wants me to stay fat,” she said with a slight frown.

  Fat? My eyes traveled over her heavy breasts, curvy hips and luscious ass.

  “You're not fat,” I said, holding back a smile. “But if you don't want the pie, I will gladly take it off of your hands.”

  “Touch my pie and I'll break your fingers,” she warned. “Lucas, say night-night to daddy.”

  My heart beat a little harder at her words. Emmy usually simply announced that she was putting Lucas to bed before taking him from me, and she never ever referred to me as daddy, at least never within my earshot. The ice between us was chipping away faster than I could have hoped for. My regrets for not attempting to mend our relationship sooner were strong.

  Emmy went into the bedroom to put Lucas to bed. I knew he’d be out soon, because he was falling asleep before she got home. I purposely kept him awake so that she would have a few minutes with him. After a few minutes I started to worry that maybe Em was going to stay in the bedroom and not come out for dinner. I didn’t want to revert back to nights of tense silence. Now that I have had a dose of old Emmy, I wanted more. I wasn’t sure how much more I wanted though. I was still hurt by her actions of the past, but I was willing to move past it enough for us to at least be friends, and we weren’t going to be able to be friends if she hid out in the bedroom every night.

  I walked over to the bedroom door, intending to drag her out by her hair if necessary and make her sit and eat dinner with me. I pushed open the door gently and quietly, not wanting to disturb Lucas if he was not yet asleep, but before I could open the door more than a few inches, I saw her.

  Emmy was standing near the bathroom door, pulling her slacks down over her thighs. The pants dropped to the floor a second later, leaving her clad in a pair of green cotton panties and her white blouse. I should have turned away and went back to the dining room, but I was frozen in place as she began to unbutton the blouse. She peeled it off and that also fell to the floor at her feet. A moment later the matching green bra was off, but when she started to pull off her panties, I somehow made myself walk silently away.

  I forced myself into the kitchen to start cleaning up imaginary messes. I tried to ignore the erection in my lounge pants and prayed that Emmy wouldn’t see it when she came out of the bedroom. I had to get my head together. There was no denying that Emmy was attractive, and even when my dislike for her was at its height, I couldn’t ignore that fact, but I had to put things in perspective. Anything beyond friendship for the two of us would be disastrous. Even a roll in the hay would be unacceptable – enjoyable – but unacceptable. The fact of the matter was the cheating and withholding Lucas from me were too big of infractions for me to be anything but Emmy’s friend.

  I reheated dinner again and had just set it down on the table when Emmy came out of the bedroom dressed in flannel pajamas. I was glad I didn’t have to drag her out by her hair.

  She looked hesitant to sit down with me. The only time we sat at the table together was when we were with other people, never alone.

  “Are you ready to quit yet?” I asked her, hoping she wouldn’t say that she was done after one day.

  “I was ready to quit when I walked in the door.”

  “Sorry,” I said sincerely. “There just hasn't been time to set up.”

  “Kacey and Craig both could have been helping with that,” she said in her all business tone.

  “Maybe so, but in Craig's defense, he's one paralegal working for four attorneys.”

  “Fair enough. I think Kacey worked more today than the total time she's been with you.”

  “I guess Steve and I should have handled her better,” I admitted. “I think she thought this would be a free ride because Steve's her uncle.”

  “You can't afford free loaders. I think she will work out though. I need to ask you if it's okay that I hire a cleaning company to come in and clean three nights a week.”

  “I can't afford it,” I said, trying to hide how much it bothered me that I couldn’t afford to hire more help. I prided myself in taking care of my employees and my family, but the truth was that money was getting tight. I didn’t really want Emmy to know how tight, especially since I had vowed to take care of Lucas.

  “I can,” she said quietly. “I'll pay for it.”

  Was she serious?

  “No, I can't let you do that.”

  She spoke as if I had not just answered her in the negative, as if I had not spoken at all. “And I want to hire a few more people. You need at least one more paralegal.”

  “There's no money for that,” I patiently reminded her.

  “There's my money,” she said casually.

  “No. I won't do that.”

  Hell no, I wouldn’t do that. I was the man of this household and there was no way I was going to let my – or the mother of my son support us.

  “Let's be frank,” Emmy said before forking some pasta into her mouth. I waited patiently for her to finish chewing and continue with her frankness. “If your firm doesn't get its shit together, you're going to drown. Chicago is full of other small firms that already have their shit together and that’s where the clients will go. I can even help you bring in upscale clientele, but you have to have your shit together first.”

  She was right. I didn’t want her to know how bad off I was, but Em knew her shit. Why she chose to work for others when she could easily be the boss was beyond me. Taking her money, however, was a huge matter of pride for me. I could probably convince her that she really couldn’t afford to help me.

  “I know your family is well off, but do you personally have that kind of money? I doubt it,” I said to her.

  “You don't know that. We've never discussed my finances before.”

  “So, let's discuss them.”

  She looked at the bracelet on her wrist. I had seen her wear it before, but it always seemed like it was weighing her down. She would fidget with it often, frowning and sighing. Before I moved back to Chicago, I had never seen the bracelet before. I imagined that Kyle had given it to her, and that bothered me more than I would expect.

  “I am a trust fund baby,” she said, glancing warily at me. “I've been getting an ‘allowance' dumped into an account every four months since I was eighteen. My parents paid for my education, my car, and all of my needs until I got out of college. I've always worked and saved most of what I earned. My family doesn't flaunt their wealth, and unless you looked a little deeper, you probably didn't know that we not only have our one 'plantation' in Louisiana, but several spread out in other states. Your cotton undershirt probably originated on one of my family's farms. My father is highly invested in oil and a couple of other resources. The bar I love so much? It's mine. I own it, and it does well.”

  The shock I felt would have knocked me on my ass if I wasn’t already sitting down. I didn’t go to that bar very often with Emmy, but I knew she spent a lot of time there. It irked me a little that she had failed to tell me that she owned the place. I dated her for about eight months and we were friends for a few years before that. Why was it such a big fucking secret that she owned the bar? I wanted to ask her about that, but she wasn’t finished telling me about her apparent significant personal wealth.

  “When Donya was modeling, she paid me to handle her finances,” she continued. “Then other models paid me to handle their finances. When I first started working at Sterling, I bought stock as soon as I could. I sold it soon after I left, and they were doing extremely well.”

  She paused and looked at me as if she wasn’t sure she wanted to continue. I was pretty sure there wasn’t much more she could tell me that could further shock me. I was wrong.

  “I also left with...with compensation,” she said hesitantly.

  “Like a severance package?” I asked. I was still trying to recover from everything else she had just told me.

  “Something like that.” She paused before taking a deep breath and rushing her next words. “Walter Sterling paid me to go away.” />
  I wasn’t sure I heard her correctly. I thought she said that Walter Sterling paid her to go away, but that would be a bribe. Emmy obviously didn’t need a bribe, nor was the Emmy I knew that morally corrupt to accept one, but when she looked at me for a reaction, I realized she had really said what I thought I heard her say.

  “Are you fucking serious?” I exploded. “You took a bribe?”

  “Yep,” she said. I could tell that there was more she wasn’t telling me. “I was going to return it, but after...after what happened before I left Jersey, I decided to keep it. I haven't touched any of it.”

  What the hell did happen? Was she going to tell me what Kyle did to her? It had to be something significant if Walter Sterling felt it necessary to bribe her.

  “What happened?” I asked leaning forward.

  She softly shook her head, closing me off from that part of herself. I was disappointed, but I didn’t want to push her, even though I felt kind of angry with her for taking a bribe, for hiding the bar from me – from hiding her wealth from me.

  “I don't want to talk about that,” she said. “My point is, I want to help you and I'm perfectly capable of helping you. You should let me.”

  Fuck.

  My brain was in overload with all I had just learned. As much as I wanted to focus on the secrets that were withheld for all of this time, there would be more time for that later. I had to seriously consider what she was offering. It seemed even more important to me now more than ever to be the one to support my son, and Emmy to some degree – whether she needed it or not. Yes, it was about my pride, but I always believed that men should be the primary support for their families, and regardless of Emmy’s large bank account, I didn’t want to be upstaged. If I took a loan, which was already chipping away at my pride, I could get the firm to the level it needed to be to succeed. I could then pay back the loan and continue to support Lucas and Emmy.