Dog Day Wedding

by Rich Amooi

  “Your grandmother and I had premarital sex.”

  “Right!” said Natalie DeMarco, laughing. “Nice try, Nono, but I don’t buy it.”

  “It’s true.” He got up from the kitchen table and moved next to her by the stove. “It was practically unheard of in those days, but we couldn’t keep our hands off each other!”

  “You’re just saying that because Nana’s not here to confirm it.”

  Federico grinned and put his hand on her shoulder. “Come here. I want to show you something—then maybe you’ll understand.”

  She pointed the tongs at the ham sizzling in the pan. “I’m preparing your favorite sandwich and you want me to stop so you can show me something? I guess you’re not very hungry.”

  “I am! And that smells fantastico, but this is important. Just one moment, please.”

  “Okay, just a second.” She lifted the pan from the burner and set it aside. After she turned off the gas, she wiped her hands on a kitchen towel and followed Federico to the wall of picture frames in the hallway.

  She smiled and pointed. “You put up some new pictures.”

  “Yes! Look at this one.” Federico pointed to a picture of him kissing his wife Olive underneath the Eiffel Tower.

  “That’s beautiful. What year was that?”

  He thought about it for a moment and scratched the side of his face. “During the last century, I’m sure of it.”

  Natalie laughed and kissed him on the cheek. “Silly.”

  He chuckled and pointed to a picture of him kissing Olive on a boat. “This one too. Notice what we are doing there?”

  She smiled. “Yes, Nono. Kissing.”

  Then he pointed to yet another photo of him kissing Olive on the ski slopes. “And here. Look.”

  “Okay,” said Natalie. “I see the pattern. Kissing is the theme.”

  “Your grandmother was a kissing machine when she was younger.”

  Natalie smiled. “Okay, I love the new pictures you put up. But what do I need to understand from all of this?”

  Federico put his arm around Natalie’s shoulder. “Most couples when they meet are very affectionate. And those who have something very special will continue to be affectionate for the rest of their lives. That was your Nana and me. We had something magical.” He hesitated, almost like he didn’t want to say it. “I don’t ever see you and Jacks kiss at all. This worries me.”

  Natalie had hoped it wasn’t that noticeable. Nono was right; she and Jacks didn’t kiss often. It’s not like she didn’t want to kiss. She loved to kiss! But for some reason her fiancé wasn’t as passionate as she was. But he had been very busy and stressed with work lately, and it’s hard to be romantic under those conditions.

  That’s not bad, is it? Opposites attract and can be in healthy relationships!

  At least that’s what people have said.

  “Olive was always on my mind,” he continued. “I wanted to spend every waking minute with her. We had a very strong connection and I always wanted to kiss her.” He laughed. “Not as much as she wanted to kiss me! So I ask you, is that how you feel?”

  “Well…”

  “Marriage shouldn’t be rushed into.”

  “I know, but he said it would be best if we got married before the end of the year.” She cleared her throat. “For tax purposes.”

  Federico frowned.

  “Yeah. Not very romantic, but that’s the lawyer in him talking.” The doorbell rang and Natalie looked toward the door. “He does have a romantic side. He texted me and said he was stopping by just to say hello.”

  Federico didn’t look convinced. “And to eat your famous grilled-ham sandwiches.”

  “Yeah, that too.”

  The doorbell rang again.

  Natalie forced a smile at Federico.

  She opened the door to her fiancé, Jackson Cole—he preferred to be called Jacks. At six-two and two hundred ten pounds, his athletic build made any suit look good. Today was no exception. He was looking mighty handsome in the dark blue suit that enhanced his light blue eyes. His dirty blond hair was spiked from all of the gel he used. She didn’t like that part so much—her hand usually got stuck when she tried to run it through his hair. She stared at his mouth, hoping he would get the hint.

  Kiss me! Nono is watching!

  “Hey babe,” he said. He kissed Natalie on the cheek and walked right by her. “I have to take a piss.” He walked down the hallway to the bathroom.

  Fudge!

  Federico turned to Natalie. “Very romantic.”

  “He kissed me.”

  “That was, how do you call it? A drive-by kiss?”

  “But it was a kiss.”

  “On the cheek.”

  She frowned. “I get distracted too when I have to pee.”

  Jacks finished his business in the bathroom and headed straight for the kitchen. He pointed to the ham in the pan. “Smells good enough to eat.” He leaned closer to the kitchen window and pointed outside. “What’s that joker doing?”

  Federico and Natalie went to the kitchen window and looked out with Jacks.

  Giovanni was in his side yard in his underwear, staring down into the garbage can. He placed a box of matches on top of the recycle bin and opened a can of lighter fluid.

  Natalie was shocked to see the man she almost gave a ticket to for abandoning his car on the street.

  Practically naked.

  She didn’t want to check him out, but it was impossible to ignore that he was well built with everything in the right place. His muscles had definition but not too much bulk. He wasn’t as tall as Jacks, but definitely close to six feet. A fine specimen indeed.

  Federico nodded. “That’s Giovanni, my wonderful neighbor. He was supposed to get married today. By the looks of things it didn’t happen.”

  They watched as Giovanni paced back and forth in front of the garbage can in his red boxer briefs. He was talking to himself but they couldn’t hear what he was saying.

  Natalie let out a sympathetic moan. “Poor guy.”

  “Poor guy nothing,” said Jacks. “Looks like you’re going to have to arrest him.”

  “What?”

  “That’s reckless burning and he doesn’t own those receptacles, so we’re also talking destruction of city property.” Jacks watched Giovanni closely through the window. “Set that fire and you go to jail.”

  Natalie just stared at Jacks. Sometimes it seemed as if he didn’t have a heart. The poor guy got dumped on his wedding day! Giovanni raised the can of lighter fluid over the garbage can, obviously ready to soak whatever was inside.

  Natalie knocked loudly on the window to get his attention.

  Giovanni jumped and looked over the fence towards Federico’s house, making eye contact with Natalie. His black eyes were a perfect match for his hair. He looked down at his underwear and slowly moved behind the garbage can.

  “Why did you do that?” asked Jacks.

  “So he doesn’t do it! You want him to start a fire? Where’s your compassion?”

  Giovanni closed the top of the lighter fluid can, grabbed the box of matches, and slammed the lid shut on the garbage can. He went inside the house and closed the door.

  Natalie pretended not to notice his tight, round butt.

  A few seconds later Giovanni peeked out the window. Not a very sneaky guy at all.

  “I met him today,” said Natalie. “I almost gave him a ticket this afternoon for abandoning his car in the middle of the street. He said he was trying to rescue a dog so I let him off.”

  “What a lame excuse. That guy has issues and was going to set the place on fire. You’re going to let him get away with it?”

  “He did nothing! He went back in the house. What’s your problem?”

  “My problem is I’m hungry. And I don’t like to see people do things like that. That’s how a life of crime begins. They start by breaking the law in small ways and then graduate to carjacking and murder. I’ve prosecuted people like that before. At
least go give him a warning or something.”

  Natalie sighed. “I’ll take care of it.”

  Jacks stared at Natalie for a moment. “Good.” He looked toward the stove again. “Lunch almost ready? I need to take off soon and wash the car before it gets dark.”

  “Didn’t you just wash it two days ago?”

  “Yeah. And?”

  “Nothing.”

  Jacks was the overly-proud owner of a 1969 Chevy Camaro. He was obsessed with it—always cleaning it, admiring it, or showing it to somebody so they could admire it too. Sometimes she felt as if he paid more attention to the car than he did to her.

  Natalie finished preparing the lunch. She placed the sandwiches on the table for Federico and Jacks and removed her apron. “I’ll be right back.”

  *****

  Natalie pulled a fire extinguisher from the trunk of her squad car and walked next door. She admired Giovanni’s drought-tolerant front yard of rocks, boulders, and a wide variety of cactus. It looked more like a yard you’d find in Arizona, not Silicon Valley.

  She knocked on the door and waited. A few seconds later she heard footsteps inside, followed by the slight opening of the door. Giovanni peeked through the small two-inch opening but didn’t speak.

  What is this guy doing? Are we playing peekaboo?

  “Can I help you?” said Giovanni.

  “We need to talk. And I think it would be easier if you open the door a little more.”

  He opened the door two more inches. “You followed me here?”

  “Of course. It’s part of our new community service effort. Just wanted to make sure you got home safe. There have also been reports of indecent exposure in the neighborhood. Have you seen anyone walking around in their yard half-naked?”

  “I—”

  “That’s okay. The real reason I came over is to tell you that using lighter fluid to burn things in your garbage can is against the law.”

  “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

  Natalie just stared at him.

  “Oh, lighter fluid. I thought you said cider fluid, as in apple cider. Man, I was thinking…cider fluid is not flammable! And then my next thought was I’m thirsty!”

  She continued to stare at him. This typically got people nervous. It’s amazing how powerful a lack of words was. Just a few seconds, that’s all it took.

  He let out a nervous laugh. “You’re not going to arrest me, are you?”

  “Probably not. Unless you tell another lie…”

  “I never actually squirted any lighter fluid in the garbage can. I was about to and—you know—someone saw me. So I stopped.”

  Giovanni looked over her shoulder to the street. “That guy’s staring over here.”

  She turned around and saw Jacks walking to his car, eating his sandwich.

  “Arrest him!” said Jacks with his mouth full. He pulled a few leaves off the hood of his car, got in, and drove off.

  No kiss goodbye. No thanks for the lunch. No I love you. Nothing. Natalie thought of what her conversation would be with Nono when she got back. She shook her head in disappointment.

  Giovanni pointed to Jacks. “Is he your boyfriend?”

  “Fiancé.”

  “Huh…”

  Natalie decided it was best to change topics. “I need to inspect your garbage can.”

  “You don’t have to. I told you I didn’t use the lighter fluid.”

  “Then you have nothing to hide if I take a look, right?”

  He studied her for a moment. “Okay. I’m a little indisposed though, as you already know. Can you give me a minute while I get myself pretty?”

  Natalie almost laughed but held it in. “Of course.”

  The guy still had a sense of humor, which was impressive considering what had happened to him. A minute later Giovanni swung open the door for Natalie to enter. He was now wearing a t-shirt, shorts, and flip-flops. Not bad, but she preferred him in his underwear.

  Giovanni opened the door a little wider. “Please come in.”

  “Thank you.”

  She stepped inside and followed him.

  “Jasmine,” said Giovanni, not turning around.

  “No. Natalie.”

  Giovanni chuckled and stopped. “No. You smell like jasmine. Natalie.”

  Natalie felt heat creeping up her neck to her face. “Oh. Of course. You have a good nose.”

  “Thanks. You too.”

  Me too? Is he even paying attention to me?

  They entered the kitchen and Natalie spotted four shot glasses and a bottle of tequila on the counter.

  That explains everything. He’s drunk.

  Giovanni gathered the glasses and quickly stuck them in the sink. He twisted the top back on the tequila bottle and placed it above the fridge.

  He wiped down the counter with a towel then turned around with a nervous smile. “My mother. She has this habit of not cleaning up after herself. I’m working on her though. They can be trained!”

  “You live with your mother?”

  “Uh…no. She just stopped by…for a quick visit.”

  How many lies is this guy going to tell?

  Natalie pointed to the bottle. “To do tequila shots?”

  Giovanni paused for a moment before answering. “Yeah.”

  Natalie stared at him.

  “What?”

  “You’re lying again.”

  “What makes you think that?”

  She removed the handcuffs from her belt and stepped toward Giovanni.

  “Okay, okay, okay. I did the shots. Man, I don’t mean to lie. It’s totally involuntary, really. Don’t I get any sympathy from you? You know I got dumped today. On my wedding day. But it’s true my mother stopped by—not to celebrate though.”

  Natalie put the handcuffs back on her belt. “Sorry. Again.”

  Giovanni shrugged. “Thanks.”

  The curiosity was killing her. Natalie wanted to know what happened, but she knew it would be in poor taste if she asked. Maybe if she chatted with him, threw him a couple of bones, he would tell her.

  “That must be devastating for you. I mean, unless you saw it coming.”

  Take the bait. Take the bait. I feel terrible for doing this, but take the bait!

  “It was my own fault. There were signs. I apparently chose to ignore them.”

  Bingo.

  “What types of signs?”

  Giovanni let out a deep breath. “For starters, she made me return her engagement ring to the store. She said the diamond was…too small.”

  “Oh.”

  “Yeah.”

  “How small is too small?”

  “A carat.”

  “Really…”

  She casually slid her hand behind her back. No reason for him to see her ring. It was a little bit bigger than a carat. Okay, maybe double. But it wasn’t as if she picked it out!

  Giovanni tried to glance behind her. “What are you hiding back there?”

  Fudge!

  Natalie swallowed hard. “Nothing.”

  “Right. That rock on your finger is bigger than a carat, isn’t it?”

  Natalie shrugged.

  “Two carats?”

  She shrugged. “Yes, but it’s not what you think.”

  “Hey, I’m not here to judge.”

  “Seriously. I wanted a smaller diamond. My fiancé insisted. He wanted people to notice.”

  “It worked. I noticed.” Giovanni leaned against the counter. “You see? I don’t get that. Shouldn’t the goal of a person in love be to always put the other person first? To try to give that person the things they love? The things that make them happy?”

  “I—”

  “Of course it is! What makes them happy? Find out and give them that. And lots of it. The only thing that seemed to make my ex happy was to have what everyone else had. If it was popular, especially expensive, she wanted it. But those are just material things, you know?”

  Oh boy. He must be drunk for sure. He’s
starting to ramble.

  “It’s a temporary high that doesn’t last,” continued Giovanni. “You look for the next best thing. And the next. And the next. It’s like an addiction. I tried to make her happy, believe me. But she never was. She always wanted more and more. It was never enough.”

  He was really on a roll now. Should she cut him off or wait until he ran out of steam?

  “Maybe you can relate—your fiancé bought you a ring with a diamond the size of a golf ball.”

  Natalie had the sudden urge to punch the guy.

  Instead she fidgeted with her hands and then put them on her hips. “That’s not fair. He’s…the perfect match for me. Really. That’s why I’m marrying him.”

  Giovanni chuckled. “Yeah. I hear the words coming out of your mouth, but your face is telling me a completely different story. Ready to check my garbage can?”

  Who does this guy think he is—analyzing me like that?

  She had a sudden case of guilt hitting her right in the gut.

  Natalie followed Giovanni toward the side door, but stopped just short of it. “Hang on.” She pointed to the towels hanging by the stove. “Did you know those towels are fire hazards?”

  “How so?”

  She walked over to the stove and pinched the bottom of one of the towels hanging over it with two of her fingers. She extended the towel directly over one of the burners. “You have gas burners. Any sudden flame when you’re cooking with oil will light this baby up. Kitchen fires started with oil spread quickly and are difficult to put out. Move this towel rack to the other wall.”

  He saluted her. “Aye aye, Captain!”

  She just stared at him.

  “If you’re trying to intimidate me with that stare, it’s working.”

  “Good.”

  “By the way, have you ever thought about becoming a firefighter?”

  She nodded. “When I was attending career day in high school those were the two careers I narrowed it down to.”

  “And why did you choose being a cop?”

  “I like the uniform.”

  “Oh…”

  “I’m kidding. The day that I was trying to decide which career to pursue someone stole my bike. It upset me so much I figured that was a sign. To try to prevent others from feeling that way.”

  “So now you protect and serve.”

  “Exactly.”

  Natalie had a funny feeling in her stomach. She’d never told anyone that story before and hadn’t even thought of that bicycle in years.