by Brooks, Tori
“You’re in over your head, aren’t you?” Bryan asked. “How deep?”
Taking a long, cleansing breath, Dev closed his eyes and exhaled slowly. He opened his eyes again and looked at his friend’s calm exterior.
“Just between us? If Lin knew I was telling you, she’d kill me. Maybe.”
“Doesn’t leave this car. Not even Bren,” Bryan promised.
“Remember when I cut the deal with Flynn to leave for MIT in January?”
“It was a big stress for you, of course I do.”
“All right. With all the conditions Flynn piled on me, I’d still have to say he took it better than Lin did.”
“Really? She seemed pretty cool about it.”
“We talked about it and Lin didn’t want me to go. Part of it was because she was concerned about me meeting someone else. We addressed that, but it still made her anxious all semester. The other part was, well, she admitted to Jess’s ‘leading me’ theory before, and it made sense. I was kind of reserved –”
“A little bit,” Bryan agreed with a smile.
“Yeah. She caught onto that pretty quick.”
“And she helped you get over it.”
“Sort of. Lin was leading me a little at a time. She kept the goth thing going longer than she needed to because of me. She was leading me toward a real relationship, but taking it slow so she didn’t freak me out. Lin stopped trying not to freak me out when I told her I was leaving. She laid it all out on the table.”
“It can’t have been that bad.” Bryan shook his head.
“Not that. Lin’s adopted. Her mother was a prostitute and got her into the family business when she was three. Three, Bryan! I almost lost it right there, but she’s fine with her past. The upshot is it affected her. It made her – she’s a nymphomaniac now. Lin’s had years of therapy and it hasn’t made as much of an impact as dating me has. What was I supposed to do with that? I want to help her, and I’ll do what I can.”
“And now she’s washed the dye out of her hair and is putting pressure on you?” Bryan guessed.
“Not specifically. She’s still leading me on, knowing that I’m on the opposite end of the spectrum where sex is concerned. I think she assumes I’ll change my mind. What it’s shown me is that she has needs, desires, and different ideas of where to draw the line. I can’t be what she needs me to be.
“I mean it was great. Physically, I wanted more. But being with her, holding her and kissing her . . . it’s like a drug. I sort of get Jess’s behavior now. That’s an even bigger problem. I felt things, and wanted things, and then to look at Jess and Flynn? I’m almost tempted to avoid Seattle until I’m ready to marry her. Flynn will have to cope.” Dev finished and sagged in exhaustion in his seat.
Bryan was quiet a moment, thinking before answering.
“First, just to be clear, it sounds like you know you’re in trouble, but I don’t hear you saying that it isn’t what you want. If we can get you on firmer ground, is that good enough? Or is Lin just too much? Dev, be honest with yourself here.”
“I’m not willing to give up on her,” Dev responded immediately.
“Okay. The good news is Lin knows you and is already used to putting brakes on to accommodate your needs. But you have to work with hers too.”
“Bryan –”
“Yeah, I know. Teri was always pretty vocal on abstinence. Even Flynn went along with – yeah, bad example,” Bryan backpedaled before Dev could bring up Flynn’s affair. “The thing is, at some point you may look at Lin and regret that stance. Maybe you’ll wait. It’s in the future so it isn’t a bridge you have to cross yet, or even think about. Don’t paint yourself into a corner no matter how determined you are right now.
“That being said, maybe some limits to slow things down in the meantime. You’re going to be gone a lot. Touring, then the videos, then back to school. The little time you two have might be pretty intense. Have fun with it, but set some ground rules.”
“How?”
Bryan shrugged. “You two can talk, so talk. Tell her it was great, unexpected maybe, but that you enjoyed your crash course in . . . whatever you want to call it. That’ll soften it when you set conditions. She needs this from the sound of things, you can’t take it away.”
“I can’t let her get me worked up like that. And her skin, just touching her . . .” Dev closed his eyes as he remembered the silkiness of her warm skin in his hands.
“You getting worked up will get easier for you to control as time goes on. Keeping mind, of course, that feelings are more intense when you come together after being apart. For you, that’ll be most of the time. You can still set limits. You could only let it get physical when she’s wearing pants instead of a skirt maybe, or stay in the front seat of the car. Trust me, you can still get pretty far in the front seat, but it really hampers things. You can try the self-control take on limits if you want, like no touching where a bikini covers. It didn’t work for Bren and me, no self-control.”
“I’m not convinced we would either,” Dev admitted.
“Talk to her, Dev. The best thing for a relationship is communication. You have that already, don’t take it for granted.”
○ ○ ○
Dev sat down at the table in Kenny and Jess’s apartment and stared at the papers in his own hand. They’d spent half the day practicing and Alec was letting them quit early because they seemed to be getting their act together faster than expected. Not that they wouldn’t start over again tomorrow to be sure, and the next day.
“What’s that?” Kenny asked, reaching out and taking them from Dev and looking them over. His brow furrowed. “In the land where giant mushrooms grow, and in endless fields of subsidence craters, wildflowers glow . . .” Kenny frowned and looked at Dev.
“What?” Kenny asked, sitting back in his chair and pushing away from the table.
“It’s a song,” Dev said. “You wanted me to jot some things down. There’s the music,” he pointed.
“I see the music,” Kenny shuffled the papers and glanced over the sheets quickly, head moving to a beat he could hear in his mind. Dev stood and paced. “Rough, but a good start,” Kenny finally said.
“Thanks, and those are the lyrics.”
“That’s what I’m having more trouble with. Giant mushrooms?”
“It’s about nuclear testing,” Dev said, crossing his arms and leaning back against the wall to face Kenny in a posture of defiance. He stayed up last night working on that when he should have either been preparing his arsenal of mayhem for the tour, or his argument for Lindsay on why they should keep their hands to themselves. Dev didn’t need to fight with Kenny too.
“I can see that. Very 70s, or 60s, I’m not really sure. Anyway, it sounds more like a bad trip, intentional or not. We don’t want to promote drugs.”
“I don’t want to promote free sex either, but we seem to be leaning that way.”
“No, not really. The songs are about relationships, not sex per se. You’re reading too much into it. Don’t watch Jess sing them. Either that or watch him sing something that’s completely unrelated and you’ll see he acts the same way. He’d probably imply his cock was a giant mushroom if you let him sing this.” Kenny dropped the pages on the table and stared at Dev.
“You wanted me to give writing a try,” Dev repeated.
“Yes, I did. I do. Clearly, I wasn’t specific enough. Dev, you write lyrics already. Sort of. You write poetry and I write music. Then I take your poetry and make it fit the music, hand it to you, and you polish it.”
Dev dropped down in the seat opposite Kenny again with a huff. “I know how it works. I’ve been doing it.”
“Okay. These lyrics, were these ever one of your poems? Because I can’t believe you would ever have handed this to me.”
Dev faltered.
“Well?”
“It was a poem.”
“Really?” Kenny’s eyebrows seemed to trip over themselves.
“All right, I was may
be eight.”
“Knock that crap off,” Kenny ordered. “Although the music can be saved. I’ll take it.”
“No.” Dev reached across the table and snatched the pages back. “I’ll take it back and give it another go if you don’t like my giant mushrooms.”
“No environmental statements,” Kenny said.
“I think we should make a few environmental statements. Maybe political. The state of the world is worth crying over. People talk about the coming apocalypse wistfully like they used to talk about the good old days. It’s nuts!”
“Whatever.” Kenny waved him off. “Just no hallucinogenic mushrooms.”
“We’re a Seattle band, Kenny. Pot’s legal here. No one would –” Dev grinned.
“No! You’re the one obsessed with image. Consider the message we’d be sending.”
That sobered Dev.
“And nothing about abstinence. Preach caution all you want, but no hardline approach,” Kenny continued.
“Of course not. As you said, Jess sings it. We’d be a laughingstock.”
Dev took his pages and left. That would be something else he’d have to think about this summer. Along with his online classes, the tour, and his new relationship with Lindsay. He wasn’t going to take the time to write new lyrics now. They had a date and he had to talk to Lindsay about boundaries, compromises, and practicing communication. Non-physical means of communication.
○ ○ ○
Dev finished his time at home without finding the will to have Bryan’s suggested conversation with Lindsay. They needed boundaries. But she seemed so happy to have their private time actually require privacy, Dev didn’t have the heart to cast a shadow on her happiness. Besides, they didn’t have long before they were back to phone calls and video chats. There would be plenty of time when they’d only be able to talk. Or so Dev thought.
The tour was more exhausting than Dev anticipated and he started regretting the two online classes he was taking. Their portion of the show was shorter, but Alec’s idea to post video clips of their on-stage antics on the band’s website made them instantly popular. It also put more pressure on Dev to keep coming up with new ideas instead of recycling things already tested and proven. And because Rushing On was coming on after them, Dev was limited by what he could do to the stage itself.
It was after the show that Dev’s real source of stress was evident. Dev would prefer to leave when their part was over, but Alec and Kenny wanted to expose him to what it was going to be like for them when they were the headliner. Worse, the guys from Rushing On actually liked having them around, so Dev was stuck backstage mingling with fans after every show. And the number of women taking an interest in him kept growing.
Lindsay was Dev’s sanity. Jess and Kenny refused to discuss her, which was fine with him. He wasn’t sure how to explain their increasingly interesting video chats anyway. To keep things ‘spicy,’ Lindsay still dressed up for the times when they could steal a bit of time for video conferencing, although it was different than before.
It started simple, a Renaissance Fair costume with a tall princess-hat. Lindsay also tried a skimpy Jester outfit that kept Dev too distracted to hold up his part of the conversation. She tried a skin-tight strapless formal, then skateboarding gear complete with elbow pads and a helmet. At first Dev thought it was to make him laugh off his stress over the post show parties, but a French maid costume changed his mind.
When Lindsay appeared on his screen only wearing what looked like a corset a few days later, Dev decided it was time for the talk on boundaries. He didn’t get that far. Lindsay stood to show off the matching thong, garter and stockings, and her new ‘fuck-me pumps’ and Dev had to look away, speechless.
“What? That’s what they’re called,” Lindsay said, sitting back down with a frown.
“It’s not the shoes.” Dev shook his head, his well-rehearsed monologue completely wiped from his brain. “Lin, no thongs. Or whatever.”
She gave him a sweet smile and Dev blushed as he realized what he just said.
“Not that I want less in terms of clothing. Please don’t be sitting there naked next time. Please?”
“Too far away to do anything about it? Poor baby.”
“That’s not it and you know it. I can’t do this. Slow it down. I love the enthusiasm, but you’re sixteen! What if someone saw you?”
Lindsay smiled again and leaned closer to her webcam. Her cleavage drew Dev’s eyes and he couldn’t tear his attention away. “They’d think you were pretty lucky,” Lindsay whispered conspiratorially. She leaned back again, her firm breasts threatening to spill out of the boned lace and satin holding them in. “I understand your need to slow down, however, so I’ll behave.”
Relief flooded Dev, and he nodded with wordless thanks.
Lindsay’s idea of behaving turned out to be a series of swimsuits. She even got a tropical island backdrop, a sun lamp, and a goldfish. Lindsay named the goldfish ‘Chaperone’ for Dev’s benefit. Dev replaced his computer wallpaper with screenshots of his bikini-clad girlfriend. Not that he told her.
○ ○ ○
Lindsay watched the news clip for the fourth time. She felt like she was going to die, and for that she was going to kill her sweetheart of a boyfriend. Lindsay was reasonably sure Dev didn’t do what the overly made-up blond in the interview claimed, but the fact he was putting her through this at all was unacceptable.
“You know he didn’t sleep with her,” Becky’s voice behind her made Lindsay jump. “Dev’s too straight-laced. If he won’t sleep with his girlfriend, he sure as hell wouldn’t sleep with a groupie.”
“I know.” She barely glanced at her sister before turning her attention back to the news clip. The problem with the news of the paternity suit being online was that you could watch it over and over again.
“Then stop dwelling,” Becky said.
“No. I know it isn’t Dev’s fault. I know this is only the first time and it might happen again. I know I need to be understanding and supportive. I also know how this makes me feel, and I don’t like it.”
Becky walked over to lean against Lindsay’s desk. “Understanding and supportive sounds great. When exactly does that kick in?”
Lindsay hesitated. Dev would want her on his side, and she’d be there, but he’d probably do just about anything to make it up to her. Anything to make her feel better.
“I want Dad on the case,” Lindsay said.
Becky sighed. “First, Dev has a lawyer. Second, I don’t think being his potential client’s girlfriend’s father is Dad’s idea of a suitable reason to crash the legal party. You know how he is about ethics and all that. It’s probably a conflict of interest in his book.”
“Dev will do it for me,” Lindsay said with a confidence she felt justified in.
“Dev might, Dad won’t.”
That brought Lindsay up short. Becky was right. Her father liked Dev, but this wasn’t exactly just helping him out of a scrape. Dev had an attorney, a team of them from what she knew about the corporation his mother inherited. She wasn’t even sure this was the kind of thing her dad had any experience in. She might throw a fit and get them both to cave in just to appease her, but only succeed in taking the better suited lawyer off Dev’s case. Still, she wanted it.
Becky sat on the edge of her bed. “Don’t do it,” her sister told her.
“I want it.” She thought there had to be some way to make this happen without this causing problems for Dev. “If he’s innocent, it shouldn’t be a problem,” Lindsay said, more thinking out loud than seeking feedback from Becky. “We both think he’s innocent and we know him better than any women outside his family,” she continued.
“Grow up. The world doesn’t work that way,” Becky snapped.
Lindsay flinched at Becky’s harsh words. It wasn’t so much that she wasn’t used to being spoken to that way as that she wasn’t used to Becky speaking to her that way. Not anymore. Once, when Jack and Sabrina first married and discovere
d Lindsay and Jack in the same house would be a problem, back then Becky wasn’t so nice to be around. Downright bitchy, actually. Since that got worked out, Lindsay and Becky became friends. Her stepsister was her confidant and took her big-sister role-model job seriously. Lindsay didn’t like Becky’s position, but she couldn’t argue it.
“How would you do it then?” Lindsay demanded.
“I wouldn’t. Dev’s got a lawyer. It’s covered. Don’t try to fix something that isn’t broken, Lin, it just makes it worse.”
“But –”
“No! No ‘buts.’ Leave it alone. I’m serious. And to make sure you behave, I’m mentioning your jealousy-induced insanity to Dad. That way he wouldn’t do it anyway.” Becky fixed her with a hard look before standing and leaving the room. No doubt to go call their father.
Lindsay watched her go and thought. Becky tattling wasn’t an insurmountable issue. Lindsay could usually sweet-talk Jack into almost anything. He seemed to just want a happy little family and anything he could do to make sure everything ran smoothly he went out of his way to do. That and he liked Dev. Lindsay overheard her parents talking and Jack really liked Dev. He thought Dev was a good influence on her, but he would have liked him anyway. Dev was honest, hardworking, smart, and showed ‘character.’ Lindsay almost choked over her father’s description of the hacker she was dating. Not that she disagreed, it just showed there were a few things her dad didn’t know. She wondered if he had any idea what Becky did in her spare time.
Regardless of Becky’s interference, Lindsay decided Jack would want to help Dev. Dev had a team of lawyers, but Jack was a partner so he could offer Dev the whole firm. Even if he wasn’t the best-suited lawyer in the firm because of specialties or whatever, surely someone there could handle this. And if it was someone in Jack’s firm handling it, that was almost the same as Jack handling it.
Lindsay was satisfied with that reasoning. Now she just had to tell Dev.
Chapter Eight
The tour finally ended, to Jess’s relief. Fighting with Dev was always fun, but it was turning into more work than Jess planned on. He had to start getting creative, and more people were watching than just the audience. Their pranks were online now, he couldn’t keep doing the same thing over and over. The number of hits on their website had Kenny grinning wildly, but Jess just wondered where this echo of the cold war with Dev was going to end.