You Said Forever

by Susan Lewis

  ‘So what do we do about that?’ Anthony asked, feeling Charlotte tightening her hold on his hand.

  ‘As a start I’d suggest spending special time with her. This is where she gets one or both of you to herself for an entire day, or half a day if that’s too much. The point is to make her the focus of your attention and do all the things she wants to do. The same goes for the other two – it’ll be important for her to realise that they matter just as much as she does, and it might be a good thing for her to have some special time with each of them too. Fifteen or twenty minutes could be enough to begin, and you can increase it if you find it’s helping to create the kind of bond we’re looking for. What’s really important is that you get some support locally, for Chloe of course, but also for yourselves. I can’t tell you how often I find that it isn’t the child who’s the problem, it’s the parents, and it happens a lot with the parents of an adopted child who’s experienced such a horrific early trauma as Chloe did.’

  Charlotte and Anthony were taking in every word.

  ‘You need to try and stop attributing everything she does of an aberrant nature to what went before. If you don’t, then you’re the ones who aren’t letting it go, and if you don’t she won’t be able to either.’

  Charlotte turned to Anthony. It hadn’t occurred to her that they were the ones hanging on to the past, but she could see now that it was true. They used it as an excuse or a reason for practically everything Chloe said or did, when not everything needed to be as deep or complicated as that.

  ‘Just let her be herself,’ Julia continued, ‘accept that there will be difficult days, periods even, deal with them and move on. And remember, she’s of an age where many children are discovering their sexuality – usually for the first time – so try not to overreact when something of that nature happens. If she’s instigating it you’ll need to talk to her, but I’m guessing two things. One is that other children have found out about her past and are encouraging her to do what she does; the other is that things will calm down on that front once she starts feeling more secure at home.’

  Taking a breath, Anthony let it go slowly as he digested it all. ‘I wish you were coming with us when we go back,’ he commented. ‘Apart from all the great advice you’re giving us now, we know she’ll talk to you.’

  Julia smiled. ‘There are plenty of good therapists in New Zealand. You just have to find the right one, and I have a feeling Anna’s already on the case about that.’

  ‘Of course,’ Charlotte murmured, ‘what isn’t she fixing, is what I’m starting to wonder.’

  ‘Well, that’s what mothers do,’ Julia reminded her with twinkling eyes, ‘they fix things.’ Turning to Anthony, ‘And so do dads.’

  Although fast-tracking an adoption was possible in certain circumstances, even Wendy couldn’t bypass all the assessments that had to be carried out and reports that needed to be written, filed and approved. There were many calls to the police, school and social services in New Zealand to request appraisals from them, which was when they discovered that the Child Exploitation and Online Protection team in London had tracked down the individual who’d claimed to be a friend of Chloe’s father. It turned out that it was true, for he’d been in prison with Brian Wade; he’d also managed to make online contact with a number of other children who’d already been the victims of child abuse. Naturally he’d been arrested, and to Charlotte and Anthony’s relief the police in London didn’t want to interview Chloe.

  However, Julia felt it necessary for Charlotte and Anthony to talk to Chloe about the contact, to make sure she harboured no interest in her birth father or his friends any more.

  ‘Ugh, yuk, no, no, no,’ Chloe spat when Charlotte put it to her. ‘He was horrible and I don’t ever want to speak to him again.’

  ‘But you do realise what danger you put yourself in by being in touch with him?’ Charlotte prompted.

  ‘I wasn’t really,’ Chloe insisted, ‘because he was in England and I was in New Zealand. Anyway, it’s good that he’s going to be locked up again. He really gave me the creeps. Can we talk about something else now? Or, I know, shall we Skype Nana?’

  As the days and weeks passed while they waited for news from Wendy, Charlotte and Anthony discussed bringing the other children over from New Zealand. In the end they decided that provided it didn’t run on for too long they should make this time all about Chloe. She deserved their undivided attention, particularly in light of what they’d almost done to her, so they took her on trips to Bath and London, to Longleat to see the lions, to Center Parks, and to Mulgrove so she could see where Charlotte had hidden her from the police when she was three. They sailed and rode horses, went for swims at Uncle Ron’s leisure complex, watched movies together, played lots of video games that Chloe usually won, and were daily in touch with Cooper and Elodie via Skype. Though it was hard when one of the children cried for them to come home, at least it was reassuring to hear Chloe telling them that it wouldn’t be long before they were all together.

  ‘We’re going to start having special time,’ she told Cooper, ‘so I can help you with your reading and teach you some new games.’

  Clearly liking the sound of that, Cooper said, ‘Then I’ll be as good as you at them.’

  ‘Maybe,’ she teased. ‘I’m going to have special time with Elodie too, so I thought I’d teach her lots of words by using pictures and music.’

  ‘She likes music,’ Cooper enthused. ‘I play ring o’ roses with her and she loves it when we fall down.’

  ‘We’ll do lots of that,’ Chloe promised. ‘We might even let Daddy play if he’s good,’ she added, with a roguish twinkle.

  Giving a hoot of laughter, Cooper said, ‘Otherwise Mummy will send him to the naughty corner.’

  Though Charlotte ached to hold the other two in her arms again, she couldn’t be in any doubt of how valuable this prolonged special time was proving for Chloe. The difference in her was as astonishing as it was heartening; she was so happy that it was impossible not to be happy for her, in spite of the occasional sulks and tantrums that usually occurred when she was tired. Clearly knowing that she mattered as much to Anthony as she did to Charlotte was having a profound effect on her. Her confidence was back, along with her inherent kindness and mischievous humour. She might be a little too outspoken at times, and she was definitely bossy, but she was as loving and entertaining as any near-nine-year-old could possibly be.

  ‘There certainly has been a remarkable improvement in the way she conducts herself,’ Julia confirmed after a sixth session with Chloe. ‘She still won’t talk about what happened when she was small, but I don’t think that needs to cause us any concern. She’s too young to handle the emotional impact it could have, and absolutely no good would come out of trying to force it. In fact, it could be that she’ll never need to revisit it, although I wouldn’t be surprised if puberty turns out to be an interesting time for you all.’

  ‘Something to deal with when we get there,’ Anthony responded with equal irony.

  ‘Indeed,’ she confirmed.

  By the time the big day came round Chloe was so excited that she could barely stop talking or laughing all the way to the family court, and as soon as they’d parked she was out of the car, skipping ahead to where Wendy and her team were waiting.

  ‘Everyone’s here,’ Wendy announced, leading Charlotte, Anthony, Maggie and Ron through the rotating doors. ‘That includes the judge, who you probably remember.’

  Charlotte regarded her incredulously. ‘Dudley Cross?’ she asked, remembering only too well how he’d overseen the unusual proceedings almost five years ago that had resulted in granting her an adoption order for Chloe.

  ‘None other,’ Wendy confirmed, ‘but I think you might have Anthony to thank for that.’

  ‘I might have made a few calls,’ Anthony admitted, ‘but as it turned out, by the time I got to Dudley he already knew about the case and had got himself on it.’

  Since the circumstances were
perfectly straightforward, given Anthony’s relationship to Charlotte, it didn’t take the judge more than a few minutes to grant the order. However, Dudley Cross wasn’t going to allow them to leave without saying a few words, all of which he addressed to Chloe.

  ‘You might not remember me,’ he told her, ‘but I remember you very well, and what a remarkable little girl you were at the time your mummy adopted you. I’ve no doubt that you still have that same determination and strength of character, and I hope it stays with you throughout your life, as it will serve you well. You’ll hit times when you don’t feel as self-assured as you might, because we all do, but what’s important is knowing that we matter, especially to those we love. By adopting you – choosing you – both your parents are telling you how much you matter to them, and how much they love you.’ With a smile, he added, ‘I’m very happy to say that as of today, Chloe Nicholls, you will be Chloe Goodman …’

  ‘I already am,’ she told him.

  Twinkling, he said, ‘But now it will be on your birth certificate, so it’s official.’

  Chloe looked up at Anthony, and as he smoothed a hand over her hair she whispered a reminder about Boots.

  So it was that they left the court with a very tatty bear called Boots Goodman, and a journalist from the Kesterly Gazette – not Heather Hancock – whom Anthony had invited to come and cover the story of why he, Charlotte and Chloe had been in Kesterly all this time.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Summer had now yielded to autumn in Hawkes Bay, the harvest was in and the blue skies were constantly cluttered with clouds. Though it had rained heavily for the past two weeks, today felt like a brief return to midsummer as sunshine poured down over the bronzed and golden landscape with an unseasonable heat.

  Charlotte and Anthony had brought Chloe home just over a week ago, to be greeted by most of their family and more friends than they’d even known they had. The party had been so unexpected and such fun that it had rumbled on throughout the weekend with more lobsters and scallops being brought in from the bay to throw on to barbies, and frequent trips to the village for more beers.

  Although it felt in some ways that they’d been away for a year, everything seemed so familiar to Charlotte that she could have been here her whole life. Tuki River really was home, and now that Mike Bain and Sara Munds had persuaded their fellow trustees to give Chloe another chance at the school, it was as though they really did belong. People who cared had come together to help them; Sara Munds, with some help from Anna, had been in touch with three child psychologists in the area, each with a different method of therapy, but each with an excellent reputation. All they had to do now was hope that Chloe would engage with one of them, which she might if they were willing to employ the same methods as Julia, and all three had given an assurance that they were willing to speak with Julia and take whatever approach worked best for Chloe. At the same time, Charlotte and Anthony recognised that they must continue working on their own behaviour, and accept that any oddities in Chloe’s were just as likely to be a part of her development as her history.

  Though things had started off well with all three children being delighted to see one another, helped no end by Olivia Munds having made herself Chloe’s new best friend, Charlotte and Anthony weren’t foolish enough to think that the adoption was going to solve everything in one fell swoop. However, there had been no explosions since their return, and given how happy Chloe seemed they were daring to hope that things really were turning around. And not only with Chloe, but with the vineyard too, for three large new orders had come in during their absence and, mainly thanks to the new routine Anna and Bob had designed for them – to put the family first while still running the business – they were confident of getting back on top of it all. The big difference this time was going to be that they wouldn’t be trying to go it alone.

  ‘Bob and I have taken over the River Retreat cottage,’ Anna had informed them during the drive home from Napier airport last week, ‘but don’t worry, you won’t be losing any income from it because we’re paying rent. We just thought it would be better for us to be there, so we can still have our privacy and not get under your feet up at the house.’

  ‘Exactly how long are you staying?’ Charlotte queried, shifting a sleeping Chloe into a more comfortable position.

  ‘As long as it takes,’ Anna replied as though the answer were obvious, and indicating for the road to Hastings, she said to Anthony, ‘I know you and Bob worked a few things out before you left, but I’m sure there’s still a lot to organise where the winery and vineyard are concerned. For my part, I shall be in charge of the cellar door …’

  ‘In charge?’ Charlotte protested.

  ‘… when you’re not there,’ Anna finished. ‘We’ll split the shifts between us and as far as the children are concerned we’ll still have Rowan, but you’ll be able to spend much more time with them yourself. You too,’ she added to Anthony, ‘if you’re prepared to relinquish some control to Bob and Will, because if recent events have proved anything it’s what a very important role you play in your children’s lives.’

  ‘All this would be fantastic,’ Charlotte blurted, ‘if we weren’t screwing up your lives. You’ve got the most beautiful home in the Bay of Islands, all your friends and family are there …’

  ‘We’ve got family here,’ Anna reminded her, ‘and Bob’s really enjoying spending more time with Rick. Whether Rick’s enjoying it we’ve yet to discover, but I think he is.’

  ‘I’m sure he is, but what you’re proposing …’

  ‘Is to be here as much as possible until Tuki River is properly on its feet. There’s no point arguing, Charlotte, we’ve made up our minds.’

  Deciding it would be more than ungrateful to protest any further Charlotte had let it drop there, and only later did she bring it up again when she and her mother were alone and she was able to tell Anna how happy she was that they were going to be spending more time together. Having missed out on almost thirty years, neither of them wanted to be parted again for long.

  It was on their fourth night back that Charlotte sent an email to Polly Greenborough, thanking her for her reply and saying how sorry she was that things hadn’t worked out the way Polly had wanted for her and Roxanne.

  I can only hope that one day soon Roxanne will change her mind about seeing you and you’ll find out for certain that you made the right decision, because she really has settled with her special guardian.

  She didn’t tell Polly any more about her own situation; it didn’t feel relevant or kind to speak of her own success, particularly when it was still such early days. The very last thing she needed was to tempt fate to do its worst.

  This morning she was making a brief visit to the cellar door before a family day out, having come to see the brochure Zoe had brought for her approval.

  Both women looked up at the sound of a car passing on its way up the drive to the house. ‘Sara Munds and her daughter Olivia,’ Charlotte said to Zoe. ‘I should be going or I’ll make us all late.’

  ‘Sure,’ Zoe replied, closing the glossy brochure. ‘So you’re happy for this to go viral?’

  Charlotte smiled. ‘Viral would be good, but until we can achieve that I’m happy for it to circulate. You’ve done a great job with the photographs and the text. Have you shown it to Anthony yet?’

  ‘Only on a computer. He told me the final say was yours, so that’s why I’m here. Sorry, I didn’t realise you’d organised a family day out.’

  ‘It’s Chloe’s birthday, but not to worry. I’m glad to see the brochure, and you before you head back to Auckland. I’m sorry we can’t renew your contract, we’re not sufficiently in funds to do it again, but you’ve taught us a great deal about the importance of PR, and pulled together an impressive tastings schedule for the winter months. I’m also told that the last three orders we received came through you.’

  With a grimace, Zoe said, ‘I can’t tell you how relieved I am to have brought them in, and all with t
he Tuki River label. After what happened with the cleanskins for Australia …’ Catching herself, she broke off awkwardly.

  ‘What happened with the Australian order?’ Charlotte prompted.

  ‘Oh, there were some difficulties, but it’s all worked out now. I should be going. I’ll be in touch in the next couple of weeks to discuss the interview for Cuisine – don’t worry about a contract, it’s covered by the old one. Are you sure you’re OK with the whole family being photographed? You’ve never been keen on that before.’

  ‘It was different before,’ Charlotte told her, starting to close up the cellar door. ‘I guess I was being overprotective, especially of Chloe. I’m afraid now that I might have made it seem I was ashamed of her.’

  Zoe looked startled. ‘I don’t think anyone ever thought that,’ she assured her.

  ‘But Chloe might have. Anyway, the Cuisine article is a good opportunity for us to show ourselves off to the world, in the hope that the world will want to come and see us. I expect you’d call it maximising our assets?’

  Zoe smiled. ‘You certainly have plenty of those,’ she remarked as they strolled beneath the jacarandas towards their cars. ‘A great boutique vineyard that really will do well, I just know it, amazing parents, three beautiful kids, and then there’s Tony of course.’