by K. Aten
You don’t have a wireless charger?
Um, no. Is that a thing? Sounds like magic.
The engineer started laughing, which brought Bill’s head up away from the breakfast burrito he was busy scarfing. “What’s so funny?”
She held up her phone. “Kelsey is hilarious.”
He nodded. “Oh, is that your new girlfriend?”
“She’s not my girlfriend!”
Bill amended his statement. “I’m sorry. I meant to say, your ‘friend who’s just a friend.’” He made air quotes for the second half of his sentence.
Jamie narrowed her eyes at him. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
Bill shrugged. “I dunno, you don’t normally text someone at work unless you’re trying to score and you’ve been texting Kelsey a lot lately.” He held up his hands at his coworker’s dark look. “Hey, I’m not judging you, James.”
She wanted to be angry and deny his words but Jamie stopped to think for a second. She did text a lot after meeting someone new, usually just playing the flirt game until she reeled someone in who was interested in a no-strings-attached arrangement. But she didn’t do that anymore and wasn’t doing that with Kelsey. She sighed and watched Bill take another big bite. “I know what I used to do, but I don’t do that anymore.” He raised an eyebrow at her while chewing. “I just needed to make some changes, you know? And Kelsey is good people, she’s a good friend. And,” She paused, unsure how to say the thing that had been slowly growing inside her.
“What?”
She leaned back in her ergonomic chair and looked at the office tile on the ceiling. “I really like her and I guess it’s just nice not to always be on the make. I like being friends and not having certain expectations placed on me.”
Bill swallowed his food and smiled at her. “You know what it sounds like to me?” She shook her head. “Sounds like you’ve got a crush!” She scowled at him. “Or you’re finally growing up.”
“Whatever, dude.” She rolled her eyes just as her phone vibrated again.
You never answered about the magic so I’ll assume you’re a wizard. Also, hitting the road now, chat afterwork?
Jamie quickly texted back.
Yes and I’ll explain cell alarms then. Drive safe!
You too.
Jamie read the text with a confused look on her face until the next one came in.
Uh, not you too. I’m an idiot because you’re not driving, duh! Have a great day James.
Wearing a stupid grin, Jamie did have a great day.
KELSEY WAS NOT having a great day. Because she was late for work she caught a lot of grief from June right off the bat. Then the receptionist asked her to cover the front counter so she could “take care of her oatmeal problem.” Kelsey didn’t ask, she merely stood by the front desk in case someone came in. Unfortunately someone came in. The bell on the door jingled as a woman of middling years walked through it. She came right up to the counter saying she had a question and Kelsey smiled at her, eager to help. Her excitement lasted until the woman put a tooth, root and all, onto the counter and began spinning it around with her index finger. Jamie struggled to hide her disgust. With much effort, she wrenched her gaze away from the spinning tooth and looked at the woman. “Can I help you?”
The woman nodded with a quick jerk of her head. “Yeah. My husband’s tooth fell off. Can this be put back in his mouth?”
Kelsey blinked at her. The woman stared seriously back. Finally the dental assistant pulled herself from her disbelief and shook her head slowly. “I’m sorry, ma’am, but that is just not possible.” The woman didn’t quite believe her so she had to explain in detail why they would be unable to do such a thing. Afterwards the woman picked up the tooth and walked back out of the office. When the receptionist returned Kelsey was busy spraying CaviCide all over the counter and wiping it down. She had already cleaned both the door handles, door window, and everything else the woman touched.
“I already cleaned that first thing this morning.”
Kelsey made a face. “Some woman came in and played spin the bottle with her husband’s tooth on the counter. She left when I told her we couldn’t put it back in for him. I thought you’d appreciate another wipe down.”
The receptionist made a face. “Eww!”
Kelsey nodded. “Yeah, exactly.”
“Speaking of eww, don’t go in the bathroom.”
“Seriously?” Kelsey looked at the petite older woman and could not for the life of her figure out how such a small thing could blow up their work bathroom on a regular basis. She continued to grumble under her breath as she walked to the back, avoiding the hallway where the employee bathroom was located.
Her reprieve didn’t last long. A little after lunch time they had a client come in who said she’d lost a veneer. Even though they didn’t specialize in cosmetic dentistry the woman had been adamant that she make an appointment at their office. When Kelsey walked into the room she was taken aback by the patient. Ms. Donovan was sitting in the chair in yoga pants, a housecoat, and slippers. Trying to maintain professional decorum, Kelsey pasted a smile on her face and addressed the woman. “Good afternoon, Ms. Donovan. What seems to be the problem today?”
She looked down at the chart. “It says here you lost a veneer? I believe the receptionist told you that we don’t do cosmetic dentistry here—”
“I know what she said. I just need me some of that good glue you doctors got.”
Kelsey tried again. “Ma’am, I’m not a doctor.” She stopped talking when the woman held up something between her fingertips. “What is that?”
“I didn’t want to spend all that money for the doc’s fancy fake teeth so I been buyin’ these press on nails and supergluing them to my teeth. They look real nice and don’t cost much. But I’m getting tired of gluing them on so much. Don’t the doc have some of that special permanent glue?”
The shocked dental assistant leaned closer to the woman to better see her mouth because they actually did look real nice from a few feet away. “Can I see the spot where that one came off?” Ms. Donovan opened her mouth and pointed to a right front incisor that was crusted with layers of old glue. They were a rotting disaster. She backed away slowly. “I’m sorry ma’am, but we cannot put anything into your mouth that is not approved by law for such a purpose. But you do have a lot of glue built up, as well as food and plaque. It would be in the best interest for your teeth if you let us clean them off properly.” Kelsey backed away even farther when the crazy house-coated woman’s face turned red with anger.
“You leaches are all the same, you’re only in it for the money! I can’t believe you won’t help out a poor mother. I’ve got four kids at home and I can’t afford to pay your fancy doctor bills!” She ripped off the bib and leaped from the chair, then stormed out the door, down the hall, and out of the office. Hopefully for good. Kelsey didn’t move from the doorway, but rather craned her neck in order to follow the woman’s progress out of the office.
“Is there a problem, Kels?” The assistant was startled by Dr. Davies’s voice as he walked up from the opposite direction.
She gave him a slightly wide-eyed look. “Not any more. Ms. Donovan wanted us to use our “doctor glue” to re-stick her fake fingernail homemade veneer back onto her tooth. A tooth, which was covered in old glue, rot, plaque and food. I told her that by law we were not allowed to use anything in the mouth that was not made for such a purpose and suggested that she let us clean the rest of her teeth. You probably heard the rest.”
He nodded. “But how did they look?”
Kelsey conceded. “Pretty good actually, from afar and without smelling her breath.”
Dr. Davies shrugged. “I’ll give her points for ingenuity then. All right, I’m headed to room three. June is busy prepping Doug Blivens for his three fillings.” Kelsey shivered when she remembered who Doug Blivens was and thought that her day might actually be looking up.
The afternoon drive was significantly better than
her morning one after Kelsey merged onto the highway at her normal time. She was in a great mood, especially after she heard that Mr. Blivens vomited down the front of June’s scrub shirt shortly after Kelsey’s encounter with the crazy woman in the house coat. After that she decided to give the older woman a break and take a week off from depositing spiders in her purse. About fifteen minutes after she logged into the Driv app, Jamie popped online. She down-swiped on the nerd car icon. “Hey stranger, long time no speed!”
“How did you know I was speeding? I’m a perfectly upstanding, law-abiding citizen!”
Kelsey laughed and replied. “Who also drives a slick little turbo and admitted to me that she doesn’t like to go slow.”
Jamie’s voice was indignant when it came back over the speaker of Kelsey’s cell phone. “No, Olivia doesn’t like to go slow and I don’t like to disappoint my girl.”
“Too bad you can’t say that about the rest.” Kelsey left the statement open, clearly teasing the other woman about her reputation.
The response that came back was nearly a squawk. “Hey! I’ll have you know that I’ve never had any complaints from the ladies, so there!”
Kelsey snorted and replied. “So much talk and bravado. I hope for your ladies’ sake you put your money where your mouth is when it counts.”
“Darlin’ I leave my mouth right where it’s at when it counts. Though sometimes I swap out with my fingers—” Jamie dissolved into laughter on the other end.
“And such a dirty mouth it is, too! I can’t believe you use those lips on friends and family!”
More laughter came through the app. “I’ll have you know my lips are a treasure!”
Kelsey couldn’t resist. “That’s what she said?”
Jamie shrugged in her own car, unseen by no one but the nosepicker in the lane next to hers. “That is actually what she said. It’s also for only a select few to find out!” She was seriously enjoying the playful banter between her and her driving buddy. They often teased each other back and forth and despite their deeper than normal discussion from the month before, Jamie was relieved that nothing had changed with their friendship. She felt a little more emotionally exposed to Kelsey, but also freer.
“Select few? Funny, that’s not what I heard!”
Jamie laughed, able to see the humor in her own past. “Kels, Kels, Kels, get with the program chica! That was last quarter’s issue, I’m a new woman now!”
The disbelief was obvious as Kelsey’s voice came back over Olivia’s speaker system. “Ohhh reeeeeaaaally? But you’ve got the same old cover on that tired magazine.” Some of her disbelief was due to the fact that Jamie had not told anyone she had stopped sleeping around. She simply quit and changed some of her old patterns to avoid temptation.
“Hey, there’s nothing wrong with my cover, thank you very much! But yes, the content has totally changed.” Jamie did the mental calculations as she drove along. “It’s been seventy-four days since I turned over my new leaf.” She was quite proud of herself for that. It had been hard but she had started liking herself more when she stopped picking up women at the bar or going home with any of her old fuck buddies. Jamie had turned into a saint. Practically.
“Wow! I’m impressed, James. Well I’ll have you know it’s been, hmm, exactly one day for me!”
Something strange happened in Jamie’s stomach at her friend’s words. It was a feeling she didn’t like as she wondered aloud at Kelsey’s words. “What the hell? Is she seeing someone?” She gripped the steering wheel tighter and tried to figure out why she didn’t like that idea very much at all, and Kelsey’s voice came back through the app.
“We are counting ourselves in this, right? I mean, I was at least. Or is that TMI?”
Jamie realized what she meant and started laughing and answered. “Oh my God!”
“TMI?”
“No, you’re just cracking my shit up over here. And if we’re counting ourselves I’m going to have to seriously change my number of days without an incident!”
Kelsey’s ears practically perked up in her little silver car as she responded to Jamie’s statement. “Oh yeah? What is your new number then?” She waited a minute for Jamie’s voice to come back and her ears turned red when it did.
“Hmm, about eleven hours now.”
“James! Seriously?”
“What? TMI? You started it, perv! Now stop distracting me, I don’t want to miss my exit. I’m not very good at remembering to get off on the right one when I take a different way after work.”
Kelsey shook her head and moved into the center lane as she approached a busy exit. Though she would never admit it, Jamie’s crazy rules of the road totally worked. She found her drive to be just a little less frustrating if she followed the anal-retentive engineer’s driving system. She sent another voice message back to that engineer. “You’re right, I totally did. Now I’m changing the subject before I end up driving distracted as well. And why are you taking a different exit?”
“Hair appointment. I’ve got to get my trim on.”
Kelsey looked down at her phone momentarily, as if that would clear up her confusion. Finally she broke down and asked. “Didn’t you just get your hair cut a few weeks ago?”
“Every four weeks, Kels! I have short hair and if I don’t get it cut every four weeks I start to get scruffy. I have to stay on fleek you know.”
Perhaps the large gulp of water was a bad idea when Jamie answered her because Kelsey started laughing and choking at the same time. She responded to Jamie’s message. “You are seriously such a dork! Do you even know what that means?”
After a minute’s hesitation Jamie’s voice came back over her little cell speaker. “You mean the exact definition? Um, no. Do you?”
Kelsey answered. “Psshhh, yeah! I may not speak German but I do speak millennial.”
Jamie gave her phone a look of consternation as she moved over to exit the highway. She finally messaged her friend and tormentor back. “Are you going to tell me?” Her hairdresser was just off the highway and she turned into the parking lot as she waited for Kelsey to answer.
“Nope!”
Olivia glided smoothly into a parking space. “You’re such an ass! Fine, I’ll just ask my hairdresser then.”
“Man or woman?”
Jamie’s brows furrowed and she replied. “Man, why?”
“He’s gonna laugh at you if you ask.”
“And if it was a woman?”
“She’d laugh too.” And laughter followed Kelsey’s statement down the line, eliciting goose bumps on Jamie’s arms as it sounded through the car’s audio system.
Jamie grumbled. “Whatever! I gotta go or I’ll be late for my appointment. Drive safe, Kels!”
“Will do!”
Just as Kelsey predicted, Richard did laugh when she asked. “Oh my God, girl! You’ve got a smart phone don’t you? Look that stuff up! You can’t be walking around not in the know.” He shook his head and “tsked” her as he checked her hair over. “Ooh, what have we here?”
Jamie, who was busy searching for the meaning of “on fleek” on her phone, looked up and met his eyes in the mirror. “What do you mean?”
He unflinchingly peered back. “Grays, James. You’ve got ’em. Good thing you color every four weeks.”
She made a face, hating the fact that she was going gray. “I’m only thirty-four! That hardly seems fair!”
He trimmed up the sides a little and spoke without looking at her in the mirror. “What hardly seems fair is the fact that you won’t let me color your hair anything but this shade of blonde. At least let me go with a nice purple or something!”
“No way! You know I can’t do anything like that with my job.”
Richard snorted. “Conservative bitches! Well then how about going back to your natural color? You’ve been dying it blonde for what, nine years now?”
Jamie scowled. “No, just the blonde like normal.”
“But sweetie, you look great in dark hair!
So handsome and broody.”
She laughed as he pouted. “Is broody even a word?”
He framed her face from behind and stared at her from over her head. “Girl, you make broody a word! So, natural?”
Jamie just shook her head. “No.”
Richard sighed. “Fine! So tell me what’s new with you. Still catting around on the weekends, and weeknights? Any more broken hearts? How’s your new friend, Kelli is it?”
“Kelsey. And she’s great!” Unbeknownst to her, Jamie’s face lit up at the mention of her new friend and Richard watched it all through the mirror as he mixed her color. “And for your information, I don’t sleep around anymore.”
One perfectly waxed eyebrow went up. “Oh? And when did this start?”
“Um, about two and a half months ago?”
“What? And you’re just now telling me?” Richard had stopped mixing and walked around in front of her to level the full power of his disapproving gaze. “I cannot believe that you’ve kept such news from me!” He put a dramatic hand to his chest. “Me, your priest and confidant. Me, who is the keeper of all your secrets! My heart bleeds at your calloused indifference to my feelings!”
Jamie snorted. “Still taking those acting classes?”
He nodded and smiled. “Yes, ma’am! But I’m still hurt you didn’t tell me. What’s going on, James?”
She shrugged. “I don’t know, maybe I gave it up for Lent or something.”
“Sweetie, you’re not Catholic.”
Jamie grinned at him. “Didn’t you just say you were my priest? Are you judging my confession, Father?”
He rolled his eyes and started applying the dye to her hair. “As if I were old enough to be your father! But if I was I’d totally tan your hide for keeping secrets.” He paused with the brush in hand and looked at her honestly in the mirror. “So why are you on the lady wagon, hmm?”
Jamie sighed as he started applying the paste again. “I don’t know, I’m just in a rut and my friend Jenn pointed out that even though I mean well, people still get hurt when I’m playing around. And I guess I’m tired of hurting people.”