To Tame a Renegade

by Connie Mason

  Sarah sensed Chad’s troubled thoughts and sought to diffuse them. “No, Chad, there’s more to it than that and you know it. But I don’t think either of us wants to explore feelings we’re not comfortable with. Is there something else you wanted to discuss?”

  Chad’s fingers pushed through his thick brown hair as he rose and came to stand behind her. “I’ve thought a lot about this, Sarah. I’ve decided you can’t remain in Carbon. There’s no guarantee Jackson won’t return for Abner. I can’t stay here forever to protect you.”

  “I’ve never asked for your protection. It’s something you decided on your own. I’ve taken care of myself and Abner since I was sixteen. It hasn’t always been easy but we’ve survived.”

  “How long do you think you’d survive if no one brought their laundry to you? Mrs. Kilmer was so angry the day I turned her away that she vowed no one in town would bring their laundry to you in the future. I suspect she meant it”

  Sarah was stunned. “What did you say to her?”

  “Quite a lot, actually. She called you a few choice names, hinting that you were earning money in other ways and didn’t need her business. I fear I lost my temper.”

  Sarah’s knees started to buckle and Chad steadied her. “Are you all right?”

  “Yes. You just dealt me a shock I wasn’t prepared for. Your burst of temper quite possibly cost me my livelihood. What are Abner and I going to do now?”

  “That’s what I want to talk to you about.” Lifting her in his arms, he carried her to the sofa in the parlor and sat down beside her. “I’m going to take you to my brother and sister-in-law in Rolling Prairie, Montana. The Circle F Ranch is large and prosperous, and Zoey will be delighted to have another woman in the house. It gets lonely for her out there.”

  Sarah looked at Chad as if he’d just grown two heads. “You want to take me to the home of complete strangers and dump me? I can’t possibly impose on people I don’t know. No, it’s impossible.”

  “I don’t see where you have any choice, Sarah. You have no guarantee Jackson won’t return to Carbon for Abner. Or that the law will catch up with him any time soon. And another thing, how are you going to support yourself and Abner? You’ve got to think of your son.”

  “How do you know your brother and his wife will take me in?”

  “Because I know. Zoey and Pierce have a child about two years old. There are countless chores to perform on a ranch, you won’t find yourself idle.”

  Sarah chewed over Chad’s words, arriving at and discarding several options to his suggestion. Without a means of support she and Abner wouldn’t survive long on the charity of her poor neighbors. She’d always managed on her own and her pride wouldn’t allow her to beg her parents for food for her child. There was only one other way to earn a living and that didn’t appeal to her. She was no whore.

  “Maybe I can do your sister-in-law’s laundry,” Sarah offered. “Or take care of her child to free her for other duties. I can cook and clean and…”

  “Whoa. I wasn’t hinting that you should become their slave. Leaving you with Pierce and Zoey is one way of coping with my conscience when I take off. I’m surprised I actually have a conscience. I thought I’d left it behind in Dry Gulch but I reckon I’d merely misplaced it. You helped me to find it again but I’m not sure it’s something I want to keep.”

  His gaze was so intent upon hers that Sarah found it difficult to breathe. She wanted to lay her hand along his stubbly chin, to run her fingers through his thick brown hair, and place her head on his shoulder. She longed to tell him she’d go anywhere with him if he promised to stay with her. No matter how much he belittled himself Sarah knew him to be a kind, caring man who’d been adversely affected by some tragic event in his life. She didn’t want to, never expected to, but she feared she was falling in love with him. But the last thing she wanted was to become a burden to Chad.

  Her thoughts must have conveyed themselves to Chad, or maybe it was the way she looked at him, for he reached for her and pulled her onto his lap. With a sigh of surrender, she offered him her lips.

  Chapter 9

  Chad kissed her roughly. The effort to summon his usual self-control and quell the gnawing hunger sweeping through him was beyond his capabilities. To touch Sarah was to want her. He didn’t know what was happening to him. With whores he’d bedded there had been pleasure—easy, forgettable pleasure. Nothing beyond the uncomplicated satisfaction of easing his lust and gaining release. But with Sarah, the grinding need to possess her never let up. It was constantly with him.

  Chad moaned when Sarah reached out trembling fingers and touched his face. Her hand trailed downward over his torso, past his hips, to shyly rest upon his shaft straining against his clothing. He gasped and pressed himself into her hand.

  Sarah flushed and jerked her hand back.

  “Go ahead, sweetheart,” Chad encouraged as he reached for her hand and drew it down to his manhood. ‘Touch me. It feels good. Damn good.”

  Her hands returned to his body. His own hands were not idle as he swiftly and efficiently removed her dress. Her chemise was about to go in the same manner as her dress when Chad paused, glancing toward the closed bedroom door. “What about Abner?”

  “Abner could sleep through an earthquake. He won’t awaken.”

  The sofa was narrow and uncomfortable but didn’t hinder them as the rest of their clothes melted away as if by magic. When they were both naked, Chad sprawled across the sofa and lifted Sarah atop him. His breath came in short gasps as he guided her hand to his erection, teaching her the rhythm. Amazed at her boldness, Sarah wanted to explore and caress every inch of him, from his engorged shaft to his corded, muscular torso.

  “Take me inside you,” Chad urged in a tormented whisper.

  Raising up, she took him inside her. He slid full and deep into her, so deep he felt her stretching to accommodate all of him.

  His hands went to her breasts. They were full and generous despite her thinness. Her nipples were dark, taut and rigid beneath his fingers. Chad lost himself in the pure pleasure of touching her, of hearing her moan, of seeing desire darken her violet eyes.

  His thrusts accelerated, and he knew his movement sent raw pleasure pounding through her. They moved together in a wild frenzy and he thrust and withdrew as the need within him built, becoming unbearable. Unspeakable rapture shone in her eyes as she threw her head back and rode him shamelessly, surrounding him with her tight, wet heat. She cried out his name and he felt her spasms just as he bucked, sending his seed splashing against the walls of her womb, branding her forever. And then the ability to think ceased.

  “That was incredible,” Chad said on a gasp. “I wish…”

  “What do you wish, Chad?”

  “I wish things could be different. I have nothing left to give a woman. I care for you and I don’t want you to think that we… that you and I…”

  “How can you say you have nothing to give after what we just experienced together? I’m not an expert, but feelings like that are…”

  “Lust, sweetheart, pure and simple. We’re explosive together. Your sweet innocence is like an aphrodisiac. I can’t get enough of you. But I’m incapable of feeling deep emotions. What we just did makes us both happy, but don’t read too much into an act that was driven by lust.”

  “I was going to say rare.”

  Sarah felt like such a fool. Chad didn’t love her; he never would. She didn’t believe in miracles. She knew that wanting and loving were two entirely different emotions, yet she’d harbored a slim hope that Chad felt something deeper than lust for her. She wondered at the event that had crippled him emotionally.

  She reached for her clothing, suddenly embarrassed by her nakedness. Perhaps the townspeople were right. Maybe she was a whore at heart. She couldn’t bring herself to feel guilty. Making love with Chad had seemed natural and right. It had meant a great deal to her. She’d always be grateful to Chad for proving that all men weren’t rapacious bastards.

>   “I’m sorry, Sarah. I never meant to hurt you. I just wanted you to know that my life is an emotional wasteland. Until I resolve my problems I have nothing to offer a woman except sex. But don’t get me wrong, I care about what happens to you and Abner. For what it’s worth, you’re the first woman to attract me in a helluva long time.”

  “Is that all, Chad? Is physical attraction all you feel for me? What happened to make you so cynical?”

  “It’s a long story.”

  “I’ve got time. What happened in Dry Gulch? I know there was a woman involved. Did you love her?”

  “Love? Hah! I don’t believe in it Love is empowering to a woman and I’d never trust a woman with that kind of power.”

  “She must have hurt you badly.”

  “No, it wasn’t like that at all. But you’re right about a woman being involved. If you must know, it began when a neighbor, Cora Lee Doolittle, accused my brother Pierce of getting her with child.”

  “Did he?”

  “Absolutely not! Pierce didn’t even like Cora Lee. The lying bitch told the vigilantes that Pierce beat her up when she told him she was pregnant and begged him to marry her. Pierce barely escaped with his neck intact. The vigilantes were going to hang Pierce if he didn’t marry Cora Lee. He fled and was seriously wounded. Zoey Fuller found him and nursed him back to health.”

  “He married Zoey,” Sarah remembered.

  “Eventually. That’s another long story. Suffice it to say, they’re happily married today. The vigilantes found Pierce and brought him back to Dry Gulch. They demanded that he either marry Cora Lee or face the hangman.”

  “Why did Cora Lee lie?”

  “That, too, is another story. Anyway, Pierce couldn’t marry Cora Lee because he was already married to Zoey by then. So Cora Lee and her brother Hal hatched a plot to gain Cora Lee a husband and share in the Delaney wealth. They insisted that I marry Cora Lee and give her bastard a name. I had to do it to save Pierce.”

  “You said you weren’t married.”

  “I’m not. Oh, I married the witch, all right I’d have done anything to save Pierce’s life. But it wasn’t a real marriage.”

  He fell silent, brooding over the tragic events that followed. A woman’s lies had started a chain of events that had produced fatal results.

  “Something happened.”

  Chad’s thoughts turned inward, recalling that fateful day. “I went to see Cora Lee at her ranch a few days after our marriage.” His voice was hard, tinged with bitterness. “I found Cora Lee and her brother in bed together. To make a long story short, Hal was the father of her child. Hal drew on me. He missed, I didn’t.”

  “You killed him?”

  “Yes.”

  “His death wasn’t your fault, Chad. The man drew on you.” She gave a delicate shudder. “You must have been shocked to find Cora Lee in bed with her own brother.”

  “I was thoroughly sickened. The disastrous events that followed Hal’s death will remain with me forever.”

  She looked into his shadowed eyes and saw his pain. She longed to reach inside him and release his demons, but didn’t know how.

  “Tell me about them.”

  “Cora Lee and Hal’s father was a sick man. He heard the shots and got up from his sickbed to investigate. When he saw his only son lying dead on the floor it was more than the poor man could take. He dropped dead of a heart attack.”

  “How dreadful. But that still…”

  “There’s more, Sarah. Cora Lee went into premature labor. The baby didn’t survive. Neither did Cora Lee.”

  Sarah paled. Dear God. She understood now. Chad had reacted to all those senseless deaths by shouldering the blame. Until he could shed his guilt he would remain emotionally empty. She wondered if his distrust of women started with Cora Lee or went back farther than that.

  “Cora Lee was probably a weak person,” Sarah surmised. “Hal was as much or more to blame than she was. Perhaps he forced his sister to do those terrible things, then made her lie about them when she became pregnant. We’ll never know. Needless to say, Cora Lee paid the ultimate price for her sins. You should put your demons to rest”

  “I reckon I realize now that Cora Lee was Hal’s victim. I pity her. She didn’t deserve to die. Neither did an innocent babe. You can’t begin to imagine how those deaths affected me. I can’t help thinking that if I hadn’t killed Hal things might have ended differently. When I drew my gun, I aimed to kill. The sight of Hal rutting on his own sister set something off inside me I couldn’t control.”

  “So you left your home and everything you held dear because you killed a man in self-defense,” Sarah repeated, trying to understand Chad.

  “Those deaths, particularly those of Mr. Doolittle and the babe, weighed heavily on me. I had to get away. I needed space and time to come to grips with those events. In trying to save my brother’s life, I inadvertently caused four deaths. I had to get away from Dry Gulch and all those disturbing memories.”

  “Is Cora Lee the reason for your low opinion of women?”

  Chad gave her a slow grin. “Don’t get me wrong. I like women. They have their place in a man’s life. I just don’t trust them. My brothers feel the same way. Pierce was dead-set against marriage until he met Zoey. We’ve all had bad experiences with women, beginning with our mother. She left my pa for another man. We were just young boys at the time and couldn’t understand why our mother didn’t like us enough to stay with us. That distrust has carried through into our adult lives.”

  “All women aren’t alike. You said Pierce found a good woman. There must be others out there.”

  “Perhaps there are but I’m not sure I could handle one. I’m emotionally incapable of loving.”

  “Someday a woman will steal your heart when you’re least expecting it, Chad Delaney.” I wish it could be me, Sarah thought but did not say. When and if Chad married he’d want an innocent girl, not a less than respectable woman with an illegitimate child.

  “This talk of marriage is a waste of time. Unless …” He searched her face, then shook his head. “I suppose every woman wants a husband. Once you get to Rolling Prairie, Zoey will introduce you to suitable young men. I hope you choose wisely. Abner needs a man in his life.”

  “Damn you, Chad Delaney! We’ve just made love and already you’re trying to get rid of me. For your information, I don’t intend to marry… ever. No man would love Abner like I do. It would take a special man to forget Abner is illegitimate.”

  Chad reared up and began pulling on his pants. “Any man who loved you would love Abner without reservations.”

  “Where will I find a man like that?” Sarah contended.

  Chad frowned. He loved Abner but he didn’t count. He wasn’t husband material. And unless he wanted to be roped into marriage he reckoned he’d best keep his lust under control and his fly buttoned. The last thing he wanted was to make Sarah believe he was interested in marriage.

  “I’m sure there are any number of men who will appreciate you.” This conversation was beginning to make him uncomfortable. The thought of Sarah with another man was not a pleasant one. “Perhaps you should go to bed. There’s much to be done tomorrow. I need to purchase a wagon so you and Abner can travel to Montana in comfort. You probably have some household goods you’ll want to transport.”

  “I don’t have all that much. Some bedding and dishes, a few articles of clothing. None of the furnishings are mine. But you’re right, Chad, I am tired. You can sleep on the sofa, if you like. Good night”

  Sarah didn’t get very far. Chad reached for her, pressing her against him. The thrust of her firm breasts against his chest sent his resolve flying out the window. His shaft stirred restlessly as he lowered his head and kissed her. When Sarah leaned into his kiss, he reluctantly recalled his vow to contain his lust and abruptly broke off the kiss.

  “Good night, Sarah. Sleep well.”

  Chad couldn’t sleep. Dredging up those tragic events from his past made him relucta
nt to return to Dry Gulch. Perhaps he wouldn’t have to go all the way to Dry Gulch, he reasoned. He could leave Sarah and Abner in Rolling Prairie with Pierce and Zoey and take off for parts unknown. There were still plenty of outlaws to catch out there, including Freddie Jackson.

  Sarah’s thoughts were as troubled as Chad’s. His story had answered a lot of questions about Chad Delaney, but it didn’t make her love him any less. Chad’s problems originated from within his own conscience. He held himself responsible for four deaths that were none of his doing. It occurred to Sarah that Chad was possessed of an innate goodness that he’d be the first to deny. The sad truth was that those events had drained him emotionally and his conscience denied him peace. He’d fled all he loved and held dear in order to escape his demons, but time and distance had failed to erase his memories.

  An uneasy sleep finally claimed Sarah. She was shaken awake the next morning by Abner.

  “Mama! Chad is gone. Is he coming back?”

  “Would you be sorry if he didn’t?”

  “I like Chad, Mama. Why can’t he stay with us?”

  “Chad wants to take us to Montana to live with his brother and sister-in-law,” Sarah said. “They live on a big ranch.”

  Abner’s eyes shone with excitement. “Do they have horses?”

  “I suppose. Chad doesn’t think we should stay in Carbon. He’s afraid Freddie Jackson will return and take you away again.”

  Abner frowned. “I don’t like that man. He was mean to you. I don’t believe he’s my papa. I’m going to pretend Chad’s my papa.”

  Oh, God, she was going about this all wrong. “That’s not wise, honey. Chad cares about what happens to us but that’s as far as it goes.”

  Abner’s frown deepened. “What do you mean?”

  “You’re not old enough to understand, honey. Wait in the kitchen for me. I’ll join you after I’ve dressed. There’s much to be done today, and it won’t get accomplished if we lie in bed all day.”

  Chad bought breakfast at an eating house and was the first in line when the bank opened. He had a letter of credit on the Delaney account but this was the first time he’d needed to use it He felt guilty taking money he hadn’t earned, even though he was an equal partner with his brothers. Before he left Dry Gulch he’d done his share of the work and spent his share of the profits. But for the past two years he’d contributed nothing to the ranch and felt uncomfortable taking from it.