by Connie Mason
“I shouldn’t have made love to you. I’ve hurt you and I never meant to.”
“Don’t blame yourself, I could have stopped you had I wanted to. Until you made love to me, I thought the act was vile and disgusting. I’m grateful to you for showing me how wonderful it could be.”
“It won’t happen again if you don’t want it to.”
Chad might as well have asked her to stop breathing. If she was to have so little of him she wanted to make every minute count.
Her eyes were brilliant reflections of the stars as she gazed at him. “I want it to happen again.”
Chad went utterly still. “Are you sure?”
“Very sure. Maybe I truly am the kind of woman my parents accused me of being.”
“You’re no whore, Sarah.”
“I am with you, Chad.”
His hands clamped around her shoulders, giving her a gentle shake. “Dammit! Don’t talk like that. Your parents were wrong, the town was wrong. You were taken advantage of by a vicious rapist.”
“You healed me when you made love to me. I wish I could do the same for you. Then maybe you’d…” She flushed and looked away. “I’m sorry, I don’t want to place any pressure on you. You’ve already done more for me than any other person.”
“Sarah…” Her name was a groan on his lips. “You have helped me. You and Abner have restored something inside me I thought I’d lost. For a long time I’d been unable to feel anything. I was an empty shell, then I met you and realized I’d merely misplaced my compassion, not lost it I’ve still got a long way to go, but it’s a start.”
“Why not stay in Dry Gulch and face your demons?”
He pulled his eyes away from her. “I’m not ready for that.”
“I didn’t think so.”
The beginning of a smile tipped the corners of his mouth. “Is this conversation leading someplace?”
She felt a warming glow flow through her. “I hope so. I want you to kiss me, Chad.”
He regarded her warily. “I won’t be able to stop with just a lass. You know where I stand, Sarah. I have nothing left to give but passion.”
“I’ll settle for that right now.”
“I don’t deserve you, sweetheart,” Chad said as he gently lowered her to his bedroll. “I feel like a bastard for taking advantage of you, but I want you too desperately to listen to my conscience. If you had any sense you’d realize I’m no good for you.”
“I guess I’m just plain stupid. Besides,” she teased, “Abner likes you so you can’t be all bad. Are you going to kiss me or not?”
“I’m going to kiss you.”
His large hand took her face and held it gently. She put her arms around his neck and pulled him against her. His breath was warm and moist against her face. Her heart raced with excitement. Chad was the only man she wanted. The only man she’d ever need. All she had to do was convince him that his heart wasn’t as barren as he thought.
His tongue traced the soft fullness of her lips before he joined their mouths. His kiss sang through her veins. She returned his kiss with reckless abandon, disappointed when he abruptly ended it.
“Let’s move inside the wagon,” he whispered against her lips. “I can move Abner to my bedroll under the wagon. It’s a fine night, he’ll enjoy it.”
He spread his bedroll beneath the wagon bed, then climbed inside the wagon. He reappeared a few moments later with the sleeping child in his arms. “Go inside, I’ll join you as soon as I settle Abner.” When Sarah moved to obey, he placed a hand on her arm and said, “Take off your clothes, sweetheart. I want you naked.”
The wagon was small, barely large enough for two pallets placed side by side. Tonight she and Chad would lie upon them and make love. Sarah shivered with anticipation as she undressed. By the time Chad climbed into the wagon she was lying naked beneath the blanket.
The warmth from the glowing lantern turned Chad’s flesh to molten gold as he knelt beside Sarah and hastily stripped. The sight of Chad’s nude body made Sarah gulp in an unsteady breath. His shaft was hard, heavy, and fully erect His eyes were dark and unreadable as he pulled aside the blanket and gazed down at her.
She sighed as he lay down beside her. His lips found her mouth and he kissed her thoroughly, hungrily. Then his mouth began to roam. He found the pulse at the base of her throat, a pouting nipple cresting a firm breast, the inside of a quivering thigh, triggering ripples of reaction in the acutely sensitive places his lips had just visited. She trembled in response to his lips as they moved along her upper thigh, higher, until his heated mouth claimed her most secret place.
She gasped as his tongue stroked into the delicate flesh. The pleasure was inexpressible, more potent beyond any sensation she’d ever known. Dizzily she wondered how anything so sinful could feel so wonderful. Surely her father was right. She’d burn in the deepest hell for gaining pleasure from this.
Then Sarah felt his fingers sliding inside her, inflaming, teasing, even as his mouth worked its magic on a sensitive bit of flesh she’d been unaware of until now. Wildfire blazed through her in glorious, undulating waves; she cried out his name. For several thudding heartbeats she was awash in a sea of ecstasy, sucked into a whirlpool of swirling delight.
When the turbulence subsided, she felt Chad caressing between her legs with the blunt tip of his sex. A moment later he pressed inward with a luscious, sliding friction that reignited the flame that had burned so hotly scant moments ago. Her hips lifted to him as he buried himself inside her. Her face blazed with incredible joy as she wrapped her arms around him, bringing him closer.
Her hips moved again, inviting him deeper. Chad gave a harsh groan, his strokes, now swift and hard, thrust uncontrollably into her. It was madness. Heat was building, threatening to consume her. Then the firestorm within her burst forth, shattering the world around her. She twisted against him, shuddering as he spilled himself inside her. The meaning of true fulfillment was suddenly clear to Sarah. No matter how desperately Chad railed against it, Sarah felt that they were destined to be together. She was his, he was hers.
They both dozed. Sometime during the night, Chad was awakened by the strange feeling that he and Sarah were no longer alone. He started to reach for his gun and realized there was no need for it.
“Abner? Is that you?” He moved over to make room for the boy, who was squirming to fit himself between him and Sarah.
“I got lonesome by myself. I want to sleep with you and Mama. Did you get lonesome, too, is that why you’re sleeping with Mama?”
Chad groaned in dismay. It was unfortunate that Abner had found him in bed with Sarah. He’d been careless. So much for his resolve to keep his hands off Sarah. Somehow he had to satisfy the boy’s curiosity without making too much of it. He glanced at Sarah and saw she was still sleeping. No help there, it was up to him. He decided to make light of it.
“I do get lonesome sometimes. But I’m glad you’re here now. Go back to sleep.”
Abner smiled sleepily. “I like you a lot, Chad. I wish you were my papa.”
“I like you a lot, too, Abner, but I don’t think I’d make a very good papa.”
The sound of voices awakened Sarah. When she realized Abner had climbed into the wagon and was snuggled between her and Chad, she felt a sense of rightness. When she heard Abner announce that he wished Chad was his papa, tears sprouted from the corners of her eyes. Why did Chad have to be so stubborn? Why couldn’t he see that they belonged together? What did she have to do to make him understand that he needed them in his life? Whatever it took, she vowed to find a way.
Chad had been right. The men who had burst into their campsite hadn’t returned. As they crossed the Wyoming border into Montana, Sarah relaxed and began to enjoy the scenery. The dusty trail they followed passed through towering green spruces and craggy granite peaks that seemed almost to touch the glowing blue sky. The days were still mild but the nights were turning colder now.
To Sarah’s consternation, Chad had become s
omewhat remote since their night of incredible passion. Only Abner seemed able to coax a smile from Chad. Sarah wondered if Chad was upset because Abner had found them in bed. Did he think she’d demand things of him he wasn’t willing to give? She might love Chad to distraction, but she’d never force him into marriage. That was a decision he’d have to make himself.
Summer was waning and the days were growing shorter. As they neared Rolling Prairie there was a definite chill in the air. Sarah was grateful for the warm coats Chad had purchased for her and Abner for they were definitely needed after the sun went down. Not for the first time Sarah wondered why Chad had been so generous with his time and money when he owed her nothing. He had to care for her just a little, didn’t he? People didn’t just help someone they didn’t care about.
Sarah was driving the wagon with Abner seated beside her when Chad rode up on Flint He had ridden ahead this morning and when he returned he was smiling from ear to ear. He’d been so dour of late that his smile was a welcome sight.
From Chad’s expression, Sarah deduced that they must be close to their destination. Soon she and Abner would have a safe place to stay. She supposed the responsibility Chad had shouldered on their behalf was becoming a burden. He probably didn’t like it that Abner was becoming too fond of him and probably suspected that what she felt for him was more than simple passion. By now Chad must be beginning to feel pressured and would probably be glad to be rid of them.
“We’re on Circle F land,” Chad confirmed as he rode up beside the lumbering wagon. “We should reach the ranch house soon.”
“Do all those cattle grazing on the hillsides belong to the Circle F?”
“It’s a good ranch. Zoey almost lost it when her father was killed but Pierce saved it for her and made it a prosperous enterprise. I’m going to ride ahead and tell them to expect company. Just follow the trail, it leads directly to the ranch house.” He rode off in a cloud of dust.
A short time later Chad galloped into the yard, scattering chickens and geese. He dismounted, wondering where everyone was. He saw an old man limping toward him from the barn and walked over to meet him.
“Where is everyone?” Chad asked.
“Who wants to know?”
Chad smiled. “You must be Cully. You’re just as crusty as Zoey said.” He stuck out his hand. “I’m Chad Delaney.”
Cully squinted up at him. “Delaney. You must be the brother who run off. You oughta be ashamed of yourself, young fella. Pierce and Zoey have been mighty worried about you.”
“Where is my brother?”
“All three of ’em, Pierce, Zoey, and the boy, went to Dry Gulch.”
“They have a son? I never did know what they had.”
“They named him Robbie, after Zoey’s pa.”
“When will they return?”
“I don’t expect ’em back for at least a month. They go a couple times a year to check on things at the Delaney ranch. I’m in charge when they’re away. What can I do for you?”
Chad seethed with frustration. What else could go wrong? It wouldn’t be right to just drop off Sarah and Abner without permission. And he didn’t want to stick around for a month or longer. There was no help for it He had to take Sarah and Abner to Dry Gulch, the place he had avoided for nearly two years.
“I’m not alone,” Chad told Cully. “A friend and her young son are following in a wagon. I reckon we’ll have to go on to Dry Gulch. Is it all right if we spend the night?”
Cully scratched his grizzled white head. “Reckon so. Just make yourself at home. Pierce and Zoey would want it that way. You can bed down in the two empty bedrooms.” He sent Chad a piercing look. “You and your lady friend can divide them up any way you want. There’s plenty of food in the larder, I hope your friend can cook.”
“We’ll manage,” Chad said. “Where are the hands?”
“Off on a cattle drive. Ain’t nobody here but me.”
Chad glanced up and saw the wagon coming down the road. “There’s Sarah now.”
Cully shaded his eyes against the sun as he watched the wagon lumber into the yard. Abner jumped down the moment it pulled to a stop.
“Chad! Where are the horses? I wanna see the horses.”
Chad helped Sarah down and brought her over to meet Cully. Cully stared at her with avid curiosity, obviously wondering about their relationship but too polite to ask.
“Cully, meet Sarah Temple and her son Abner. Cully is Pierce and Zoey’s right-hand man,” Chad explained to Sarah.
Sarah offered her hand and found it enveloped in a warm, surprisingly strong, calloused grip. “Pleased to meet you, Mr. Cully.”
“Just Cully, ma’am. That’s a mighty fine looking young’un you got, there. Howdy Abner,” he said, offering his hand to the boy.
“Howdy, Cully. I’m glad we’re finally here. Can I see the horses?”
Cully gave him an indulgent smile. “Help yourself, boy, they’re behind the barn. Just don’t open the gate. Wouldn’t want you to get hurt.”
Abner raced off toward the barn, his face alight with excitement.
“Where is your brother?” Sarah asked.
“There’s a small problem,” Chad explained. “He took his family to Dry Gulch. We’ll stay the night and leave in the morning. Cully said the larder is full and we should make ourselves at home.”
“You’re taking me to Dry Gulch?” Sarah asked, stunned. “You said…”
“I know what I said, but things have changed. Lord knows I’m not thrilled about returning to Dry Gulch, but I can’t just dump you here without talking to Pierce and Zoey first”
Sarah decided not to pursue the subject as she turned her attention to Cully. “I appreciate your hospitality. Perhaps you’ll join us for supper.”
“Much obliged,” Cully said with a grin. “Ain’t had a decent meal since Miz Zoey left.”
“Will you show me around?”
“Sure thing, Miz Sarah.” Cully led the way into the house.
“I’ll see to the team,” Chad muttered crossly.
He wasn’t in the best of moods. He wasn’t ready yet to return to Dry Gulch. He wasn’t sure he’d ever be ready. Just being this close to his home brought back memories he’d been running from for two years. His mood lightened considerably when Abner came running toward him. The little scamp’s smile was infectious.
“I’m gonna like it here,” Abner said as he skidded up beside Chad. “But I’d like it better if you stayed.” His expression grew serious. “Mama said you don’t wanna be with us.”
Chad dropped to his knees beside the boy he’d grown to love as much as a man with dead emotions could love. “You and your mother have nothing to do with my reason for leaving. Some bad things happened a long time ago, things you’re too young to understand. Those events messed me up inside. There’s a lot of bitterness inside me. You and your mother deserve better than what I can offer.” He searched Abner’s face. “Do you understand any of what I’ve just said?”
Abner shrugged. “I think so, but does that mean you don’t love me? It’s all right, Chad. I can still love you, can’t I?”
Chad felt something give inside him. He pulled Abner into his arms, holding him close. “No matter what happens, always remember that it has nothing to do with you. I care for you, Abner. I always will.”
“What about Mama?”
Chad chose his words carefully. “Your mother is a fine woman. She’ll make some man a wonderful wife. The problem is mine. I’m not the kind of man your mother needs.”
Abner gave Chad a slow smile. “You’re wrong, Chad. You’re ‘zactly the kind of man Mama needs. I’m going back to see the horses,” he said, running off.
Chad shook his head in dismay. The kid had a way of getting under a man’s skin. He could understand why Jackson wanted his son. If he was Jackson he’d do everything in his power to claim the boy.
Everyone, Cully included, enjoyed the supper Sarah put on the table that evening. Cully had killed a chic
ken for the occasion and Sarah found the ingredients for noodles. With mashed potatoes, biscuits, and fresh green beans, the meal was memorable.
“Thanks fer the grub, Miz Sarah,” Cully said, patting his stomach. “Reckon I’ll take myself off to the bunkhouse. I’ll be up in the morning before you leave.”
“Good night, Cully,” Sarah said, stifling a yawn. “You’re not the only one who’s tired.”
“I’ll take Abner up to bed,” Chad offered. “He looks about done in.”
“Will you tell me a story?” Abner begged. “It’s been a long time since anyone’s told me a story.”
Chad didn’t have the heart to refuse. “Sure, son, if you can stand one of my wild tales.”
Abner was asleep before Chad finished his story. He pulled the covers up to the boy’s neck and tiptoed from the room. He met Sarah on the stairs.
“Which room did you put Abner in?” Sarah asked. “I hope the bed is big enough for both Abner and me.”
Chad gave her a teasing smile as he searched her lovely features. Her violet eyes were smudged with dark circles, attesting to her exhaustion. Her lush red lips were parted invitingly. He recalled with alacrity how sweetly those lips clung to his when he kissed her.
“Actually, the bed is a single one. I saved the room with the double bed for us.”
“For… us?”
“This is likely to be the last time we’ll be together, Sarah. I don’t intend to stay long in Dry Gulch.” His eyes glittered. “I want to make love to you tonight. I haven’t been able to think of much else since that night in the wagon. My problems seem to dissolve when I’m making love to you.”
His words shocked her. How could he say those things and still believe he didn’t love her? What would it take to bring him to his senses?
“Had I known a woman’s body could be so soothing a tonic for my troubles, I would have spent more time in bed and less time chasing outlaws. There’s a lot to be said for lust.”
Sarah’s head buzzed with anger. She knew he’d been using her, but her love for Chad had blinded her to everything but her need to be with him. She knew now what a foolish dreamer she’d been. Lust was all Chad was ever going to feel for her. She’d let him make love to her, wanting him, needing him, pretending that one day he would realize that he loved her. She knew now it just wasn’t going to happen. She could keep giving and giving. He would keep taking and taking. What hurt the most was the knowledge that almost any woman would serve his needs.