by Connie Mason
In the beginning Chad’s honor and compassion had kept him in Carbon. He’d felt pity for her. He cared only for Abner. How could she expect Chad to want her when she was utterly unlovable? She had a child and no husband. As long as she allowed him in her bed, he’d keep taking, giving nothing of himself in return. She had asked for no emotional ties and received none. She could love him till doomsday, but he would never love her.
“Find yourself another woman,” Sarah said, stepping around him. “You used me for the last time.”
“What’s wrong? Are you suddenly too good for me?” His anger was palpable. “I thought you were one of the few honest women left in this world, but I was mistaken. Now that I’ve taken you away from the hard life you led you no longer want me, is that it?” He snorted derisively. “And here I was worried about hurting you because you were becoming too emotionally involved with me. You knew where I stood from the beginning.”
“Don’t, Chad, please. Of course I knew where you stood. But a girl can hope, can’t she? You’re just like the men in Carbon who thought I was fair game. You were the only man I thought worth my time. Being with you meant something to me even if it meant nothing to you. Are you going to tell me which room is Abner’s?”
A nerve twitched in his chin. “Third door on the right. Sleep well.”
Trembling from the force of her anger, Sarah entered Abner’s room, leaning against the closed door for support. Tears rolled down her cheeks. She should have known better than to trust a man. She was a fool to believe she could make Chad love her. She realized now that he’d always been a hard, bitter man. One who had little use for women beyond the pleasure they gave him. His one redeeming quality was the spark of compassion that had somehow survived. Someday, some woman would unlock the secrets of his heart. She wished that woman well.
Chad’s glittering gaze followed Sarah as she made a hasty departure. Why must he be such an unfeeling bastard? The answer was simple: Because he feared he was becoming too fond of Sarah and Abner. Acquiring a wife and child meant a man had to settle down, and he wasn’t ready for that. He still had his demons to battle.
Saying hateful things to Sarah hurt him as much as they hurt her but he felt they needed to be said in order to keep an emotional distance between himself and Sarah. Leaving was going to be damn difficult for him and he could imagine what it would do to her.
Chapter 11
“We’re home,” Chad said. Today he was driving the wagon. Abner was sitting between him and Sarah.
Sarah gazed absently at the lush acres of pasture surrounded by foothills and towering peaks. The grazing cattle looked fat and content; the fences appeared to be in good repair.
“Where’s the house and barn and all the buildings?” Abner asked excitedly.
Chad smiled at his exuberance. “You’ll be able to see them when we round the next bend in the road.”
Sarah stared mutely ahead. She and Chad hadn’t spoken more than a few words to one another since the angry words they had exchanged at the Circle F. It hurt to think that she had no future with Chad. All her hopes and dreams had been pure fantasy.
Chad cast a surreptitious glance at Sarah. His feelings about their relationship were mixed. Sarah had known where he stood from the beginning. She’d been foolish to expect things he couldn’t give her, and he was confident that he hadn’t led her to believe otherwise. He’d been honest about his aversion to marriage, so Sarah had no right to expect anything but passion from him. On the other hand, he shouldn’t have initiated lovemaking when he knew she’d probably misinterpret his intentions. Lust was a powerful driving force. His lust for Sarah was intensely motivating and pleasurable.
“Aren’t you excited. Mama?” Abner asked, jumping into the void. “This is where Chad used to live.”
“We won’t be staying long, honey,” Sarah said, refusing to look at Chad. “Coming here with Chad was a mistake. If it wasn’t for Freddie Jackson we’d still be in Carbon, doing what we’ve always done. Maybe we’ll return after Chad catches him. Would you like that?”
Abner made a face. “I don’t wanna go back there, Mama. The boys there are mean to me.”
“Abner is right,” Chad said succinctly. “You can’t return to Carbon. There’s nothing there for you.”
Sarah gave him the full benefit of her displeasure. “What is there for me here? I’ll do what I dam well please, Chad Delaney.”
Damn stubborn woman, Chad thought irritably. Then his thoughts skidded to a halt when the Delaney ranch came into view. Chad let his gaze devour the house in which he’d grown to manhood. It looked the same after two years. Ryan had repaired the roof, he noted. The same roof he and his brothers had slid down to sneak away and raise hell in town when they were boys. And what hell they’d raised!
As they matured, they no longer had to sneak out to play cards at the saloon, or get into fights, or visit whores. Chad recalled a yellow-haired whore named Nellie, who demanded nothing from him but his lust and a night’s pay, and wondered if she was still available. If anyone could cure him of his hunger for Sarah, it was Nellie. He hoped he’d find time to visit her before he left Dry Gulch.
Chad experienced a mixture of anticipation and foreboding as he drove the wagon into the yard. He recognized several of the hands and waved to them as he drove by. Within minutes the wagon was surrounded by excited men.
“Well I’ll be damned. It’s Chad Delaney,” a young hand said, grinning from ear to ear. “About time you came home.”
“Howdy, Rusty,” Chad greeted. “Are my brothers around?”
An older man Chad didn’t recognize pushed through the crowd. He held his hand out to Chad. “I’m Chuck Harper, foreman here. Pleased to meet you. Welcome home.”
Chad jumped down from the wagon and grasped Chuck’s hand. “Howdy, Chuck. Didn’t know Ryan hired a foreman. Never needed one before.”
“Probably didn’t while you were here. Pierce spends most of his time at the Circle F with his family, and Ryan had a hard time keeping up here. He hired me right after you left.”
Chad noted a hint of censure in Chuck’s voice but wasn’t angered by it. He’d left Ryan in a bind the day he rode away and couldn’t fault Chuck for sympathizing with his brother.
“Where are my brothers?” Chad repeated. “I stopped first at the Circle F and learned that Pierce and his family were visiting Ryan.”
“They all left three days ago for the cattle auction in Butte. Ryan is looking to buy one of those fancy English bulls he’d heard so much about Pierce decided to go along and look them over. Mrs. Delaney didn’t want to stay here alone so she and little Robbie tagged along.”
Chad stifled a groan. Fate was conspiring against him. Ryan and Pierce would be gone at least a week. Maybe longer since they were traveling with a woman and child. That meant he’d be stuck in Dry Gulch until they returned.
“Hey, Chad, introduce us to your wife,” one of the hands called out.
“I don’t have a wife,” Chad countered. “The lady’s name is Sarah Temple. She’s a friend.” He reached into the wagon for Abner while three men leaped forward to help Sarah down. “And this is Abner, her son. They’re going to be guests here for awhile.”
“All right, back to work,” Chuck said after everyone had greeted Sarah and Abner. “Rusty, take the wagon to the barn. You and Slim can unload it and carry the things into the house.”
“Much obliged, Chuck,” Chad said.
“Anything else we can do to make your guests comfortable?” Chuck offered.
From the corner of his eye Chad saw Abner chase one of the dogs into the bam. “Have the hands keep an eye out for Abner. He’s a curious little boy. I reckon he’ll be underfoot a lot. I’d hate for him to get hurt. When the newness wears off he’ll learn what’s dangerous and what isn’t.”
“Sure thing, Chad. We’ll keep an eye out for the boy.”
“Are you sure Abner will be all right?” Sarah asked anxiously. “This is all so unusual to him. He
’s like a kid with a new toy.” She gazed wistfully at the wide open spaces. “It’s a wonderful place to raise children. Best of all, there isn’t a layer of coal dust hanging in the air and clogging our throats.”
“He’ll be fine,” Chad insisted. “Come on into the house, I’ll show you around. Maybe Cookie has some milk and cookies to tide Abner over until supper.”
“You have a cook?”
“Cookie has been with us a long time. If he had a name, I can’t recall it. You didn’t expect three bachelors to do their own cooking, did you?”
“I’ve never known anyone who had a cook.”
“We have a housekeeper, too. Or we did. Mrs. Lester was getting on in years. She may have already retired.”
Chad held the front door open and Sarah stepped into the foyer. She could see the parlor from where she stood and was duly impressed. The house was even roomier than it looked from the outside.
“I’ll show you around,” Chad said with a hint of pride. He had fled to escape tragic memories, but his home was still dear to his heart. The absence of a mother had affected the Delaneys in many ways, but it did not diminish their sense of family and the happy times he’d shared with his brothers.
Sarah followed Chad through the parlor, dining room, office, kitchen, storeroom, and pantry, then he ushered her upstairs to the bedrooms.
“There are five bedrooms,” Chad said. “One was Pa’s. Pierce, Ryan, and I had our own rooms. There’s one guest room. You can have Pa’s room and Abner can take the guest room. I reckon Pierce, Zoey, and their son are sharing Pierce’s old room.”
Chad opened the door and ushered Sarah inside a small but comfortable room. The bed was covered with a colorful quilt and gingham curtains hung at each of the two windows. The view beyond the windows delighted Sarah as she gazed out at the lush green pasture topped by lofty, snow-capped mountains.
“My room is between yours and Abner’s,” Chad said. “Make yourself at home. I’ll bring your belongings up as soon as I find Cookie and tell him we have guests.”
They were behaving like strangers, Sarah realized. Polite strangers who had never shared intimacies. It was as if making love was nothing special to Chad. He’d changed during their trip to Dry Gulch, Sarah thought. He’d become remote and unreachable. Since arriving in Montana, Chad seemed obsessed with leaving as soon as possible. She willed herself not to care.
Sarah heard the door close and knew Chad had left. She gazed out the window and saw him emerge from the house a few minutes later and walk toward the barn. Abner was running alongside him, keeping up a steady conversation.
An older man whose tall, lanky frame was wrapped in an enormous white apron must have seen Chad and Abner for he came out of the barn to greet them.
Cookie? He must be, Sarah decided, before she was distracted by the sight of her son trailing behind them. Sarah decided to go downstairs to make sure Abner wasn’t making a nuisance of himself. She found him in the kitchen, munching on an apple.
“Mama, look what Cookie gave me!” Abner exclaimed, holding his half-eaten apple up high.
Chad saw Sarah and called out a greeting. “Sarah, come and meet Cookie. He’s the one who’s kept us from starving all these years. Cookie, this is Sarah Temple, Abner’s mother.”
“Howdy, Miss Sarah. Any friend of Chad’s is a friend of mine. I wish you can convince him to stick around. Ryan and Pierce were powerful worried about him.”
“I’m pleased to meet you, Cookie. Unfortunately, I haven’t the influence to make Chad do anything,” Sarah said.
Chad cleared his throat. “Cookie said Mrs. Lester’s health failed and she left to stay with her daughter a short time ago. Ryan hasn’t gotten around yet to hiring a new housekeeper.”
Sarah sensed that Chad was making small talk and wondered why he felt it necessary to do so.
“Finish your apple, Abner. Perhaps there will be time for a nap before supper.”
“No nap,” Abner protested. “I’m too old for that baby stuff. I want to go back outside and play with the dog.”
“Let him go, Sarah,” Chad urged. “The trip has been a long one. The boy needs to stretch his legs. The hands will keep an eye on him. Besides,” he added, “we need to talk. I’ll carry your bags up to your room and we can talk there.”
His last sentence had an ominous ring to it Sarah suspected he was going to tell her he was leaving and she steeled herself, refusing to let him see how deeply his leaving would hurt her.
Sarah was gazing out the window when Chad entered her bedroom and placed a small trunk at the foot of the bed. “What do you think of the ranch?”
“I can see why you love it.”
Chad walked up behind her. “Are you satisfied with the room?”
She felt the heat emanating from him and deliberately moved away. “The room is very nice. Nicer than anything I’ve ever known. But I don’t intend to impose upon your family any longer than necessary. What is it you wanted to say to me, Chad? If it’s about your leaving, I already know you don’t intend to stick around.”
Chad followed her across the room. When he reached her, he placed his hands on her shoulders and turned her to face him. “Sarah, stand still, will you? No matter how badly I want to leave, I can’t. Not yet. Not until my brothers return. I’m not going to dump you and Abner on strangers and walk away. I’m not a total bastard.”
Sarah eyes softened. “No, you’re not”
Some of the hardness left Chad’s features. “Dammit, Sarah, why are we pretending to be strangers? We’re lovers, for godsake!”
“Are we?”
Chad’s eyes glittered. Her question had an unsettling effect on him. “You want me, Sarah, just as much as I want you.”
His hands tightened on her shoulders. She felt them scorching her through the barrier of her clothing. He was standing so close she could see the golden flecks floating in his hazel eyes. She couldn’t move, couldn’t breathe, as Chad’s mouth covered hers. She could have turned her head away, but she didn’t She let him kiss her, let him pull her against him, let his tongue part her lips and push inside. She felt his shaft stir against her and gave a strangled cry of protest.
Somehow she found the strength to escape the compelling potency of his kiss. “Don’t.”
Chad’s hands fell away. “You wouldn’t have kissed me like that if you didn’t want me.”
“What I want and what I need are two different things,” Sarah claimed. “Why are you tormenting me like this?”
“Do you mink I’m not tormented?” I’ve been in Dry Gulch less man one day and already my demons are stirring. I’m eager to move on. There has to be somewhere I can go to escape.”
Chad’s words rattled Sarah badly. What could she say to him that hadn’t already been said? She was saved from replying when Abner called to her from the bottom of the staircase. “Abner needs me. I have to go.”
Sarah’s thoughts were in a turmoil. Being with Chad tied her in knots. She seriously doubted he’d ever solve his problems.
Sarah thoroughly enjoyed the supper Cookie placed on the table that night It was nice not to have to cook or clean up afterward. She knew she wouldn’t have that luxury for long, but while she did she intended to savor it fully. After supper she excused herself and took Abner up to bed. He offered only a mild protest as she bathed him, put him into his nightclothes, and tucked him in.
Earlier she had asked Cookie about a bath and was informed that the ranch had a bathing room with piped-in hot water. That kind of extravagance was unheard of in Sarah’s world and she couldn’t wait to soak in a hot tub. She’d seen Chad go out to the bunkhouse after supper to talk with the hands and decided to take advantage of the privacy.
Chad trudged up the stairs. He’d lingered in the bunkhouse until the men began drifting off to their beds, the thought of returning to an empty room unappealing to him. He ducked into Abner’s room to check on him. The boy was sleeping soundly so he tiptoed out, closing the door behind him. He
paused briefly before Sarah’s door, then continued on to the bathing room.
He should have noted the light shining under the door, but his mind had been preoccupied. He opened the door and came to an abrupt standstill. The breath slammed from his lungs and he lost the ability to think when he saw Sarah standing beside the tub, gloriously nude, her body rosy from her bath, her dark hair falling in damp ringlets over her shoulders. His gaze lingered on her breasts, then traveled down to the thatch of black curls between her legs. He felt his body swell and harden.
Stunned, Sarah stood rooted to the spot He was staring at her intently; the heated centers of his eyes sent hot and cold shivers down her spine.
“I’m finished,” Sarah said, reaching for the towel with shaking hands. “You may have the bathing room.” Chad still hadn’t said a word as she slipped past him and hastened to her room.
There was a reason why Chad hadn’t spoken. He couldn’t. Seeing Sarah gloriously nude had stolen his speech and left him needy as hell if he had any sense he’d go into town and look up Nellie. Regrettably, he didn’t want Nellie. Willing himself to move, he closed the door and went about his bath.
Sarah lay awake, aware of the wind whistling through the trees and the slap of branches against her window. She heard Chad return to his room after his bath and still sleep eluded her. The clock in the foyer struck two. She had just dozed off when an eerie cry jolted her awake. She leaped from bed and rushed into Abner’s room, fearing something had happened to him. The lad was sound asleep, his head resting on his hands, an angelic look on his face.
Then she heard the cry again, and garbled words, coming from behind Chad’s closed door.