“Don’t stop. Don’t stop.”
She pounds my hips, and before I can stop myself I take her hip with my free hand and grind my body to meet hers. She cries out again as another thrust nearly knocks her off her elbows, and then I grab her with both hands. I come so fucking hard that I think I black out for a few seconds. The wave crashes over me and we tumble on the sheets together.
Damn, that feels good.
Ecstasy floods my brain. My cock is still swollen with blood, and shocks of pleasure run through me as I gaze at her naked body, pressed against mine. I wrap my arm around her back and finger her spine, running it all the way down to her ass. Another shock of pleasure hits my dick. Fawn curls up next to me, sliding her arm across my chest. It’s peaceful. I feel myself drifting and then catch myself with a start.
You can’t fucking sleep.
She distracted me from what I set out to do, and it worked.
“Damn it.”
I sit upright with her still clinging to my body. “What?”
Her eyes are heavy with sleepiness. I brush a finger along her eyebrows. “Stay here and get some rest. I’ve got to go.”
All trace of sleep vanishes from her face as she grasps my arm. “No, you can’t.”
“What makes you think you can stop me?”
She raises her face inches from mine. “Maybe the fact that you don’t live for yourself anymore. I’m your wife.”
“I am thinking about you. Why do you think I’m doing this?”
I slide away from her, my legs hitting the wooden floor. Fawn rips back the covers and stands in front of me, and her big blue eyes are glazed with tears.
Fuck me.
“Michael, please.”
I can barely take the way she chokes out my name. Her hands fly to her mouth, covering her trembling lips. I wrap my arms around her waist as I pull her over my lap. She’s still trying to hide her face from me and it’s like the air’s been vacuumed from my chest. I can’t take seeing her hurt like this.
“Babe, what’s wrong?”
“You’re going to get yourself killed. He’s going to put a bullet in your chest, and I won’t ever see you again.”
Her pain ricochets through me as she turns her tearstained cheek away from my fingers.
“That’s not going to happen.”
“You can’t promise that.”
“I’m not an idiot, Fawn. I know I was pissed off back there, but I’m not going to go in there guns blazing.”
Fawn says nothing. She can’t. Her face screws up and her body shakes with sobs that I can’t stop, no matter how hard I hug her or how many times I kiss her hair.
“Fawn, it’ll be all right. Honest to God, I’m not planning on dying anytime soon.”
She touches my neck, tracing her fingers over my features as if determined to memorize my face. Then she presses her lips to mine, and her kiss is wet with her tears.
* * *
Another night where my numb fingers wrap around steel, waiting for a silhouette to pass the window. The journalist lives in Noe Valley, a quiet part of town that’s completely removed from the chaos downtown. There are no fancy high-rises here. Three stories, max. So I had to break into someone’s backyard and climb the small staircase to the roof. I tried to pick a place that looked empty. If they were home they could hear me walk on the tiles, no matter how quiet I tried to be.
For jobs like this, I never snipe through windows. I’m too exposed. Usually I’d have to break in and take care of them as silently as possible, one by one.
Somehow I can’t stomach looking into their faces as I strangle them to death,
so I wait on a roof, partially hidden in the shadows as I clutch the rifle to my chest and ignore the numbing cold.
My insides still feel oddly empty, as though I haven’t eaten for days. I’m gutted every time her tortured face swims through my mind. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do to save her from being hurt ever again. Even if it means killing people who don’t deserve to die.
A shadow flickers across my vision. Damn. I wasn’t paying attention. I look down the sights and see custard-colored walls. There’s a woman bent over something. It’s the journalist. She has her dark hair swept up in a messy bun and it falls around her face as she reaches inside something. I aim the sights, inhaling as the cross pulses over her forehead. She straightens suddenly, cradling a bundle in her arms. A baby.
Fuck.
I look away, pinching the bridge of my nose hard against the throbbing headache. Everything inside me doesn’t want to do this. The other contracts, oddly enough, never felt like murder. The moment you sign up for a gang, you sign up for everything in it. It’s the way it goes.
For the first time in my career, I feel low. This is wrong. I shouldn’t be doing this. How could she ever respect me if I did this? How could I live with myself?
If you don’t do it, she’ll die. You’ll die.
The journalist turns around with the baby still in her arms. She walks toward the door.
Now or never.
My heart pounds with indecision. The trigger feels like a bomb. I envision the bullet bursting through her back, killing the baby as well—
No.
Something visceral tears through my gut.
I can’t do it. Even for her. I can’t become like him.
I aim the rifle toward the ceiling, far away from the woman, and I squeeze off three shots. The window shatters and fist-sized chunks blow out of the plaster. She ducks instinctively, screaming for her husband.
Time to get the fuck out of here.
What the hell did you just do?
My brain scrambles as I dismantle the rifle, stuffing the pieces into my duffel bag. Images flash through my head—Pepper’s body, his hands locked around her throat, my wife’s face, and Viper—he’ll fucking kill her the moment he realizes I botched this job.
God, what have I done?
* * *
Careful. One foot in front of the other. Take your time. There’s no rush, especially when you’re free climbing a high-rise.
Don’t look down.
I look down and immediately the city speckled with lights swings in vertigo.
Jesus Christ.
I hang on the outside of the syndicate building, my fingers whitened with the pressure. I managed to pop off the bathroom window in my suite, and then I slipped down to the ledge. Good thing Fawn wasn’t there, or she’d be screaming at me the whole way. But I know where Viper’s suite is, and this is the only way to bypass all that fucking security. If I survive the journey there.
He’s on the second floor, so that means I’ll have to kneel in a couple inches of space and drop down in front of his window. The rush of adrenaline goes straight to my head, and I have to fight to keep myself from trembling. I wait until the wind dies down, and then I lower myself, one foot still planted in front of the other. My palm slides down the glass. One wrong move.
Here’s the hard part.
I let one leg dangle over the edge, ignoring the electrical jolts to my heart as I glimpse the very, very long drop to the streets. I’m in an awkward position. Finally I slide my other leg out and I’m supporting myself by my arms. They tremble as my feet dangle in midair, hundreds of feet away from the ground. My feet hit the ledge, and they almost slip off. Two inches between safety and death. I hold on and close my eyes, waiting for my heart to stop beating long enough for me to keep going.
I slide out of view of the windows, which are black. Fuck, he might not even be there. Meaning I risked my life for something stupid and dangerous. I find the same bathroom window in his place and punch it open. Steam blows out of the bathroom, and I grab the edges of the window, cursing the dampness. Then I haul myself inside the wet shower, my boots stepping in a puddle of water. It was recently used. As quietly as possible, I shut the bathroom window and step out of the shower, uncoiling a wire from my jacket. My veins course with energy. I’m ready to fucking pounce the moment I see him, but I can’t hear
a sound in the suite. I can always tell within a few seconds if someone’s in a room.
He’s not here. I missed him probably by a few minutes.
Goddamn it. Shit. FUCK!
I cautiously make my way from room to room, just to be certain. The suite has a metallic smell that only belongs to Viper, but he’s definitely gone.
Now what? I can’t go out into the hallway, where his guards will see me.
I march toward the door, and then I notice that Viper has several security screens that loop over and over again. If I had time, I could program this thing to play the same loop. Fuck, can’t do it. I reach into my jacket for a Phillips-head screwdriver and unscrew the console. I just need to make it look like it malfunctioned—so I can get out of here. The screens fizzle out and die as I cause a spark in the wires, and then I shut, ripping open the door to the second floor in the hallway.
There’s no one there.
I hear the click of Viper’s lock as the door shuts behind me, and I feel a sense of finality, game over, I fucked up.
Fawn. I’ve got to get her out of here.
I head toward the staircase at a brisk pace, blood pounding in my ears. She must be in the infirmary. I jog down the steps, narrowly avoiding a young man.
“Hey!”
“Sorry—”
“Silas, it’s me.”
It’s Paul again. He stands with his foot half-raised, staring at me like I’m some kind of ghost. “Viper’s already heard about the journalist. I was looking for you to tell you.”
“I fucked it up and almost got made.”
Understanding blazes in Paul’s eyes. “He’s down at the infirmary. With your wife.”
What?
Without another word to Paul, I race down the steps, blood careening through my veins. If he’s hurt her, I don’t care how many guards he’s with. I’ll tear his fucking balls out with my bare hands.
The doors to the infirmary fly open as I march inside, and I look wildly around the sea of blue and pink scrubs for my wife’s face. A doctor runs across my path and I fight the urge to shove him aside. Where the fuck is Fawn?
Then I see Viper, sitting calmly on a chair with his sleeves rolled up his massive bicep. Fawn stands over him, a needle and thread pinched in her fingers as she sutures a gash on his forearm.
A wave of relief crashes over me as I walk toward them, aware of the fact that he’s surrounded by four of his men. Fawn smiles sweetly at him and laughs in response to something he says. What the hell is she doing? I’m close enough to hear what they’re saying.
“You’re really amazing with that needle.”
The sound of Viper’s smooth voice washes over me like acid. The fucking bastard is hitting on my wife, but what’s even stranger is Fawn’s response.
“That’s very sweet of you to say.”
Something’s wrong. Her body turns toward the wall as she sets the needle aside on a tray and a determined look transforms her face. She reaches for something on the tray that makes my heart seize. A small syringe that I recognize because every hitman worth his salt has vials of that shit.
It’s filled with lethal potassium.
She’s going to stab him with it and stop his heart. Then his guards will fucking kill her.
“FAWN!”
I scream her name so that every head turns toward me. Viper whips his head around, smirking as I burst into the room. She grasps the syringe, and I seize her shoulders, slamming her back against the wall hard enough so that she drops it.
“I thought I told you to stay out of this fucking place.”
She knows the instant my hands dig into her flesh. My skin burns as she stares back, a defiant gleam in her eyes. How could she do this?
“She was doing a good job,” Viper says behind me.
“She’s my wife and she disobeyed me.”
Fawn cries out in pain as I dig my fingers into the back of her hair and pull hard. I’m exploding with rage, but inside I’m gutted at her betrayal. “You’re going to pay for this. Let’s go.”
“You don’t have to be such a fucking bully!”
I’m glad when I see nothing but a stony indifference on Viper when I yank my wife out of the room by her hair.
“Silas. A moment.”
Fuck.
I drag Fawn’s body close to me and hiss in her ear. “Stay outside and wait for me.”
She yanks her arm out of my grasp and leaves the room, slamming the door shut behind her.
Then I realize I saved that piece of shit’s life. He would already be dead by now, and it’s definitely not a pleasant way out. His skin would’ve turned blue as he gasped for air.
Viper reaches for the bandage on the tray and wraps his arm, an icy tone falling from his lips.
“I heard about the journalist.”
“I made a mistake. Aimed way too fucking high. I’ll go back and finish the job.”
“Too late. She’s already fled the city, thanks to you.”
Good.
I hope the relief doesn’t show on my face.
“I’m not infallible, Viper. Even I make mistakes.”
“A mistake on a job I had to threaten you to do in the first place.”
My lips tighten as he approaches me.
“There won’t be a next time for you to fuck up. Are we clear?”
Fucking crystal.
* * *
We don’t speak the whole way back to my suite. I don’t trust myself not to go into a screaming tirade the moment I get her alone in the elevator, but she just crosses her arms in front of her chest and avoids looking at me. She complains when I grab her arm and yank her out of the elevator.
“You don’t have to be so rough!”
“Yes, I fucking do.”
I slide my keycard in the slot. As soon as the light blinks green, I shove open the door, throwing her inside.
“What the fuck were you thinking?”
She flinches at the noise of the door slamming shut, but faces me with squared shoulders. “You have no right to be angry with me.”
I take a few violent steps forward as my body is suffused with heart-pounding energy. I can’t believe she did what she did.
“I was close to ending it, and you blew it!”
“It was reckless and stupid.”
Tears spring into her eyes the moment my hand closes over her arm, and I want to dig my nails into her skin.
“I saved your fucking life.”
“You think my life matters so much to me? He destroyed everything I cared about.”
Everything?
She would willingly sacrifice her life to get away from this. Including me.
Her tear-glazed eyes widen.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean—”
“I don’t care what you think. You’re going to live a long, healthy life, and you’re going to stay the fuck away from Viper.” Silent tears stream down her cheeks as my voice shakes the ceiling. “You’re going to listen to what I say. I don’t give a shit if you hate my guts.”
“I don’t! I’m sorry!”
“Fuck you’re sorry. You almost got yourself killed, and then where would I be?”
It would be like Pepper all over again, and the wave of guilt and self-loathing would drag me under. I’d never be able to forgive myself. It would destroy me.
“Don’t you understand how much I hate myself?”
There. It’s finally out in the open. My throat constricts as the shame balls in my chest.
“What are you talking about?”
“I let her die. I didn’t stop him.”
“That girl you told me about? But you were just a kid.”
“It doesn’t matter. Every day I play what happened over and over in my head. How I just sat there and did nothing as he wrapped his filthy fingers around her neck.”
“Silas, it wasn’t your fault!”
“I could have done something.” My voice echoes hollowly in the suite. “I could have tried, at least.”
“You were scared. Silas, you can’t keep blaming yourself forever.”
Silas. She doesn’t understand that I created that name to purge myself of weakness. I wanted to carve it out of my body ruthlessly. Get it out. Kill it. Silas was born the moment I told myself: No more. I discarded my past and stepped into a suit that I knew would protect me. I thought Michael was dead, but he’s still there. Breathing inside me, stealing my warmth, pumping my heart faster. Old feelings rush to the surface, and I try to stamp them down. Then I look at her, and that battle dies in an instant.
“I told you before that I stayed here because I wanted revenge. That’s not the whole reason. I need to redeem myself, Fawn.”
“I can help you!”
“You’re not going to help me with anything. All you’ll do is fuck things up for us both.”
She flinches. I don’t care. She needs to hear it.
“If you hadn’t stopped me, he’d already be dead!”
“Chances are he recognized that syringe the moment you pulled it out of your bra or wherever the fuck you were hiding it. He’s not a moron. If by some miracle he didn’t, then you should be on your knees, thanking me for saving your life.” Her eyes widen when my hand snakes through her hair, clenching a fistful of her dirty-blonde strands. “I have been way too fucking soft on you. That ends tonight.”
I’m not going to hit her, but I’m going to scare the shit out of her.
I can’t lose her.
“You are never going to pull a stunt like that again. Ever.”
Her mouth twists in defiance.
She jumps in my arms as I lunge to grab one of the chairs. It makes a loud noise as the steel screams across the floor.
“What are you—?”
I pull her scrubs and panties to her knees, and then I sit down on the chair. Fawn struggles as I jerk her body over my lap, my hand still fisted in her hair. I spread my palm over her tiny little ass.
“What the hell are you doing?” she shrieks to the ground.
“Punishing you.”
And then I spank her ass cheek as hard as I can. She lets out a yelp as the sound of my hand on her skin cracks the air.
His Secret Baby (A Bad Boy Romance) Page 34