Haunted Ever After

by Juliet Madison

  ‘What’s going on, you haven’t hired another stripper have you?’

  ‘No, Ty was the one and only. But this will be just as fun. C’mon girls, give me a hand setting up.’

  Giggles and laughter ensued and I forced myself not to turn around.

  ‘You really thought of everything, Lorena!’ Georgie said.

  Oh dear. What embarrassment was I in for next?

  ‘Ta-da!’ Lorena turned me around. ‘We’re going to play Pin the Tail on the Donkey, only there’s no tail and no donkey.’

  I froze, mouth agape at the sight before me. A large poster of a naked man was displayed on the wall, except he was missing a certain, um, well, you get the drift. ‘You can’t be serious?’

  ‘I certainly am.’ Lorena shuffled my body towards the poster, and shoved something in my hand.

  I glanced down and shrieked. ‘I can’t possibly pin this thing on that thing!’

  ‘Sure you can! Mel, get the blindfold.’

  ‘What? No, I can’t! And if Greg could see me now he’d — ’

  ‘Forget about Greg for now, this is your weekend. Let loose and live a little, girlfriend!’ Mel said.

  ‘Yeah, and it’s not like it’s anything you haven’t seen before. You’ve seen quite a few in your line of work,’ Lorena added.

  ‘Yes, but that’s in a professional, medical, caring way. This is in a crude and immature way. The human body should not be objectified like this, it’s degrading.’

  ‘The guy doesn’t look like he’s feeling degraded,’ Mel said. He had a cheesy, ego-fuelled smile plastered on his face.

  ‘Then you have a go, Mel.’ I crossed my arms.

  ‘Happy to!’ She put the blindfold on herself and I handed her the…attachment.

  ‘Okay, let’s spin you around.’ Lorena grasped her shoulders and moved her body around in circles.

  ‘Whoa, go easy. You don’t want me to throw up do you?’ She laughed.

  ‘And, action!’ Lorena let go and Mel reached in front of her, feeling her way with her free hand.

  ‘I wish this was in 3D.’ She held the plastic cut-out shape on the poster and pushed it against the wall. ‘How’d I go?’

  Lorena burst out laughing and I twisted my lips to one side. Mel ripped off the blindfold and folded forwards in laughter. The attachment was stuck to his backside like a tail!

  ‘Well that’s something you don’t see every day!’ she said, and a whoosh of cold air rushed past me.

  ‘Can I have a go? Pleeeease!’ Red urged.

  I shook my head discreetly at her. The last thing I needed was for that thing to start flying around the room like an out of control rocket. Knowing my luck it would probably land smack bang on my forehead.

  ‘Sally’s turn!’ Mel wrapped the blindfold around me and I pinched the attachment tentatively between dainty fingers.

  ‘I’m still not too keen on this,’ I said, knowing that there was no way they’d let me get out of doing it.

  ‘Tough. Now spin around, and pin it, girl!’ She spun me around three times.

  Ding-dong!

  ‘Huh? Who now?’ I asked, lifting the blindfold off my eyes.

  ‘I have no idea.’ Lorena looked as confused as me. ‘I’ll have a peek through the window.’ She pulled the curtains aside discreetly, and when her face softened in relief she opened the front door. ‘Ty, do you miss us already?’

  He stepped inside. ‘Forgot my doctor’s bag. Sorry to intrude.’

  ‘Oh, no problem, come on in.’

  I froze again, and he did too, looking at me.

  ‘Is that what I think it is?’ he asked.

  My hand was poised in midair, the thing dangling from my grip. ‘No, no it’s not.’ I shoved it behind my back. ‘It’s nothing.’ Heat flushed my face.

  The corner of Ty’s mouth rose and he walked around me, his gaze resting on the wall. ‘Judging by the fact that this guy is missing a certain vital body part, I’d say it is what I think it is.’

  Georgie and Mel had their hands over their mouths, their bodies shaking in semi-contained hysterics.

  ‘Show me,’ he said, his hand outstretched.

  ‘No, I will not, thank you very much.’ I held it firmly behind me.

  He reached around my body and tried to grasp it, but I swivelled my body.

  ‘C’mon, let me see.’ He grinned.

  ‘Yeah, Sal, show him!’ Lorena said.

  Ty’s left hand grasped my shoulder while the other took the thing from my grip. He laughed in a slow, amused chuckle. ‘Looks like you girls are having a big night, eh?’

  ‘It was their idea. I had no idea we’d be playing this,’ I said, putting on my best expression of innocence.

  ‘You’re the one with a cut-out plastic penis in your hand.’ Ty crossed one foot over the other and leaned against the back of the couch, clearly amused. ‘Don’t let me interfere. Continue with whatever you were doing.’ He gestured to the poster.

  ‘I can’t do it with you watching me!’

  ‘Why not?’

  ‘Yeah, Sal, why not?’ Mel said.

  ‘Do it, Sally, do it!’ Red yelled in my ear.

  ‘Just do it, Sal. When else will you have a chance to do something like this?’ Lorena teased.

  ‘I’m not exactly grief-stricken at the thought of never getting the opportunity to play such a silly game again,’ I huffed.

  Mel pulled the blindfold back over my eyes and spun me around.

  ‘Hey!’ My protests yielded no relief.

  ‘Now pin it!’

  ‘Pin it, pin it, pin it, pin it!’ they chorused, Ty included, and overwhelmed by peer pressure I pushed the thing onto the wall, then pulled off my blindfold.

  ‘Holy crap, Sal, you did it!’ Mel applauded.

  The cheesy model was now back in correct anatomical alignment.

  Ty clapped too. ‘Well done. I guess you nurses are very familiar with the human body.’

  I could feel my face turning the colour of the raspberries from tonight’s pudding, and I diverted my gaze away from Ty.

  ‘My turn, my turn!’ Lorena said. ‘Would you like a go, too, Ty?’

  Ty grabbed his doctor’s bag and straightened up. ‘As much as I’ve always wanted to partake in such a game, I’ll get going. I have an early start in the morning and it looks like you girls are in for a long night.’ He winked, and once again we watched him walk down the driveway and disappear around the corner.

  ‘I like Barron Springs,’ said Mel with a sigh.

  CHAPTER 8

  After we capped off the evening with hot chocolate and marshmallows by the fire, and Red had given up rubbing her hands near the flickering amber flames hoping it would warm her back to life, we retreated to our respective bedrooms. I couldn’t wait to have a nice relaxing soak in the porcelain claw-foot bath and drift off to a restful sleep.

  ‘No bothering me in the bathroom, okay?’ I warned Red as she hovered in the doorway. ‘That would be beyond creepy.’

  She held up her palms. ‘Okay, okay, I promise. I won’t bother you in the bathroom.’

  She disappeared and I sunk into the warm, frothy liquid and sighed in relief. What a day! And what a night. A ghost, a stripper, and Pin the Tail on the…well, that silly game. A smile crept across my lips at the memory, even though I tried not to let it. I couldn’t believe Ty had caught me with that thing in my hands. How embarrassing! But I had to hand it to Lorena, she sure knew how to plan an event to remember. I was lucky to have a friend like her, even if we were opposites. She’d do anything for me, and I for her.

  I shivered, and turned the hot tap on a little to warm the water. I wondered whether Red had good friends when she was alive. If so, they were probably grieving for her right now. I shivered again. Maybe I’d been too harsh on her. She was probably only doing all this crazy stuff to cope with being…departed. To distract herself. I’d try to cut her some slack tomorrow, and try to get her to tell me why she was here, so she, and I, could move on.<
br />
  I breathed in deeply, the scent of rose and lavender filling my nostrils as steam wafted up to my face. For the first time today, my shoulders relaxed and I let the water ripple gently around me as my chest rose and fell. Remembering the fact that I’d be a married woman in one week, my smile returned, and I imagined Greg and I farewelling our guests and heading off to our honeymoon suite for our first night together as a married couple. He’d carry me inside, help me out of my wedding dress, and we’d roll around the rose petal-covered bed entwined in each other. Ahhh…

  What?

  How did he get in my visualisation?

  I shot up and water sloshed out of the tub. I shook my head. A vision of Ty with his perfect pecs on the rose-petal-covered bed flashed in my mind. Geez, Sally, get a grip! Goodness gracious, girl. It must be the cocktails, and the wine, messing with my mind. He was a fine young man, that was no lie. It didn’t mean I desired him or anything, no way. It was like the others said: all women (and men) still get attracted to others, it’s normal.

  I grabbed a face cloth and wiped my cheeks, then leaned back and washed the curls from my hair. Lorena would be devastated, but I’d played the glam girl for one night. It’d be back to the normal me tomorrow: a ponytail, jeans, top, and jacket.

  I stepped from the tub and dried off, wrapping a towel around my body, grateful for the heated towel rail that had warmed it for me. I pulled the plug from the bath, and as water gurgled down the drain I walked into my bedroom where my pyjamas were neatly laid out on the bed. Well, everything except…

  Where’s my underwear?

  I narrowed my eyes and glanced around. I was sure I’d put them here on the bed, my light pink pair with the ribbon heart at the front. I opened the drawer but they weren’t in there. Nope, I definitely put them on the bed.

  My shoulders sunk. ‘Red?’ I whispered. ‘Did you move my underwear?’ I said in a fed up ‘I’ve had enough games for one day’ voice.

  A swirl of colours caught my eye near the door and her figure appeared, my undies hanging limply from one of her fingers.

  ‘Looking for these?’ A cheeky grin flashed on her face.

  ‘Yes, now hand them over. C’mon.’ I gestured for her to come over.

  She dangled them above her head. ‘You’ll have to come and get them!’

  I sighed and reached out to grab them, but she moved her hand to the other side. ‘Red, c’mon. It’s late.’

  ‘For you, maybe. For me, I have all night! Come to think of it, I have eternity!’

  I reached for them again but she stepped backwards and hid them behind her body, which was becoming less transparent the more I saw her.

  I stepped out of the bedroom and onto the landing, conscious that below the stairs my friends were sleeping, or trying to. ‘Red,’ I urged in a whisper. ‘Please, let me get dressed.’ When she failed to hand them over I turned away. ‘Well in that case, I’ll just get a different pair.’ I pulled at the knob on the wardrobe but it was stuck. ‘You’ve got to be kidding me. Red, open this door.’

  She shook her head like a naughty child who refused to leave a candy store.

  I thought back to my bath and tried to remember what she might be going through. ‘I know you just want to make the most of everything right now, but if I could please get dressed and go to sleep, I would really appreciate it. I will see you again tomorrow, I’m sure.’

  She lifted the undies in front of her and wiggled them.

  I lunged but missed, and she held my undies over the stairwell.

  ‘Oh no, no you won’t.’ My empathy was wearing thin now.

  She stepped onto the stairs, and desperate to get into my warm PJ’s I followed her, my hand reaching out and urging her to give up her little cotton hostage.

  ‘C’mon, I don’t want to wake up my friends.’

  She paused at the landing where the stairs curved around, held the undies up, then moved them back and forth as though she was about to fling them down the stairs and into the living room.

  ‘No, Red, no. Enough, okay?’

  We stood at the ready like two cats preparing to pounce, and just when she let go of the underwear I reached out to try to grab them but, reaching a little too far, my damp foot slipped on the wooden stair. I landed with a thud-thud-thud down the last three stairs until I arrived on the floor below with an aching butt and a towel that probably wasn’t covering as much as it had been before.

  ‘Ouch!’ I cried, scrambling to my knees and lunging forwards onto my stomach to retrieve the undies that were a metre in front of me. I grasped them with relief, while Red rolled about on the floor in hysterics.

  ‘What happened?’ Georgie’s croaky voice asked as she emerged from the nearby bedroom, followed my Mel who had the zombie look going on.

  ‘Um, nothing,’ I said, as Lorena hobbled out of her room too.

  ‘What are you doing on the floor, Sal?’ she asked, lifting her eye mask. I laughed, as did the others, at the sight of her; earplugs poking out her ears, mask over her forehead, wavy black hair sticking up in all directions, one of those anti-snoring strips stuck across her nose, and…

  ‘What is that thing?’ I asked, pointing at the square padded item between her knees.

  She glanced down, though probably couldn’t see it. ‘Oh, that’s my velcro knee pillow. Separates my knees at night so my back doesn’t get sore.’ At the look on our faces she crossed her arms. ‘I guess you’re wondering what other strange things I have attached to my body, huh? Well let me tell you, when you get pregnant, Sally, you’ll probably do the same.’ She plucked out her earplugs, which had obviously not drowned out my cries as I’d fallen down the stairs. ‘I wake at the slightest noise, hence these things, not that they do that much. And my sinuses are playing up, okay, with the hormones, so I stick this thing on my nose to open up the airways a bit, and the mask shuts out all light so I can get a deep sleep. Happy now?’

  ‘Sorry,’ I said, standing and rubbing my sore behind.

  ‘Anyway, I thought we were asking what you were doing down here in your birthday suit.’ Her gaze shifted to what I was holding. ‘Are they your undies?’

  I scrunched them up into my fist and held them close to my side. ‘Ah, yes, I was just um…’

  More hysterics from Red.

  Lorena snapped her fingers. ‘I know, you were inspired by Ty’s performance and wanted to try a little striptease of your own, right?’ She grinned. ‘Practising something for Greg, are we?’

  ‘Maybe I should try that with Phillip,’ Georgie mused.

  ‘If I tried that with Michael it’d probably have the opposite effect.’ Mel snorted.

  ‘No, I’m not practising any such thing!’

  ‘It’s okay, don’t be shy. We’re married women. We know what lengths couples must go to in order to make the most of their intimate lives.’

  ‘I’m not, I wasn’t, I was just…I dropped my undies accidentally.’

  ‘Down the stairs?’

  ‘Uh-huh.’ I nodded with wide, innocent eyes.

  Lorena scrunched up her face as she eyed the staircase. ‘Looks more like you would have flung them down instead of dropped them. Oh wait, were you trying to do a sexy slide down the handrail?’ She raised her eyebrows in a suggestive way.

  ‘Gosh, no, that could be dangerous,’ I said. ‘I dropped them and each time I tried to grab them I dropped them again until they ended up here.’ I walked awkwardly towards the staircase, holding my towel tight around me. ‘Anyway, it’s late, you need to get some rest Lorena. You too ladies,’ I said. ‘And I’m a bit cold and really need to get into my PJ’s now.’ I smiled and stepped on the first stair. ‘Night!’

  Mel trudged off and I heard a thump from her collapsing onto the bed. She probably wouldn’t even remember this in the morning. Georgie said goodnight and returned to her room, and Lorena kissed me on the cheek and whispered, ‘I think it’s great what you’re doing, Greg is going to be a very lucky man on your wedding night.’ She winked and pulle
d her knee pillow back up that had fallen to her ankle, popped her earplugs back in and closed her bedroom door behind her.

  I whooshed out a deep breath and, not waiting to get upstairs first, I stepped into my undies before Red could take them again.

  A couple of minutes later I was tucked up in bed in my cosy, checkered, flannelette PJ’s and my heavy eyelids drooped. Maybe tomorrow things would get back to normal. Red’s had her fun, she might leave it at that and spare me any further humiliation.

  I spoke too soon. No sooner had I started drifting off to sleep than she started singing All the Single Ladies, like she had in the supermarket.

  I turned my head and inched it upwards a little. ‘Red!’

  She continued, and by the light of the moon easing through the sides of the curtains I could see her dancing and wiggling her behind. ‘What? You don’t like this song? Okay, I’ll try another.’

  Oh God no. She bent her elbows and marched her arms and legs as she walked on the spot and sang The Proclaimers’ song 500 Miles or whatever it was officially called.

  The. Most. Annoying. Song. Ever.

  She even put on a fake, daggy, male voice.

  I pulled the pillow around my ears. ‘Stop!’

  She only sang louder. I covered my head with the blankets too, but they failed to muffle her rendition. For a moment I was tempted to creep downstairs and steal Lorena’s earplugs while she slept, but she would probably hit me with her knee pillow.

  ‘Red, you are being really annoying!’

  ‘Oh,’ she stomped her foot, ‘you’re no fun.’

  ‘That’s because it’s after midnight and I want to get some sleep!’

  ‘Hmph!’ She crossed her arms. ‘But I want to stay up and talk and have fun. I’m not tired at all. In fact, this is the best I’ve ever felt!’ She held out her arms and spun around in a dizzying circle.

  ‘Well in that case, okay. Let’s talk, Red,’ I said with a firm voice, sitting up and patting the bed with my hand. ‘Let’s have a good ol’ girly chat about, hmm, let me see…oh, I know! Why on earth you’re here, for starters.’

  She went to sit where my hand had beckoned but hovered at my last words. ‘Doesn’t matter, I’ll leave you alone now.’ She flicked her hand and moved towards the door.