The Book of Eve

by Julia Blake

  ‘You bastard!’ I shrieked.

  ‘Eve,’ he began, held out a hand to me, which I slapped away in fury, my temper matched by the crash of thunder and the crack of lightning.

  ‘You bloody, bloody bastard! You fucking dog in a manger!’ My anger was uncontainable. ‘You don’t want me, but you don’t want anybody else to have me. Well, you know what, I’m sick of being in love with you, Scott, sick of wanting you so badly I die a little more inside every day, knowing how much you hate and despise me...’

  ‘What? Eve?’ Was that despair in his voice, confusion? If it was, I was too far gone to recognise or respond to it.

  ‘I can’t take this anymore!’ Sobs clawed their way from my chest, erupted into the storm. I turned and ran, away from him, away from the travesty we had become. Dimly heard his voice as I plunged into the lake and struck out strongly for the other shore, knew he couldn’t follow. I’m a very strong swimmer, whereas Scott had never really learnt, felt my body knife through the water, confident and able, felt its chill and then, on my head, felt the slice of rain, heard its hiss as the heavens opened and finally, finally, the heat wave of the past week broke.

  I reached the other side and clambered out, heard his shouts from across the water, ignored them and fled into the woods. My chest heaved with loud ragged gasps as I ran, tripped and stumbled through the gathering gloom between the trees, their branches offering scant protection from the driving rain, until finally I sank into a tiny ball within the protective tangle of an oak tree’s exposed roots, screamed my fury to the raging heavens, heart cracking with pain.

  A sheet of lightning splintered overhead. Eons later, I returned to my senses, rose to my feet to get my bearings, realised I’d run almost all the way to the gates. I set my jaw determinedly, I would go to the gatehouse and find Luke, would tell him when he left in the morning I’d be going with him. Damn Scott and his shrivelled emotions, I couldn’t and wouldn’t waste another second of my life fretting for him.

  Shivering with cold, wrung out from the maelstrom of emotions I’d been through; I stood on the porch and knocked at the door. It flew open and Caro stood there, mouth pursed, eyes grim as she took in my drenched, bedraggled appearance.

  ‘I want to talk to Luke,’ I announced and she shook her head.

  ‘You can’t,’ she declared, went to shut the door in my face. In an angry reaction, I barged past her and into the small lounge.

  ‘Luke?’ I called out, was greeted by silence.

  ‘He’s not here,’ she replied. ‘He’s gone back to the Hall.’ I turned to go, but she blocked my way, her expression stony. ‘He told me he’d asked you to go away with him.’ Her tone was hard and accusing, yet I stood my ground, lifted my chin in defiance of the anger in her eyes.

  ‘Yes, he did,’ I agreed.

  ‘You’re not to go with him,’ she interrupted abruptly.

  ‘If I want to I will,’ I retorted.

  ‘Oh no, you won’t, I forbid it,’ she replied, and I blinked in astonishment.

  ‘What is it with people today?’ I demanded hotly. ‘Everyone seems to think they have the right to tell me how to live my life. Well, I’m sick of it, and I’m not going to take it anymore. Luke’s asked me to go away with him and not you or anyone else can stop me from going.’

  ‘Have you slept with him yet?’ she demanded.

  ‘What?’ I spluttered, outraged. ‘I really don’t see how that’s any of your business.’

  ‘Have you slept with him yet?’ Her eyes narrowed to serpentine slits.

  ‘No, I haven’t,’ I raged.

  ‘Good. I don’t want you anywhere near my son.’

  ‘I think that’s rather up to Luke isn’t it?’ I pushed wet hair over my shoulder, shaking with delayed reaction. ‘What is it with you, Caro?’ I wearily demanded. ‘Why have you always been so hostile towards me? I’ve never done you any wrong so why this obsessive hatred?’

  ‘You stay away from him,’ she ordered. ‘Do you hear me?’

  ‘I hear you,’ I replied calmly, drawing myself up to my fullest height and facing her squarely in the eyes. ‘And let me tell you what I’m going to do now. I’m going back to the Hall to have the most amazing, mind blowing sex with your son and there is nothing you can do to stop me.’

  ‘You stay away from him you little whore!’ she screamed, slapped me viciously across the face. I reeled back, shocked. Saw the expression of horror cross her face. ‘Eve,’ she began, her voice twisted and choked. ‘I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to...’

  ‘Oh yes, you did,’ I retorted wearily, rubbing my stinging cheek. ‘Let’s be honest here, Caro, it’s what you’ve been longing to do ever since you met me.’ I walked away from her without another word, began the long walk home up the driveway.

  It was dark, so dark. Rain stung my sore cheek, and the storm still raged and rumbled. I’d thought it was moving away, but as I trudged across the gravel thunder sounded again, louder this time. It scared me, the elemental savagery of the storm.

  I was tired, bone achingly tired. I wrapped arms chilled to goose flesh around my cold wet body. The last thing I felt like doing was having a rampant sex session with a man I barely knew. I wanted a long hot shower and a mug of hot chocolate. I wanted Annaliese, I wanted to put my head on her shoulder, have a good cry and tell her everything. I wanted to ask her advice.

  It was an instinctive reaction, I suppose. I was hurting, alone and confused. My hopes and dreams lay in shredded pieces at my feet. I’d made a mess of everything. Like a child, I began to cry, great gulping snotty sobs. I needed my mother, I needed Annaliese – the two were indistinguishable...

  Chapter Ten

  Revelations

  There was silence in the study almost a year to the day later, as I crouched before a television screen and stared at her face. ‘Eve,’ her voice, soft as a whisper, pulled me back to the present. I looked into her eyes, almost believed she could hear me, could see me; forgot for a moment she was dead, that I’d never had the chance to say goodbye, to ask her why.

  ‘Eve,’ she continued. ‘There is so much to tell you, so much you need to know... it’s hard to know where to start. Perhaps, I should begin by telling you my real name. I was born in a small village in County Cork forty five years ago, and my name was Anna Louise Kennedy.’ I shrank violently back, away from the screen and her kindly, knowing eyes. Patiently she waited, plainly knowing the consternation her statement would cause.

  ‘Eve?’ said Scott, he knelt beside me, touched my shoulder. ‘What is it? What’s the matter? You look as if you’ve seen a ghost.’

  ‘I have,’ I murmured through clenched teeth. ‘That name... Anna Louise Kennedy... that’s the name on my birth certificate... Annaliese was my mother!’

  ‘What?’ The shock in his eyes mirrored that in my own. Without thinking, I slipped my hand into his, drew courage from his quiet presence and allowed him to help me to my feet. He led me to the sofa, sat me down and perched beside me; his eyes never leaving my face. ‘Annaliese was your mother?’

  I nodded, seeing the looks on the faces of the others. Robert’s mouth had dropped open and he was gaping, first at me, then at the image of Annaliese on the screen. He frowned, his lips moved as if about to speak, but then a thoughtful look crossed his face and his mouth snapped determinedly closed. Miles and Ferdie simply looked stunned, yet Mimi was nodding slowly.

  ‘I knew there was some kind of connection,’ she murmured. ‘Something to explain the bond there was between you, right from the start, but not this, no, I never suspected this...’

  Only Caro’s face was impassive and unmoved. As I glanced at her, the idea flashed through my mind this wasn’t news to her. She’d already known.

  ‘Eve,’ our attention was instantly drawn back to the screen, where Annaliese was smiling gently, her brow creased with con
cern. ‘I understand this will have come as a great shock to you. You’ll probably be wondering how it can possibly be true, yet it is, mine is the name on your birth certificate,’ she paused, a wistful look on her face.

  ‘You were the most beautiful baby there’d ever been, Eve. When I lost you, it was the worst thing that ever happened to me. And I want you to know, from that moment until the day you walked back into my life, there wasn’t a day went by I didn’t think about you.’

  A great shuddering gasp burst from me. I felt Scott’s hand tighten over mine as the tears broke free and I stared at the face of the woman who’d been my best friend, who’d broken my heart, who now claimed to be my mother.

  ‘You were and always will be my little girl, Eve. I loved you from the very instant I laid eyes on you, all red and shrivelled, your little fists bunched up to take on the world. I know you’ll have many questions, questions I wish I could answer, but am afraid you’ll have to take my word whatever I did, I did it for you. Maybe I made the wrong choices, did the wrong things, but it was with the best of intentions, even if it did have devastating consequences.’

  She paused, her eyes roaming the room as if she could see us, her gaze resting on each and every one of her friends before finally seeming to settle on me again.

  ‘I can only pray, my darling girl, you came back. At the end, you were unable to stay away and came back to say goodbye. It’s what I’m counting on, what I’m pinning my hopes on, this last chance to say, goodbye, Eve, I love you.’ There was a click, the screen went blank and she was gone, leaving us staring at one another in shell shocked amazement, our worlds completely turned upside down.

  ‘Eve? Eve?’ Scott’s concerned voice finally penetrated, I realised he’d been calling my name for some time. Slowly, I turned to look at him, shook my head in confusion.

  ‘She was my mother? I don’t... can’t... believe it...’

  ‘Are you alright?’

  ‘I don’t know, I think... I’d like to go to my room now, I need some time alone to think about this...’ I pulled my hand free and stood up, moved away from the others, their shocked faces, murmured concerned agreements. I left the room, closed the door firmly behind me; leant against it for a moment.

  The wake was in full swing, music blared from somewhere and loud raucous laughter echoed through the Hall. Annaliese’s last request was at least being honoured; her funeral was turning into one hell of a party. I passed through them, giving tightly controlled smiles to those who greeted me, moving, always moving, until I reached the bottom of the stairs. I paused. My lungs painfully struggled to re-inflate, take in much needed air.

  Gripping the bannister, my eyes slid up the stairs bright marble surface, blood pounded behind my eyes and suddenly it was a year ago. It was my dream. It was reality. Memory and nightmare merged, blended into one shockingly vivid truth.

  I needed my mother, I needed Annaliese...

  Thankful to be out of the storm, I reached the Hall and slipped silently through the door. It was late. I’d been in the woods longer than I’d thought. There was no sign of the others and I realised they must have gone to bed. Wearily, I pulled my body up the stairs. At the door to Scott’s room, I paused, hesitated, struggled with my instincts before I gently tapped on the wood and waited. Long minutes passed with no answer. Finally, I eased the door open and peered inside. The room was empty. Lightning flashed through the open curtains illuminating the perfectly made bed, which had obviously not been slept in.

  Worry sliced through me. I’d left him on the island, alone in a storm, and he wasn’t a strong swimmer. My imagination saw him capsizing the boat in his haste to follow me, saw him flailing desperately in the water, slipping beneath its inky black surface. I swallowed down panic, unsure what to do. Yet that urge, the desire which had propelled my shaking legs all the way up the long driveway still prevailed. I needed Annaliese.

  Quietly, I crept down the hall to her room, knowing Robert would be sleeping in his own room tonight because of her earlier headache. Water oozed from my sodden sandals, their swollen leather straps chafed against my cold numb feet. Like a scene from a horror film, the storm which had been moving away came crashing back. Thunder rumbled ominously, lightning flickered through the landing window, causing my heart to stutter with inexplicable fright.

  The door to Annaliese room was slightly ajar. I held out a hand, hesitated, unwilling to disturb her if she slept. But my need for her over-rode any consideration and gently, carefully, I pushed it open and waited on the threshold, straining my eyes to see in the darkness.

  The thunder rolled again, so close it seemed on the very roof of the Hall. Seconds later, the lightning flashed, revealing the room for a split second and I froze, unable to believe what I’d seen, my heart literally missing a beat at the scene I’d glimpsed before me. Impatiently I waited. Thunder banged. Once again, lightning flashed, a triple explosion of light which lit up the room brighter than a spotlight, and I saw, but couldn’t believe what I saw.

  Annaliese, her beautiful golden hair spread over the pillow, body arching off the bed in ecstasy, head thrown back, the long column of her throat gleaming white in the glare. Her hands clutched at the shoulders of the man who moved steadily and firmly inside her, his well muscled arms braced to take his weight as her feet pressed firmly on his buttocks, urging him in, deeper and deeper, her thighs spread wide, taking all of him.

  I saw his dark hair. Saw his perfectly toned body. A body I too had clung to in mindless ecstasy, a body I knew almost as well as my own. I staggered back, my cry of horrified denial swallowed up in the ear splitting thump of the thunder. In the flash of lightning, saw her eyes, open and fixed upon me over his strongly muscled shoulder, saw the expression in them, a mingled look of triumph and apprehension, saw the cat like smirk of satisfaction.

  At last I knew, I understood. Right from the very start I’d suspected, but had dismissed my insecurities as mere baseless jealousies. I’d seen enough. I turned and fled...

  I reached the sanctuary of my room, now as in the past, made it to the bathroom just in time on both occasions. It was my dream and it was the truth. I had gone to Annaliese’s room that night. Needing her so badly, desperately wanting her calm, steady, maternal love which had been such a constant in my life. Instead, I’d found betrayal, treachery.

  The woman I’d considered as inviolate, the woman I’d loved as fiercely as my own mother, possibly more, if I was completely honest. This woman, who should have instinctively known what my feelings were for Scott, had betrayed me, so utterly and completely there’d been no return from it.

  As for Scott...

  I stared at the stranger in the mirror, her eyes wide and blank in her tanned face, her short curls springing out around her head like a halo. I’d loved him. It was the simple, inconvenient truth. I’d loved him, had believed for a short wonderful time he might return my feelings but he hadn’t, he couldn’t. The whole time it’d been her he’d wanted, her he’d needed, her he’d loved.

  My dream always ended at this point, freeze framed at the couple on the bed, but now, unbidden, another memory, the continuation of that other night, arose before my eyes. I gripped the edge of the sink and let it wash over me, taking me back, drenching me with remembrance.

  Scott and Annaliese? Annaliese and Scott! I couldn’t... wouldn’t believe it... and yet, and yet I’d seen them, together, in Annaliese’s bed, seen their beautiful naked bodies moving together in perfect harmony, heard their soft cries of pleasure... I shuddered, ground the heels of my hands into my eyes to block out the awful picture branded on my vision.

  I’d stripped off my sodden clothes, tossed them heedlessly into the laundry basket. I ached for a shower but there was no time, so simply rubbed feeling back into my numb body with a towel, then quickly pulled on clean clothes, doing up my jeans buttons with shaking hands, swallowed down the tide of bile which
burnt the back of my throat, my breath gasping in short ragged pants.

  I pulled down my weekend case and randomly tossed things in, nightwear, underwear, odd articles of clothing. I stopped, frowned, tried to think logically, snapped shut my laptop and threw it in too, along with my bank and savings account paperwork, some toiletries, my passport. The rest I simply left – walked away from without a second glance.

  The Hall was silent when I slipped from my room and turned left, headed for the narrow back stairs which led to the kitchen quarters rather than go past her room again. The back door had already been locked so I quietly eased the key round and let myself into the dark night, thankful the storm had moved away, although I could still hear vague rumblings of thunder, the sky still flickering with occasional flashes of lightning. Along with the full, bright moon and the stars it lit my way once again along the long gravel driveway.

  I reached the gatehouse, paused, it was in darkness. I wondered if Caro was asleep. Or was she was still up, unable to sleep, staring into the darkness, picturing me, the unworthy slut, screwing her beloved son. A wry grin flickered at the thought.

  I turned to cast one last look at the Hall, frowning as I saw a small pinprick of light move among the trees to the right. Briefly, I wondered what it was, dismissed it from my mind, turned my back on what had been my home for eight years and hurried through the gates, aiming for the main road, where I would phone for a taxi to come and collect me and take me somewhere, anywhere, so long as it was far away from here.

  I’d run to Jamaica, instinctively heading to a place I could remember being happy, to somewhere completely removed from the Hall and its inhabitants. Now I shivered, missing its warmth, my bones and blood so used to the Caribbean that even though I appreciated for England it was a fine warm September day, I still felt cold.