by Sarah Price
It had been four years after he returned that he first asked her home from a singing. By then she had just turned eighteen, seven years his junior. Now that he was twenty-seven, Sadie knew that this wedding season would be the one when she was going to become Manny’s Sadie for the rest of her life.
Every Church Sunday, Manny had attended, his lips moving in song but his eyes watching her. Every time he could, he would invite her to ride home in his buggy. She never thought twice about saying yes. After all, Manny Yoder was the most handsome, generous, and godly man in their g’may. With his gentle nature and quickness to laugh, it hadn’t taken her anytime at all to fall in love with Manny all over again, as she secretly had been when she was a young girl. She had only hoped that he would, one day, fall in love with her too.
Then, he began to visit her in the evening during the week. He liked to show up after supper to invite her for a buggy ride. Almost like clockwork, he would show up on Thursday evenings during the weeks between church services. They would drive his beautiful black Standardbred horse and open top buggy down the road under the black skies, a blanket of stars and a shining moon for a roof.
Indeed, Sadie loved these moonlight times with Manny. She couldn’t deny that they had become close. They held hands, shared dreams and secrets and parked the buggy in the empty school yard to stare up at the majestic sky above them. Indeed, they were very close. Perhaps closer, she often wondered with a blush, than a couple should, before their wedding day.
But, when Manny asked to kiss her, she just hadn’t been able to say no.
Most Amish men that were around her own age were, oh, so immature! But not her Manny. His mother Jenny had taught him to respect others and he was ever so good with his nieces and nephews. He loved working the land with his father and Sadie knew that he would be not just a good provider for her and their future kinner but also the perfect husband.
But now, as she bent forward with a sharp pain in the upper left quadrant of her abdomen, she wondered what she could have eaten that had put her stomach in knots. She hadn’t had much of an appetite recently so she wasn’t eating much. Whatever was happening to her body? Something just wasn’t right. Not only did her stomach hurt, but so did her left breast. Once, as a teen, her maam had explained to her that when her breasts would hurt it was probably just growing pains; becoming a grown woman, she had said. At twenty years of age, surely those growing pains should have been over, she thought.
And her energy level was just drained. She felt tired, exhausted, as if she had been run to the ground. No amount of sleep could wash away her crippling fatigue.
As pleasant as she tried to be, even someone looking at her seemed to upset her lately. Sadie just didn’t know how to handle all of these changes. Worse, she couldn’t figure them out. It triggered a frightening feeling in her.
Fearing that they would be in dire need of her help in the bakery, she forced herself to change into a different dress. As she was pulling her light pink dress over her head, she suddenly felt lightheaded and decided to lie back down for a few moments. Something is wrong, wrong, wrong, she kept repeating to herself, secretly hoping that the more she said it, the more likely it would prove wrong.
She tried to think back to any other time when she may have felt this way: tired, sick, with headaches and dizzy spells. Quickly she came to the conclusion that she never felt anything like that. Indeed, she had always been in perfect health, only catching a bad cold in winter, from time to time.
Sitting up, she took a few deep breaths and told herself that she’d keep an eye on her sickness but speak not one word of it to her sisters. No sense in worrying them, she reckoned as she stood once again, setting her hand on the nightstand to remain steady. She had to go to work, she knew that much. In fact, she had never taken a day off on account of not feeling well. To do so, she realized, would certainly cause a stir among her sisters. And that was something she wanted to avoid at all costs.
By the time she made her way into the bakery, the day was in full swing. For some reason, the tourists’ traffic had increased this summer. Try as they might, none of the sisters could figure out why. It had been one of their Englische friends, Michelle, a lovely woman who often drove the Amish to run errands, who had laughed when she informed them about some strange reality shows on television about the Amish. Certainly that was what had spiked interest about their Amish community.
“A reality show?” Leah had repeated, incredulous at Michelle’s story. “Heavens to Betsy! About what?”
Michelle had laughed at her reaction. “Well, there’s one called Amish Mafia…”
Even Susie and Lydia had laughed at that. “Amish what?” Sadie asked.
“Mafia,” Michelle repeated. “A criminal group that rules the Amish.”
Leah had scoffed, a disgusted frown on her face as she waved her hand dismissively at Michelle’s words. “We know what mafia means,” she exclaimed, “but this is Poppycock! Complete rubbish!”
This time, it had been Sadie who chimed in, with “Rubbish or not, we sure are selling a lot of baked goods!”
The five women had then laughed, realizing the truth to Sadie’s statement. From that day forth, it had been an insider joke among them that Leah headed up the Whoopie Pie Mafia and that the rest were her henchmen.
“There you are,” Leah said, sweat on her brow as she finished serving the last person of Laverne’s midday tour. “Can you go in the back to restock the shelves? I need to run and check on Tobias.”
Sadie smiled, “No need. I just did and he’s resting. I made him dinner before I came out.”
The look of relief on Leah’s face warmed Sadie’s heart. She didn’t need verbal thanks. The gratitude that Leah showed in her eyes was more than enough.
Together, they both walked into the kitchen. For once, Susie and Lydia were busy baking, rather than bickering. Sadie noticed that right away and, surprised at the peace in the kitchen, peeked over at her oldest sister, a questioning look upon her face.
“We have a big order coming up, Ja,” Leah explained. “Mary Glick is to be married and wants three hundred whoopie pies.”
“Three hundred?” Sadie could scarce believe her ears. “Oh my!”
It was Susie who spoke next, a gleam in her eyes. “Oh my is right, schwester[4]!” She glanced at Lydia. “We’ve already worked out a way to fulfill those orders, just the two of us. 300 pies, piece of cake!”
Leah and Sadie laughed at Susie’s enthusiasm and at the expression she had inadvertently used.
“Well, cake or pie, let’s focus today on the job at hand, ja?” Leah said, reaching for a box of wrapped whoopie pies, which she handed to Sadie to carry out to the front of the store. “How’s that bread doing, actually?” Without waiting for an answer, Leah wandered over to the cooling racks. “Looks right gut, Susie. Going to be needing those wrapped for the afternoon tour, then!”
Sadie hurried to the front of the store and began to restock the shelves. Her mind was in a whirl, thinking about Mary Glick getting married. If they had announced it already, Mary and her beau, Wilmer, were destined to be married in late September instead of November. Since they had both taken their baptism back in the Spring, it made sense, she thought, for them to be married earlier in the Fall instead of during the November rush. If only, she thought…
“Sadie!”
She jumped at the male voice that called her name and spun around. To her great surprise, Manny stood outside the screen door, his left hand on the doorframe and a broad smile on his face. “Manny!” She placed her hand on her chest, willing her beating heart to calm down, at least a little. “Whatever are you doing here so early, now?”
He gestured for her to join him outside on the porch. Glancing around to make certain Leah wasn’t there to scowl at her, Sadie set the box of whoopie pies on the counter and scurried to the door. She wondered if something was wrong, for Manny rarely stopped by to see her during the day. He had a job to do, after all.
“
Is everything alright then?” she asked, her voice raising just a touch in apprehension at the end of the question.
He reached for her hand and pulled her toward the edge of the porch, away from the doorway and prying eyes. “Aw, everything is right as rain, my Sadie!” He smiled as he emphasized the “my”, staring down into her face. “I just didn’t want to go one more day without seeing you.”
His words made her heart flutter and she felt the color rise to her cheeks. “Oh Manny,” she whispered, her eyes darting away from his intense stare. “You shouldn’t say such things.”
To her surprise, he laughed. “Why ever not, Sadie? You are my girl, ain’t so?”
She nodded but felt awkward having such a conversation right at this minute. She certainly hoped he wasn’t going to try to kiss her, in broad daylight, on the porch of Whoopie Pie Place. It was one thing for him to steal a kiss, protected from public view in the darkness of the night, and quite unnoticeable from inside his buggy, but here, during the day, in plain sight of potential customers and passers-by! Well, that was quite another thing!
He tugged at the white ribbon that hung over her left shoulder from her prayer kapp. “Mayhaps this is the year that you become more than my girl…” he teased, but there was a serious undertone to his voice. “I have been thinking about you, Sadie.”
Now indeed, her heart was beating faster, as she wondered if this was the moment she had been waiting for, the moment when he was about to ask her to be his wife. But, as the thought crossed her mind, she heard the bell hanging over the store door as it whooshed open. Leah poked out her head, quickly assessing the situation.
“Need your help in here, Sadie!” she said; then, as if an afterthought, glancing at Manny. “How are you today, Manny? Your mamm was in here just this morning.”
He took a step backward, releasing the ribbon from his fingers. Sadie watched as it fluttered through the air and rested against her shoulder. She couldn’t fault Leah for interrupting them but, oh, how she wished that Leah had waited a few more minutes.
“What would a meal be without the famous bread and whoopie pies from the Miller sisters?” he teased, motioning to take his leave.
Reluctantly, Sadie started walking toward the door, which Leah held open. She glanced over her shoulder at Manny, wishing with all of her might that she had more time to spend with him. A matter of such importance should not be left unfinished, she thought. But mayhaps, Manny could have chosen a different setting to express himself, she pondered. As it was, she doubted she’d see him again until that next church Sunday and, even then, it wouldn’t be until after the singing that they would have a moment to spend alone. Please Lord, she prayed, let him pick up where he left off. I love him so.
Lydia
“So, you made it through a whole day of work, I see,” Abe said when she walked into the kitchen. He was sitting at the table, reading The Budget, his eyes watching her from behind his readers. “No one stepped on your tail today?”
She glanced at him, annoyed at his statement, but didn’t respond. What was there to say, anyway? A scowl on her brow, Lydia hurried to the counter and set her basket next to the sink. She glanced over her shoulder, but saw that Abe had already returned his attention to his paper. Disappointed, she let out a sigh and began to busy herself with preparing the evening meal. He turned the page with ostentation, knowing that she was looking in his direction. The noise broke the silence in the room and added to the heavy feeling in her chest.
Silence. It could be an ugly word. When she had been growing up, silence was unknown in their house. There was always activity and noise from her siblings. Mealtime was often her favorite time, a time when people got together, prayed, laughed, talked, and loved. Even after the birth of Tobias, a surprise by any stretch of the imagination, there had remained a happy aura in her mamm’s kitchen, the heart of every Amish home. Of course, when Tobias had become ill, things had changed. But there was still noise and never silence.
When she had married Abe, things had been different. Different in a good sense. For the first few months, she had remained at home with her parents, like most newlyweds among the Amish. It took time for Abe to find a farm for them to live. But during the weekends, he would come stay at the Miller farm and they would visit with family. It was a happy time for both of them, that was for sure and certain.
The problems hadn’t started until a year had gone by and there had been no sign of a boppli. Abe had said all of the right things, comforting her when she was disappointed and wiping away the tears when she cried. By the second year, Lydia knew that he was harboring concerns. How could he not? That was when the headaches and the muscle aches began. Abe had teased her that she was making it up, putting too much stress on herself. Lydia, however, knew that it was just a mask for more criticism.
How could it not be, she reasoned with herself. All Amish men wanted large families. And the only way to have those large families was with lots of babies and, well, it was the women who had babies. Only, in Lydia’s case, that wasn’t happening.
By the third year, she had begun to suspect that Abe blamed her for not bearing him children. It had to be her fault, she reasoned. That often caused her to feel drained and tired. She was prone to napping instead of helping him with the chores. He never complained and often tried to tend to her needs. But Lydia knew that deep down he resented her, even if he seemed pleasant enough.
And that was about the time that the silence began.
Now, she had become used to that silence, despite loathing it so. If only there could have been a child to break it. How she longed for squeals of laughter from a young child or two. But the good Lord had not seen fit to bless them with a child. It was a burden she carried on her shoulders every single day for certainly it was her fault that she could not conceive.
She glanced at him, wondering why he always seemed so angry with her.
“Did you have a good day, then?” she finally asked, leaning against the counter and staring at her husband.
His response was a single grunt.
She put her hand on her hip and glared at him. “It wouldn’t hurt you to actually speak to me!”
He glanced up and, after a brief moment, he sighed before setting down the paper. “My day was just fine, Lydia,” he said drily.
“As was mine, danke for asking,” she snapped. “I don’t see why I have to work at that store. I should be home here, taking care of my family.”
At this, he laughed. “What family?”
“Abe!”
He stood up and started to walk toward her. “If you mean me, I can handle the chores right gut, Lydia. But beyond that, we don’t have kinner, do we?”
She looked away, fighting the tears that crept into the corner of her eyes. “We could but you refuse to talk about adoption or fostering, ain’t so?”
He waved his hand at her, dismissing her comment. “It’s God’s will that we don’t have kinner.”
Defiantly, she rolled her eyes up to look at him and lifted her chin. “God’s will but my fault, ain’t so?”
“Not that again!” he groaned.
“The doctor said I couldn’t bear children. You were there, Abe. You heard him.” She would never forget those words, could hear them in her head…cutting into her heart as if she had been stabbed. “It’s me that can’t bear the children yet it’s you who can’t bear me!”
He took a deep breath and shook his head. “Lydia, that ain’t true. You are blowing things out of proportion.”
“I bet you are downright sorry you married me!”
“Nee, Lydia,” he said, something suddenly softening in his tone. “I am not sorry I married you.” He paused. “I am, however, sorry about the attitudes that you continuously keep.”
That stopped Lydia in her tracks. He had never gone so far as to say something so horrid to her. “My attitudes?” she repeated, stunned that he would speak so harshly to her.
“Always pouting, making faces,” he continued. His dar
k eyes watched her reaction. “And always sick. If it’s not a headache, it’s a dizzy spell. I think half of the time you make that up for attention!”
She gasped. “Abe! I can’t believe you think so poorly of me! It’s certainly from the stress!”
“Ah,” he said, raising an eyebrow and nodding his head, “The stress, ja. You have much to stress about, ain’t so?”
She certainly didn’t appreciate his sarcasm. Without intending to, her voice became shrill as she retorted, “You think I have some reason to be happy and smiling?”
He took a deep breath, his chest rising and falling slowly as he contemplated his response. She could see that he was thinking. His eyes softened, just enough to let her know that he still cared. That had never been in question. But they just didn’t seem to be able to communicate these days, not without it leading to an argument about not being able to have boppli.
She watched as he stood up and approached her. Instinctively, she tried to move away but her back was already against the counter. Abe lifted his hands and placed them on her shoulders, staring down into her face with a look of genuine concern. “Lydia,” he started. “If you would just calm down and stop worrying about it, maybe God would see fit for us to have a boppli.” He caressed her shoulders and smiled, the first time he had smiled at her in days.
She knew that he didn’t mean his words. How could he? No man could truly be so understanding! She pushed his hand away. “God isn’t working this miracle for us, Abe!” she cried out, hating his feigned understanding.
Abe shook his head, still smiling. “Give God time, Lydia. We both know that God can work miracles, ain’t so? Remember Sarah and Abraham.”
The color drained from her face and the tears began to fall freely. Was he truly comparing their situation to old Abraham with his disbelieving wife, Sarah? Was this just one more douse of salt on the open wound in her heart? She wiggled her shoulders, freeing herself from his grasp and moved away.