Dreams (New Beginnings Book 3)

by Michelle Lynn

  “He asked about you,” she said.

  Taylor’s mouth grew dry. She grabbed her water and chugged it back.

  Sarah took the sketchbook off Taylor’s lap and closed it, putting up a finger to stop her from protesting.

  “We need to talk about this,” she said. “Josh is in a pretty bad place right now.”

  Taylor held her breath but didn’t say anything, so Sarah continued.

  “I am so happy to see you, and you can stay as long as you like, but I want to make something clear. I don’t think you should be here.”

  The sternness is her voice was very un-Sarah like. Taylor couldn’t meet her eyes for fear of the disappointment she’d see there.

  She knew she was doing the wrong thing by running away, but she’d done it anyway. It was different hearing someone else say it was wrong.

  “Look at me, Tay.” Sarah put her hands on the sides of Taylor’s head and stared at her. “This is not what happened before. Josh is not Danny. When I watched it on TV, I probably had the same scare as you. That day was the worst of both our lives. But Josh woke up. And he’s going to be okay.”

  “How do you know that?” Taylor whispered, fighting back tears. “How do you know that next time won’t be different?”

  “Because there won’t be a next time. They think he has to hang up his skates.”

  “Oh my God.” She collapsed back against the pillows. “He’s done?”

  “He’s done.” Sarah sat back on her heels, still regarding her friend coolly.

  “And I left.”

  “You did.”

  “I think I’m in love with him, Sarah.” Taylor buried her face in her arms.

  “Wait, that’s a good thing, isn’t it?”

  “Not when I’m a selfish bitch who’s still in love with someone else.”

  “Danny’s dead, Tay.”

  “I know that,” Taylor bit off her words. “Doesn’t make it not true.”

  Sarah leaned forward and gathered her in her arms without another word. Both exhausted from the emotional day, they went to bed. Despite the extra bed in the room, they shared Sarah’s just like old times. Taylor fell asleep with her head on her best friend’s shoulder and two boys on her mind.

  ###

  “Shoot the damn puck,” the coach yelled, skating towards his two players that just finished the drill. “When you hit this point, I want that puck leaving your stick. Got it?” He had them run it again as he watched closely.

  Taylor used to laugh about how the sound carried across the old practice rink. When she watched the Winterhawks practice, she could hear every frustrated word her dad directed at Danny.

  Now it was different, but it felt oddly the same. Most of the guys on the ice were ones she didn’t recognize, as was the nature of junior hockey. Players moved on once they reached a certain age. They’d either go pro, head to play in Europe, or quit altogether.

  The seat creaked beneath her as she shifted towards the glass. There were only a few people around her. Practices were open, but not many people came. She didn’t know why she was there. When Sarah left for class this morning, she figured maybe it was time.

  This was the place it happened.

  Taylor looked up when she heard heavy feet on the concrete steps and found a familiar face looking down at her. Garret grinned as he dropped into the seat beside her.

  “Thought my mind was playing a trick on me when I saw you,” he said.

  “Nope, it’s me - in the flesh.” Her smile was small, but the fact that it was there was something.

  He bumped his shoulder into hers. “It’s good to see you, Tay.”

  “Shouldn’t you be on the ice?” she asked, gesturing to the team that was now standing in a circle around their coach.

  “Nah,” he drew out the word. “I got banged up pretty bad in our last game, so Coach gave me a maintenance day.”

  “So, basically you’re slacking.”

  “Pretty much.” His resulting laugh was full and loud, just as it always had been.

  Garret was Danny’s best friend, and the two were similar in a lot of ways. It felt good to be around him again. The silence that followed was comfortable as they watched the next drill take shape.

  “What are you doing in Portland, Tay?” he asked after a few moments. “I wasn’t sure we’d ever see you back.”

  “Running away from my issues.” she laughed weakly.

  “I thought all your issues were here.”

  “You know,” she paused to look around, “I didn’t think I’d ever be able to come back in here.”

  “I get that,” he said, leaning forward with his elbows resting on his knees. “I actually refused to set foot on that ice after it happened. For weeks, I didn’t skate. I’d stand outside the front doors, but couldn’t make myself open them.”

  “What made you finally do it?”

  “Your dad,” he laughed. “Training camp was starting, and he threatened me. Said that if I didn’t start acting like the captain and showing the guys it was still okay to play, he’d find a captain who would.”

  “Sounds like Dad.”

  “When Coach named me captain despite being one of the young guys on the team, Danny was so proud.” He looked down at his hands, his voice getting softer. “I couldn’t let him down.”

  “He’ll be watching you in the AHL next year.” Taylor reached out and squeezed his hand.

  “Yeah, just wishing he was the one scoring. ‘Get me the puck, Garret.’”

  “I’m the one who knows what to do with it,” Taylor laughed as she tried to mimic Danny’s voice.

  “It’s a good thing you have a girlfriend, because you can’t score on the ice.” Garret was laughing so hard there were tears in his eyes.

  “Man, he was the worst trash-talker.” Taylor wiped at her own watery eyes as she laughed harder.

  “And he never stopped doing it.”

  Garret went from hysterical to serious in a matter of seconds. His ability to do that had always amazed her. It was one of the reasons he made such a good captain.

  “These things you’re running away from,” he said. “If they brought you here, they must be big.”

  “I don’t want to talk about this with you.”

  “Why not?” he asked, slightly offended.

  “You’re Danny’s best friend …” she stopped herself. “Were. You were Danny’s best friend.”

  “I still am, Tay. I’ll always be his best friend, just like you’ll always be the girl he loved more than anything. Even hockey.” He looked to the ceiling. “Sorry, bro, spilled the beans.”

  Taylor hit his arm and he looked at her again. “If this has to do with Danny, it’s got to be that you finally moved on. Feeling guilty?”

  “A bit.”

  “I did too. At first. Every shift, every goal, every win. When I was happy it would make me pissed off. When I was upset, I thought I deserved it. But then it got easier.”

  “It had for me too,” she admitted. “Until I saw the same thing happen to the guy I moved on with.”

  “I thought Walker was okay,” he said quickly. “That’s what the news has been saying.”

  “How …”

  “Sarah’s been keeping me filled in on you. Plus, I saw his accident replayed on ESPN like a million times.”

  “He’s going to be fine, but it just made me want to be near Danny again. And Sarah. And everyone that seemed to make everything so easy back then.”

  “Complications are worth it sometimes.”

  The team started heading back to the dressing rooms and Garret stood. “I’ve gotta go.”

  Taylor got to her feet and nodded before he suddenly pulled her into a hug. “I’m glad I got to see you,” he whispered. “It’s like having a piece of him here too.”

  “Don’t be a stranger,” she said when he released her.

  He gave her one last grin before taking the steps two at a time. Taylor followed more slowly. She walked through the lobby with purpo
se, stepping outside just as it started to rain.

  It was light at first, but grew heavier by the second. Taylor stood completely still as the freezing cold rain soaked her clothing.

  A laugh bubbled out of her chest and she started running, only wishing that Josh was there beside her this time. She didn’t think she’d ever be able to run in the rain without thinking of him.

  She had to go home. She just hoped she hadn’t ruined everything.

  The street wasn’t far, and when she reached it, she found Sarah waiting in her car.

  The heat was on full blast, and she didn’t think she’d ever been more thankful for anything.

  “How’d you know I’d be here?” Taylor asked when her teeth stopped chattering.

  “Just had a feeling.” Sarah started driving through the pounding rain. The windshield wipers worked furiously, but they still couldn’t see very far in front of them. “I didn’t want you to have to catch a cab to get back.”

  Sarah turned the radio on, and they listened as they made their way back slowly.

  “Sarah?” Taylor said after a few minutes.

  “Yeah?”

  “I’m going home tomorrow.”

  “I know,” she said. “Your dad already booked your return ticket.”

  ###

  Her dad met her at the airport with a big smile and open arms. Taylor stepped into them and hugged him back.

  “I don’t like you being in a different state than me,” he said.

  “Except when you leave with the team, which is like always,” she shot back with a sweet smile.

  “Touché.”

  On the drive home, he asked her all sorts of questions about being back in Portland. It was obvious he missed the place. He loved coaching in the NHL. It was the dream. But at that level, something was lost. He used to say he got to teach his boys to be men. Now he was coaching men, and there wasn’t nearly as much teaching off the ice involved.

  His eyes lit up when she mentioned Garret. He’d say he didn’t have favorites, but she knew better. Danny and Garret were basically part of the family.

  “Can you drop me at Josh’s?” she asked. There was a lot she wanted to say to him, and she needed to do it before she lost her nerve.

  Her Dad considered it for a long moment before answering. “Honey, Josh left.”

  “What?”

  “He went home to Connecticut. The team gave him a week before he has to come back and have a meeting, but technically that could be done over the phone.”

  Tears sprang to her eyes, but she didn’t let them fall. She’d ruined everything. Her fault. It was all her fault. He left thinking there was nothing for him here. His calls and texts stopped today. She hadn’t answered any of them. The things she wanted to say needed to be said in person. She owed him that much. But, she’d lost her chance.

  “Just take me to my dorm, then,” she sighed, leaning her head against the cold glass of the window.

  The ride wasn’t long, and they didn’t speak much before he dropped her off. She begged off his offer of helping carry her bag to her room and stepped into the elevator alone.

  The door to her room was open, and she closed her eyes just for a second as if she could will Abigail to leave. She didn’t have the energy to deal with her.

  “Taylor,” Abigail said excitedly as her roommate appeared in the doorway. “I was so worried about you.”

  “I’m fine,” Taylor lied as she threw her bag on the floor and flopped down on her bed.

  “Okay,” she said slowly. “That’s a lie if I ever heard one.”

  “Josh is gone.”

  “Gone?”

  “He went home, and my dad doesn’t know if he’s coming back.”

  “Oh, sweetie, I’m so sorry.”

  “Me too.”

  Taylor stayed up late that night, just listening to Abigail’s light snoring across the room. Her brain wouldn’t slow down.

  Around five in the morning, she kicked the covers off and went to sit at her desk, a new determination on her mind.

  What was she doing giving up?

  That was the old Taylor. The one who broke down at every little thing. The one that couldn’t imagine ever loving someone the way she loved Danny.

  Only, now she did. And it made her stronger. She wasn’t going to lose the man she loved. Not again. Josh was alive. He was hurting. He was probably pissed off. But he was going to be okay, and so was she.

  She’d done this search once before, only now it had a different purpose. She was able to find what town he lived in, but it wasn’t a small town. His address seemed to be a closely guarded secret or something. Nothing. That’s what she found. Hours of searching, and still no closer to finding him.

  She found his dad’s medical practice, but she couldn’t just walk in and say ‘hey, I’m in love with your son. Tell me where he is.’

  She could have just texted Josh. That would have been a smart move, but she was too afraid he’d tell her not to come. She didn’t know what he was thinking of her.

  “What are you doing?” Abigail asked groggily.

  The clock now read 8 AM, and they both had class at 9.

  “Trying to find Josh,” Taylor answered, as her fingers flew across the keypad.

  “Easy.” Abigail reached for her phone. Taylor turned to look at her as she dialed a number and held it to her ear.

  “I woke him,” she whispered, holding her hand over the mouthpiece and giggling.

  She listened to something and then spoke into the phone. “I’m sorry Grant, did I wake Sleeping Beauty?”

  Mack said something that Taylor couldn’t hear and Abigail grinned. “It’s an emergency. I promise. Taylor is trying to find Josh and needs his address.”

  She nodded at something he said and then laughed once more before hanging up.

  “Grant wants us to drop by this morning,” she said.

  “What for?” Taylor asked.

  “He said he has something that could help.”

  “Fine. After our first class, we can go.”

  “Colin is going to be so mad at me for going over there,” Abigail said, picking at her nails.

  “Do you care?”

  “Not really.” She grinned.

  ###

  Taylor felt weird going to Josh’s apartment when he wasn’t there, but she didn’t have a choice. She knew she should be exhausted from all the traveling and lack of sleep, but she wasn’t feeling it yet. Instead, she was energized to actually be doing something. For the past few months, Josh was the one to help her heal. He gave her strength. He kept their relationship going.

  Now it was her turn.

  Mack answered the door in nothing but a pair of running shorts, his dark hair falling across his face just waiting to be brushed.

  “Ladies,” he said, gesturing them in.

  “Don’t you ever put clothes on?” Abigail asked, unable to avert her eyes from his chest.

  “You don’t like?” he grinned, knowing she did. No one would ever claim Mack lacked confidence.

  Taylor didn’t understand why Abigail was with Colin when she so obviously had feelings for the man in front of them now.

  Abigail finally turned away. “You said you could help.”

  “Right,” he said, bending to rummage through a drawer. “Sorry, I’ve been packing for All-Star weekend, so I just have to find it.”

  “When do you leave?” Taylor asked.

  “I have to be at the airport in about an hour.”

  “Glad we caught you then. Thanks for helping.”

  “Anything for Josher.” He shrugged as he found what he was looking for.

  Taylor took the offered envelope and opened it to find an elaborate wedding invitation.

  “I don’t have an address for him, but I know that’s where he’ll be tomorrow night. It’s an exclusive event, so you’ll need that invitation to get in.”

  Taylor read the names on the invitation. “Michaela and Jason.”

  She loo
ked up and Mack was holding a piece of paper towards her. “I bought you a plane ticket,” he said. “The earliest flight I found is in the afternoon, so you’ll get there about an hour into the reception.”

  “Mack,” she gasped, stunned. “I can’t believe you did this.”

  “Like I said.” He looked away uncomfortably. “Anything for Josh. He deserves something to go right.”

  Taylor surprised him by pulling him into a hug. She could tell he wasn’t used to doing things like this or receiving gratitude, but he hugged her back eventually.

  Mack looked at Abigail, who was regarding him slightly differently than she had before. “I … uh … have to finish packing.”

  “Right,” Taylor said. “Thanks again.”

  Abigail put her hand on his arm and squeezed lightly as they made their way out the door.

  When it was just the two of them, Taylor said, “I was definitely not expecting that.”

  “Me either,” Abigail said quietly, a slight sadness in her tone.

  Twenty-one

  The image on the TV screen paused on a young boy as he skated across the ice.

  “Damn thing,” Josh grumbled, pressing his thumb again and again on the play button. It remained stuck, pissing him off way more than it should have, and he threw the remote across the room. It hit the door frame and clattered to the ground, the battery cover popping off in the process.

  He’d admit it, he was wallowing. And so freaking angry. It’d taken a few days for it to really hit him, and then it was like a truck with no breaks that dragged him along after the initial crash.

  Three days. That’s how long he’d been home. His dad flew in the day he got there, cutting off a seminar he’d been giving at UCLA. That first day, he’d run the tests again and the results were the same. He hadn’t expected anything different. He’d be on beta blockers for the rest of his life and had to avoid strenuous activities.

  Strenuous activities. The game had been his life, and it had been boiled down to those two words. The medical description didn’t encompass the passion or the energy he’d loved so much.

  The words had left his father’s mouth, and Josh hadn’t been able to think of much else. He’d kept to himself these past few days. Ethan was around, but gave him his space. His father was busy at the office, and his mother was never one to hang around the house.