P.J. Morse - Clancy Parker 02 - Exile on Slain Street

by P. J. Morse

  Patrick and Wolf came down the spiral staircase this time, and they were dressed better than ever before. Patrick wore a suit, and Wolf even had on a blazer, although it was a bit too small for him. Three lockets dangled from Patrick’s wrist.

  To suit Patrick’s look, we also dressed well for the elimination. I broke out my only real dress, a little black one that had some fringe, creating a flapper effect. Compared to everyone else, I looked like a nun, as their dresses were all bright, and all the hemlines reached mid-thigh at the most.

  “All of you look beautiful,” Patrick said, shaking his head. “I hope all of you realize how hard this is. And, after meeting your parents and exes, I have an even better idea of where you come from. In some cases, I was surprised by where you come from!” He looked from me to Topaz during that comment.

  “Today, one of your parents threw down the gauntlet. It didn’t deter me at all. Lorelai, would you come up for your locket?”

  Lorelai walked down, her eyes brimming with tears.

  “Lorelai’s locket,” Patrick sighed, hanging it around her neck.

  “It has a nice ring to it,” she said, kissing him.

  “On to the surprises. Now I totally understand why this woman is her own person — I don’t think her dad would have it any other way. Katherine?”

  I walked down. I didn’t realize Harold made such an impression. Patrick told me, “Your dad is the kind of guy I could get along with!”

  I laughed. “That’s good — love me, love my dad!”

  Patrick smiled, and he kissed me, and I made the extra effort to kiss him back.

  Topaz and Andi remained on the platform. This was the first time Topaz was in the bottom two, and she didn’t like it. She drew her eyebrows together and took a deep breath. Andi’s expression didn’t change at all.

  Patrick held on to the locket, stretching the chain out tight. “Andi,” he began. At this point, Topaz opened her mouth like she wanted to say something.

  But Patrick cut her off and continued speaking directly to Andi. “I think you’re fun, and you are sweet and sincere. Your parents know how to party, too. But… flat-out, you might be too young for me. And you’ve just, kind of, checked out.”

  “Checked out?” Andi asked, tilting her head and processing his comments. “I don’t know what you mean.”

  “I just don’t think you’re that into me, and I don’t think we’re the ideal match. I’m sorry.”

  Topaz immediately relaxed. Wolf stepped forward, ready to make sure Andi got the hint that it was her time to go.

  After Andi was officially eliminated, she stepped back instead of moving toward Patrick. Usually, if Wolf didn’t drag them out, the women had at least one last interlude with Patrick. But Andi just started running. I heard the back door slam.

  Wolf and some of the other crew took off after her, but Andi was too fast. Wolf came back, panting. He leaned over and put his hands on his knees. “She’s in the woods,” was all he got out.

  The crew spent about an hour searching for her, with no luck.

  Greg was pacing along the edge of the pool. “Where the hell is she?” he groaned. “What if she ends up like Dawn?”

  “Eh.” Tortoise shrugged. “She’ll turn up. We’ll tell the neighbors to be on the lookout for a woman in a silver glitter dress with bleached-blonde hair and huge knockers. They won’t miss her.”

  “Especially at night,” I added. I wasn’t worried. If Andi was out in the woods, she was safer with Shane, Wayne, and Muriel. It had been too quiet since Dawn got hurt, and I expected the killer to come back again soon.

  Chapter Thirty-One:

  Lead Singers Live Forever

  No one woke us up in the morning. In fact, I woke up naturally. Or, at least relatively naturally. Hare’s camera was in my face. “What’s going on?” I asked.

  “I’m not a pervert, I swear,” he said.

  “You might be a bit of a pervert. No one made you take this job. So, no challenge today?”

  He shook his head and lowered the camera. “Nah. They’re still trying to decide where to take the final three.”

  That hadn’t occurred to me. When it was down to the final three on these shows, usually the women got to go on a decent vacation. And protecting Patrick was going to be more difficult if we were out of the country. “Do you know where we’re going?” I asked.

  “Nope. With all the… uh… carnage, for lack of a better word, the network doesn’t want to leave the country. You might have to settle with Vegas. Greg is trying to work out the arrangements. We’ll probably leave tonight. I’m pissed. I was hoping we’d go to Cancun at least.”

  “I like Vegas better.” I smiled and started gathering up my clothes. To Hare, I was excited, but inside I was weighing what to do — go all-out to find the killer before we left? Or wait to see who went on the trip? That might narrow down the possibilities, at least among the crew.

  Instead of throwing on a full outfit, I decided to put on the bikini from the Lean, Mean and Green debacle and go sunbathing. Not that I would ever sunbathe, but lying outside might put me in contact with the creatures of the forest, and I could get some advice.

  I headed down to the swimming pool and realized it was half past ten in the morning. I did an excellent job of sleeping in. After I rubbed sunblock on my legs, I stretched out, feeling the rays on my belly. It was better to stare into the sky than to look in the pool. That’s when something struck my stomach.

  “Ow!” I opened my eyes to see a stuffed teddy bear, one of the talking ones with a zipper up the back. I heard Hare shout, “That’s not in our schedule!”

  The creatures of the forest were already talking, and they left the teddy bear’s zipper conveniently open. Since the cameras were to my right, I turned the bear’s back to the left and dug my fingers inside. Sure enough, there was a tiny folded square of paper. I resisted the temptation to turn around and thank the creatures of the forest.

  Tortoise walked over, exuding crankiness. “Gimme that. No contraband. Is anything in there?”

  I was afraid I would get busted. Their surveillance was thorough, and I didn’t want to give up the message before I could read it. But I played confident and tossed the bear to Tortoise. Once his eyes flicked away so he could catch it, I slid the message under the edge of my bikini bottom. There was so little room that, if he wanted to look for contraband in there, he wasn’t going to find anything without a fight.

  I told him, “I think you could use a can of Major Rager, buddy.” Then I lay back as if I were going to return to sunbathing. I wanted to unfold it so I could read what the forest creatures found out, but I needed to dawdle as long as I could until Tortoise and Hare had their footage of me and forgot about the teddy bear.

  Lorelai came over. “Hey, what’s up? I saw something get thrown at you. You okay?”

  “Yeah,” I said, not even moving. Since I had on sunglasses, I didn’t even need to look her in the eye. “Some tweaker in the woods. The dudes took it from me. It was just a teddy bear. At least it was soft.”

  “Was there something in it? That’s how people communicate with each other, you know. You could get tossed if you get caught.”

  Now I lifted my sunglasses and looked at her. She would like it if I got caught since she seemed to have the best chance of winning. And I didn’t want her to win. For the first time, I knew that I wanted to win. “Are you going to accuse me of getting secret messages that will help me win or something? Really? What would those messages say? ‘Patrick’s favorite food is mac and cheese. Go make mac and cheese.’ Seriously? It was probably some freako. God knows how long he’s been staring at us by the pool.”

  I bent my knee slightly, making sure the little paper didn’t peek out from under my bikini elastic. If anything, I could say it was a stray tag, but that was pushing it since it was in the front. I cursed Greg for buying me a bikini that was a size too small. “Buncha crazies in this world…” I said.

  Lorelai got real quiet. �
��Well, I’ll just hang out here, anyway.”

  “To keep an eye on me?” I asked. “Before some kind soul tosses over a stuffed animal packed with messages about Patrick’s favorite sexual positions. Hey?” I called out to these phantom individuals in the woods. “If you’re out there, can you tell me about that before my next date?”

  “You are so sarcastic!” she said. “I’m still not sure you didn’t get a message. I tell you, they do that on other shows.” She was looking at the cameras. Somehow, they’d find a way to make me look sneaky in the final edit.

  “Lorelai, in the end, you realize it’s just about us, right? Whichever one he likes best. You, me, or Topaz. There isn’t a damn thing you can do at this point except show that you are sincerely falling in love.”

  Hare shouted, “Hey, Katherine! Can you do us a favor? That was good, but can you say that with more emotion?”

  I sighed and repeated the line, putting my emphasis on the “damn” and the “sincerely,” juicing up the emotions enough to carry to the television audience.

  “It’s also about the game,” Lorelai said. “The game can give some of us advantages that the others don’t have.”

  I rolled away from her. “All righty, I’m going to sleep now. Or I’m gonna need another drink.”

  She leaned back and didn’t budge. Of course, she had every right to be suspicious, but she made me lie there for half an hour until she finally caved. It was getting cold, and she was bored, so she went to the bar. I followed her and went to the bathroom, where I could read the note.

  Once I got inside, I locked the door and ran the water in the sink so Lorelai couldn’t hear me unfold the note if she decided to get even nosier and press her ear up against the bathroom door. I told myself that, once all this was over and I could reveal who I really was, I’d try to find her a job at a detective agency.

  Luckily, the note was short. It was in Muriel’s handwriting:

  We found hundreds more pictures of Sean Morgan in the woods. Like a shrine. You sure Sean Morgan didn’t have a stalker, too?

  Get Patrick out of the house ASAP. We’re here. We’ll help.

  Even before Shane, Wayne, and Muriel told me about the shrine, Sean Morgan’s ghost had been haunting the whole production. Patrick played his song at Bimbo’s. Patrick devoted time to Sean’s charity and Sean’s family. The show was just as much about Sean as it was about Patrick, and I knew I wasn’t going to find out who killed Kevin unless I learned more about Sean.

  I shut off the water, started up the stairs and knocked on Patrick’s door. Luckily, he was inside. Lorelai and Topaz had followed, hoping to shove in on my time.

  “We have to talk,” I said.

  “Then we all talk,” Topaz declared. “I haven’t had half the private time she has!” Lorelai simply smiled and did her best to look seductive.

  Patrick’s eyes flickered to each of us, but they returned to me. Maybe I sounded serious for once. “We haven’t had much time lately,” he said.

  “No, we haven’t. And I don’t mind if the others get a turn afterward. I really need to talk now.”

  “Okay.” He stepped aside so I could walk in. Unfortunately, even though Lorelai and Topaz left, Greg, Tortoise, and Hare had to stay, which meant I still had to choose my words carefully.

  Despite the presence of three other guys, I felt like we were alone, and Patrick treated me that way. He pulled me down on the bed and sat beside me, holding my hands. He may have spent plenty of time making out with Lorelai and Topaz, but I noted that his gestures were different with me. I started, “Patrick, I have to ask you something. It’s been on my mind…”

  He smiled. “How many women I’ve been with? Twenty-three. I have been told I should have been busier.”

  “Wow,” I said. And I meant it. If Shane and Wayne got into rock for the easy women, they sure were behind. “That’s not it. It’s more serious.”

  “How about you?”

  “If I tell you, will you answer my question? My serious question?”

  He leaned in. “Yes.”

  “Five. One in high school, two in college, and two afterward. A guy I was in band with, a jazz drummer, a venture capitalist, a lawyer, and an ice cream man.”

  “That’s all?”

  “That is all.”

  “I’m impressed by the ice cream man.”

  “Free Popsicles. Anyway, can I ask the question?”

  “Go ahead. I was going to try to top you, but an ice cream man? In the truck? You win.”

  “Patrick…”

  “Okay, okay.”

  “Why did Sean kill himself?”

  Patrick stopped smiling. “Why do you ask?”

  I started picking at the bedspread. “Some friends of mine in Gardenia wanted to know. You might want to keep it private, but he was like Kurt Cobain to me and my friends… and he just — ” I snapped my fingers. “I dunno… he didn’t seem like the suicide type. And it seems to have affected you.”

  Patrick held up his hand and looked at Greg, Tortoise and Hare. He looked at Greg for a while, as if he were waiting for permission to say something. Greg shrugged. “No reason why not. The lawsuit was settled.”

  I remembered my conversation with Kevin in the car on the way up to Marin County. Kevin said they had lawsuits. And only one made it to settlement. Did the lawsuit have something to do with Sean? I kept my face blank, but it was hard.

  Patrick thought for a moment. “Not on camera. Turn off the camera.”

  “This could be a dramatic moment, man…” Greg protested.

  “Not to his family it isn’t!” Patrick snapped. “If Kevin were here, he would turn it off. Talking about Sean is not in my contract, and if I’m gonna tell Katherine about it, then it is off camera.”

  Reluctantly, Hare put down his camera. Tortoise tried to keep his sound going, but Patrick pointed at it, and he promptly shut it off.

  Patrick turned to look at me. “It really isn’t for public consumption. Kevin didn’t even plan to do Atomic Love at first. They were going to do an Osbournes-type show with Sean and his family: how Sean was always trying to do his own thing, fight the label, fight corporate. He wouldn’t have done it if the money weren’t going to Lean, Mean and Green. I couldn’t believe he was going to do it. Before it went to air, he saw an episode and said it made him look like an asshole. And a fucking stalker was bugging him, and that added to it. So he got real emotional, and he drank when he got emotional. If he hadn’t been drunk, he wouldn’t have driven off the cliff. He wasn’t a bad guy… he was just an idealist, and he got disappointed in the world all the time.”

  “What about the show?” I’d read plenty of articles about Sean’s death, but not one of them mentioned a show, nor did they mention a stalker. Plenty of them mentioned the drinking.

  “Kevin had the whole season in the can. I heard there were some funny scenes when Sean camped out in front of a gas station with Ed Begley, Jr., to raise awareness about electric cars. That would have been hilarious. But Sean said in his suicide note that he wanted it all destroyed. The network still wanted a show, so they called me.”

  “And that’s why you did it?”

  “Yeah. Haruko made them trash the footage. She didn’t want Rex to see it. I don’t think it was their fault Sean offed himself. She doesn’t, either. But, if Sean said he wanted something done, Haruko did it. She felt bad about screwing Kevin over, so she suggested he do a show with me. She said I could handle cameras better than Sean could.”

  No kidding. “But why would Haruko be on the show? If it weren’t for Kevin, Sean would still be alive. She must hate Kevin.” And then something else struck me. “You must hate Kevin.”

  Patrick shifted his body away from me on the bed. “No, no, I don’t hate Kevin. It’s not his fault. Sean was self-absorbed. It would have happened with or without the reality show. Sean cared more about himself and his image than feeding his family. Haruko and Rex could use the money. Lean, Mean, and Green could use the money. I
give a third of my pay to them! No joke! I could have kept it. If anyone had a right to be pissed at Kevin, it was that stalker. That bitch won’t go away. I don’t know if you heard, but she’s been bugging me…”

  “Yeah,” Greg said. “Maybe your stalker’s been bugging you right this minute.” Then his eyes turned accusing.

  I gave it right back to him. “Be careful, Greg. You might incriminate yourself. You may not be the stalker, but you had plenty of reasons to kill Kevin. You were fighting over Tina.”

  That was when Greg put his arms around me and yanked me off the bed. “No!” I shouted. “It’s not me! That’s why I’m here! Patrick, you should come with me before she shows up…”

  Patrick was already backing away from me. He was practically at the end of the bed. He asked, “Do you like me or the Nuclear Kings? Were you a bigger fan of Sean’s?”

  I had to tell him everything before Greg forcibly removed me from the room. “No. Kevin hired me to protect you, and I’m going to do my job. We need to leave the house now. Wolf didn’t believe me, and Greg doesn’t believe me, but it’s true.”

  Greg started moving faster, calling me crazy under his breath.

  I didn’t stop yelling. “Patrick, it’s true! Okay, I lied about being from Gardenia… that was my cover… but I am going to protect you from the stalker! Come with me!”

  Patrick backed up toward his bathroom, his hand reaching out toward a lamp, in case he had to throw it at me. “The last time I was alone with you, someone almost died.”

  By that point, Greg, Tortoise, and Hare were dragging me out of the room.

  Chapter Thirty-Two:

  The Last Elimination

  By the time they got me out of Patrick’s room Tortoise had one of my arms, Hare had the other, and Greg was supervising, as usual. They may have thought I was the stalker, but I was going to protect Patrick regardless. “You’re wrong about me,” I said.

  I looked from Greg to Tortoise to Hare. Greg’s face was hard, but Tortoise and Hare were wavering. Hare asked Greg, “Dude, what makes you think it’s her?”