Marrying Ember

by Andrea Randall

  The show went even better than the previous night. Ember’s ability to compartmentalize served the group’s interests, but had me concerned for her. I could barely look at her dad, because the pained expression in his eyes as he watched the daughter he raised was nearly enough to bring me to my knees.

  The band worked quickly to pack the RVs after the second show, and the awkward silence was broken by something unbelievably more awkward. As Ember closed one of the doors beneath one RV, Willow came around the back side, putting the resistant sisters face to face.

  Willow looked as though she was going to turn and go around the other side, but Ember spoke, reaching her hand out and touching Willow’s arm.

  “Can we talk?” Ember tilted her head to the empty RV. I felt the breath of every member of the band come to a halt behind me.

  Willow looked down, and the color in her cheeks deepen as she looked up again. “Yeah,” she whispered and wove through those of us who were frozen in our places, entering the RV without another word.

  Ember turned slowly, looking at only me. She tugged on my fingertips and gave me a quick peck on the cheek. Putting her head down and ignoring everyone else, she followed Willow into the vehicle and shut the door.

  “Well,” Regan piped up, clapping his hands once, “this is awkward.”

  A mix of nervous laughter and uncomfortable grumbles rose through the group.

  “We’ll be in the other RV,” Mags announced, speaking for herself and Journey. “Regan, do you want to join us?”

  “Sure, why the hell not?” He shrugged and gave a bright and nervous smile as he passed by me. “We’re painting The Mediator on the side of that RV.”

  I grinned as I shook my head. “If they both come out alive, you’ve got yourself a deal.”

  Once the uninvolved trio disappeared into the second vehicle, four sets of eyes turned on me.

  “What?” I asked, widening my eyes.

  Ashby spoke first. “How’d you get Ember to … talk to Willow.”

  “Ash, we both know no one can make Ember do a goddam thing. We didn’t talk much last night after the show. We just kind of passed out.” Warmth ran through my veins at the memory of what we had actually done.

  Raven wrapped her hand around my forearm. “That may be so, but your influence on our daughter can’t go unnoticed. You ground her. And she does the same for you. You’re each others’ emotional center.” She spoke softly, arresting me with her hopeful eyes.

  For the first time in twenty-four hours, I heard Michael speak as he wrapped his arm around his wife’s waist. “We’re sorry it blew up like this.”

  I shrugged. “I can’t imagine how it felt to face those choices. I really can’t. I don’t know what I would have done, but I know you did what you thought was the right thing.”

  Solstice rested her head on her husband’s shoulder, looking longingly at the dark RV. “Hopefully those two feel the same way. They’re just so … angry.”

  “Is Willow angry with you two?” I asked, hoping for help on how to comfort Ember. Somehow.

  Michael’s eyes misted over. “She was at first. Of course she’s been grappling with this for who knows how long, even though it was unconfirmed. Then, she came to me in the middle of the night last night, crying. She thanked me for loving her like she was my own. I told her she was mine …” He trailed off, looking somewhere in the distance.

  “Ember hasn’t spoken to either of us,” Ashby offered up, sitting on a bench behind him and placing his head in his hands.

  “Sometimes,” I started, cutting off Raven who looked like she was about to speak, “it’s best to give her a little space. I kind of speak from experience there.” I sat next to Ashby, patting his back once.

  He stared blankly at the ground. “She looked at me like I was a filthy miscreant. I never imagined a look like that coming from my baby girl. I love her … just so damn much …”

  Solstice and Michael moved next to Ashby, and Raven squatted in front of him. The four of them weren’t behaving any differently with each other. They were best friends, and, apparently, they were seeing this through together.

  “If you guys don’t mind, I’m going to take a walk.” I rose and headed through the parking lot to the field where Ember and I sat last night before the show.

  Just as I settled into the grass, my phone rang. It was Monica.

  “Hey, Mon.”

  “Holy shitballs, Cavanaugh, what the hell is going on in the Redwood Forest?” Her panic didn’t affect me because my anxiety was three steps above hers.

  “We’re not in the Redwood’s, Monica.” I tried to use humor to calm her down.

  “Shut up.”

  It didn’t work.

  “When did you talk to Ember? What’d she tell you?” I wasn’t about to tell a story Ember wanted to tell herself.

  “That trampy willow branch is her fucking sister?! Now Ember isn’t answering her phone, and I don’t—”

  “Mon, Mon … Mon,” I repeated her name until she calmed down. “Ember and Willow are talking right now and, no, I don’t know what about.”

  Monica growled into the phone. I could picture the hot-headed trucker-mouthed brunette getting herself into a tizzy. “Ember calls me at three in the morning and sobs the whole story, then tells me not to worry about it and she’ll see me in two fucking weeks?”

  I bit the inside of my cheek, upset that in my exhaustion I didn’t realize my girlfriend had left the bed and was falling apart in a bathroom ten feet away.

  “What do you want me to say, Monica?”

  Her tone turned deadly serious. “Say you’re not going to bail.”

  “What?” I looked up to the sky, silently begging God for a Monica Decoder Ring.

  “Ember told me about your pleasant little panic attack a few days ago where you asked her to marry you in your living room. She told me, also, about her meltdown in the Starbucks parking lot. She’s afraid that those conversations, mixed with what’s going on in her family, will cause you to pull away.”

  Monica’s words hit me in the center of the chest. Ember and I had just spent a beautiful night together, where I promised her that those exact things wouldn’t happen. Still, she woke hysterical in the middle of the night and poured it all out to her best friend who was more than three thousand miles away.

  “Bo,” Monica quipped. “You’re not going to fucking run, are you?”

  I stood up and snapped, “No! I love her. Forever. What the hell is with you two? Why can’t you accept that. I love her. I’m in love with her and only her and I want to marry her. You know that, Mon. I was going to do it when you were here in two weeks. Now, with all this stuff with her dad, I just … I don’t know if that’ll happen.”

  “What, the proposal?”

  “No, just not then. If she’s not on good terms with her family, there’s no way I can ask her. It doesn’t feel right.”

  “Do you have the ring?” Monica asked, shifting direction.

  “What?”

  “Ring. Do you have one?”

  I cleared my throat. “I’ve had it for a long time. It’s my moms. I had the stones re-set into a ring that’s much more Ember-like.”

  “When did you have it re-set?”

  “I’m not telling you.” I chuckled. “You’ll think I’m ridiculous.”

  Monica clicked her tongue. “I already think you two are far beyond ridiculous. When did you have it re-set?”

  “The day after your wedding,” I mumbled.

  “Hot damn! Bo Cavanaugh, I’ll be out there the day after tomorrow. This nuclear meltdown is the job of a best friend. Sit tight, don’t tell her I’m coming, then we can get about the business.”

  I grinned at her demands. “The business of what?”

  “Marrying Ember.”

  All the air left my lungs, and apparently, Monica heard.

  “Bo? You alive over there?”

  “You’re absolutely right, Monica.”

  “Of course, but abo
ut what?”

  “I’m going to marry Ember.” I began pacing an erratic path through the grass.

  “No shit, Bo. That’s what all of this is—”

  “No. Listen. You were coming out here for me to propose to Ember, right?”

  “Yeeeessss,” Monica drew out cautiously.

  “Screw all of that. I’m just going to get down to it.”

  Monica huffed frustratedly. “Down to what?”

  I smiled as broadly as I had in days. “Marrying Ember. I’m going to marry her, Monica.” A million lightbulbs flashed through my body. “It’s me. It’s her. I’m going to marry her. Just … marry her.”

  After a long silence, Monica finally spoke. “All men should just go ahead and give up now. You’re not even real. Seriously. Do nothing except plan. I will be there the day after tomorrow. If I show up and you’re married … I’ll cut you.”

  I laughed. “I know you will. And, I won’t be. I need to get her and her dad back on speaking terms. And, you have to help.”

  “On it. Bye.”

  “Bye.”

  I slid my phone into my pocket and walked back to the parking lot just in time to see Ember handing Willow the keys to our rental car. I jogged over to the pair, noting that their parents were all still where I’d left them. Ember had our guitars and backpacks resting on the edge of the parking lot, leaving me to assume our time with the tiny rental car was over.

  “What’s, uh, going on?” The adrenaline my body produced while talking with Monica made me sound more out of breath than I actually was.

  Willow gave a weak smile and looked to Ember, who spoke. “Willow’s going to take the car and head back to San Diego.”

  As I studied their faces, I didn’t see any signs of distress.

  “I’m … confused,” I admitted.

  “Bo,” Willow started, seemingly unable to meet my eyes. “I just want to tell you how sorry I am for the way I’ve behaved. Honestly, I’m embarrassed. Before all of this, Ember was my best childhood friend … I didn’t mean …”

  “Hey,” I walked over to her and gave her a firm, but friendly, hug, “it’s okay. Everyone reacts differently to stress.” I had a lot more I wanted to say to her, but it seemed that only pure kindness was called for in that minute.

  Willow pulled back and wiped under her eyes. “Anyway, I’m going to go back home and kind of chill out for a while. I’ll fly back up at the end of next week for the Napa show. Until then, I just want the dust to settle. And, since I’m not actually in the band, it makes the most sense for me to leave.”

  Ember tugged gently on one of Willow’s mile-long braids. “You know you don’t have to go, though.”

  Willow turned to her. “I know. But I also know it will be a lot harder for you to work things out with your dad with me hanging around.”

  “I don’t know what I have to say to him.” Ember crossed her arms in front of her body.

  “And it will be a lot harder to figure out if I’m looming in the background.”

  “How are you not furious?” Ember asked, leaving me happy she was openly conversing with Willow in front of me.

  Willow hooked her thumb in my direction. “I was furious, remember? I was mad that you got to keep your dad … that you got to have the true, perfect and real family. And the perfect boyfriend. I wanted to take something from you. Like I felt something had been taken from me.”

  I winced at the honesty in her words, but Ember didn’t flinch.

  “You have your dad, Willow.”

  “Right,” Willow answered, rubbing Ember’s arms, “and you have yours.”

  As Ember nodded, Willow pulled her into a hug. I looked passed them, to the girls’ parents, and saw them openly staring, and intermittently wiping under their eyes.

  “Drive safe,” Ember said as she backed up, allowing Willow to open the driver’s door.

  “I will. See you in ten days.” Willow smiled as she turned the key.

  “See you.” Ember shut the door and Willow pulled away.

  I put my arm around her and she rested her head on my shoulder. “Where’s our next gig?” she asked tiredly.

  I looked up for a moment, scanning the schedule that I had stored in my brain. “Vallejo this weekend, then we go straight to Napa and spend a few days there before our show at the end of next week.”

  “Okay,” she murmured.

  “So … I hesitate to ask this, but … which RV are we going to ride in now? I’m only asking because we have reservations at a park in Vallejo tonight and the office there closes in an hour and a half.” It was only a forty-minute drive, but given the way this road trip had gone, we needed a broad margin of error.

  “Same as before. I’ll just … need some space from my parents.”

  “In an RV? Not a problem …” I turned her around so she was facing me, and I stroked my thumbs down the sides of her face.

  She quirked her mouth into a sarcastic grin. “You know what I mean.”

  I hugged her, resting my chin on the top of her head.“Yeah, beautiful, I know. You know what else I know?”

  “What’s that?” she looked up at me through her feathery lashes.

  “I know that your dad would do anything for you. He’s felt as helpless as I have, Ember. He wants to take this pain away but there is nothing he can do. And, it’s killing him.”

  Ember’s eyes filled with huge tears, and in the span of a blink they were released down her face. “This is so screwed up.” She pressed her forehead into my chest and her shoulders shook.

  “I know, love. I know.” I rubbed her back, setting my chin on her head once more.

  I watched as Solstice and Michael got in their RV, and Regan walked toward us with his hands in his pockets. I knew it had been difficult for him to see Ember going through this and feeling like he didn’t have anything useful to say. As he approached us, Raven and Ashby slowly entered our RV, Ashby shooting a glance over his shoulder just before he climbed the stairs.

  “Em …” Regan put a hand on her back and looked to me. I mouthed she’s okay, just as Ember straightened up and faced him.

  “Hey you. Sorry for blowing you off yesterday.” She wrapped her arms around his neck and he squeezed her into a tight hug.

  “No sorry’s, remember? I know you needed a minute.” Regan and Ember were constantly teasing each other for apologizing for how they were feeling.

  Ember started for our things at the edge of the lot. “Is my dad driving tonight?” she called over her shoulder.

  “Yeah. It’s a short drive though,” I assured her.

  Ember picked up her guitar case and hooked her messenger bag on her shoulder. “Regan, I’ll fill you in once we get settled at the park and can get away for a while, okay?”

  “Sure thing.”

  With baited breath, I entered the RV after Regan and Ember. Ashby started the vehicle as I ascended the stairs. His eyes flicked to mine for a second. I attempted a reassuring smile, placing a firm hand on his shoulder as I walked by him and to the back of the RV. Ember and Regan had taken their seats at the table we’d sat when this journey began. Raven was in the middle, perched in a lotus position on a cushion, meditation music blaring from her earbuds. The irony made me chuckle.

  Regan put his earbuds in and rested his head against the window, and Ember sat next to him, plugging hers in as well, and closed her eyes. For a few minutes as we rolled up the highway, I watched the colors of the sunset paint their way over her face and hair.

  I took a deep breath, trying to ground myself as I felt the weight of my changed plans. A hard lump of hopefulness formed in my throat as I watched her head tilt to the side as sleep overtook her. Her cheek landed on Regan’s shoulder, who looked startled for a moment before looking at me curiously.

  “What’s going on?” he whispered as quietly as he could.

  “I’m gonna marry her,” I whispered back, even quieter.

  Regan smiled, looking down at his sleeping friend—the love of my life—
before glancing back at me. “Perfect.”

  The amount of downtime that faced us filled me with anxiety. We had two days until the Vallejo show, and a whole week after that before the next set of shows in Napa.

  The night we got to Vallejo, Ember, as promised, caught Regan up on everything. The following day, everyone kind of went their own ways, rambling around Vallejo for the day. Ember skillfully avoided both her parents, and any conversation about them.

  “You’ve been weird today. Is everything okay?” Ember asked as we wound through the end of a trail at the edge of the park where we were staying.

  There was a large rock to my left. I stopped at it, pulling Ember with me and making her sit. I was on edge about Monica’s arrival, hoping she’d get here with words of wisdom, but in the meantime, I had to try.

  “What’s going on?” Ember asked.

  “I need you to hear me here, okay?”

  She shrugged. “Sure.”

  “You know I wouldn’t say this if I didn’t fully mean it with everything I have. I don’t use it as a social crutch …”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “Ember … you have both of your parents. And you get to spend every day with them doing exactly what you all love doing—”

  “Stop.” Ember stood and started walking toward the head of the trail. “You don’t get to make me feel guilty. I’m sorry my parents are still alive, but that doesn’t mean I never get to be mad at them.”

  “You stop.” I caught up to her and grabbed her upper arm, spinning her around. Her lips parted, seeming breathless at the forcefulness in my voice. “Listen. You know I don’t mean it as a guilt trip. We’ve been over this for almost a year. Just because it now applies to you doesn’t mean you get to go back on your word, Ember. I’m trying to tell you how much your dad loves you. He’s the only man in the universe who loves you more than I could ever dream of. And that’s a fact.”

  “Why are you pushing me?” She closed her mouth and clenched her teeth.

  “Pushing you? I haven’t said a thing. You asked me to run interference with them, and for the last two days I’ve done just that. It’s time to move, Ember. It’s time to face it.”