Secrets and Shadows

by L. T. Marie

  “But,” Lee whispered, as if Jo hadn’t spoken, “I think it’s perfect.”

  Jo looked over her shoulder and glanced into the liquid, dark eyes. Her heart thundered. No feeling in the world could match having Lee gaze at her that way. “Thanks,” she said as Lee slowly backed away. “Let me change and I’ll take you to lunch. Be right out.”

  She returned moments later to find Lee pacing outside her dressing-room door. Something in Lee’s serious expression told her Lee was plotting another one of her lame “we shouldn’t” excuses. She’d used the excuse numerous times since she had barged into her bedroom and seen her naked. This time, though, Jo was prepared. She closed the gap between them, stopping Lee’s pacing with a hand on her chest.

  Jo watched the churn of emotions play across Lee’s face. Curiosity. Fear. Desire. She hadn’t meant to touch her, but she didn’t want to hear any more excuses as to why they couldn’t have something as simple as lunch together. Lee’s muscles tensed beneath her fingertips. Her heartbeat thudded violently against Jo’s palm. She stepped back but Jo followed, her eyes transfixed on the pulse pounding wildly in Lee’s neck. Jo wanted to place her mouth there, suck on that vital lifeline until Lee succumbed to the pleasure. As she slowly pulled her hand away, she was surprised when Lee swayed slightly toward her as if the connection couldn’t be broken. “Just in case you planned on declining my lunch offer,” Jo said a little breathlessly, “forget it, because it’s not negotiable. I’m hungry and you need to eat.”

  Lee glanced down at Jo’s hand before returning her steady gaze. “As you wish.”

  The irony in that statement made Jo laugh. If Lee knew her wishes, neither one of them would leave the dressing room anytime soon. As she pushed past Lee, she could feel the warm gaze on her back. The heat seared her skin and left her feeling invigorated and very much alive.

  *

  Lunch at the popular Chinese restaurant was in full swing as Lee sat across from Jo at the two-person table near the closest exit, her back to the wall, her eyes glued to the front entrance. She couldn’t relax for many reasons, the main one being that she shouldn’t be socializing with Jo while she was being paid to protect her.

  She should have been able to find a way to subtly decline lunch, but the wounded look in Jo’s eyes had made her reconsider. Denying her attraction to Jo at this point was futile. But what she felt recently had far surpassed attraction and turned into something even more dangerous. Attachment was something she hadn’t counted on—needing to be near Jo all the time, worrying about her when they were apart. These were the things she’d never considered feeling for anyone. In the service, orders were carried out and emotions were left behind. She’d never had to worry about anyone but herself and the men who reported to her.

  Growing up in foster homes with no family to speak of meant she’d always been alone. But as every barrier dropped between them, she worried she’d make a mistake. In war, mistakes got a person killed. And she was at war—with a stalker, a faceless threat she couldn’t assess properly. Eventually she’d beat him at his own game, and she wouldn’t stop short of killing him if he even batted an eyelash in Jo’s direction. But she was also waging a war with her heart. She’d never been afraid of anything in her life, but if she was going to be honest with herself, these feelings for Jo had no place in her orderly life and were scaring the shit out of her.

  “Lee, you need to relax,” Jo said, placing her menu on the table. “I doubt there’s anyone here that wants to do me harm.”

  “You don’t know that, Ms. West.” She scanned the restaurant once more, making sure nothing seemed out of the ordinary. Given their position inside the restaurant and her vantage point for trouble, they were as safe as they could be, given the situation.

  “Okay, look. Please try to relax a little. We’re having lunch. I want us to have a nice time and not have it feel like an interrogation. We’ve been spending a lot of time together lately and I want us to become acquainted. I know friends get in the way of your priorities. And even though I don’t like the idea that I’m a responsibility to you, we can at least get to know one another a little better. So, no more Ms. West nonsense. I’m ordering you to call me Jo. And don’t you military types have to follow orders by the people who are in charge?”

  Interesting way of looking at it. “Okay, Jo…is that better?”

  “Much.” Jo’s smile was infectious and Lee couldn’t help but smile along with her. “Now are you going to pick something, or do I have to order for the both of us?” Jo asked.

  “Not really hungry, so whatever you’d like to order is fine.”

  “Really?” Jo leaned forward onto her elbows. “And what if my tastes aren’t to your liking?”

  Unable to resist the clear double entendre, Lee leaned close, locking her eyes on Jo’s lips. “I’m sure your tastes will satisfy my appetite just fine.”

  The blush that stole up Jo’s cheeks painted her face with a healthy glow. Quickly, she retreated behind her menu. “That’s good to know because I’m starving.”

  Holy shit! Flirting! Talk about being out of control. What the hell was she thinking? She would’ve fired someone on the spot for the inappropriate behavior. Without her self-control she’d have nothing left. She scanned the room again.

  They ordered and sat for the next few minutes in awkward silence. Not talking was bordering on rude, so Lee decided to take control of the questions and break the tension between them. “Did you always live in this area?”

  “Yeah. Not too far from here actually. My parents owned a small home on the outskirts of Redwood City.”

  “You sound fond of it.”

  “How can you tell?”

  “Your voice, the tone you used. Melancholy, I guess. Like you miss it.”

  “You’re very perceptive,” Jo said, but there was no malice behind her words.

  “One of my annoying traits, I believe you said.” Lee smiled.

  “It can be at times, but this isn’t one of them.”

  “So tell me about this home.” Lee tried to ignore Jo’s melodious, flirty tone that caused a pool of wetness to form between her legs. Her body had a mind of its own where Jo was concerned.

  “It was cute, small, but we managed. The house was close to Cordilleras Creek. Tory and I used to play near the creek all the time. We built a playhouse in the back…Well, my dad did.” Jo’s eyes became distant, sad, the memory obviously painful to relive. “How about you? Have family near here?”

  You opened yourself up to this line of questioning. Deal with it. “I grew up in foster homes.”

  “And after that?”

  “When I was eighteen I joined the service. The people I served with were my family.”

  “Were?”

  “I’m sorry?”

  “You said ‘were.’ Do you keep in touch with anyone besides Gary?”

  Lee took a deep breath. “No. ”

  “Why?”

  Lee lowered her head and pushed the appetizers in front of her around on her plate. The permanent stake in her heart was being painfully twisted, and she tried to swallow around the lump in her throat. “Because they’re all dead.”

  Lee couldn’t bear to look into Jo’s eyes. Something told her she’d see sympathy there, maybe even pity. She didn’t deserve it for something that was all her fault. Their lives had been her responsibility and she had failed them. All of them. She would have gladly given up her life if they could have all lived. But she’d let them down and now she lived her days and nights in hell. She closed her eyes in an effort to focus, and suddenly she was thrust back to Ramadi. She could smell fire, death.

  She searched the building, trying to clear the smoke and dust from her eyes. Soldiers were screaming all around her, but what scared her most was the eerie silence that followed once those cries died away. She’d managed to carry a few soldiers from the burning building, returning for a final sweep when she noticed Corporal Lance Fiero, lying in a pool of blood. His legs had been blown
from his body, the vacant look of death staring at her from dead eyes. She could never leave a soldier behind. As she dragged him out of the building she heard another soldier scream in the darkness and dust, and vowed to return for him when the building exploded for the second time that day. The world flew past her in shredded hunks of debris before everything went black.

  “Hey,” Jo said as Lee opened her eyes. “You okay?”

  Lee glanced blankly at Jo, momentarily forgetting where she was. She looked around the crowded restaurant. Bodies weren’t scattered around her. The smell of death was absent. Another flashback. Damn. “I’m fine.”

  “Oh, Lee,” Jo said, covering Lee’s hand with her own. “I’m sorry if my question brought up bad memories.”

  “Please, don’t be. It’s my cross to bear. Not yours.”

  “Would you like to talk about it?”

  A slight tremor ran through Lee and sweat dripped down her back, even though the room was cool. “I…”

  “Hey,” Jo said, tugging on Lee’s hand to get her to look at her. “I want to hear this but how about another time? When you’re ready. Okay?”

  “Thanks.” Lee offered Jo a half smile, not knowing if she’d ever be ready for that kind of confession.

  Food arrived at a steady pace as their conversation moved on to more mundane topics. They ate and talked, and although Lee continued to keep an eye on their surroundings, she relaxed enough to enjoy their meal and the sound of Jo’s voice.

  “I noticed you like to read,” Lee said. “Any particular genre?”

  “Romance,” Jo said around a bite of moo shoo pork.

  “Ah…where the guy rides in on his white horse and whisks the girl away.”

  “Close. I’m actually hoping that one day a woman will whisk me away.”

  “Ah…I see.”

  “So why the question?”

  “Knowledge, really,” Lee said around another bite. “The more I know about you from you, no matter how minute the detail, the safer you’ll be. Good intel is everything.”

  “I see,” Jo said, disappointed. She’d hoped Lee’s questions were because she really wanted to know, not because of work. Ever since Jo was little, Tory had always garnered the most attention. She was always the smarter twin—the more talented twin. Jo had always come second to Tory because she never asked for anything except to be her own person. After Tory had become famous, it was worse. She’d been sucked into being an underling for Tory’s career and had lost her freedom in the process.

  For the most part, Jo tried not to let any of that get to her. But when it came to Lee’s attention, she wanted to be her sole focus. To find out that their lunch had moved into the business-as-usual category, especially after Lee’s confession earlier, saddened her. She refused to cry and tried desperately to blink away stubborn tears of frustration. Suddenly Lee pushed away from the table and knelt in front of her on one knee.

  “Hey, what’s wrong? Not feeling well?”

  Could this get any more embarrassing? Not only was Lee kneeling in front of her in a crowded restaurant, but she had caught her in a moment of self-pity. All her life she’d wanted to be seen as her own person, and with Lee it had become even more important to be regarded as more than a job. As the familiar feelings resurfaced, she bit back the angry retort, knowing she couldn’t be mad at Lee for something that wasn’t her fault. “I’m okay. Guess I’m just tired.”

  Lee wiped away a stray tear with her thumb. “Well, it has been a long day.”

  “Yeah, it has. Sorry. I’m not normally like this.”

  “No need to be sorry. What do you say we finish lunch and then go home so you can rest before the party. Deal?”

  Jo looked down into the unguarded eyes, amazed at Lee’s sudden transformation. How could someone be so distant one minute and so transparent the next? The emotional teeter-tottering had Jo’s head spinning. “Deal.”

  They finished their lunch unhurriedly, spending the next hour chatting about music and the weather. The conversation was pleasant and easy, and just as Jo was about to ask Lee about her duties in the service, Lee dropped her coffee cup onto the table, her face contorted. Jo grabbed Lee’s hand, refusing to let it go when Lee tried to pull it away. She spotted the angry red scar that ended at the back of Lee’s wrist and disappeared up into her sleeve.

  “Sorry. My arm.” Lee gritted her teeth.

  “I know.” Jo held Lee’s hand tight, watching the unusual churn of emotions on Lee’s face. Pain. Recognition. Fear. “It’s okay,” she said softly, tracing the scar with her fingertip. “May I?”

  Lee nodded as Jo unbuttoned the cuff and rolled the shirtsleeve up past her elbow. The thick tissue ran in a snake-like pattern, disappearing behind her bicep. “I guess this is what kept you from being a Ranger?”

  “Yes.”

  “Does it hurt?”

  “Not so much anymore. Just spasms occasionally. Sorry.” Lee pulled her sleeve down and abruptly pushed away from the table. “We should go. Thanks for lunch.”

  Lee stood as a loud crash somewhere close by caused her to swing back around and place herself protectively in front of Jo. The tension in Lee’s body made Jo see why Gary had suggested her for the job. If the situation had been dangerous, Lee wouldn’t have hesitated to give her life for her, a thought that instantly made Jo want to expel her lunch.

  “Hey, I’m okay. Someone dropped some dishes. Relax.” Jo looked around the hushed room, picking up on a few quiet murmurs. She scanned the faces of those around her who were eyeing her with curiosity. “Uh, oh,” she whispered into Lee’s ear. “They think I’m Tory. We’re about to get bombarded.”

  “Ms. West!”

  “Tory!”

  “Can we have your autograph?”

  Jo tried explaining to the crowd that quickly gathered around that she wasn’t Tory West but, when that failed, told everyone she was doing well and that the scars were healing nicely. Someone even asked her about the press conference earlier and wondered how she could hide the scarring so well. Jo expertly gave Tory’s makeup artist all the credit and began signing autographs until Lee started turning people away.

  “This situation is getting out of hand,” Lee whispered into Jo’s ear before helping her to her feet.

  Jo wanted to agree but for different reasons. As Lee wrapped her arm around Jo’s shoulders to guide her out of the restaurant, for the second time that day she felt comforted rather than annoyed by Lee’s attention. “I think you’re right. How do we get out of here?”

  “Leave that to me.”

  *

  Lee absently stared out the window at the passing scenery and regretted answering questions about her time served. She shouldn’t have gone to lunch with Jo, never gotten personal. How would she ever explain to Jo why she’d survived and her men didn’t? What would Jo think if she told her what had happened? That she should have been the one to die that day in Ramadi. That she gave the order that inevitably killed her men. That she lived with the devouring pain of that loss every waking moment, and most of her sleeping moments, too.

  If that wasn’t bad enough, Jo had seen her vulnerable, which was the last trait she would want in a bodyguard. Soldiers didn’t admit weakness. Weaknesses got you killed and gave the enemy the advantage. Finally, Jo had a good excuse to fire her. No way would Lee keep her employment once Tory found out about her arm. They’d asked for the best and she’d lied. There was always a first time for everything.

  Jo had asked her about the injury, but she didn’t want to tell her it hurt all the time, that she constantly woke up in the middle of the night screaming in pain, and that the incessant burning was due to nerve damage that wasn’t likely to heal. And tell her about the PTSD? Forget it. That would surely get her dismissed on the spot.

  How amazing that a few weeks ago she didn’t even want the job and now she was afraid of losing it. Maybe she should resign, save herself the humiliation of being fired and the look of disgust on Jo’s face when she did it.
/>   The car pulled up the long driveway and stopped near the steps. As usual, Tory walked down to greet them, but this time Lee could tell something was off.

  “What’s wrong?” Jo asked immediately.

  “Nothing, sweetie. I just need to talk with Lee before the party tonight,” Tory said. “Give us a minute, won’t you?”

  “No.” Jo placed her hands defiantly on her hips. “What can’t you say in front of me? And since when do we have secrets between us?”

  “Ms. West,” Lee said calmly, turning to face Jo. “I need to discuss the guest list with your sister at this time. Of course, you’re welcome to join us if you wish.”

  “Why do you need to discuss that?”

  “It’s my job.”

  “Oh, yeah. That.” Jo sounded irritated. “Fine, whatever. See you both tonight.”

  “Thank you, Lee,” Tory said when Jo disappeared into the house.

  “Don’t thank me, ma’am. I just didn’t want to stress her out more than she already is.”

  “That’s one of the reasons I like you, Lee. You’re not like the other bodyguards. You understand her. I take it she saw the press conference.”

  “Actually, no, but she’s aware it occurred.” Lee glanced at the house. Every time the stalker was mentioned, she couldn’t help but search out Jo. “We discussed most of it but she refuses any additional protection.”

  “Big surprise,” Tory said. “I’m hoping after tonight the media will focus on the upcoming tour instead of Mayfield’s speculation. I have Marilyn and Larry running interference in case the tabloids start running conspiracy stories. We’ve threatened to sue anyone who uses the stalker story to their advantage, so that should buy us some time. I still think leaving the country will be a good thing for all of us.”

  Tory disappeared into the house and Lee unclipped her cell phone to call Gary. The stalker issue wasn’t going away, and until Tory accepted that fact, Lee would have to be diligent in making sure every detail was covered.