Secrets and Shadows

by L. T. Marie

  What did you expect? You can’t offer her more so it’s time to pull yourself together, soldier. Do your job. She remained close but slightly out of earshot as Jo whispered something into Tory’s ear. Jo never released her hold on Charlene’s arm as they began to climb back up the stairs. Lee turned to follow but Tory stopped her, not looking entirely pleased.

  “Jo is turning in for the night and told me to let you know she won’t need your services for the rest of the evening.”

  Oh, God. Private matters. “Very well, ma’am. But before I go, I need to post one of the other guards outside her door in case she decides to rejoin the party,” Lee said, and noticed what appeared to be a flash of sympathy in Tory’s gaze.

  “I understand,” Tory said. “Good night, Lee.”

  After placing Simons in charge of Jo’s security until her shift tomorrow, Lee pushed her way out the front door, the cool night air burning her lungs. She’d brave the cold, brave anything to get as far away from Jolene West as humanly possible.

  As she shot through the front gate, she saw two silhouettes in a tight embrace just before the lights went out in the corner bedroom. Jo’s bedroom. She’d suffer the loss and pain of nearly losing her arm all over again just to erase that one picture from her memory. Opening the throttle, she welcomed the pin-pricking sensations as the icy cool air whipped her in the face, the freezing cold matching the numbness creeping through her soul.

  *

  Jo offered Charlene her throat, moaning as her teeth raked across her sensitive flesh. She ran her fingertips up Charlene’s back, feeling the muscles ripple beneath the cherry-red silk shirt.

  “You’re so damn beautiful,” Charlene whispered into Jo’s ear, taking her earlobe between her teeth before sucking on the tip. “I couldn’t keep my eyes off you all night.”

  Jo shuddered, groaning when Charlene licked her way across her shoulder. “I noticed.” Charlene bit softly along Jo’s collarbones, and her knees went weak when Charlene started to lightly suck on her neck. “Charlene…”

  “Charlie.”

  Great name but not as sexy as Lee. “Charlie?”

  “Hum?” Charlie mumbled as she latched onto one of Jo’s nipples through the soft material.

  All thought fled as Jo heard her zipper being lowered. When the dress slipped from her shoulders, she tangled her hands through Charlie’s short hair and shivered when Charlie’s lips molded to her nipple. Jo hissed as she nipped her tender flesh, the answering surge of pleasure pain shooting between her legs. With the material pooled at her feet, she held Charlie’s lips to her breast, pushing into the inferno that was Charlie’s mouth. “God! You’re driving me mad.”

  Charlie lifted her easily and laid her on the bed. Jo lay back against the pillows as Charlie removed her clothes and crawled up next to her, clearly mindful of her injured side and cast. She reached for Charlie’s head again, guiding her mouth to where it felt best.

  “Yes,” Jo cried, arching her back as Charlie bit, sucked, and literally licked her into a frenzy. “My underwear…please…take them off.”

  Charlie guided the lace bikinis carefully down Jo’s hips, kissing every inch of exposed skin. “Beautiful. You smell so incredible.”

  Jo didn’t want conversation. She wanted Charlene’s hungry mouth to claim her wet center the way it had just devoured her breast. She wanted not to think for a while, and she wanted someone, anyone, to help her banish Lee’s image from her mind. Charlie proved to be an excellent distraction. She covered every inch of Jo’s skin with wet, warm kisses. As she began her descent and bit lightly along Jo’s thigh, Jo groaned and closed her eyes. An image of Lee flashed behind her eyelids—her sexy grin, her dark eyes, the way she was always there just when Jo needed her.

  Why couldn’t she allow Charlie to take her, to finish what she so desperately needed? The answer was simple, even though she wished she’d picked a different time to analyze it. She covered her face with her hands, as if that could block out the image. A collage of pictures danced before her—Lee sitting by her bed, jumping in front of her at lunch earlier that day. She couldn’t believe she’d allowed Lee’s ghost into her bed, a bed she was sharing with another woman after far too long alone. She could hear Lee’s deep laugh. She shivered at the thought of what Lee’s hands could do to her body. Suddenly it occurred to her she couldn’t do this with Charlie. She couldn’t handle any more regrets.

  “Charlie, stop. I’m sorry,” Jo mumbled. “I’m so sorry. I can’t do this.”

  Charlie reclined next to Jo, wrapping an arm around her shoulders to pull her close. She placed a gentle kiss on top of Jo’s head before climbing out of bed in search of her clothes. “I understand.”

  How could you when I don’t even understand?

  Charlie pulled on her pants, avoiding Jo’s gaze. “Can I ask you a question without offending you?”

  “Anything.” She at least owed Charlie some sort of explanation for her irrational behavior.

  “Does she know?”

  “Does who know what?”

  “Lee,” Charlie said, buttoning her shirt. “She’s your bodyguard, right?”

  “How did you…” Jo pulled the sheet up to cover her body, suddenly feeling exposed and foolish.

  “You moaned her name right before you asked me to stop.”

  Jo hid her face in her hands again, feeling the heat from the blush against her palms. “Oh, my God. I’m sorry…I didn’t mean…”

  “Hey, look at me,” Charlie said gently as she sat next to Jo on the bed and pulled Jo’s hands away from her face. “I should have known better. I saw the way you two looked at each other all night, which was partly the reason I’d kept my distance from you. When you smiled at me, I was shocked. I thought maybe I’d imagined the whole thing.”

  “God, I feel so stupid!”

  “I think we both feel a little foolish.” Charlie kissed Jo on the forehead before she stood and grabbed her jacket. “Good night, Jo.”

  Numbness settled over her as Charlie left without another word. Jo had clearly humiliated them both, and all she wanted to do now was erase the night completely from her mind and body. She flung her head back into the pillows and let out a heavy sigh. What a complete mess she’d created, first with Lee and then with Charlie.

  She had wanted Charlie at first, hadn’t she? The woman’s hands were magic, playing her body like a master guitarist would work the strings. It had been months since she’d been in someone else’s arms. She missed the physical connection, had craved another woman’s touch. But she hadn’t wanted that particular woman. No, she wanted Lee, the woman who didn’t want her in return. Fantastic.

  After turning on the water for her jet tub, she covered her cast with a plastic protector before stepping into the warm water, determined to scrub the entire night away. She sobbed at her immature behavior, unable to stop her tears, and cursed her impulsiveness but didn’t know any other way to act after Lee had so blatantly rebuked her. Yes, her feelings had been hurt, but instead of taking Lee’s rejection like an adult, she had acted like a child and shattered the one thing that Lee valued most, someone’s trust. If there was one thing Jo had learned about Lee, it was that she didn’t trust easily, because she didn’t feel anyone was trustworthy. Lee hid her feelings so she wouldn’t have to share an essential part of herself, and just when she’d partially opened that door, Jo had slammed it in her face.

  Jo cried harder, realizing she’d pushed away the first person who’d ever put her first. The only person who had put her first. Sure, she’d been paid to do so, but she had a feeling it went deeper than that with Lee. Or at least it had. She tilted her head back and let the water blend with her tears.

  *

  Lee was on her third shot of tequila, lying haphazardly across her sofa. The warmth of the silver liquid helped numb her body, but nothing would be strong enough to erase the memory of Jo wrapped in another woman’s arms. Instead of wiping her memory clean, each shot made the image more vivid, more inte
nse. The glass sailed through the air, shattering into a million shards against the far wall. She reached for the phone, falling forward unsteadily.

  “Shit!” She grimaced when her shin hit the coffee table. “I’m coming, damn it. Hold on.” She didn’t recognize the number on the caller ID. “Yeah?”

  “Lee?”

  Lee cleared her throat in an attempt to steady her voice and sound sober. “Hey,” she said, and swayed. Christ, she couldn’t think with the alcohol clouding her thoughts. Something had to be wrong for Jo to call her directly. “Everything okay?”

  “Fine. Sorry to call so late. I wanted…well…”

  Lee closed her eyes, wanting to say something, anything, to erase the uncertainty in Jo’s trembling voice, but she had no comforting words to offer. She wasn’t angry at Jo anymore, but the feelings she’d brought to the surface were too raw. She closed her eyes, feeling like a coward for what she was about to do. “Actually, Ms. West, I’m glad you called. I was going to tell you this tomorrow, but I guess now is as good a time as any.”

  “What is it?”

  “I have another job offer and it’s something I can’t pass up. I hope you understand.” Resorting to lying? You really are a disgrace, soldier.

  “I see.” Jo’s voice was unusually controlled. Too controlled. “When do you start?”

  “Monday. So I’ll formally resign tomorrow. Did you need something tonight before I go?”

  Lee wanted to reach through the phone and take Jo into her arms, erase the words spoken through a tequila haze. She could tell by the silence that the news wasn’t sitting well with Jo, but she was both physically and mentally tired and had to hang up before she said something she’d regret.

  “No. I thought it was important but it can keep until morning. Good night, Ms. Winters.”

  Lee kept her eyes shut tight. She could tell from the quiver in Jo’s voice that she was on the edge of tears, and it killed her to know she was hurting her. But for the sake of her own sanity, she had to gain some distance. “Good night, Ms. West.”

  Chapter Thirteen

  “Lee, you can’t do this,” Gary said.

  “Excuse me?” Lee had been pacing in her apartment for the last few hours, her nerves open and raw. After her conversation with Jo, she hadn’t been able to sleep. She was tired and edgy and wasn’t in the mood for any lip service from anyone. She’d called Gary the moment she thought he’d be awake.

  “Look—”

  “No, you look,” she said. “I’m through, Gary. Find someone else. I don’t need money this bad.” And if I have to hear or watch her practically have sex with someone again, I’ll go postal.

  “But the reason I picked you—”

  “I don’t care about your fucking reasons. I want out—today. Fix it so she’s covered and hand me my last check.”

  “Lee,” Gary said, sighing heavily into the phone. “You know I can’t just make another female bodyguard appear out of thin air, especially after that incident with Franklin. You have to give me enough time to find a replacement. It’ll take at least a few weeks to find another woman with half your skills.”

  Did she hear right? A few weeks? Hell no. “You’ve got two days. By Monday I’m gone.”

  “Okay, okay,” he said quickly. Too quickly. “I may have someone else who might be interested.”

  Funny, if that were true, then why didn’t he use this person in the first place? “Who?”

  “Uh…”

  “Who?” Lee’s tone was deadly. If it was who she thought it was, Gary wouldn’t live to see tomorrow.

  “Viper, but—”

  “No fucking way. Understand me?” How dare you even suggest it? “That hotshot takes two steps in Jo’s direction and I’ll run her over with her own damn sports car!”

  “Lee, you’re not leaving me much choice. I’m outta options.”

  “I don’t give a shit if you have to hire a Girl Scout. If I see Viper anywhere near Jo your ass is mine. Got me?”

  “Yeah, yeah,” he muttered.

  “Good.” She slammed the phone into its cradle, taking a deep breath. Viper. Jesus fucking Christ! That dishonorable poor excuse for a soldier was equivalent to a deserter, in her book. How could someone with Viper’s record leave the service willingly when Lee had a chance to advance her own career and it was taken from her? She was bad news, and there was no way Lee wanted her anywhere near Jo. No matter how badly she wanted out, she couldn’t quit until Gary found someone she could trust. Leaving Jo in the hands of a total stranger was inconceivable, especially since people like Amanda Franklin didn’t respect or value people’s privacy. What if something happened to Jo during the transition? No matter how much last night had angered and hurt her, she wouldn’t put Jo’s life in danger because of her personal feelings. She was a soldier, and in the sober light of day, she knew she’d have to pull herself together and suck it up no matter how much seeing Jo again would destroy her.

  *

  Lee kept the face shield up on her motorcycle helmet, allowing the cool morning air to help snap her out of her hazy hangover. Between the alcohol from the night before and very little sleep, she needed something more than just a cup of coffee to jolt her awake.

  She’d thought about Jo all night—recalled how beautiful she’d looked in that dress, remembered the feelings of helplessness, knowing she would never be enough for her. And then she saw her with another woman. At that moment, she knew she couldn’t protect Jo any longer. Jo needed someone with a clear head, not someone whose heart was getting in the way of their duty.

  She’d been so confused about her feelings for Jo before last night. She’d refused to accept that she was falling for the person she was trying to protect. But seeing Jo in Charlene’s arms made her realize she was only fooling herself. She did care, more than she should. But she wouldn’t put herself through that kind of pain. She wouldn’t allow Jo to push her away after finding out about her demons. No, walking away before someone got hurt was better.

  She twisted the throttle, the stinging sensation bringing tears to her eyes. With every mile closer to the West home, she felt a sense of dread she’d never experienced before. Yes, she’d nearly lost her life in battle, but she’d trade her life any day for the loss she was about to incur.

  As she pulled into the driveway, she glimpsed someone opening the front door. She cruised to a stop just beyond the stairs and waited as Jo made her way down the front steps. She engaged the kickstand and was in the process of dismounting her bike when Jo stopped at the bottom of the stairs and leaned against a support post.

  Jo waved the two bodyguards standing at the top of the stairs inside as she turned back to stare at Lee. Lee removed her gloves, shoving them into her motorcycle helmet as she approached.

  “Why do you insist on driving that dangerous thing? You could get killed,” Jo said, unable to keep the agitation out of her voice. Her irritation with Lee had increased since their phone call and spread like a rash through her emotions. Seeing Lee, decked out in full leathers, straddling her bike like she would a lover, made the flames and irritation burn hotter.

  “I could say the same thing about you, since you really shouldn’t be going down these stairs without someone’s assistance.”

  The sexy, determined look on Lee’s face made Jo forget why she was angry. Lee did strange things to her, wonderful things. But Lee had made it very clear she would be leaving soon and obviously didn’t share the same feelings. “I don’t think falling down the stairs is the same as falling on that damn bike.”

  “You’re probably right,” Lee said, inching closer. “But I won’t.”

  Jo placed her hands on Lee’s jacket, intending to smooth the bent collar. The leather felt cool against her skin, but that wasn’t why she was shivering. Lee’s eyes were dark, dangerous in a way that made animals run from predators. They were pulling her in, holding her captive. And for the first time in forever, she didn’t want to break away from her restraints. “Are you still goin
g to leave me?” she asked in a whisper.

  “Yes.”

  “Why?”

  “Because I need to. Because I can’t protect you like this. Don’t you get it? I can’t fight you any more, Jo.”

  Lee’s lips were inches from her own and her whispered words set Jo’s skin on fire. Her pulse raced out of control, and she was sweating even though the morning air felt cool against her skin. A pool of moisture formed between her legs as all the blood in her body rushed south.

  Jo registered Lee’s hands on her hips before she came to her senses and stepped back. Her crutch caught the top step, causing her to lose her balance and stumble backward. She was quickly scooped up in Lee’s powerful arms and set gently back on her feet. She began to shake, and everywhere Lee’s hands touched, Jo burned.

  The need for Lee to rescue her again caused a flush of embarrassment to race along her cheeks. She’d wanted to believe she was independent and didn’t need anyone’s help. But as each day passed, she had come to rely on her shadow more and more. When was she ever going to prove, to Tory, to Lee, or more importantly to herself, that she was capable of existing without the help of others? “No wonder you’re leaving. You probably think I’m a big klutz.”

  “You know I don’t think that,” Lee said softly, keeping Jo in the circle of her arms. “You’ve been in a terrible accident, Jo. It’s understandable that your balance and your stamina haven’t returned yet. But they will in time. Trust me.”

  Jo did trust her. She’d trusted her since the day Lee walked through her bedroom door and had become a solid presence in her chaotic life. Wrapped in Lee’s arms, she wanted to kiss the lips that were inches from her own. She became lost in the hypnotic pull of Lee’s eyes and slowly bent forward, her heartbeat thundering in her ears. She wanted, needed, Lee—and no one else.

  “Please,” Jo whispered, her lips a breath from Lee’s.

  “Yes.”

  Jo didn’t know what had caused her heart to pound more violently. Was it the look of longing on Lee’s face or was it the shock of a loud engine that yanked her out of the moment? She stepped away from Lee’s embrace as a bright-yellow sports car sped through the front gate and pulled alongside Lee’s bike.