Parallel Lives

by Narelle Minton

  “Get out before I throw you out.”

  Natalie turned her back on her and walked away.

  Back in the solarium that afternoon, Natalie watched Derek move around the room, a blank look on his face as if he were lost. He no longer spoke to anyone. He didn’t eat. Days passed but there was no improvement. He remained despondent, consumed by fear of being a prisoner in his own bed and the hellish nightmares he now experienced every night. He stayed up as late as he could, only going to bed when exhaustion overtook him.

  William shared his concerns with Natalie. “Derek told me he’s dying. He keeps asking for a mirror to reassure himself that he’s still alive. I can see the pulse moving in his neck. His heart is giving out. I don’t think he’ll last much longer.”

  “That’s awful.”

  “I want to help him but I can’t reach him anymore. It’s so painful to watch. He’s been a wonderful friend and done so much for everyone.”

  Natalie accompanied William to the room where Derek now lay in bed, too weak to sit up. His face was dry and his lips were cracked from lack of moisture. He was struggling to breathe and the tips of his fingers had gone blue from lack of oxygen. He looked at them through half-closed eyes. “Ring my mother, will you? Ask her to visit.”

  Natalie made the call and explained the situation. Despite her plea, his mother reiterated that she was too busy at present. Derek went into a coma that night. He came out of it next morning, just as his mother arrived. She held his hand, reassuring him, as he passed into another place.

  The flag was flown at half-mask. Everyone sat quietly in their chairs, their faces forlorn. They’d lost another friend. With his loss came back memories of past deaths and the big question, “Who’ll be next? Will it be me or will it be someone else?” People withdrew into their own grief, isolating themselves from each other.

  It soon became clear who the next victim would be. Rosemary had not recovered from the move away from what she regarded as home and family. She was hardly eating. A staff member discovered, when showering her, she’d lost so much weight that the steel rod in her back, was breaking through the skin near her neck and had become infected. Rosemary was taken to the hospital to have it removed but on her return to Crystal Gardens her decline continued and she spent most of her time in bed.

  William visited her on a daily basis, doing his best to encourage her. She retained the cheeky smile that had always brought pleasure to others as her thin arm clung onto her hair as if trying to maintain a grip on life itself.

  William opened his heart to Natalie. “When I saw her this morning it was so painful to watch her small, helpless body struggling for breath as she looked up at me with those big, brown eyes. I said, ‘Rosemary, all I want to do is take you in my arms and hold you.’ I just wanted to comfort her but she told me to go away. Apparently, staff members have been telling her that I’m a dirty, old man. I’ve known her since she was a little girl and loved her like a daughter. Why, oh why, can’t anyone understand?”

  The next day she passed away. Everyone was devastated by the death of such a courageous, young girl. Natalie found it hard supporting others when she felt such grief herself. She had less experience of death than anyone there. All she wanted was to go home and hide under the bed-covers, where no one could find her and she could escape the pain of Crystal Gardens. William found her in her office, tearful and trembling. “I’m not coping. Help me.”

  “Go home. I’ll see you later.”

  She did as she was bid. About half an hour later, William arrived in his brother-in-law’s car. He held her in his arms and comforted her. It was a long, sad night but at least neither of them was alone. They didn’t attend the funeral, Natalie, because she couldn’t face it, with everyone there looking to her for support, and William because he’d already said good-bye. “I went to see her after her death. She looked so peaceful. There was not a single blemish on her pale face. She was like a fine, China doll. While I watched her I prayed, thanking God for taking her away from all the pain and suffering at Crystal Gardens.”

  Chapter 37

  With Matron’s departure, there was finally peace at Crystal Gardens, which changed, before long, from a Health Department nursing home to a Social Services funded residential facility. This had apparently been in the pipeline for months, the real basis for Matron’s concern. With the exception of Barry, existing staff didn’t have their contracts renewed. New carers arrived, buoyant and enthusiastic to support residents with their move to the units, where the smell of fresh paint greeted the occupants. Sunshine beamed through wide windows into large, central living areas with their adjoining open plan kitchens. Each unit contained four individual bedrooms with ensuite facilities. It was luxury compared to the dilapidated dormitories. Residents even got to choose who they’d share with. Then there was the fun of decorating rooms to individual taste. In William’s room, a huge desk and computer took pride of place. There he could while away the day playing computer games. Residents even got to select their own menus and to help with preparation and cooking of meals as far as they were able. The units soon became a hub of activity, especially when friends dropped by.

  William became a regular weekend visitor to Natalie’s house, being brought there by a friend or relative one day and collected the next. Their time together, especially nights spent cuddling up close, provided the comfort of warmth and security. William had previously given up on any chance of a meaningful intimate relationship. For Natalie, it had been all too difficult following Chris’s previous reaction to her dating. Now anything seemed possible. What they wanted most was to live like a normal couple, getting out and about in the community and having fun.

  “We can do it if we try,” asserted Natalie.

  “The first thing is to learn how to transfer me if you’re game. I know I’m heavy, so stop any time you’re finding it too hard. OK?”

  Natalie nodded. With his guidance, she dragged him by his shirt to the edge of the bed, pushed his shoulders until he was in sitting position, twisted his legs off the bed and plopped him into the chair. Natalie smiled. “That was a success.” She failed to mention her aching shoulder. That’s not important. “Now we can go out together. Let’s take Chris to the play at the high school this evening. That should be fun.”

  “If you’re sure you can manage.”

  Natalie pushed the manual chair down the front steps. So far so good. Now to get him into the car. Oops. I’ve banged his head against the top of the car. She took his full weight as she dropped him into the car seat and her back went into spasms of pain. Blood trickled down his forehead. Natalie grabbed a tissue to wipe the blood. “I’m so sorry.”

  “I’ve had worse done to me than that.”

  She drove toward the high school. What the hell have I done? How am I going to get him out of the car when we get there?

  She needn’t have worried. On arrival at the hall, they discovered the play had been cancelled because a number of actors had the ’flu. It was at that point William announced his urgent need to use his bowels. “Drive to casualty at the hospital. There’ll be someone there able to toilet me.”

  At the hospital Natalie left William and Chris in the car, happily playing word games, while she wandered along an empty, dark corridor searching for someone to give her directions. She soon found the emergency department. “Would someone be able to give me a hand with my disabled friend? He’s in the car and needs to use the toilet.”

  “Go and wait in the car. We’ll send someone out shortly.” After about twenty minutes a wards-man arrived and put William into a commode chair. He rapidly wheeled him along the corridor with Natalie and Chris following. William’s commode was placed over a toilet and the wards-man disappeared. Natalie stood outside waiting for him to return but he didn’t. It was then she realised it would be her task to clean William up. Fortunately, he was so relaxed about it she found it didn’t hurt a bit.

  When the wards-man finally returned, Natalie winked at William a
nd turned to the man. “I’ve always wanted to be a nurse and I thought this would be good training.” He helpfully told her about nurse’s aide courses at the local TAFE.

  Once safely back in the car, they chuckled together. “That’s one more step up Mount Everest,” said William. On their return home, it was a struggle getting him out of the car into his chair, up the steps and into bed but they did it. Natalie was exhausted and aching all over but once they cuddled up together, everything felt all right.

  It was a few days later when Natalie came down with the ’flu. After dragging herself through most of the day with aching muscles and no energy, she left work early and returned home, relieved to collapse into bed and leave the world behind.

  Suddenly, she was woken by knocking at the front door. I’ll ignore it. The knocking continued. Glimpsing a car parked out the front, Natalie forced herself out of bed to the door. She opened it to find a stranger standing there. “William’s come to visit.”

  “I don’t want him. I’m sick.”

  The man remained there, obviously nonplussed. “Come to the car and speak to him.”

  She struggled along the driveway to the vehicle, opening the front, passenger door. William looked at her, concern clearly reflected in his face. Her heart surrendered. “I’m really too sick to look after you but you can come in if you look after yourself.”

  It was reassuring to have William’s company overnight, though she did feel embarrassed about her behaviour when his friend turned up to collect him the following morning.

  Chapter 38

  Always ready for a challenge, William and Natalie readied themselves for a trip to Newcastle, with Chris of course. The plan was to stay with William’s eldest sister, Fay. William was relieved to obtain a collapsible, electric chair from the organisation. Though more difficult for Natalie to lift into the car, it’d give William the freedom he was used to.

  Natalie drove to another sister’s place to collect William. He met her at the door in his new chair. “Come inside I’ve got something to show you.” Natalie followed him down the corridor to a bedroom, where William had his suitcase packed ready. From behind the case he drew out a red rose. “This bud is a symbol of our love, fresh and alive, full of hope.” Natalie’s eyes moistened as she accepted the gift.

  They were soon in the car on their way. As usual, William took charge of entertainment, creating all manner of games to occupy Chris. When they came upon a hitch-hiker, William turned to Chris. “Here’s some fun.” He waved out the window as they passed. Following his example, Chris waved wildly out the back window. Natalie wasn’t sure how the hitch-hiker felt, but the two of them laughed heartily.

  On arrival, William’s sister, Fay, her adult son, Josh, and his girlfriend, Janine, rushed out to greet them with beaming smiles and outstretched arms. Josh helped William out of the car, into his chair, and led them into the old weatherboard house. Everyone was soon sitting around the table catching up on family gossip over a nourishing home-cooked meal. William looked more relaxed than she’d seen him in a long time.

  After the meal, Josh took them to the rear of the house. “You stay here, in my flat, Unc. Janine and I don’t mind using a bedroom in the house for a few days.” Natalie looked around at the double bed with a white doona but no cover, a worn old lounge, an odd assortment of chairs and a table covered in dusty bits and pieces. Curtains hung drably over the window, cutting out most of the light. This is bliss, a whole flat to ourselves.

  “I’ll be in to give you a hand whenever you need it, Unc. Give me a call any time.”

  Even better! I can have a break too.

  Josh left the three of them to settle in.

  The first thing Natalie did was place the rose on the cream mantelpiece over the boarded-up fireplace. She looked at William. “This way we can watch each petal unfold, displaying the beauty of life.”

  “You’d better put Andicap up there too.” He was William’s patch-work elephant, named because of his handicapped nose, which had needed restitching. Andicap had been part of William’s past therapy, given to him to encourage him to express his pain and troubles, the release of pent-up emotions being analogous to setting free elephants. He’d become William’s companion, listening and providing comfort, but never telling even the most trusted of friends. “Andicap will look after us all.”

  “I’m going to put my teddy up there too,” added Chris. “But he’ll have to come down when I go to bed, ’cause I don’t want him to get cold.” Natalie and William glanced at each other with a smile.

  After resting, William and Natalie joined Josh and Janine on an outing to a local nightclub, while Chris remained with Fay. The nightclub was huge, with young people milling about everywhere, many discoing to the blaring strains of a large, brass band. William’s focus was continually drawn to two cages, hanging from the ceiling. Each contained a scantily clad disco dancer, leaving little of the female anatomy to the imagination. Natalie watched the delight that their bobbing boobs and bums provided him. Disability or not, he’s a real man when it comes to sexual response. I already knew that. Briefly, Natalie’s mind drifted back to some of the young men at Crystal Gardens. She wished they could be there to share the pleasure.

  As the room became even more crowded, William’s view of the stage, from his small, collapsible chair, became completely blocked by people standing in front of him. Natalie watched as he tried unsuccessfully to reach out to nudge the person in front. His arm simply wouldn’t extend far enough. Not to be defeated, he continued to shout to those in front of him until they finally moved aside. He asked her to dance. Natalie was mesmerised by William with his twinkling eyes and beaming smile, as his chest jived to the beat of the music and his chair swayed in accord. Then he gave her a nod, reaching out his arms. She climbed onto his lap and nestled into him, closing her eyes and soaking up the warmth, as they spun around the dance floor.

  Chris was excited the next morning to be going to Lake Macquarie. On arrival, he leapt out of the car and raced to the water’s edge with his fishing rod. Natalie remained in the car with William, avoiding the struggle of getting him out of the car. They could keep an eye on Chris from there, where they had a clear view of the lake. Gulls floated overhead, occasionally diving for food. A dog ran along the shore-line, romping in the water. Further out, yachts glided across the surface.

  Natalie would have liked to join Chris but felt awkward about leaving William on his own. Looking across at him, she noticed a strained look on his face. “What’s the matter?”

  “Stop watching me all the time. I don’t need you hovering over me.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I saw you watching me all through the meal last night. Now you’re doing it again.”

  “I didn’t know if you needed your meat cut up. I just wanted to help.”

  “I’m quite capable of asking for help if I need it. How do you think it makes me feel to be watched all the time, in case I can’t manage?”

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you feel uncomfortable. Now I know, I won’t do it again. But ask me if you do need anything, OK?”

  William nodded.

  A shriek from the water’s edge caught their attention. Chris ran to the car to show them his thumb, with a hook hanging out of it. Natalie discovered it had gone right through and was impossible to remove. Aghast, she looked at William.

  “It looks like a trip to the hospital. I’ll show you the way to the closest one.”

  Natalie drove off. Why does everything have to be so hard? How am I supposed to look after both Chris and William when we get there?

  Before long they drew up at a small, local hospital. “I’ll be all right in the car. You take Chris in,” said William.

  Chris and Natalie walked up the hospital steps to the casualty department. A nurse immediately took them into a large room where Chris was shown to a bed. After helping him onto it, she pulled a curtain around them. Natalie sat beside him on a straight-backed wooden chai
r. She endeavoured to keep her eyes open but her lids felt so heavy. It wasn’t until she felt the nurse shaking her by the arm she realised she’d drifted off. Chris proudly showed her his freshly bandaged thumb. “It didn’t hurt a bit.”

  How could I let my son down like that when he needed me? They returned to the car. William pulled a face at her.

  “Why do you pull faces?” she asked.

  “To make people look at me.”

  The three of them laughed as they set off back to Fay’s place.

  It couldn’t be put off any longer. William needed a bath. Natalie watched as Josh lifted him like a baby into the tub. If only I was that strong. “I’ll wash him,” she volunteered. As soon as Josh left the room she undressed and joined William in the bath. It was the first time she’d seen him completely naked. His long gold and silver beard shone beneath the droplets of bath water. His hairy chest was huge compared to his skinny arms and crooked, wasted legs. He’s gorgeous. “You’re beautiful.”

  “You make me feel beautiful.”

  They splashed about, laughing like children. There was an occasional knock at the door and a question to check what they were up to, but they took no notice.

  “You don’t give me much of a hand,” commented Natalie.

  “No, but I’m awfully good at giving instructions.”

  They both laughed. They started singing songs.

  The playfulness continued for the rest of the evening. When they lay in bed together, one of William’s legs kept flopping onto her. “These legs need a talking to.” Before long they’d named one Perce and the other Max. When Perce dropped onto Natalie, she would caress him. “I know, mate, you’re very attracted to me, and you’re my favourite leg, but this is really not your place. Do try to stay up like a good chap.”

  When she turned off the light, things changed. Natalie’s sleep was interrupted, not only by William’s need for regular turning but also by his frequent nightmares. He’d scream out for a nurse. She tried to make light of it. “No nurse round here mate, just me.” But having her sleep disrupted in this way, left her nervous and trembling, lying awake for hours. In her exhaustion, intrusive thoughts kept flashing into her mind, building resentment against William for the way she felt. Then feelings of guilt kicked in as she clung to him for warmth and security.