by Anna Martin
“Do you, um, want to get settled?” Luc asked. “Then we can go out again. I don’t think anyone else is going to be around this weekend. We should have the house to ourselves.”
Caleb nodded and smiled, reached for Luc’s hand and squeezed it gently.
“Thank you,” he signed.
“Cool. I’m just going to go to the bathroom. Do you need anything?”
Caleb shook his head and smiled, and Luc jogged out of the room, all nervous energy. Caleb thought it was adorable.
After decanting most of his belongings into a neat pile on Luc’s desk chair, Caleb repacked his bag with his iPad, wallet, and jacket in case in got cold later. He made sure to send his mom a message to let her know he had arrived, was safe, and was about to go to dinner. That was all true.
Luc had said he knew where he wanted to eat, and Caleb was fine with pretty much anything, so he didn’t mind. As they set off out of the house again he wondered if they would be getting the subway back into Manhattan. His first experience had been interesting. He wasn’t sure if he was ready to repeat it again so soon.
But they walked straight past the station to a little Italian restaurant. It was warm and fairly dark inside. Luc squeezed Caleb’s hand as they waited for the hostess to finish seating the couple that had walked in just before them.
“Okay?” Luc signed, and Caleb nodded, guessing that he was asking about the restaurant and not about Caleb himself. Normally in new situations like this he got nervous, but with Luc it was different. Luc was good at calming him down too, with a gentle, reassuring stroke with his thumb across Caleb’s hand at regular intervals.
The waiter seemed to know Luc. He greeted them both warmly and led them through the restaurant to a booth at the back, where they could sit opposite each other.
“Can I get you any drinks?”
“Um, Coke is fine,” Luc said, then looked to Caleb, who nodded and held up two fingers. “Two Cokes, please.”
“Great. I’ll bring those right over.”
Then they were left alone. Caleb felt the first tendrils of nerves curl in his belly. He’d never been on a date before, and definitely not in a situation like this, where he barely knew the other person.
Luc seemed to pick up on his mood and reached across the table, taking hold of Caleb’s hand and squeezing it.
“Okay?” he signed again, and Caleb nodded. “Good.”
Ordering was easy. Caleb just pointed at a pasta dish that looked good, then sipped nervously at his drink while Luc chatted easily with the waiter. Even though Luc was turned to the side, Caleb managed to follow most of the conversation. He guessed the waiter was a friend.
Then they were left alone again.
“Do you have any of your pictures on there?” Luc asked, pointing to Caleb’s bag, where the iPad was poking out of the top.
Caleb winced.
“Please?” Luc said and grinned.
Caleb couldn’t resist that smile, especially not in person, and from only a few feet away. With a sigh Caleb tapped the file for his most recent project and turned the screen around.
It was interesting to watch Luc’s expression as he flipped through the set of images, angling his head differently for each portrait. It was a series of photos of his family, taken to deliberately mimic an older style of photography. Each image was labeled—Mom, Dad, Grandpa, Allie, Sophia—and even though Luc wouldn’t know that the girls were his cousins, the rest were fairly obvious.
When he reached the last image in the folder, Luc quickly flicked back through until he found one from the group.
“This is incredible,” he said, turning the screen back to Caleb. It was the picture of his grandfather.
Caleb nodded and quickly signed back that it was one of his favorites too. Luc’s expression told him that he’d been too fast, or maybe that he didn’t know those signs yet.
Deciding on a different approach, Caleb opened another app and pulled the small stylus from its place. This was his saving grace—a new take on the more old-fashioned approach of writing things down.
My teacher wants to enter that picture into a competition, he wrote, then clicked the button to flip the screen upside down, for the person sitting opposite to be able to read it. Luc read the message and nodded.
“It’s amazing,” he said.
“Thank you,” Caleb signed, knowing Luc knew that one.
“Don’t you get frustrated?” Luc asked and elaborated when he saw Caleb’s expression. “Not being able to get your point across easily.”
Caleb picked up the pen again and wrote a new message.
I’m used to it now.
Luc nodded. “But you’re so patient.”
I use this a few times a day. A lot of people don’t know sign language.
“I guess that’s true. People are going to think I’m mad, talking to myself.”
For the first time in a while, Caleb laughed. “Yes, you are,” he signed.
Luc pulled a face.
This was what he had been the most worried about—finally getting Caleb here and trying to hold a conversation in person, without the security of a computer screen between them. It was going surprisingly well.
When the food arrived, Luc managed to keep an almost constant conversation going, partly using sign language, mostly speaking. Caleb had to ask him to slow down a few times. Luc knew he had a tendency to babble.
After dinner Luc took Caleb on a tour through Ridgewood, the little community where his sister had decided to make her home. Up until the start of his senior year, Luc had been enrolled at Thornton-Donovan School in New Rochelle. It was a private boarding school, but his mom had lived nearby so he could go home on weekends. Both his older siblings had gone to TDS too, but things had changed after his dad died.
“School?” Caleb signed as they passed one of the middle schools in the area.
Luc shook his head. “I go to a school in Manhattan,” he said. “The one closest to us—well, my mom didn’t want me to go there. It’s not very nice. The only place that had a space for me that my mom approved of was Millennium, so….” He shrugged. “That’s where I am.”
Caleb nodded. “Far away?”
“Not too bad. I have to get the train every day.”
They had looped back round the neighborhood and stood once more outside Luc’s house. Walking had been slightly awkward. They had to stop for Caleb to lip read or sign, or else Caleb had to tilt his head at an uncomfortable angle. Once they’d stopped, though, Luc could move so they were face to face. Suddenly he’d run out of things to say.
The height difference between them was even more pronounced like this. Caleb was at least six inches taller, maybe more. Luc decided he liked that, though, even if it did mean he had to lean up on his toes for kisses.
“I’m really glad you’re here,” Luc said in a rush.
Caleb nodded. “Me too.”
“We should probably go inside,” Luc said, glancing at the door. It was starting to get cold.
They walked up the few steps to the front door, and Luc let them in. The house was still and silent. He led them through the dark house to the kitchen, where he poured two glasses of water, offered one to Caleb, then returned to his room without turning on a single light. When Caleb yawned widely Luc was reminded of the long journey he’d taken earlier in the day and offered him the first shot at the bathroom.
Caleb nodded gratefully and took his backpack into Luc’s small adjoining bathroom. While he was gone Luc quickly changed and pulled his old Superman sleeping bag out of the bottom of the closet. It had been a birthday present when he was a kid, and he could remember begging his dad for weeks, insisting it was the only gift he wanted.
His father hadn’t bought him the sleeping bag, but Ilse had. It was probably around that time that Luc realized his father wasn’t going to indulge him anymore, and he needed to start looking to his older sister for that sort of comfort instead.
When Caleb reemerged he was wearing long strip
ed pajama pants and a plain white T-shirt, and his hair was neatly combed, his face washed. Luc was willing to bet if he tried for a kiss now Caleb’s mouth would taste minty fresh.
While they swapped places and Luc firmly shut the bathroom door behind himself, Caleb took the opportunity to look around Luc’s room. It was fairly disorganized, and it looked like things had been shoved into drawers to clear them away. Clothes were hanging out of the chest, and more were shoved under the bed. Luc had a dressing table that was overflowing with hair products, homework assignments, and what looked (to Caleb’s untrained eye) like band memorabilia.
There were posters on the wall, stuck up artfully, and photos of what looked like Luc’s family. The room was cozy, Caleb decided, and warm. He was standing in front of a photo of Luc and a girl he guessed was Luc’s sister when Luc came out of the bathroom. Caleb offered him a shy smile, then took a step toward the sleeping bag on the floor.
“No,” Luc said, catching Caleb’s arm. “I’ve got the sleeping bag. You take the bed.”
Caleb gave him a pained expression. “Are you sure?”
“Yes,” Luc said emphatically. Caleb hesitated before agreeing.
The fabric of Luc’s pillowcase was soft against his cheek as Caleb curled up, finally letting his body relax after what seemed like hours of buzzing, being high on life, drugged on this feeling of being with someone else who kick-started those emotions.
Luc was sleeping on the floor, which was ridiculous, really, since Caleb was sure there was somewhere else more comfortable. He had a sleeping bag, an old Superman cotton thing that didn’t look big enough to cover a grown man, but Luc had insisted it was fine. Caleb had decided that this was Luc’s way of offering some kind of protection. He wanted to be around, just in case Caleb needed him in the night.
If he was being honest with himself, Caleb wasn’t sure he would be okay all through the night. He wasn’t great in new situations, and he rarely slept anywhere that wasn’t his own bed. Having Luc as his gatekeeper was reassuring. It helped him relax.
There was no way for him to tell whether Luc was sleeping yet, but Caleb wasn’t ready to let go of the day. He didn’t want to give up on whatever it was that was still fizzing away inside him.
He tried not to think about it too much as he reached down and tapped lightly on the side of the wooden bed, hoping this was enough, if Luc was awake, to get his attention. Nothing happened. He tapped lightly again, and suddenly warm fingers grasped his own.
While he was still trying to figure out what he wanted, Caleb twisted his fingers around Luc’s and tugged forward, dragging Luc up and out of his Superman sleeping bag and onto the bed. There was a soft tussle between them. Then Luc reached out and tapped his lamp once, causing it to come on dimly.
It was enough light to sign by. Caleb lifted the edge of the duvet, making room for Luc next to him.
Luc’s face was twisted into pained hesitance, and Caleb suddenly considered that maybe he had this all wrong. Just as he started to berate himself for his own stupidity, Luc shuffled closer and tugged the duvet over himself.
Since he was close enough to kiss, Caleb did. It was an awkward angle. He was leaning up and over, trying to prop himself up on an elbow while Luc reached up to meet his lips. This was a different kind of kiss from earlier. For one, they were both only wearing their pajamas. For two… Luc apparently didn’t wear pajamas. He had on a pair of tight black boxer shorts with a green glow-in-the-dark ghost pattern and, strangely, the top half of a T-shirt that was cut off at his midriff. All his smooth, pale, almost hairless skin was stretched out next to Caleb’s, making Caleb desperate to explore.
Luc pulled them both down to a more comfortable angle and resumed the slow, careful kissing. Caleb curled his hand around the sharp angle of Luc’s hip and held on there for dear life as Luc reached up to fit his own hand around the back of Caleb’s neck.
He wanted this—wanted it so bad it scared him. The sharp bite of Luc’s lip ring against his own lips was another tiny thrill, something to be cherished. It was what made kissing Luc so completely different from kissing anyone else. Not that Caleb had a lot of experience in kissing anyone at all.
When Luc licked at the seam of Caleb’s lips, silently asking for more, Caleb was more than happy to share. Luc’s tongue flicked inside, just tasting or teasing, then flicked again. Caleb was sure he was probably making an embarrassing amount of noise as his heart thudded against Luc’s chest, his fingers now desperately squeezing Luc’s hip.
He was getting hard too. Just from a kiss.
After a few minutes of this—lips smushed together, tongues working on that tantalizing slide—Luc pulled away with a breathless laugh. Caleb reached up to smooth inky black hair out of Luc’s eyes. Luc turned his face to press another kiss to the palm of Caleb’s hand.
By silent mutual agreement they didn’t resume the kissing. Instead Luc curled onto his side and grabbed hold of Caleb’s arm, pulling him into a loose spooning position. Caleb purposefully kept his hips back, not wanting to press his erection into Luc’s soft thigh.
The bed was large enough for them both to be able to stretch out, if that’s what they wanted, but Luc seemed more inclined to sleep close, sharing a pillow. As far as Caleb was concerned, that was just fine.
6. #selfie
The next morning wasn’t awkward at all, and Caleb had prepared for the fact that it might be. They had spoken a little about being attracted to each other, but full-on, all-out kissing was another thing entirely.
He woke early, as was his habit, secure in the knowledge of where he was and that he was safe. Caleb thought he probably woke because Luc had rolled over, and his elbow was digging hard into Caleb’s ribs. Not that Caleb minded.
After a little dozing, Luc seemed to wake too, rolling over and rearranging Caleb until he formed Luc’s personal pillow. After he’d been nudged onto his back, Caleb wrapped his arm around Luc’s shoulder, secretly pleased with how neatly they fit together. Luc nuzzled into his chest, pressed a loose kiss to his skin, and then his whole body sighed and relaxed. It was adorable.
For a while Caleb just held him, then took up an easy, smooth stroking motion across Luc’s back and up into his hair. It was so warm, so startlingly intimate. Everything he hadn’t expected, or dared to expect, from this weekend.
Part of him wanted to ask Luc if they were boyfriends now, if Luc wanted to be his boyfriend. But that felt like things were moving too quickly. This was the first time they had been properly together, in person, and he didn’t want to rush anything and scare Luc off. He’d heard that could happen.
Caleb knew he would ask soon, though, if Luc didn’t ask him first. Luc was definitely bringing out a romantic side Caleb had never had the chance to explore before.
He could feel the moment Luc started to wake up properly, and Caleb paused in his stroking of Luc’s hair, unsure of whether or not his touch was a welcome one. Luc stretched like a cat and smiled, then kissed Caleb’s shoulder.
Luc twisted around, then signed a greeting. “Good morning.”
“Good morning,” Caleb signed back, grinning.
They stretched, moved, resumed position, sharing a pillow, nose to nose.
“Did you sleep okay?” Caleb asked.
Luc nodded and pushed the heel of his hand into one eye, then the other, smudging what was left of yesterday’s makeup. He blinked at Caleb, then smiled.
“Yeah,” he said. “I’m usually not good at sleeping. But it seems to be better when you’re here.”
Something flickered in Caleb’s belly and he nodded, afraid that if he tried to respond now, his hands wouldn’t know the right words and the moment would fall away. So he stayed still, said nothing, and smiled softly at Luc.
“Can I take a picture of us?” Luc asked.
Caleb laughed and shrugged, embarrassed. “I don’t know.”
“Please?” Luc asked. “Something cute. We’ve both got our photos up already, so it’s not such a big deal….�
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That past week Caleb had, at Luc’s insistence, posted a picture of himself to Instagram, a self-portrait. He’d been more nervous about that picture than any of the others, but it had prompted the nicest feedback he’d received so far.
Since Luc had a point, Caleb conceded, nodding, still feeling the heat in his cheeks. Luc whooped and grabbed Caleb’s wrist, dragging him down on the bed and arranging them. When he reached for his phone, Caleb frowned.
“Camera?” he signed, hoping it was self-explanatory enough that Luc would understand even if he hadn’t learned that sign yet.
Luc shook his head. “I take all my pictures with this.”
They both lay back on the bed, and Luc held the phone above them, awkwardly snapping a few pictures, then brought the phone back down to look at them. He laughed and shook his head.
“These suck,” he said.
Caleb had to agree. To save his growing embarrassment, he quickly pressed his lips to Luc’s, lingering there with his hand gently cupping Luc’s cheek.
Caleb kissed down Luc’s neck, feeling like he had the freedom to do this now, and finished with one last kiss to Luc’s shoulder. It was only when he pulled away that he realized Luc had taken more pictures while they were kissing.
Later in the day, he saw the picture posted on Luc’s Instagram. Luc had chosen one of Caleb smiling, his eyes closed and his lips kiss swollen, while Luc’s forehead was resting on Caleb’s shoulder. Since they were both wearing shirts it wasn’t really obvious that they’d spent the night in the same bed, something Caleb was grateful for. He wasn’t ashamed of their relationship, but he wasn’t quite ready for everyone to know about it just yet.
They spent the afternoon together in Luc’s room, Caleb teaching Luc little bits of ASL and how to string sentences together. Luc was a fast learner, surprisingly fast, and by the time they were done, Luc had learned a couple dozen new signs.