Trading Paint (Racing on the Edge)

by Stahl, Shey

  Even though I was battling it out in the Busch series and I’d just signed with Simplex for next year in the Cup series as well, I still showed up at those bullring tracks when I could for one simple reason, okay well two—I loved to race and seat time. I brought my helmet wherever I went. You race your best when you’re prepared and ready.

  I was.

  Being back around sprint cars was exactly what I needed. Tyler, Ryder and Justin were out there. It was the first time I’d seen Ryder racing since his accident. You could tell he still had some setbacks and walked with a limp but he did good.

  We hugged when I saw him.

  “Look at you big man!” Ryder said with a bright smile sweeping his golden brown hair from his eyes. “NASCAR driver now, huh?”

  “Yeah, so they say.”

  “They say? I saw you’ve won a few races.”

  “It’s just luck.” I shrugged. “How are you feeling these days?”

  “Oh you know...good. I walk with a limp now but other than that, back to normal.”

  Justin pushed against him as we walked toward the pit bleachers for the drivers meeting. “It’s good to see you back out here kid.”

  “Who you talking to?” Ryder asked looking between Justin and me.

  “Both of you actually,” We filed into the bleachers together. I noticed my dad walking toward us now with Bucky and Shey. “I’m lonely out here these days.”

  “Hey!” Tyler punched his shoulder.

  “I’m just sayin’...we all used to race together. This kid goes and gets hurt and this one...” he gestured to me with a nod. “Goes and gets himself a NASCAR gig.” Justin threw his arm around Tyler. “It’s just you and me Ty.”

  Jimi walked up right about then as we were all laughing.

  “Hey Jameson, some girl is looking for you.” He waggled his eyebrows.

  “Who?” I glanced down at my cell phone that vibrated. Sway sent me a text.

  Good luck tonight.

  “Uh...I think she said her name was Nikki or Natalie...or something like that. I don’t know.” He sat down next to Ryder. “How ya feeling?”

  “Pretty good,” Ryder nodded. “These assholes like to make fun of my limp but yeah...I’m feeling good.”

  “I walk with a limp too.” Dad replied.

  “That’s cause you’re old.” I added sending a text to Sway.

  I need the luck. Thanks.

  It felt good racing sprints again and I was pleased to see I was able to pull off another win. It was nice to know I hadn’t lost the ability to race open wheel but it was a gratifying feeling knowing I could battle it out in the Busch series each week and then jump back into open wheel and compete.

  I ended up dodging whoever that Nikki or Natalie pit lizard was and for good measure, I left as soon as the hauler was loaded so I didn’t have a chance at meeting up with her. This was happening way too often.

  After what transpired with the nurse in Las Vegas, I swore off women.

  I was being paid to race—not fuck around.

  I saw the way other drivers were looking at me and I didn’t want to be that guy. So I focused on what I did best, racing. If I wanted to run with those cup guys next year and compete for a title, I’d need to up my game. No more of this getting a feel for things and if I won; even better. This needed be something where I let Simplex, my dad, and my uncle, know that I was the right driver for this team.

  We spoke habitually about the plans for next season. It was decided around May that we would move to the Winston Cup Series and add another car to the team.

  In August, dad and Randy approached Bobby Cole as his contract with Durham Motorsports was ending. Having Bobby as a teammate was exactly what I needed. He was a patient, methodical driver and let’s face it, I wasn’t. It would be good for someone like me to learn from Bobby.

  Bladder – Sway

  Every time I opened the paper, Jameson was in it these days. It made me feel closer in a way, seeing him everywhere but it also held a sense of yearning, I missed him.

  I opened my laptop, searching the latest articles on him. The article on him in PEOPLE magazine was posted on so I clicked on the link waiting for the article to load.

  I smiled to myself like goon when I saw the picture they used. Jameson was in the most form fitting, tailored, black suit I had ever seen as it clung to the strong lines of his body. He was standing tall, against the side of his Busch car, with his arms crossed. On the other side of him was one of his sprint cars. His hair was more styled than it had been in the past but his face and eyes were still the same.

  There was a fire behind him that I adored and it turned me on immensely although that wasn’t anything close to the way he looked at me. Even though he was slightly inebriated at times, something about him was calling me and always had been. It was like I was drawn to him and it was annoying because he was my best friend. I was even scaring myself.

  He was almost too stunning to look at and my eyes kind of hurt but I couldn’t not stare at him. What I wouldn’t give to have him on my bed, tied up and naked. I don’t know why he had such a hold on me but it was starting to get annoying and creepy.

  “What the hell is wrong with me?” I played with the ends of my hair as I read the short biography under the picture.

  Most Eligible Bachelor

  Jameson Anthony Riley

  Age: 22 Birthday: June 22, 1980

  Hometown: Elma Washington

  Current Residence: Mooresville North Carolina

  Jameson Riley comes from the inert Northwest where you wouldn’t expect dirt track racing. But it was there this brooding prodigy made his mark. Now he’s tearing it up in the NASCAR Busch Grand National Series and breaking hearts along the way. His World of Outlaw Champion father, Jimi Riley, and mother Nancy, have raised two boys and a daughter but Jameson seems to be the only one making his name in the racing community. As an aggressive, up-and-coming driver, the youngest Riley brother has already been dubbed a revamped James Dean type with piercing green eyes that can mesmerize any pit lizard.

  “A guy likes confidence in a girl. I love a confident girl who will come up and talk to me but I also find the shy ones enduring and adorable at times.” Riley told PEOPLE.

  While Riley isn’t planning on settling down in the near future, with a 36-week schedule, he hardly has time but he doesn’t kiss and tell as he puts it. “I can be a gentleman when needed and I don’t talk about things like that. I’m private.”

  Most women from 15-35 know who Jameson Riley is these days and would quite literally kill for a chance to run away with the hothead; preferably inside his car. Jameson laughed with a slight flush to his cheeks. Looks like this one might be shy too ladies.

  Shy?

  I don’t think so. They clearly don’t know him well.

  “Pull yourself together, Sway.” I rubbed my eyes to try to break Jameson’s spell on me.

  I was a fucking junkie with my coffee next to me on the table and my laptop powered up.

  Since I couldn’t sleep, I spent my time on the internet reading about his races.

  Raise your hand if you are a pit lizard stalker.

  Despite talking to myself, I did raise my hand in the middle of the library.

  Sitting back against the large leather chairs in the library at the school, I once again read the article I pulled up on internet of his last race in Knoxville. I tapped my foot impatiently as Google took its sweet time loading the page.

  “Why are you smiling like a fool?”

  I swear I jumped out of my skin hearing her voice. “What are you doing here?” I scrambled to close my laptop.

  “Came to see you.” Emma remarked handing me an iced mocha. She held another securely to her lips as though she was drinking crack. “They don’t have these on the East Coast.”

  “Is Jameson with you?”

  She laughed and sunk down in the chair next to me kicking her tiny bird legs up on the table. “No, he’s racing in Darlington tonight.” Her
brow furrowed at me. “I would think you would know that though.”

  “I do, I do. I just thought...I don’t know.” I wasn’t even making sense to myself right now.

  “You thought he’d come see you?”

  “Hoped I guess.”

  “He wants too...believe me when I say, he wants to.” She reached over and gave me shoulder a reassuring squeeze.

  “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  “It means what it means. He’s a moody asshole when you’re gone and he’s constantly staring at his schedule trying to find openings.” She said lamely. “You don’t know how often he asks Alley if he any free time.”

  “Really?”

  “Yes. Now let’s go to Bellevue.”

  “I have class in an hour. I can’t.”

  “Oh please.” She stood straightening out her summer dress and reaching for her lotion in her suitcase of a bag she carried around. “I’m only here for two days, let’s go do something.”

  Emma shot me a sidelong glance before lathering her legs with lotion.

  “Just because you come to town doesn’t mean I can just blow off class for you.”

  “Oh yes it does hooker.” She finished polishing herself. “Now let’s go.”

  Emma was about as good at presauding as Jameson so in the end, I went shopping.

  Emma talked endlessly about Aiden, Jameson’s spotter, who I had yet to meet. She had never talked about another guy since high school so it didn’t bother me that much.

  Aiden, who was from Alabama, sounded like he was nice.

  Those two days with Emma were incedibly strenuous and I was thankful when she left. Emma was only tolerable in small doses and two days was plenty.

  Also, she redecorated my dorm. I spent a good week trying to find my underwear.

  After my Economical Projections class and Emma’s departure that night, I called Jameson.

  It was nice to hear his voice and a relief. He was stressed about racing and I was stressed with school. We both just needed to laugh. I could always count on him for that.

  He spoke briefly about his engine specialist Harry and how he had spent most of the afternoon in the hauler for not paying attention to his temps in practice. Harry sounded like a nice guy but the way Jameson described him made it even funnier.

  Jameson sighed. “I’m jealous Emma got to see you and I didn’t.”

  “I would have preferred to see you over Em.”

  He laughed and I could hear the faint rumbling of engines in the background followed by Spencer’s booming voice.

  “Do you have any plans for Christmas?” I asked Jameson as I took a bite of my left over pizza.

  “Who knows? I have to look at my schedule but I think that entire week I’m in Los Angeles filming a commercial and then I fly to Tulsa the following week.”

  “It sounds like you’ll be all alone.”

  “I could come see you maybe,” he suggested.

  “I’d like that...but I’ll be here in school.”

  “I could just slip in for a day and then leave for Tulsa.”

  “No, no, no,” I said adamantly. “If you stay for one day, then I’ll want you to stay for more.”

  “And that’s a bad thing?”

  “Well, no, but everyone will recognize you.”

  “So?”

  I let the thought creep into my head for one second before it fluttered away, “No, do you realize how crazed some of these people are?”

  Other students were constantly asking me if I knew Jameson once they found out I was from Elma.

  “What is your point?”

  “I just, everyone talks about you here and if you come up here, we won’t get to spend any time together. Even if you are here for just one day...things have changed Jameson. You’re a star; you can’t go anywhere you like anymore. Besides, my class on Retail Merchandising starts that week and I need to get together with Blake to go over our assignments.”

  Jameson stopped tapping his pen he’d been hitting against the table I assumed, whatever it was that he was obsessively clicking, he stopped.

  “Blake? Who’s Blake?”

  “You know, Blake.” I stammered. “I’ve told you about him.”

  I frantically raked my brain to remember if I’d told him who Blake was, not that he was important.

  “Um no...I have a strong recollection of each man’s name that has come out of your mouth and not once have I heard ‘Blake’.”

  “Oh, well, Blake is just...a friend.” I shrunk back into my bed, not knowing what else to say. “We have a few classes together.”

  “A friend? I don’t think so. What the hell does that mean?” Jameson demanded.

  “A friend, not like you but he’s just a guy here that I’ve had a few classes with.”

  “So, he’s your sex buddy?”

  “What?”

  “How long?” Jameson growled.

  “Are you for real?” I asked. “Why does it even matter? What were we originally talking about?”

  “I don’t remember. You distracted me. I’m more concerned with this Blake guy. How long have you been fucking him?”

  “Jesus Christ Jameson, what the hell? I haven’t slept with him, not that it’s any of your business anyway. Not once have I brought up your many late night flings.”

  “That’s hardly relevant.”

  “Okay, so what’s the problem?”

  “I don’t like this guy. Does Charlie know about him?”

  “No,” I sighed.

  I knew him well enough to know that he wasn’t jealous but he and Spencer, hell even Tommy, felt the need to dictate who I hung around with. I wouldn’t be surprised if Jameson pulled background checks on everyone I went to school with.

  It was actually cute and funny to see him this way, but I kept my giggles at bay.

  “You’re being irrational.” I continued to eat my pizza.

  “No, I’m not and now, I’m definitely coming to Bellingham to meet this Blake guy.”

  “You stay away from Bellingham Jameson!” I snapped. “You have to go race.”

  “You can’t tell me what to do. I’m buying a ticket,” Jameson said with a hint of finality.

  “No, you’re not.”

  “I need to meet this guy of yours.”

  “He’s not my guy!” I stressed. This was getting out of hand.

  “Whatever.” Jameson huffed like a child.

  “You’re being irrational.”

  “I’m mad.”

  Jameson was being petty and angry with me for the rest of the phone call, groaning about how I “deceitfully kept information from him because I knew he would be upset”. I could only roll my eyes at his assumptions. I didn’t think it was that big of a deal, but Jameson was blowing this whole thing out of proportion.

  By the time we ended the phone call, I was laughing at how childish he was being, he was in a better mood but was still muttering something under his breath about killing Blake.

  I finally came to the conclusion that I wouldn’t be surprised if he showed up in Bellingham but it was comforting to know that he really didn’t have the time.

  For Blake’s safety, I warned him to avoid Jameson just in case.

  Bladder – Jameson

  This wasn’t supposed to happen this way. I wasn’t supposed to feel anything for her besides friends. That didn’t bother me as much as the fact that I fell so seamlessly that I hadn’t even realized it.

  Now I was ready to fly to Bellingham to meet this Blake jerk. Hearing her acknowledge the fact that she knew I slept around, was even worse. I’m sure she didn’t hear it over the phone line, but I gasped when she said it out loud.

  I thought I had been discreet, but I wasn’t. It wasn’t hard to figure out. People knew when I’d disappear and wouldn’t see me for hours. I hated myself for it.

  Mostly, I hated the image that it had created of me to her. I never wanted Sway to think of me as someone like Dylan Grady when in all actuality, I was behaving ju
st like he had. It was repulsive and was just one more reminder that she deserved so much better than someone like me. What kind of relationship could I even provide for her?

  Sitting on the couch in my underwear on the only free morning I had for the next two months as I headed into the last few races of the season, I drank whiskey from the bottle as I watched the sun rise over the track Spencer and I built in the backyard of my parents’ Mooresville home.

  It had been three hours since I woke up and I was thinking about calling Sway to apologize for the way I acted last night. I was gripping the phone so hard that I thought it was going to shatter in my hand.

  I laboriously took another drink of whiskey that I wasn’t even feeling and thought about how fucked up this all was. Why do I have to feel this way? The longer I thought about it, the more I wondered why the hell she was affecting me this way.

  The reason I was so pissed was because I never expected this.

  I was supposed to be a hardcore racer who only thought about the next race but now, my best friend was slowly captivating my every thought. She was becoming an obsession and I didn’t know at what point it became more than lust but my body wasn’t matching up with my brain...or was it my heart?

  “Stop being a pussy.” I ran my hand over my eyes and sat the bottle down on the glass table in front of me.

  It wasn’t even the fact that I felt something more. Something in me had changed, that was for certain but I didn’t know what. Something in me was calling to Sway and had been for years and it was making me want to just spend time with her like some...boyfriend.

  I cringed at the word.

  Boyfriend implied more than I was ready to deal with. For one reason, I wasn’t in any position to give Sway a normal relationship even if I wanted to. The only problem was that I didn’t want her to be out there with some other guy.

  She was mine.

  I had never been so possessive over a woman in my life and I couldn’t stand it. Sway was mine and there was nothing I could do about it. No matter how hard I fought, she pulled me in.