Safeword (The Decadence Club Book 3)

by Alyssa Clark

  “Sure.” She sounded quiet, almost meek. “I just want to help. Make up for pulling you out of your happy place.”

  “Simon seems to think I could use this as a series. Something along the lines of putting Introverts into uncomfortable situations.” I opened up my email and saw more messages than just my workload.

  “It doesn’t sound like a bad idea, and if I know anyone that could make it work, it's you.”

  “Thanks.” I cleared my throat. “I’ll call you later.”

  That brief conversation made me feel better about my day, a little bit, even with all the hiccups I had. At least Simon was impressed enough by my article that he wasn’t going to fire me for being late. I know I worried a little too much about it, but I knew I was expendable. It was a reasonable worry.

  So, I made sure the three articles that I received in editing were done in a timely manner. All to make up for the fact that I’d been late. Regardless of that, it was still close to five by the time I sent the final one to Simon for approval. With that, I was ready to call this day done. I was so tired that I didn’t even want to think about how I was going to beg for the night off.

  My phone rang as if to mock me.

  I picked it up without a thought, “Charlotte Atkins, editing. How can I help you?”

  “Ms. Atkins,” Ms. Winters’ voice found a way to slither through my phone into my ear. “I only want just a moment of your time.”

  I stiffened and glanced around my cube, then stood to spy at my coworkers leaving for the day. No one was looking my way, of course, no one had a reason to. I swallowed hard and sat back down on my chair. “O-of course, Ms. Winters. What can I do for you?”

  “Actually, I don’t have anything that I need you for. I just wanted to let you know what I thought about your story.” She hummed for a moment. “A Simon Jones called me far too early for me to give him good thoughts, but I felt like I should call you and tell you how pleased I am. It was very well done.”

  My heart started doing double time in my chest. “You liked it?” It was a dumb question because she had said as much. But my fragile little ego needed her to speak the words.

  “I did,” she sounded amused.

  “Thank you.” Now I was going to start gushing. “I didn’t want to disappoint you, the fact that you enjoyed it means a lot.”

  “I’m happy that you look at it that way. Will I be seeing you tonight?”

  I hesitated before I decided there was no way I could keep something like this from her. “Mr. Reed wants me to be there at opening.” I gave another cautious glance towards the opening of my cube. “I don’t know that I can do what he wants on a daily basis.”

  There was a disgruntled noise that came over the line. “Doing it on a daily basis with something that is just a casual thing is asking far too much. He should be understanding if you tell him that it is too much. If he isn’t, I have no problem setting him straight.”

  I could only imagine what she meant by that. “I’ll let him know. He should understand the fact that I have a day job, right?”

  “Right, now if it becomes an issue don’t hesitate to let me know.” There was a firmness in her voice that bled over the line.

  This wasn't a demand that I would be able to shrug off. “Yes, ma’am.”

  “Good. Do me a favor and tell this Simon Jones that if he ever calls me like that again I will be stringing him up.” There was still that firm tone and no amusement now. She was completely serious. “You and I will talk again at another time.”

  I didn’t get the chance to awkwardly stutter an affirmative or even say goodbye for that matter. She hung up. I don’t know how long I sat there with the phone to my ear. Maybe this meant the day was going to end better than it started? I started to gather my things so I could leave, I shut off my computer and stood.

  “Ms. Atkins.” Simon seemed to have chosen that moment to step out of his office. He smiled at me as he approached me. “This is good timing.” He stopped just outside my cube and leaned against the opening, effectively keeping me from leaving. “I was hoping to speak to you before you left.”

  I felt nervous that he had come all the way to me. If he had needed something, the logical thing would be to email me or call and leave a message. Why’d he have to approach me directly? “Is everything okay?” I eyed him and hoped he wasn’t going to make any sort of demand on me about the article I’d written.

  “Everything is fine.” He actually looked relaxed and not at all like the arrogant ass that Liz thought he was. “I was just hoping that maybe…” He paused to bite his lip, seeming to take the time to look me over. “Maybe, you’d consider going to get a bite to eat with me? I was hoping that you could give me a bit more details to the club that you joined for this article.”

  “What are you doing?” Liz practically yelled from across the damn building. We both jumped and watched her stalk from the ‘writing room.’ “What are you doing?” It took me a minute to realize she was talking to Simon because she levered a glare at him that could probably melt steel.

  “I was asking Ms. Atkins to do dinner to discuss a project she was working on.” He looked undisturbed by Liz’s interruption. He looked confused if anything, like what he was doing wasn’t a big deal.

  Now, the only reason why I thought it was a big deal was that it felt like he was putting me on the spot. We both, well all of us, knew the content of my article. He probably didn’t know that Liz knew. But he was asking me about the club and, probably, my misadventures I had there. I wasn’t about to stop her from riding to my rescue. If anything this was going to put Liz back into my favorite co-worker category.

  “Let’s cut the shit, Simon,” she snapped at him. “Charlie’s writing an article that involves sex and kink. Does asking for details about it outside of the office sound like a good idea to you?”

  He opened his mouth to reply, looking surprised. Was there something more to this than the obvious? I couldn’t tell. Simon floundered for a moment before he straightened himself and nodded. “You ladies have a good evening.” He left us both in a hurry.

  “Um?” I was still thrown off a little, so I didn’t know what to say.

  “You didn’t see that?” She snapped her attention to me.

  “See what?” While the whole thing made me uncomfortable, it was mostly due to the fact that I was put off by the idea of having to socialize with someone I only talked to on a professional basis.

  “Are you fucking blind, Charlie?” She was glowering at me now, and I shrank back into my cube a little bit further. “Everything about his stance and demeanor said flirtation. He was hitting on you! That was totally inappropriate!” Her arms folded over her chest as she spoke and she turned to look the way Simon had gone like she was ready to chase him down so she could give him a piece of her mind. Or maybe something worse.

  I shrugged helplessly. ‘’I’m not arguing. I don’t think Simon has ever been anything other than indifferent to me.” I stepped out of my cube, ready to get this day over with. Somehow I still had to figure out a way to wiggle out of Michael’s plans for me.

  “He probably thought that after you started writing this that it meant that you would be easy or some shit like that.” She sounded disgruntled, and it was enough to make me stop to look at her. “Just because you’re into something that isn’t mainstream doesn’t make you a slut or whore. I take offense to that because I do this, too.”

  I wanted to ask her if she did let people use her the same way Michael seemed to be intent on using me. I started to open my mouth but then fell short. Did I really want to know? I swallowed hard and started walking again, maybe my idea of using her adventures was probably too much. I couldn’t even ask her about it now.

  “Are you going home?” She asked, saving me from having to find something to talk about.

  “That’s the plan. I’d like to put this day behind me.” I took a breath then slowly let it out. I wanted to get the tension out of my shoulders, a nice hot bath wou
ld help that. “It started out stressful if I could make it end on a relaxed note that’d be great.” Then I paused as I remembered what I was supposed to today. “But he told me he wanted to meet him tonight.”

  Liz glanced at me before she tapped on the down button. “If you don’t want to, then tell him.” She put it like it was the simplest thing in the world. Granted, for her it probably was.

  “I can’t do that,” I looked away as I put my fear out there. “What if he decides that he doesn’t want to be bothered with me anymore? What if someone more attractive and fit catches his eye? Then I won’t have anyone to draw inspiration from. I’ll have to rely on Ms. Winters. Don’t get me wrong, she’s really attractive, but it would be the same boat. Plus I don’t think I can really explore any sort of bi or lesbian-esque thoughts at the same time as I explore this kink. Besides he’s way out of my league, there’s literally no reason for him to do this.” I rambled on and did more than throw my fear out there, I tugged my heart from my chest and hung it on my sleeve. Something that was a regular occurrence that I really needed to break the habit of doing. “I have more riding on one man than I should.”

  “Okay.” She held up a hand to get my attention. “First, Angela’s hot. I have those kinds of thoughts for her all the time. Only, she’s not at all submissive so it would never work between us. Secondly…” she took a breath and looked at me for a beat. We both stood there long enough for the elevator doors to open, but we were too caught up in the conversation to board it. The doors drifted closed, and I only bothered to give it a glance. We’ve had conversations like this before, with Liz mostly leading them. But I’d never been the center of it. “You’re doing this wrong. As a dominant, he’s leading the scene, but you’re playing out your fantasy.”

  “I’ve never had fantasies about this stuff. I only fell into this because of you,” I huffed out and hit the down button this time. I used a bit more force than was necessary. The doors crept back open, the lift itself empty. I stepped into it without giving her a glance. “I have no idea what I want from this.”

  Liz stayed out in the hallway, and she looked upset, hurt like she had a reason to be. She stepped onto the lift and stood beside me, only giving me a glance. “If you don’t want to do it, we can stop. I can fill in the pieces you have questions about. That way you don’t have to face doing something you don’t want to do anymore.”

  That’d been my plan from the beginning. It would be a whole lot easier to do that. I could save myself from a whole lot of anxiety if I walked away from the club and Michael. But, I’d be giving up a lot if I did that. There’d be no more mind-blowing orgasms, and the chances of another hot man looking at me like he wanted to devour me were slim. The chances of me having sex again, with anyone else, was also just as slim. Did I want to sacrifice that just so I could feel safe? Was I really living life anyway? The majority of it had been vicariously done through Liz, maybe I needed to take the lead now.

  I reached out and hit the button for the ground floor. “No,” I decided out loud. “I’m not going to live this through your experiences. I’m going to have my own.”

  “Stop letting him decide what happens then.” Her expression didn’t change as she spoke. “You need to talk with him in a neutral environment, away from the club probably, and figure out just what you want from all of this. Set up limitations, don’t just let him take advantage of you.”

  I could only nod before I ran into a roadblock. “I don’t know what I want from it. I can’t figure out the details on my own.”

  “This is the same guy as before, right?” I nodded, and as the elevator doors opened, we both got off. We walked in silence for a beat until we exited the building. I counted my lucky stars that she didn’t bother to ask any embarrassing questions while there were other people milling about. “You know the specifics of what you liked from each encounter you had with him. Why not start there? Just think of things that are an absolute ‘no’ for you. Like…” she paused, and I glanced at her. Her face was twisted up a little as she thought about it. “Like, fisting.”

  “Whoa whoa whoa.” I came to a halt on the sidewalk, we were headed in the direction of the parking lot, but that comment derailed me. “Did you say fisting?”

  She shrugged like it wasn’t a big deal. “Some people are into the idea, but others aren’t. Obviously, you’re in the aren’t group. Don’t worry. You’re not alone. I don’t want to do that either.” She nudged me with her shoulder and gave me a slight smirk, getting us moving again. “You can’t avoid conversations, this isn’t just about sex… it's about keeping things safe and keeping you sane. If you let him go unchecked, he’s going to push things you don’t want him to.”

  “I don’t want to do butt stuff,” I said without a thought.

  That got a laugh out of her, and I noticed an older woman rush around us. I felt the flush start to color my cheeks, so I was good and red when she shot a reproachful look at us before going on her way. Liz didn’t seem to notice she was still snickering at me. “Don’t knock it ‘till you try it.”

  “I’m good with staying ignorant.” I wasn’t going to let her ribbing bother me.

  I led the way to my car, not entirely sure why she was following me but enjoying her company anyway. “Are you going to go to the club tonight?” She asked after a length, “Or are you going to actually talk to him?”

  I paused at the passenger side of my car, peering into the glass to see if my phone sat in its usual spot in the cup holder. It wasn’t. It must have been at home in the bathroom. I shrugged a little. “Normally I’d try to avoid any kind of awkward conversations or confrontation. But, if I tried to do this … if I tried to just not show up or something like that, I can only imagine how this would go for me in the long run.”

  “If you ghost him, you’re not going to have anyone to help you with your article but me,” she pointed out.

  I nodded. “That and he might tell Ms. Winters. She probably wouldn’t be happy about it either.” I bit my lip and turned to her. “What do you do when you’re at the club?”

  Liz’s expression sobered, she eyed me for a long moment. I almost turned to unlock my car, thinking she wasn’t going to answer me. “I’m a domme,” she finally admitted. “So, instead of having someone do things to me like this Michael does to you, I do them to other people.” I got the impression that she was embarrassed to tell me this, she didn’t meet my gaze. She was looking everywhere but at me. “I dominate other people.”

  My mouth fell open, but I didn’t have any idea what I was going to stay. “Whoa,” was all I could really think to say. Now I could see how all of this started. I shifted my footing and cleared my throat as I tried to think of something to say that wouldn’t bring more awkwardness to this conversation. “Was this… the reason why you wanted me to join the club, too?” Then something else occurred to me, and I couldn’t keep myself from gaping at her. “Please don’t tell me the reason why you made me join the club, too, is because you wanted to get all weird and kinky with me.”

  There were a few beats of silence between us before she broke it by laughing. Looking at her face I could tell that she wasn’t laughing at my expense, she simply wasn’t trying to show that I hadn’t hurt her feelings. It looked safe. She didn’t look hurt. She waved a hand, took a deep breath, and grinned at me. “I love you, Charlie, but I don’t love you like that. If you want to experiment with girls, I can help you with that, but I don’t want to tap that. No offense.” She flushed suddenly. “I just, well…” She actually fidgeted. “I don’t want to ruin our friendship more than I already have.”

  I relaxed then snorted, trying to cover my own weird nerves over this conversation. “You couldn’t tap this anyway.” I went on to snap for effect. “Can’t handle this big ass.”

  “It’s a hot big ass,” she snickered. “But I mainly work with penis, which you’re clearly lacking. If I ever have sexy times with another girl, it's in the heat of the moment.”

  There was
something about that made me feel better. “So, aside from there being a lack of sexy times between us,” I was going to suck the humor out of the situation, “why’d you drag me into this situation, you bitch?”

  Liz drug her fingers through her hair, looking for excuses to focus on anything else. Her lips twisted up before she shrugged and focused on me. “There’s something about you that I use as a crutch. I won’t lie. When I first found out about the club, I had to figure out a way to talk you into joining it with me. I know this is not your comfort zone, like all the other times I drag you into public. But I doubted I would have been able to get there the first night without you.”

  “Thanks.” There were warm fuzzy feels from hearing that, kind of. I wouldn’t get angry with her about it. “I think.” I took a breath and nodded, simply because I didn’t know what to say to anything of it.

  “I’ll let you go before you start to spaz because I made you uncomfortable.” She knew me all too well. I made sure to express my gratitude in a nonsensical noise. “I just want to point out, if you need help don’t be afraid to ask. Because I have a better idea of what this guy is expecting and wanting.” She came to me in a sure stride I would never be able to manage. She took hold of my shoulders and made sure I was focused on her by invading my personal space. “Don’t let him rule over you simply because you don’t know better. If you need someone to kick his ass, I will get my ass-kicking boots on.”