Wanderlust

by Roni Loren

  Her forehead nuzzled his shoulder before falling to the pillow again when their bodies joined. She gasped softly at the sweet invasion. Every time with him was like the first time—a thrill, a discovery, a new sensation. But more than that, each time she felt her barriers fall away a little bit more, like bricks cracking and crumbling, leaving her exposed in dangerous new ways. And when Lex met her eyes and pushed into her slow and sweet, it was like a bomb going off in the center of that fortress, blowing it to dust.

  She closed her eyes and turned her head away, the connection too intense, but Lex cupped her cheek and guided her face forward again. “Let me see you, Aubrey. Look at me.”

  She resisted for a moment, warring with her anxiety, but finally managed to lift her lids. The heat and raw emotion she saw in his eyes was too much, too goddamned dangerous—she didn’t need to see what could be, not when he was going to leave—but she couldn’t look away, couldn’t guard herself.

  And as Lex made love to her, her body responded to him like it’d been waiting to be touched that way its whole life. Like it was made just for him. And despite her best efforts to prevent it, her heart responded the same way.

  ***

  Aubrey listened to Lex’s steady heartbeat as she lay against his chest, sated and spent. His fingers threaded through her hair and massaged her scalp, sending her into a mellow state of half-sleep.

  “What time is it?” she murmured.

  He reached with his free hand to grab his cell phone from the bedside table, and Aubrey lifted her head off him. The screen illuminated his face with a faint blue glow.

  “Almost five.” He squinted at the screen. “Damn. I have four missed calls since midnight.”

  Aubrey clicked on the lamp, sending a pool of warm light over them. “That can’t be good.”

  Lex scrolled through his call list. “Three from Jared, one from Gunner. They probably were calling for me to go out with them or something.” He started punching buttons. “But I better make sure nothing’s wrong. Last time I had this many missed calls, Jared had gotten himself kicked out of the hotel for running naked through the hallways.”

  Aubrey shook her head and swung her feet to the side of the bed to get up. She slipped on her pajamas and made her way to the bathroom.

  When she returned, Lex was sitting up in bed barking into the phone. “J, don’t lose your shit. He’s probably in his room and not answering the door. Last I saw him, he was in one of his moods. You know how Sean can be sometimes. He probably just dropped the wallet coming in last night.”

  Aubrey’s stomach flipped over at the mention of Sean’s name.

  “If you want me to come down there, I will, but I don’t know what help I can be. I’m the one he’s pissed at.”

  “Lex,” she said, trying to catch his attention.

  He glanced at her and held up a finger. “One sec.”

  She crossed the room and grabbed his arm. “No, if Sean’s not answering, they need to have staff let them in the room.”

  His forehead wrinkled. “What? Why?”

  She wet her lips nervously. “Because he could be hurt or something.”

  He rolled his eyes, but she squeezed him harder. He gave a put-upon sigh. “Fine. Jared, we’ll be there in fifteen minutes. Get housekeeping to let you into his room to make sure he’s not in there passed out drunk or something. Call me if you find him before we get there.”

  He tossed the phone on the bed and looked at Aubrey. “Don’t get so worried, babe. This isn’t the first time Sean’s disappeared. He probably met some chick while he was out and stayed with her.”

  She swallowed past the lump in her throat, apprehension clawing at her insides. “I think it’s better to check things out than to just assume he’s okay.”

  He rose, pulled on his boxers, and then kissed the top of her head. His arms encircled her waist. “Sean’s going to owe me big time for dragging us out of bed. I had plans for us this morning. And they certainly didn’t involve you wearing clothes.”

  She forced a weak smile. “I need to change.”

  “All right. Let’s get going so we can get this over with.”

  Five minutes into the drive, Lex’s phone rang again. He hit the speakerphone button. Aubrey prayed that they had found Sean, and everything was okay.

  “Hey, what’s the latest?”

  Jared’s voice sounded tense. “He’s in his room.”

  She sagged against the seat in relief.

  Lex laughed. “What, did some stripper tie him to the bed or something? Why didn’t he answer his door?”

  “Dude, he’s out of it. I can’t get him to wake up. He must have pickled himself last night.”

  Lex groaned. “Dumbass.”

  But a coldness crept up Aubrey’s spine.

  “Jared, it’s Aubrey. Have you checked his breathing?” Her voice was too high.

  Lex turned and gave her a puzzled look. “He’s just drunk.”

  “Jared?” she asked, not wanting to face Lex.

  “Yeah, he’s breathing.” More shuffling, like bed covers being turned back. “But it’s kind of shallow, not like that heinous snoring he usually does when he’s drunk. Weird.”

  Her heart beat a tattoo against her ribs. “Jared, listen, call an ambulance, right now. We’ll meet you at the hospital.”

  “What?” Jared asked, sounding shocked.

  “Why the hell would we do that?” Lex demanded, letting the car roll to a stop sign. “You think he could have alcohol poisoning or something? I don’t think Sean would—”

  She shook her head. “It might be more than alcohol. Call for help. Sean’s using.”

  “What? Shit.” Jared hung up without saying good-bye.

  All sound in the car ceased. Lex stared at her, his eyes hardening into shards of ice. “And how would you know that?”

  His tone hit her like a wintry blast. She cringed. “Because I caught him with coke the other day.”

  “And said nothing.”

  “It wasn’t my place. I didn’t—”

  “I see,” he said, his voice flat and emotionless.

  “I—”

  “Which way is the hospital?”

  “Take a right. Lex, I’m so—”

  He shook his head and returned his focus to the road, jerking the car into a right turn. “My best friend may be dying in his room. I can’t have this conversation right now.”

  ***

  Lex peered over at Aubrey. She sat on the far side of the waiting room with her shoulders hunched and a paper coffee cup clasped in her shaking hands. He couldn’t bear to look at her. Everything inside him hurt. How could she have kept this from him? She knew how he felt about drugs. He’d told her about his father’s addiction, something he never talked about to anyone. And she’d just completely disregarded that. She’d stumbled upon a chance to help Sean, and instead, had left him to his own devices. Sean was in the ICU because of her. God, why would she keep something like that from him?

  Jared sank into the chair next to him and offered a donut from his cafeteria run.

  Lex shook his head. “Not hungry.”

  “Man, I can’t believe this,” he said, setting the pastry aside. “The doc said he coded in the ambulance.”

  Lex ran his hands over his face. “I know. I heard.”

  “How did we fucking miss this? Heroin, cocaine. What the hell?”

  Lex shrugged. “I don’t know. I guess he was good at hiding it.”

  “Not that great. Reporter girl knew.”

  Lex glanced at Aubrey and caught her watching them. She quickly dropped her focus back to her coffee cup. His mind warred between wanting to scoop her into his arms and wanting to scream at her until he was blue. “Yeah, nice of her to not tell any of us. What was she thinking?”

  “Maybe she was planning on breaki
ng the story. If she’d told you about it, you would’ve asked her to keep it quiet.” Jared wiped his hands on his napkin and threw it at the trash can, missing.

  “Breaking the story?”

  He shrugged. “Sure, that’s how reporters move up the chain, right? Getting the big scoop.”

  “The big . . .” Anger, hot and insidious, crept through Lex. He hadn’t even considered that angle. He thought back to the night before, when he had admitted he could love a girl like her. Her whole body had flinched as if he’d burned her. Was her sudden willingness to jump in the sack with him a ploy to get closer to a big story? Women had used him for a lot of things, but that would be beyond the pale. His teeth clenched. “You think she’d risk Sean dying for a goddamn story?”

  Jared glanced in Aubrey’s direction. “That’s what I’d do if I were a reporter. What’s Sean to her? She barely knows him. Not her problem. She probably would’ve broken the story already, if she hadn’t been playing hide the salami with you.”

  Lex couldn’t stand to hear any more. He shot to his feet and strode across the room toward Aubrey, seeing red. Her head whipped toward him, and her eyes widened as she watched him approach. She put down her cup and started speaking before he reached her. “Any change? Is he okay?”

  He smirked. “So you care what happens to him now?”

  “Lex, I’m so sorry. He asked me not to say—”

  He held up his hand. “Enough, reporter. I know why you didn’t tell. Couldn’t pass up a good story. I get it. I should’ve known you were just like any other groupie—wanting to roll in some of the stardust so you can get your own feeble taste of fame.”

  Her head reeled as if he had slapped her. Color dotted her cheeks. “Screw you, Lex.”

  He laughed humorlessly. “You already did that, sweetheart. Multiple times. And I’ll be sure to share that fact with your boss, too. A woman scorned certainly can’t write an unbiased article. She may even make up stories about imaginary drug overdoses.”

  Her eyes narrowed, and she stood to meet him head on. “You know what? Go ahead. You do that. Throw your rock-star tantrum. It’s the only thing you’re good at anyway.”

  He turned smug. “Oh, really? That’s all I’m good at? So all that moaning and screaming you did last night was an act? You deserve a fucking Oscar.”

  An elderly woman in the corner of the waiting room raised her eyebrows over her Good Housekeeping magazine. Aubrey crossed her arms and glared at him. “Should come as no surprise. According to you, I’m a great liar.”

  “That you are.” He leaned down until he was inches from her face. The next words tumbled out of his mouth before he could stop them. “Just know that if Sean dies in there, it will be your fault.”

  All the color drained from her face and tears sprung to her eyes. Her voice lowered and shook. “I guess you can add him to my list of victims then.”

  She grabbed her purse, slung it over her shoulder, and shoved past him.

  He could hear the sob that choked out of her before she got clear of the room. It cut through him like a knife, ripping him open. But he didn’t follow.

  Now they would both bleed.

  Chapter 13

  Aubrey leaned her head against the steering wheel, tears cutting tracks down her cheeks.

  Your fault. Lex’s words rang through her ears. If Sean dies, it will be your fault.

  He was right.

  She may have not given Sean the drugs or made him use them, but neglecting to help was just as effective. It was like driving across the Huey P. Long Bridge and not stopping her car if she saw someone standing on the ledge ready to leap. Sean had asked her to let him teeter on that edge, and she had allowed him to do so.

  She’d taken the word of a drug addict. God, how stupid.

  Because of her secret keeping, Sean could die and Lex could lose his best friend. And she, well, she thought she had nothing left to lose, but she was wrong. She had just walked away from the only guy who had ever made her feel . . . free.

  A loud rapping noise startled her. She shot up and turned her head to the driver’s-side window. A middle-aged woman in purple scrubs peered in. Aubrey pressed the button to lower the window.

  “Are you all right, honey?” the woman asked, lines of concern creasing her face.

  Aubrey quickly swiped her cheeks.

  “Yes, I’m sorry. I’m fine.” She attempted a believable smile but knew she failed miserably. “I, uh, I was seeing a friend inside.”

  The nurse gave her a knowing nod. “It’s hard to see loved ones sick or hurt.” She dug in her purse and produced a travel packet of Kleenex. “Here, take this.”

  The stranger’s simple kindness made Aubrey want to bawl again. She took the tissue.

  “Are you sure you’re okay to drive? You could go back inside for a few minutes. I find that the motor oil they call hospital coffee always has a way of clearing my head.”

  Aubrey lifted the corner of her mouth, hoping she looked convincing. “Sounds tempting, but I’m fine now, really. I appreciate your concern.”

  The woman evaluated her closely and then smiled. “Okay, well, you be careful getting home. I hope things go well with your friend.”

  Aubrey thanked her again and watched as she made her way to the driver’s side of the green Toyota parked next to her. As soon as the woman made the turn and disappeared out of the parking garage, Aubrey sagged against her seat. The smell of man—no, the smell of Lex—lingered in her car. Tears welled up again. She groaned. For a girl who had gone years without crying, she was definitely making up for it.

  She dabbed her eyes, blew her nose, and threw the tissue onto the floorboard of her car.

  Enough.

  She needed to get ahold of herself. Crying over Lex was futile. Even if this hadn’t happened, he was returning to Los Angeles in a few days. She would have lost him anyway.

  She never had him.

  As for Sean, she would pray for a good outcome. Weeping about it wasn’t going to help him or anyone else.

  Mental pep talk complete, she shifted the car into reverse and headed out of the parking garage. As she turned onto the narrow city streets, she made plans for her day. She needed to be busy. Busy was good. Busy was mind-numbing.

  She would go home, get ready for work, and then finish the Wanderlust article in her office. And she wouldn’t write about Sean’s overdose. She couldn’t. Even though it would guarantee her the promotion she wanted so badly. Even though she’d get fired if Jordana found out she knew and didn’t report on it. Even though it would get Lex back for his cruel comments in the meanest way possible.

  She just couldn’t. She’d been that person vilified in the news. She wouldn’t wish that on anyone. Sean needed help, not a camera in his face.

  Aubrey’s rapid-fire thoughts clouded her mind as she made a right turn onto another street. She grabbed her cell phone, intending to check in with the office.

  She didn’t notice that it was a one-way street.

  Or that the car in front of her was driving in the wrong direction.

  Not until it was too late.

  The screech of tires and the crunch of metal were all too familiar to her ears. She gripped the steering wheel as her body lurched forward and her head connected with glass. Blackness exploded behind her eyes.

  ***

  “Oh my god, that was so awesome,” Aubrey announced, bouncing up and down on the balls of her feet, the lingering excitement still buzzing through her. “Can you believe Todd Berg actually performed part of that song out in the audience? Right in front of us? Holy crap. I thought I was going to die.”

  Her twin sister rolled her eyes. “It was okay, I guess. Their music is kind of screamy to me. They’re no Shy Town Boys.”

  Aubrey faked a gagging sound at the mention of the bubblegum boy band.

  Ashley ignored her
and turned to the boy holding her hand. “What did you think, Grayson?”

  Grayson took a swig from his heavily rum-spiked Coke and then handed the cup to Ash and winked at Aubrey. “I don’t know. Sounded all right to me.”

  Ashley turned her head from side to side as they made their way out of the arena. “Where’s the bathroom? I seriously have to pee, like right now.”

  Aubrey pointed to a sign next to the snack bar. “There’s one over there, but the line looks pretty brutal.”

  She shoved the drink at Aubrey. “I’ll pay someone to get to the front. I’ll be right back.”

  “Just meet us outside,” Grayson said.

  “Fine, whatever.” Ashley jogged toward the line, inadvertently smacking people with her swinging ponytail.

  Grayson cocked his head toward the wall of glass doors. “Let’s get out of here. I need air.”

  Aubrey agreed. Her head was cloudy from the alcohol, and the jostling from the crowd was only making it worse. She tossed her drink into a nearby trash can. Gray slid his hand onto the small of her back and guided her through the throng. The commingling smells of sweat, cigarettes, and popcorn made her stomach wrench. She groaned and Gray casually put his arm around her, pulling her against his side as they walked. “You okay, Aubs?”

  He had never called her that before. He always shortened Ashley’s name to “Ash,” but never called her anything but Aubrey. She gave him a what’s-with-you? look. “I’m fine. A little too much rum, maybe.”

  He grinned. “Me, too.”

  He pushed open the exit door with his free hand, and she stepped in front of him. The ground was wet and the night air had cooled from a rain. Goose bumps pricked her arms. She made her way to a corner, away from the stream of concertgoers, and leaned against the brick wall. Trying to stop her head from spinning, she closed her eyes and took a deep breath.

  Instead of damp night air, she inhaled the strong odor of rum. “Did I mention how pretty you look tonight?”