The Gift of Love (The Book of Love 8)
Page 8
“Well, it’s the same thing, really. It will be broken off, but you’ll allow me to save my reputation by being the one to do it.” She shook her head again. “It won’t work, you know. There is not a young lady in London who would ever walk away from you. Everyone will know you were only being polite to allow me to end the courtship. Having two men walk away from me in less than a month will ruin my chances of ever making a match.”
Her heart felt as though it was being torn to pieces. She’d dreamed of her come-out season for years, silly, magical dreams where she would be the diamond of the ball, declared an Incomparable, and catch the eye of England’s most eligible bachelor. He would be someone as handsome and splendid as Ronan, of course. “I don’t care about this second humiliation for myself. But Heather’s chances could also be hurt simply for being related to me.”
“Dahlia, you are my Queen Pea. I will never let this happen.”
She rolled her eyes. “That was just a game.”
“Not to me. I give you my oath. Upon my honor, I will not break off the courtship. If it happens–”
“When it happens,” she corrected.
He tossed her an impatient look. “If it happens, then it will be because you chose to end it.”
She frowned. “And if I decide not to break it off with you?”
“Then I will marry you,” he said with steady resolve.
She stopped breathing. “Marry me?”
“Yes. I believe that is what I just said.” His expression turned achingly tender.
She stared into his eyes and tried her best not to burst into tears. How could he do this to her? “Am I supposed to be grateful for this? The noble Captain Brayden comes to the rescue of the sad spinster and endures a lifetime of unhappiness for the sake of her honor and his precious navy budget?”
“What? Where do you come up with such nonsense?”
Her mind was in too much of a muddle to take in what he’d just told her. “I would never hold you to any such promise. How could you think I would force you to marry me if you did not love me?”
“You wouldn’t be forcing me.”
“Of course, I would. Do you not see? This is your protective instincts flaring up again.”
She glanced at the book, resting quietly on the desk, waiting to be picked up and read. Her eyes widened in horror. “It’s that thing. This is why you are speaking so oddly.”
“What thing? What are you talking about?”
“The Book of Love. It is making you do this...spout ridiculous notions of marriage.”
He growled as he rose and lifted her up along with him. “Are you too blind to see how lovely you are?”
“Are you so overcome by duty that you would sacrifice your happiness for the sake of a budget?”
“It isn’t just a budget. Lives are at stake over this. Even so, you will never be a duty to me. You’ll just have to trust me, Dahlia. Do you trust me?”
“Of course I do. But that is hardly the point.”
“It is entirely the point.” He drew her into the circle of his arms, holding her with a gentle intimacy she’d never experienced before. He touched her cheek with a delicacy she’d never felt before. “Close your eyes,” he said with a gruff rasp to his voice.
“Why?”
“Are all Farthingales this obstinate? I want you to close your eyes because I am going to kiss you.”
“But you–”
“Do you never stop talking?” He lowered his head and gently pressed his lips to hers, catching her with an open mouth just as he had done when she was his Queen Pea, and he was her King Bean. But this was not like their first kiss, for this was no light, sweet brush, and he did not draw away after a moment.
Instead, he deepened the kiss, slowly heightening the exquisite pressure until his lips were devouring hers, his mouth warm and provocative as it melded with hers and coaxed a muffled sigh out of her.
She felt his tongue dip into her mouth, teasing and softly exploring, sweetly invading and rousing sensations she never imagined possible. She could lose her heart to this man. Everything about him overwhelmed her. His exquisite touch. The taste of his kisses. His soft growl as he conquered her resistance.
His kiss held the promise of something deep and abiding.
Or was she mistaken? The humiliated spinster and the handsome-as-sin Royal Navy commanding officer? It could not be.
How could he feel this way about her?
They’d hardly started reading the book, and yet he was kissing her as though he loved her with all his heart.
He was kissing her as every girl dreamed to be kissed.
Tears began to stream down her face. Yet another reason why he could not love her. She was a watering pot.
“Queen Pea, why the tears?” he whispered against her lips.
Her response was to kiss him back with a breathless ardor to match his own. How could she not be swept away by this man? This was Ronan, her valiant gladiator, doing what he thought was right, convincing himself it was more important to protect her than to seek his own happiness.
Even if he enjoyed their kisses, it signified nothing. He would feel the same about a thousand other women. Wasn’t this the point of a man’s low brain? To seek out as many desirable women as possible and mate?
But she wanted true love, not merely the pretense of it.
She wanted the gift of it.
The treasure of knowing his kisses were for her and her alone. The pleasure of seeing his eyes turn to starlight and a smile cross his face whenever she entered a room. The heat of his body turned to flames because he wanted her so badly.
Was he offering all this with his kiss?
“Queen Pea,” he said in an anguished whisper, drawing his mouth away from hers ever so slightly, “I’ll never hurt you. I promise.”
He cupped her cheek and ran his thumb lightly across it to wipe away her tears.
She rested her head against his chest, amazed that something so hard and solid could feel this divine. “Ronan, I’ll help you out. I would never forgive myself if I put the lives of so many valiant seamen at risk. But it won’t be easy for me. My heart is so bruised.”
“I know. This is what worries me most of all.”
“Let’s not think beyond these next two weeks, and don’t make me promises you won’t keep.” She remained in his arms, her head resting against his chest and his gloriously muscled arms around her. After a long moment, she reluctantly drew away.
She was surprised he hadn’t been the one to move away first.
But this was Ronan. Now that he’d given her this promise, he was going to fulfill it to the utmost. If she wanted more kisses, he would indulge her. If she wanted to be in his arms, he would take her in his arms.
She would have two weeks of this.
More, if she desired.
She understood now why it had been important for him to choose her. Few women would ever let him out of the bargain they’d just made. Most would have used it as an opportunity to trap him into marriage.
Let me put this another way. I won’t accept to do this with anyone but you. Those were his exact words of a few minutes earlier. It pleased her that he trusted her and considered her honorable. She felt the same about him.
With great difficulty, she drew away and returned to her chair. “What is our next step?”
He smiled at her and gave her cheek another sweet caress before crossing the room to open the door. “We get back to this book and its lessons in love.”
She laughed shakily. “After that kiss, I’m not sure I’ll be able to concentrate.”
“It caught me off guard, too, Queen Pea.” He grinned and returned to settle in a chair beside hers, the book now in his hand. “There’s no rule to how fast we must read through it. We’ll have plenty of time now, in any event. I’ll make it a point to visit you every day.”
She nodded. “I have a confession to make.”
“You do?” He arched an eyebrow, looking quite amused.
“Me, too,” he said quietly and opened the book to the second chapter. “Shall I skip it then?”
“No, it is important. Also, reading with you is different from my reading alone. Better, in truth. My head was hopelessly muddled, and I probably overlooked important bits. These next chapters are about the five senses. Sight. Touch. Taste. Hearing. Scent.”
“What did you learn from reading them?”
“That our own expectations often get in the way of what our sense organs are showing us. These chapters teach us how to clear our minds and look at a thing without judging it in advance.”
Since he seemed to be listening with interest, she continued. “Perhaps the biggest mistake we make when searching for love is our refusal to accept that we’ve selected the wrong partner. This is how I was with Gerald. After reading these chapters, it was as though a stone wall had toppled on my head. How could I have been so dense? Had I bothered to look at him with my eyes wide open, I would have recognized so many failings, not only in him but in us as a couple.”
“You refused to acknowledge what he was.”
“And you saw him so clearly.” She nodded. “I wanted to fall in love now that I had become a woman. I was excited and thrilled to finally be making my debut. He was right there, a friend of long acquaintance. He was writing me love letters. So I was determined to fall in love with him. More important, I made myself believe he loved me. I ignored all the warning signs, refused to accept what my own eyes and ears were telling me.”
He pursed his lips. “Men approach love quite differently, but we lie to ourselves as well. Women want to fall in love, and men want to avoid it desperately, at least early on when they are young bucks stepping out in society.”
“It all goes back to the differences in our brains, doesn’t it?” she said. “The man needs to sire and populate. The woman needs to find the best protector for herself and her children.”
“But it is not quite as straightforward as all that.” He stared at the pages a moment before returning his gaze to hers. “Our feelings also get corrupted by greed, ambition, revenge, envy.”
“Gerald’s certainly were. Yet, I saw none of his faults until now.”
He took her hand. “Not all men are as selfish as Wainscott. We are also guided by feelings of respect, honor, duty, love of family.”
She laughed. “Oh, you Braydens are a fine example of those nobler sentiments.”
She listened while Ronan quickly read through the next chapters, loving the richness of his voice and the warmth of his body next to hers. But she shook out of the errant thoughts. She had just gotten herself out of one mess and was not ready to leap into another.
She would accept Ronan for the good friend he was and not allow her heart to push her toward a hopeless end.
“What do you see when you look at me, Dahlia?” he asked, setting the book aside once he’d finished reading through all five senses.
“Didn’t we go through this yesterday? Naming twelve things we liked about each other.”
He nodded. “But I want to try it again. This time with each of us really looking at the other. Choose the five things that you like best. One thing for each sense.”
“In order of importance?”
“Not necessarily. In whatever order you prefer.”
“Very well, but shouldn’t we be making this a bit more general. We seem to be concentrating on each other instead of thinking outwardly.”
“Is there something wrong with that? I think it helps us to better understand what the book is teaching us if we test it out on each other first.”
If it made sense to him, she was not going to argue the point. All she had to do was remind herself that this was merely experimentation and pretense. “I’ll start with the sense of sight first. The look of you.” She cleared her throat.
Dark hair.
Emerald eyes.
Big muscles.
Exquisite in every way.
She tried not to sound deflated as she said, “You look like the man of my dreams.”
He cast her a soft smile. “Would you care to elaborate? How do I look like the man of your dreams?”
“Just the way you are put together. It is very pleasing. There is a warmth to your smile and intelligence in your eyes. Your hair is dark and thick. Your body looks as though it could have been carved out of stone. You have a fine, firm jaw and a nicely shaped mouth. You look like a man, not an indulged, little boy.”
She blushed under the force of his stare. “Now for the sense of hearing, I like the sound of your voice as well. It is deep and commanding.” She laughed. “I suppose that is a requirement of being a captain. There is a strength to your voice, a quality that inspires confidence and trust. This is what makes you a natural leader.”
He grinned at her. “I shall become quite full of myself if you keep this up. Is there something you don’t like about my look or my voice?”
She reached up and rested her palm against his cheek. “The bristles of your beard. You may start out the day clean-shaven, but by the end of it, your cheeks are rough. I don’t consider it a fault. I rather like it, if you must know. As for your voice, I think if you were ever angry with me, I might find it frightening. Well, that’s about it. This is the best I can do. Shall I move on to the next sense?”
He nodded.
“I think I’ll mention the sense of smell next.” She eased closer and put her nose to his neck to inhale him. “Your scent is awfully nice. Is it sandalwood? My cousins, Honey and Belle, work in their family perfume shops. Belle designs the fragrances, as you must know, since your brother is married to her. She taught me a little about this. Sandalwood is an ancient fragrance. It feels timeless, doesn’t it? It smells very nice on you.”
He was still grinning at her affectionately.
“The sense of touch next.” She took hold of his hand. “This feels awfully nice as well. There is strength in your touch, again, something that inspires trust and confidence. As for taste, I don’t know how I am to test this.”
“Our kiss.”
She hadn’t thought of that, but they did have their lips pressed together for a while. “I tasted ale on your lips. Your breath was pleasing, although that really belongs with the sense of smell. I’m not sure what else to say about this sense. Perhaps that I would feel very favorably inclined toward you if I tasted chocolate on your lips next time?”
He laughed. “I’ll keep that in mind.”
“Your turn now. I’ve done enough talking.”
“All right, Queen Pea. I’ll count them off in the same order as you did yours. How does that sound to you?”
“Perfect.” She took a deep breath, eager to hear his comments.
But Violet knocked on the open door and ducked her head in. “I do apologize for the interruption. It is getting late, and Heather is yawning, and–”
“Of course.” Dahlia jumped out of her seat. “How thoughtless of us.”
“No, not at all.” Violet smiled at her. “I’m glad you were having such a nice time together.”
Ah, yes. Well-meaning cousin whose matchmaking instincts were on fire. Dahlia turned to Ronan. “Shall we expect you at the same time tomorrow evening?”
When he stood up beside her, his shoulder lightly grazed hers. Of course, his mere touch sent tingles shooting through her body...something that never happened with Gerald. Yes, she had been so foolish.
Ronan did not seem to be at all affected by their bodies in such close proximity. “No, I have something altogether different planned. Will you three be available tomorrow afternoon?”
Dahlia glanced at her cousin, and when Violet nodded, she turned back to Ronan. “Yes, we are. What is the plan?”
“I’d rather keep it a surprise.”
Oh, she hated surprises. What did he have in mind?
CHAPTER EIGHT
Dahlia was ready when Ronan drew up in a carriage in front of Uncle John’s townhouse the following afternoon. Violet was feeling a little under the weather, so Ronan had picked up their sister, Holly, along the way. Since she was now married to Ronan’s brother, she had agreed to serve as a chaperone for her and Heather.
This had originally been Holly’s designated role when the three of them had come down to London from York. As a young widow, she’d had no plans to put herself on the marriage mart, but all that had changed upon meeting Ronan’s brother, Joshua.
Dahlia was pleased to see her. “Do you know where he is taking us?”
Holly shrugged. “No, he wouldn’t tell me anything.”
She looked up at Ronan. “Why are you being so mysterious?”
He smiled at her as he helped her into the carriage. “You’ll find out soon enough.”
They were on their way a moment later. It did not take them long before they turned off Park Lane onto a beautiful, tree-lined street that was as lovely as Chipping Way.
Dahlia put her nose to the cold glass to peer out the window as they passed one well-maintained home after another.
She was still peering out of the window when they turned onto a small square. In its center was a gated garden with yew trees and boxwood shrubs that looked quite beautiful covered in snow. Their carriage slowed as they drew up in front of one of the elegant houses. “Are we to pay a call on someone?”
He nodded. “Yes, Lady Wellbrook. She’s expecting us.”
Dahlia exchanged confused glances with her sisters. After her humiliating encounter with Gerald, she really was not keen on surprises. But this house intrigued her. There was just something about it, a stately charm and an aura of faded elegance she found captivating. “Oh, I could do so much with this grand house,” she muttered under her breath.
Ronan must have heard her, for he was smiling once again. “Are you eager to go exploring?”
She nodded. “But will Lady Wellbrook allow me?”
“Yes, I’m sure she will. Perhaps after tea.” He took Dahlia’s arm as they walked to the front door. Holly and Heather followed close by their side.