Lifelong Affair

by Carole Mortimer

  'Don't think about it now/ Alex encouraged softly as he sensed her uncertainty. 'Go back to the States tomorrow, think about it while you're away. There's no rush, a few weeks isn't going to make any difference. And I believe it's something you do need to think about.' 'You didn't,' she pointed out softly. 'Not for long, no,' he admitted. 'But then it's different for me, I have nothing to lose by marrying you.' 'Your freedom?'

  His mouth twisted derisively. 'That isn't so much. And I would be gaining so much more, a beautiful wife, a healthy son.'

  Morgan blushed at the compliment. 'It really does need thinking about, Alex.'

  'Take all the time you need. I won't rush you.' The thinking began that night, to such an extreme that she hardly slept. She looked at Alex's idea from every angle, and every time she came up with the same answer. But it was an answer she didn't want. America was her home, with Sam as her boy-friend, and her parents not too far away; she didn't need a complicated man like Alex Hammond in her life. He had the depths of no man she had ever met before!

  She almost turned and ran when she entered the dining-room the next morning to find only Rita Hammond there. The other woman took great pleasure in telling her that Alex had already eaten and was in his study doing some last-minute work before driving her to the airport.

  'But it gives us a chance to talk alone,' Rita Hammond added warningly.

  Morgan instantly stiffened, deciding coffee was all e could stomach this morning if the other woman was going to start being insulting.

  "What did Alex want to talk to you about last night?

  Her eyes widened at this open attack—talk about straight for the jugular! 'He didn't tell you?' she prevaricated.

  Rita shot her a vehement look. 'I would hardly be iiin. if that were the case. Alex has always been i—solitary person. I have no doubt he'll tell me, in time.'

  But you'd rather not wait?' Morgan derided.

  No,' Rita agreed tautly.

  Morgan drew in a deep breath, sipping her coffee skrwly. 'I can't tell you either, Mrs Hammond,' she gave the only answer she could in the circumstances. 'If Alex had wanted you to know he would have told you. I'm afraid you'll just have to wait until he decides to tell you.'

  The other woman's face became an ugly mask in her anger. 'Don't get clever with me on the basis of one kiss, Morgan!' she rasped. A little comforting got out of hand, I refuse to believe it was any more than that!'

  'Believe away,' she shrugged dismissively. 'I can't add to that.'

  'You don't need to,' Rita scorned. 'I have more faith in Alex than to believe he would become seriously involved with a woman like you.'

  'That will be enough!' Alex spoke coldly from the doorway behind them. 'I will not have you insulting Morgan any more, Mother,' he added tautly.

  'But--- '

  'I'm ready to leave for the airport now if you are, Morgan,' he cut across his mother's protest.

  She gave him a grateful smile and stood up. 'I just have to say goodbye to Courtney.'

  'He'll hardly know anything about it,' the olderwoman derided, still pale from her son's anger with her.

  'And it isn't goodbye,' Alex added softly.

  'It isn't?' his mother demanded sharply, forgetting to be wary of his biting tongue in her surprise.

  He looked at her with chilling grey eyes. 'Morgan intends returning to us in a few weeks' time,' he informed her.

  'I didn't know that,' his mother flushed.

  'Oh, Morgan always intended to return, she has Courtney's future to think of. Doesn't she?' He looked at Morgan challengingly.

  Her gaze was caught and held by his. 'I do,' she acknowledged softly. 'I'm just not sure what it's going to be yet, she added the last for him alone.

  'I told you, there's no hurry,' he soothed gently.

  She knew that he was just assuring her that he hadn't changed his mind since last night, and she was grateful for that. She had finally drifted off to sleep about four o'clock this morning, waking with a start what seemed like minutes later, sure that she must have dreamt it all, that Alex Hammond hadn't really asked her to marry him. This man was too perceptive; he had been able to read her uncertainty so easily. And he had reassured her as easily. There was no mistake, he meant every word he had said last night.

  'What's going on here?' Rita Hammond cut in sharply. 'Alex, I want to know what's happening between the two of you?'

  His brows rose arrogantly at the demand. 'Nothing is "happening" at the moment, Mother,' he told her coldly. 'And even if it were I consider it no one's business but Morgan's and my own. If there is ever anything I think you should know about us you can be sure I'll tell you. In the meantime, Morgan and I have to leave,' and he swept Morgan from the room with his hand firmly on her arm.

  'Whew!' she breathed a sigh of relief once they were in the hallway, smiling up at Alex. ' don't know how you dare talk to her like that.'

  'Practice,' he drawled abruptly, with no answering humour in his harsh features. 'Hurry and see Courtney,' he glanced at the plain gold watch on his wrist. 'We don't have long to get to the airport.'

  It broke Morgan's heart to say goodbye to the baby, and as if he knew she was going away he began to cry, his little face all red in his distress.

  It won't be long,' she kissed his checks, feeling like crying herself, ' promise, baby.'

  Don't make promises you can't keep,' Alex warned as he came into the room.

  She looked up at him, nuzzling against the baby's red curls. 'Oh, I'll keep it this time. I just don't know if I'll be staying after that.'

  'We really should be going, Morgan,' he prompted gently. ' have to go into the office after I've taken you to the airport.'

  'Sorry,' she mumbled, and put the baby back in his crib. 'I'm ready.' She set her mouth bravely, turning and walking out of the room without a second glance.

  Her control lasted until they were actually on their way to the airport, when the resounding cry of Courtney from upstairs as she left the house couldn't be denied any longer. Oh, she was going to miss the baby!

  'I know,' Alex's hand came out to clasp hers. 'He's going to miss you too.'

  'Will he?' she choked. 'Will he really?'

  Tm sure he will,' he consoled gently. 'You underestimate his understanding of your love.'

  'Mrs Ford said something along the same lines,' Morgan admitted.

  'I told you she's a good nurse.'

  'There's no need to look so smug!' She pulled her hand away from his. "I'll admit Mrs Ford has turned out to be very nice. But she's going to have to leave eventually, then what happens to Courtney?'

  Alex shrugged broad shoulders beneath the charcoal grey suit and silver-grey shirt. 'That's a decision we'll both have to make when the time comes.'

  He made it sound as if it were already taken for granted that they were a couple, that they were used to making decisions together. And in a way they were going to be, for even if she didn't marry Alex they would still remain joint guardians of Courtney until he was eighteen.

  Los Angeles looked the same smoggy, beautiful city Morgan had come to love during the last two years of living and working here. It felt good to be back, and she ran into Sam's arms as he met her at the airport, kissing him enthusiastically.

  'Bad, huh?' he sympathised, his arm about her shoulders as they left the airport together.

  'In parts,' she nodded. 'Can we not talk about it, Sam? Not yet.'

  'Okay, honey.' He held her tightly against his side. 'Whenever you're ready.'

  "Fell me how work's going,' she prompted instead.

  'The usual.' He went on to tell her all the studio gossip. 'I think they're waiting to see what your reaction is to signing another contract before they decide what to do with Mary-Beth at the end of the season. There's been a rumour that you don't want to stay on.' He gave her a sideways glance as they drove to her apartment.

  She turned to grin at him. 'That's no rumour, Sam, I told Jerry myself weeks ago I didn't think I would be interested.'


  'It's your decision, sweetheart,' he shrugged.

  Sam's lack of forcefulness, his way of respecting her opinions and wishes, had always appealed to her in the past, and yet right now she could have done with more than a little help in this most important decision of her ife. But she couldn't talk about it with Sam, not at all,

  She made the trip to her parents' house the next day, shocked to see how ill her father still looked, despite being out of hospital for several days. Glenna's death had hit him harder than it had any of them.

  I want to see my grandson,' he growled, sitting out on the sun-deck of the house, the pallor of illness still with him as he looked almost frail.

  'A couple of months before you can even think about flying, the doctor said,' Morgan's mother put in lightly.

  'What do they know?' he muttered.

  'Well, / know you aren't well enough.' Once again her mother was the one being strongs—and doing it very well too!

  'Tell me what he looks like again, Morgan,' her

  father pleaded.

  Throughout the day she must have told her father half a dozen times what Courtney looked like, the little things he did, but she told her father all over again, never tiring of talking about the baby herself.

  'He should be called Court, not Courtney,' her father roared. 'What sort of name is that for a boy?'

  'Yours,' she pointed out gently.

  'And of course the Hammonds have to carry it out to the letter,' he scorned.

  'Of course,' she agreed laughingly. 'Alex insisted.'

  'I must say he's always been very polite when we've spoken to him on the telephone,' her mother gave her a searching look.

  'Politeness costs nothing,' her father snapped. 'Especially to a Hammond. Think they own the damned world! Well, I want my grandson here where he belongs,' he pinpointed Morgan with eyes as green as her own. 'You should have brought him with you.'

  'He's too young to fly all that way, Dad. Especially being premature.'

  'Well, as soon as he's old enough I want him out here.'

  She avoided his gaze, chewing on her bottom lip. 'That might be a little difficult, Dad. You sec, Alex is determined Courtney will stay with him.'

  'And who's he, to dictate where my grandson goes?' her father demanded. 'Glenna should never—should never have ' to Morgan's consternation he began to cry.

  It was a heartrending experience for her to see this strong man cry. In all the years she could remember she could never recall her father having cried about anything before, not even when his own father had died a couple of years ago.

  She watched with tears in her own eyes as her mother helped him through the house to their bedroom, and she was still sitting in the armchair when her mother returned a few minutes later.

  'Losing Glenna like that has been very hard on him,' her mother explained gently. 'Knowing about Courtney is what's kept him going.'

  'I know.' Morgan dried her cheeks. 'And I will bring him over here, as soon as I can.'

  'And what will Alex Hammond have to say to that?'

  She turned away. Alex would agree to her bringing Courtney to America on only one condition, she knew that. 'He—I think he'll be agreeable.'

  The work schedule was such over the next week that Morgan hardly had time to sleep, let alone dwell on the unconscious decision she had made concerning Alex's proposal. She continued to see Sam when their work schedules would allow it, and on the eve of her departure back to England they had dinner together at his beach-house.

  'When will you be back this time?" he queried casually.

  She smiled, lazing on the warm golden sand in the last of the evening's sunshine. 'Jerry has given me only a couple of days this time—no more than that,' she successfully mimicked the director's voice. 'Then it's back for the last two weeks of filming,' she spoke in her own voice.

  'And after that?'

  She chewed on her bottom lip. 'I was hoping you wouldn't ask me that.'

  He looked at her steadily, very bronzed in his dark swimming trunks. 'Why not?'

  'Because I—I don't think I'm coming back after that.'

  He couldn't hide his start of surprise. 'I don't understand," he frowned. 'You don't mean to stay in England indefinitely?'

  'I—could.' She gave an indecisive shrug. 'I'm really not sure yet.'

  'Is there anything I can do to persuade you to stay? Since Joanie died I've been very lonely,' he told her softly. 'The last few months you've helped fill that loneliness.'

  She squeezed his hand as it lay on the sand beside her. 'I'm glad of that. You're a wonderful man, Sam. You deserve to be happy.'

  'But not with you?' His gaze was intent.

  She gave a rueful shake of her head. 'I don't think so. I've enjoyed being with you, in fact, I've loved every moment of it. But perhaps that's half the trouble,' she realised thoughtfully. 'Love isn't all joy—Glenna's marriage showed me that. What do they call it in books, the agony and the ecstasy?'

  'It was like that with Joanie,' he admitted huskily.

  'And me?' she prompted softly, knowing that she hadn't reached either the high or the low with Sam, that enjoying his company just wasn't enough. Alex had shown her the ecstasy at least.

  'Well. I---- '

  'I know it wasn't, Sam,' she said gently. TMot for you or for me. We've had fun, let's leave it at that.'

  'Did you meet the man here or in England? England, of course,' he answered his own question. 'Otherwise you wouldn't be going to stay there.' Morgan frowned. 'What man?' 'The one who showed you the agony and the ecstasy, the man you're in love with.'

  Colour flooded her cheeks. 'I don't love him!' Alex Hammond wasn't a lovable man. He was desirable, extremely so, but he wasn't lovable. 'No?' Sam asked sceptically. No,' she insisted firmly.

  No, she didn't love Alex, but she was going to marry him. This last week without Courtney had shown her that he was as much a part of her as if she had actually brought him into the world. And her physical reaction to Alex couldn't be dismissed either; she had longed to know that pleasure again since she had been away from him. And then there was her father. She couldn't bear the recrimination in his eyes if she should ever lose Courtney to Alex in a legal battle. Marriage was the only answer, but with a few changes to the arrangements Alex had suggested. She wondered how he was going to react to them.

  CHAPTER FIVE

  HER nervousness grew as the plane touched down at Heathrow, and she felt herself become even more tense as she took a cab from the airport to the Hammond home. No doubt Alex would have either sent a car or come for her himself if he had known when she was arriving. But she hadn't told him, preferring to arrive in her own time, at her own pace, not intending to relinquish one particle of her independence even when she was his wife.

  Symonds was no more welcoming than the last time, informing her that Rita Hammond was at her daughter's for the evening, and that Alex hadn't arrived home from his office yet. Well, at least with Rita out of the house she was going to be able to meet and talk to Alex in privacy.

  The butler showed her into the same bedroom as before, informing her that dinner would be served in one hour. That suited Morgan perfectly, as she wanted to see Courtney before she showered and changed for dinner.

  The baby was as adorable as ever, and she spent so much time with him, amazed at how much he had changed in just that one week, that she almost forgot to change for dinner. In the end she needn't have made the effort.

  'Mr Alex telephoned several minutes ago, Miss McKay,' Symonds told her haughtily. 'He was intending to stay in London overnight, but when I told him you had arrived unexpectedly he changed his plans. He told me to inform you he will be home some time this evening, although a business meeting could delay him."

  'Thank you,' she accepted dully, although not by the flicker of an eyelid did she show her disappointment as she ate her dinner alone. She had expected to talk to Alex this evening, had prepared herself for it, now she doubted they would be able to say more
than goodnight to each other!

  As it turned out they didn't even get to do that! After the delicious meal she was given, and the wine Symonds had insisted had to be served with it, she became very drowsy, the jet-lag catching up with her with a vengeance. By ten-thirty Alex hadn't returned from London—and Morgan was safely tucked up in bed, fast asleep!

  'Why are you here?' Rita Hammond demanded of her the next morning, once again only the two of them in the dining-room for breakfast.

  'You knew I was coming back,' she shrugged, wondering where Alex was, and not wanting to get into an argument with this woman.

  'Oh I knew, I just don't understand why. Rita Hammond looked at her with open dislike. 'Why don't you just leave Courtney with us, and stop trying to pull him in two? He'll hate you for it in the end, you know.'

  She did know; it had been another of the deciding factors in her decision, that and the attraction she and Alex undoubtedly had for each other. 'Has Alex eaten already?' she changed the subject.

  'He isn't here, the other woman took great delight in telling her. 'He hasn't been here all night. 'His business appointment must have kept him very late,' Morgan frowned.

  'Business appointment? Is that what Symonds told you it was?' Rita scorned. 'Well, no doubt that's what Alex told him to say,' she gave a derisive smile. 'Alex does not stay in London overnight on business,' she added pointedly.

  Morgan stood up jerkily. 'If you'll excuse me, she said tautly, 'I still have some unpacking to do.'

  Rita Hammond watched her contemptuously. 'How long do you intend honouring us with your presence this time?'

  'Only until tomorrow,' she snapped, her eyes flashing deeply green.

  'I'm sure Alex will return before you leave. Let's hope we will have seen the last of the McKay family then,' she added with dislike.

  'I don't wish to discuss that with you,' Morgan dismissed.

  'My son has been giving me the same reply all week,' the other woman bit out. 'I suppose that when he's ready he'll speak to me about whatever is troubling him.'

  'I'm sure he will,' Morgan evaded, and made good ber escape.

  She spent the morning with Courtney, all the time waiting for Alex's return. His mother's pointed hints had told her that Alex had been with a woman last night and not on business at all, and she felt jealousy rip through her at the thought of another woman knowing his caresses, his drugging kisses. She knew it was ridiculous of her, unreasonable, and yet she couldn't fight her feelings of jealousy. She didn't even love the man, and she felt jealousy of his making love to another woman!