Lifelong Affair

by Carole Mortimer

  'When Morgan was younger—not much younger, I might add,' her father's eyes glowed with merriment as he teased her, 'she deserved more than a few beatings. She had the temper of a shrew!'

  Alex looked at her with amused eyes. 'Really?' he encouraged.

  Her father settled comfortably into the role of revealing her childhood antics. 'She was such a tomboy, always climbing trees, scuffing her knees. The complaints we had from the neighbours!' he chuckled. 'Morgan was always bringing home stray animals that would go and dig up their gardens.'

  'Dad!' she warned.

  'Tell me more,' Alex grinned. "It doesn't all like my elegant wife.'

  Morgan had to suffer the indignity of all her childhood exploits being told to Alex as they are dinner, his throaty laugh often bubbling to the surface. To all intents and purposes they were a happy family circle, and no one seemed aware of Morgan's shattered emotions. She could put on an act for one day, maybe even a week, but how was she going to get through the rest of her life like this!

  'I'm going to miss your parents,' Alex murmured as he undressed later that night, pulling off his tie and unbuttoning his shirt. 'I've enjoyed having them here.'

  Morgan kept her face averted, continuing to brush her hair in front of the mirror, the lime green nightgown fitting smoothly over her breasts and thighs. 'I'm sure they've enjoyed being here,' she nodded.

  Alex came to stand behind her in the mirror, his chest bare now, his black trousers low down on his hips. It was impossible to do anything else but look at his reflection, her gaze held mesmerised by his physical perfection. His hands came down on her shoulders as he knelt slightiy on the back of her stool, his head bent as his mouth nuzzled her nape.

  'How do you feel today?' he asked softly.

  T----- she was stopped from answering by a whimper of pain from the nursery. 'Courtney!' She evaded Alex's touch and stood up. 'He's been upset all day,' she frowned. 'I'll go to him.'

  Alex followed her through to the adjoining nursery, leaning against the doorframe as Morgan picked up the baby and began to soothe him. 'What do you think it is?' he asked worriedly.

  'He had his routine injection on Friday,' she shrugged, the baby's cry quietening to a choked sob. LI think he just has a slight fever from it.'

  'Should he have that?'

  'Of course he should!' she snapped angrily. 'There's nothing wrong with him. Why don't you just go away?' All the tension of the day built up within her and exploded in one angry outburst. 'He'll be perfectly all right with me. Go back to bed!'

  But if he's ill----- '

  'He's just fretful, the nurse said he could be.'

  'All right, then,' he answered angrily. 'I think I will go back to bed, as you're so confident you know what to do!' He closed the communicating door with suppressed violence.

  Morgan sat down in the rocking chair with Courtney, softly thanking him for saving her from another open confrontation with Alex as to why she wouldn't let him make love to her. Because she wouldn't have been able to, she knew that as soon as he touched her.

  She stayed with Courtney a lot longer than necessary, wanting to give Alex time to fall asleep. Courtney had settled down again in only minutes after she had soothed him, so she sat beside his crib for over an hour just watching him sleep. He no longer seemed hot as he had earlier in the day, so she thought the slight reaction to the injection had probably passed.

  She couldn't hear any movement from the adjoining bedroom to tell her if Alex was awake or not, so she left it a little while longer, giving him time to fall into a deep sleep.

  Suddenly the door between the two rooms opened and a harsh-faced Alex stood there. 'Come to bed, Morgan,' he rasped harshly. 'I won't touch you!'

  'Alex---

  'Just come to bed,' he ordered bitterly, turning on his heel and walking back into the darkness, leaving the door open. 'Morgan!' he ground out.She stood up, tucking the blanket more firmly around the sleeping baby before going slowly into the bedroom she shared with Alex. He lay far over his side of the bed, his back turned towards her in silent reproach.

  She slept restlessly, somehow managing to keep away from Alex even when she did doze, waking up with a start the one time she sensed herself moving across the bed towards him. Daylight was breaking as she opened her eyes, and after the lapse she had just had she daren't fall asleep again, but lay awake until she heard Courtney's early morning cry, and hurried to his room before he woke Alex, wanting no recriminating conversations this morning.

  She didn't see her husband until breakfast time. The four of them breakfasted together, Alex having taken a day off work so that he could drive her parents to the airport. It was a thoughtful gesture, and one Morgan knew her parents appreciated. Unfortunately it also meant she had his company for the entire day, and by his frosty manner towards her she knew she was far from forgiven for the last two nights of avoiding his touch.

  Her mother came into the nursery to help her dress Courtney for the drive. 'He's so much like Glenna,' she said tearfully.

  All Morgan could see in the baby was Alex, but she nodded anyway, concentrating on the tiny button at the neck of the sweater Courtney wore.

  'We really have enjoyed being here, Morgan.' Her mother took the baby as Morgan cleared away the baby's toiletries. 'Alex has made us so welcome. And it's so nice to see how happy you are together.' She played with Courtney as she talked, so she didn't notice how pale Morgan was. 'I must say your father and I felt some serious misgivings when you and Alex decided to get married—we wondered if it wasn't just for Courtney's sake even though you told us you loved Alex. And that would have been disastrous.'

  'Yes,' she agreed dully.

  'But anyone can see how happy the two of you are together,' her mother smiled. 'We're so pleased for you, Morgan.'

  'Yes,' she smiled again'.

  'I still can't say I like the rest of the family,' her mother grimaced. 'But at least Alex had the sense not to stay in the same house as his mother.'

  'Yes. We'd better be going down, Mom,' Morgan suggested lightly. 'We don't have too long to get to the airport.' She hated deceiving her mother like this, but the pain of her discovery was so new she couldn't talk to anyone about it.

  She sat in the back of the Mercedes with her mother and Courtney, her father seated beside Alex, although she was aware of his gaze on her often in the driving mirror, as if her behaviour the last two days was bothering him.

  And no wonder—her coldness now was the complete antithesis of her manner with him the last three months. She had always been pleased to see him, to be with him, to make love with him, and now she couldn't even bare his touch, evading his hands as he would have helped her out of the car with Courtney when they reached the airport.

  His eyes flashed with anger before he turned to help her father with the luggage.

  Heathrow Airport was hardly the place for a tearful farewell, but as her parents went through Customs Morgan couldn't stop herself from bursting into tears, accepting the comfort of Alex's arm about her shoulders, unable to reject him in her desolation. She suddenly felt very much alone, alien, as if her parents departure had left her in a vacuum.

  'Would you like Mrs Whitney to take care of Courtney this evening?' Alex offered on the drive home. 'We could go out to dinner.'

  'No!' She swallowed hard, biting back her vehemence. 'I don't want to leave Courtney just yet, not when he hasn't been well the last two days,' she said more calmly.

  'I just thought you might be feeling a bit of anticlimax now that your parents have gone.' He shrugged. 'Courtney is well enough today, isn't he?' he frowned.

  'Well ... yes. But I just want to give it one more day to make sure.'

  'I was only thinking of you.'

  'I know—and I'm grateful. I just '

  'Don't want to be alone with me,' he finished grimly. 'What have I done, Morgan?' He turned to look at her, an expression of bewilderment in his eyes. 'I thought you were happy with me, that we were happy together.'
>
  'We are,' she nodded, avoiding his gaze.

  'Then why—Never mind,' he bit out impatiently. 'I can guess!'

  'Guess what?' She blinked at him.

  'It isn't important,' he dismissed harshly.

  But it was, very important—she knew that. She was destroying what closeness they had by her silence, and yet to question Alex, to be told the truth, could destroy her.

  For the first time since they had been married Alex spent the evening in his study working. At least, that was what he said he was doing, and Morgan didn't doubt that he could find work to do, but she knew it wasn't the necessity to work that had influenced his decision. He was avoiding her too now.

  They were still avoiding each other when they went to bed early that night, each using the bathroom in silence. Alex was wearing the black silk pajama trousers now. and Morgan's own nightgown was more than adequate covering.

  He didn't even attempt to touch her as they lay side by side in the bed, neither of them talking but neither of them asleep either. Alex punched his pillow into a more comfortable position from time to time, but other than that his broad back was presented to her in cold silence.

  Morgan tried to hold back her tears, knowing that if he heard her sobs he would demand an explanation right now. But the tears refused to remain checked, falling silently down her cheeks and wetting her pillow.

  'This is damned ridiculous!' Alex suddenly exploded, making Morgan jump with the fierceness of his mood, then he pulled her over on to her back, looming over her in the darkness. 'I can't—Morgan, you're crying!' he groaned as he felt her tears with his thumb tips. 'Darling, what is it?' he demanded gently. 'What's wrong with you? Tell me and we can work it out.'

  She shook her head, sobbing in earnest now, putting up no resistance as he pulled her close against his chest, clinging to him unashamedly.

  'Morgan, speak to me!' he groaned into her hair. 'Tell me what I've done.'

  'Nothing. You've done nothing,' she choked.

  'Then why are you crying?' He smoothed her hair back from her face, drying her checks with his fingers. 'I've behaved badly the last two days,' he sighed. 'You're entitled to say no if you want to.' His eyes darkened. 'But I just can't do without you, I need you all the time. Darling .. .!' he lowered his head with a groan.

  For several seconds she let him kiss her, and then she couldn't stand it any more, wondering if he were imagining she were Glenna. She pushed against his chest, twisting her face aside to wrench her mouth from his. 'No!' It was like the cry of a wounded animal.

  Alex was breathing hard as he looked down at her. 'No?'

  She shook her head silently, the tears flowing anew as she looked up at him.

  He closed his eyes for several long painful seconds, taking deep controlling breaths as his fingers bit into the tender flesh of her shoulders.

  'Alex, I think I should go back to the States,' she told him in a trembling voice.

  His lids were lifted, his eyes narrowed. 'You're homesick? The visit from your parents has made you aware that you miss it more than you realised?'

  She shook her head. ' love it here. I— just think I should go.'

  'Why?' he demanded abruptly.

  She avoided his gaze. 'I just—I can't ' she

  moistened her lips. 'I don't think I can '

  'Make love with me any more,' he finished grimly, throwing back the bedcovers to begin pulling on his clothes. 'That's it, isn't it? When it comes down to cold facts you don't want me near you, do you?'

  Morgan flinched at the contempt in his voice. 'Alex,

  'Do you?' he bit out between gritted teeth. She swallowed hard. 'No,' she admitted miserably. Alex drew in a ragged breath, still for a moment, and then he was dressing more speedily, his expression harsh as he pulled on his jacket. 'That's what I thought. I tried to tell myself you were different, and your eagerness to make love these last months seemed to prove that,' his mouth twisted. 'You just wanted your hold over me to be all the stronger, didn't you?' he accused contemptuously. 'God, you're a better actress than I gave you credit for—you acted the willing lover so well——'

  'I was willing.' She sat up, her expression pleading.

  He halted at the door. 'Was, in the past tense,' he dismissed angrily. 'Well, I'm not as hooked as you thought I was, Morgan. I want you, yes, I could probably even make love to you now if you asked me to, but / never ask you again. You'll never make me plead and beg for your body.'

  'Alex!' she cried as he opened the door. 'Where are you going?'

  'Out! I can't bear to be near you, Morgan.' His mouth twisted. 'You're everything I thought you weren't, every foul name a tease like you can be called. Well, I watched a decent and proud man controlled and manipulated all his life by his desire for one woman's body; I'm not about to fall into the same trap myself!'

  "Alex. ..?'

  Your timing is all wrong, Morgan,' he told her vehemently. 'Another few months and maybe, just maybe, I might have been so captivated by you that I fell into that trap. But not yet.'

  'Alex, don't leave like this!' She swung her legs to the floor, intending to go to him. 'Let's talk. I'll explain------------ '

  'I'm not interested in explanations,' he scorned. 'I don't need them now.'

  'But you can't go out!'

  'Why not? It's only eleven o'clock. And I know several women who would be glad to give me a bed for the night. Pleasant dreams, Morgan,' he taunted before leaving the room, the sound of his car leaving the house seconds later telling her that he had indeed gone.

  CHAPTER TEN

  MORGAN sat on the side of the bed for several stunned minutes, just staring at the closed door. Alex had gone to another woman. And she had forced him into it.

  But surely he wouldn't really go to another woman's bed? It would be a betrayal of all they had shared. And hadn't she betrayed the marriage vows she had made to him, the agreement she had made with him, by refusing to make love with him? If he went to another woman tonight it would be her own fault.

  She kept thinking he would come home, that his anger would cool and he would come back and they would talk. But the hours passed and there was no sign of him, no powerful engine in the driveway to tell of his return, just an empty silence. As empty as the rest of her life was going to be without him . ..

  She had been a fool, she knew that now; she had known it the moment Alex walked out of the door. He hadn't had an affair with Olenna, he was too honourable a man for that. He might have found Glcnna attractive, might even have wanted to make love to her because of her similarity to her sister, but he would never have made love to his brother's wife. Courtney was not his child.

  She groaned low in her throat, convinced now that she had misjudged Alex in the worst way possible. She should have known this as soon as Janet Fairchild told the lie, should have known her husband well enough to believe in him. And now he had gone to another woman, convinced that she no longer wanted him, that her enjoyment of their lovemaking had been a sham, a way of trapping him into some sort of physical tic to her, the same tic his friend had known. He might not be trapped, but she was, knew that she would never leave him, never.

  He hadn't returned by morning, and dressing Courtney in warm clothes she drove out to see her mother-in-law. She could hardly telephone Rita and ask if Alex had spent the night there! This way the visit would look like a casual one; she and Courtney often went over to see Rita in the day now, declaring a truce for Courtney's sake.

  After half an hour Rita hadn't so much as mentioned Alex, and her own casual mentions of him received only a normal response. Alex hadn't spent the night here.

  'Would you mind taking care of Courtney for a while?' Morgan asked her mother-in-law. 'I have some shopping to do, and he's only just got over a fever.'

  Rita smiled. 'You know I'll love to have him. Leave him here any time you want to.'

  Morgan drove to Janet's house, her anger burning to a fury. She shouldn't have listened to the other woman's spiteful words of ac
cusation, but that didn't excuse Janet's need to say them in the first place. She would put an end to this vindictivencss once and for all.

  Janet seemed surprised to see her when she was shown into the lounge, putting her magazine down to stand up slowly. 'Have you come to say goodbye?' she taunted.

  'No,' Morgan told her abruptly.

  'No?' She raised dark brows. 'Then you have less pride than I thought.'

  'Less sense, you mean,' Morgan retorted angrily, 'For even listening to you. I don't know why you did it, what you hoped to achieve, but I've come here to call you a liar—a vicious, vindictive liar!'

  The other woman looked unruffled. 'Is that whatAlex told you?' she drawled.

  lAlex hasn't told me anything,' she snapped, 'because I haven't bothered him with this.'

  'Then maybe you should.'

  'Why? So that he can be disgusted I would even listen to such lies?' Morgan derided.

  Janet flushed. 'If it's the truth '

  'You know it isn't,' she shook her head. 'Alex is hard, cynical, but he's also totally honest. He would never have touched Glenna.'

  'No?'

  'No!' Morgan was breathing hard in her anger. 'I'll only say this once, Janet, and you'd better listen. I don't ever want these filthy lies repeated to anyone else, and if they are you'll regret it!'

  'Are you threatening me?' Janet scorned.

  'You'd better believe it! I just hope you haven't already ruined my marriage to Alex.'

  'And what are you threatening me with?' Janet derided.

  believe your husband and children love you very much,' Morgan said softly, seeing how the other woman blanched. 'Think what it would do to them to know how bitter and twisted you are inside.'

  'Get out!' Janet hissed fiercely. 'Just get out!'

  'I'm going,' Morgan said calmly. 'But I hope you take note of this warning. I have no idea why you feel the need to destroy other people's happiness, but bitterness like yours should be controlled or it will take over your whole life. Think about it, Janet, and treasure what you have—a husband and two beautiful children.'

  Janet didn't answer her, but she knew by her pale face that her point had gone home. She just hoped it worked! Rita's dislike had been just that, pure and simple, but Janet's feelings of resentment went much further—destructively so; she could even need professional help.