Never Been Kissed

by Melody Carlson

  “Not really anywhere since I moved from Renaldo.”

  “You should come to my church.” He tears off a corner of his drawing paper and writes down the name of his church, where it’s located, and his phone number. “Call me if you want a ride.” Then the bell rings and it’s time to go.

  6

  ______

  Our little game continues throughout the next week. In response to my question about whether or not Asher is a Christian, he tells me he’s a Lutheran who’s searching. I like that. It’s honest and open. What more could I want?

  The truth is I do want more. For one thing, I’m getting a little tired of this game, and I sense by his less frequent emails that he’s getting bored with it too. That concerns me. But besides that, I want to know when Asher plans to break things off with Brianna. So on Saturday morning, after not hearing from him for two days, I decide to just toss my cards on the table and ask.

  I don’t want to sound pushy, Asher, but I’m curious about how long you plan to stay with Brianna. It’s been almost two weeks since I made her mad. It seems like long enough to me. I really miss you. We had such a great time together. Sometimes I catch you looking at me and I can tell you miss me too. So how about it? Or should I just start flirting with you at school and see what I can stir up? Just kidding. I won’t do that. At least not yet.

  Elise

  I must’ve hit a nerve because I get a quick response from him. And it’s just the kind of response I was hoping for.

  You’re right to question me, Elise. And I’m going to be honest with you. This is complicated. For one thing, I still have some feelings for Brianna. We’ve been together for more than a year and it’s hard to just toss that aside. Also, I promised to take Brianna to homecoming, and I will look like a total jerk if I dump her right before the dance. She’s already gotten a dress and everything. So just be patient, okay? In the meantime, know that I’m fantasizing about you. In fact, I’d love it if you’d send me a photo. I’ll print it out and hang it in my room. Here’s one for you of me at the beach last summer.

  Asher

  I download and print out the photo and just stare at Asher in wonder. He is so good looking. With his shirt off and his tan and his abs . . . well, let’s just say this guy is hot.

  “Whoa,” Stacie says when she finds me in my room still staring at Asher’s photo. “He’s, like, yummy-licious.”

  I turn the photo over and smile. “Now I need to send a picture of me. The problem is I don’t have a really good one.”

  “Let’s take one,” she suggests.

  I borrow my mom’s digital camera, spruce up some, and strike some poses. Stacie seems unimpressed. “You’re really pretty, Elise,” she says. “But you should wear your bikini or something with a little more zing.”

  I laugh. “No way.” But I do go back to my closet and pull out a sundress. “How about this?”

  “Sure. It’s better than your T-shirt anyway.”

  She snaps a few more shots, and eventually we both agree on one where I’m kind of looking back over my shoulder and making what Stacie describes as a “smoky glance.” Then I ask her to give me some privacy and make herself scarce, and she actually takes the hint.

  I feel a ripple of caution run through me as I sit down to write an email, and I wonder if this is really such a great idea. I mean talk about putting myself out there. But as I gaze at Asher’s picture, I’m swept up into that great smile and those clear blue eyes. And just like that, I attach my own photo, checking it once more just to be sure I really want to send it. I think Stacie’s right—it is kind of smoky and smoldering, and it should really warm this guy up. Maybe he’ll even rethink his date for homecoming.

  But after I hit send, I begin to worry. As much as I try to distract myself with other things, I keep returning to my computer, checking my email about a dozen times, each time feeling more and more worried that he hasn’t replied. Finally, I decide that my photo was lame and that he is so over me and I am totally pathetic. And I know I’m losing him.

  Then I come up with another plan. Sure, it might be a desperate plan, but I just can’t give up this easily. I call up Phillip and ask if he still wants to take me to church with him. He sounds happy to accommodate me. Does he suspect that I might simply be using him? I hope not. I tell myself that I’m not—not really—and that I need to go to church, I should go to church, and this is no big deal.

  After church on Sunday, Phillip invites me to get some lunch with him and I agree. Why shouldn’t I? Oh, I know my main purpose for connecting with him today is so I can casually mention it to Asher via email, and then he might possibly get jealous. I know that’s pathetic.

  I have to wonder why I can’t be attracted to someone like Phillip. Not only is he smart and funny and nice, he actually seems to be into me. Plus his church is pretty cool. Yet all I can think about is Asher.

  “See you tomorrow,” Phillip says as he drops me off where I really live (the Tropicana Suites). I see no reason to put up pretenses with him.

  “Thanks for everything,” I say. “I had a great time!” I go into my room and immediately start writing an email.

  Hi, Asher. I think honesty is key to any good relationship, so I must be honest with you and tell you that I was just out with Phillip Martingale. While he’s not you, he’s not bad. In fact, he’s actually pretty cool. He’s not tied up with some other girl either. So if you see me with him at school, don’t be surprised. We can just make it part of our little act. Unless you’re ready to end this act. I really think I am. In fact, I might simply approach you tomorrow. I’ll act like I’m not mad anymore and ask if we can just be friends. That seems believable. Don’t you think?

  Elise

  The day slowly passes without a word from Asher. As Mom and I are having dinner together—kind of a rarity in this household—she asks if I’m okay. “You seem worried about something,” she says with concerned eyes.

  Since I haven’t had Stacie around today (her older sister took her shopping), I decide to dump on Mom. Well, not everything. Mostly I just explain how Asher and I have become good friends and how we’ve been emailing and how he plans to break up with Brianna. “But I’m not so sure now,” I say. “It’s like things have kind of cooled off between us.”

  I don’t mention my little ploy to make Asher jealous by using Phillip. I’m actually feeling kind of creeped out by that myself. How low will a girl go? Yet I feel desperate. I don’t want to lose Asher.

  “He sounds like a nice boy,” Mom says cautiously, almost as if she wants to say more but is worried she’ll shut me down. “And sticking with his girlfriend until he takes her to homecoming is kind of an honorable thing, Elise. You can’t really fault him for that. He hasn’t known you that long. Maybe he’s just trying to figure things out. You should give him more time.”

  “How much more time?”

  Mom smiles in a sad way. “I remember being a teenager. Sometimes one day felt like eternity. Trust me, it’ll pass a lot more quickly than you think. Just focus on something else for a while. And don’t forget, you have your birthday to look forward to. You still haven’t told me what you want.”

  “You mean besides Asher Gordon?” I sigh.

  Mom laughs. “You want me to go out and trap the boy, wrap him up, and set him on our doorstep for you?”

  I make a face at her.

  “Just be patient, Elise. Remember, good things come to those who wait.”

  I’m so tempted to point out how that hasn’t been the situation with her. She just waits and waits and waits . . . and nothing very good seems to come her way. At least not in the form of romance. But I tell her I have homework, and she says she’ll clean the kitchen tonight.

  When I turn on my computer, I’m pleased to see that Asher has written. But he’s not offering to dump Brianna like I’d hoped. Still, he kind of echoes what Mom just told me.

  I don’t blame you for going out with Phillip, Elise. He seems like a nice guy. But if you make
a scene with me at school, don’t you think it’ll hurt Phillip’s feelings? It won’t help things with us much either. You’re just going to have to be patient until after homecoming. Then things will change. I promise you. Since I’m willing to wait for you, it seems like you should be willing to wait for me. I think you’re worth it, Elise. I think about you all the time. And that photo is great. Although you have to admit I showed a lot more skin in mine.

  Asher

  I get out his photo and stare at it. Really, I think both Asher and Mom are right. Some things are worth waiting for. I also think it was a cheap shot for me to use Phillip like I did. But then I tell myself that maybe Phillip and I can be friends. I did like his church. So what’s wrong with just hanging with him because he’s a nice guy and a good friend? Of course, I don’t have to tell Asher that. He doesn’t need to know everything. Yet I want him to know everything about me. So I decide to just use this time to talk about other things. Why not?

  I think you’re right about not rushing things, Asher. Sorry to sound so impatient. It’s only because I really like you. Sometimes it’s hard to stand by and just wait. It’s like I want to jump up and grab what I want—take what I think should be mine. I think you’d be glad if I did. I think we’d be really good together.

  I remember when we first met this summer—it’s like we had an instant connection. And when you put the move on me in Spanish, I could feel the electricity. I know you could too. I’ll just keep these things close to me, and I’ll wait for you. But please don’t make me wait too long. I might not be able to control myself.

  Elise

  This time I don’t reread my post before I hit send. I’ve decided that if this relationship is meant to be, I need to be honest and open with my feelings. Who knows, maybe that will make Asher want to finish things off with Brianna a bit quicker.

  To my surprise, I get another email back about half an hour later.

  Think about it, Elise, email is a great way to get to know someone better. So I’ll tell you a secret about me and you can tell me a secret about you. I’m only telling you this because I know I can trust you completely. Here goes. When I was a little kid, I went to summer camp, and—this isn’t easy to say—a camp counselor kind of messed with me. You know what I mean? I never told anyone, but it still bugs me. It feels good to tell you, Elise. I know I can trust you. Now tell me something about you so I won’t feel like I’m just hanging here. Okay?

  Asher

  Wow, I can’t believe he just told me this. But I think it’s awesome cool that he trusts me like that. I realize this is a great opportunity. We can really get to know each other so when we actually start going out, it’ll be like we’ve been together for a long time already.

  You know your secret is safe with me, Asher. I’m totally honored that you’d tell me. It makes me wish I had something really huge to tell you. But I will tell you this, and no one else really knows. I’m going to turn sixteen next week and I’ve never been kissed. I think that’s why I’m so impatient to get together with you. Just imagine how great it’s going to be when we do get together. I can hardly wait. But I will.

  Elise

  It’s pretty late when I hit send, and I realize I’m still not done with homework. I push thoughts of Asher from my mind and focus on my studies until I’m too sleepy to focus on anything.

  To my dismay, the emails between us slow down during the next few days. Consequently, I’m slightly fed up. And every time I see Asher and Brianna together, I get even more fed up. That’s probably why I spend more time with Phillip. I’m hoping that Asher will understand how he’s making me feel. Besides that, Phillip is fun, and he’s a good friend. I just hope he’s not assuming we’re more than friends.

  Thursday is my birthday, and when I get up, I decide that no matter what happens with Asher and Brianna today, I will be happy. I put on one of my favorite outfits and take care with my makeup and hair. When I emerge from my room, both my grandma and mom are there to greet me, singing “Happy Birthday.”

  “Grandma!” I exclaim. “I can’t believe you drove all the way over here for my birthday. That is so sweet.”

  “Happy sweet sixteen,” she says as she exchanges glances with Mom. “Actually, I came over to help deliver a surprise that your mom and I have been cooking up these past few months.”

  “A surprise?” I look at Mom.

  Mom hands me a little box, like what jewelry would come in, and says, “Happy birthday, Elise.”

  I untie the blue ribbon and open the box to see a set of car keys nestled in the cotton. “No way,” I whisper, looking from Grandma to Mom and back to Grandma again. They’re both nodding and grinning.

  “Grandma picked it up at the dealer for me yesterday,” Mom tells me.

  “I drove it over here this morning,” Grandma says.

  But I’m already out the door with them trailing behind me, filling in the various details about how they executed their little plan—how Mom has been saving for a year, which explains why money is always tight. I’m just relieved it’s not Grandma’s old Caddie, although I would be thankful for any kind of wheels. I’m totally shocked and practically speechless when the car turns out to be a light blue Mustang.

  “That’s it, honey,” Mom tells me.

  I just stare at her and then the car. This is way too cool. This can’t be real.

  “Don’t you like it?” Grandma asks.

  “No way!” I squeal. “No way!”

  “It’s not brand new,” Mom explains. “But it’s been thoroughly checked, and it seems to be in great condition.”

  “And low mileage,” Grandma says as I open the door and peer inside.

  “It’s absolutely gorgeous,” I tell them. “I love it! I totally adore it!”

  Mr. Galloway comes over to check it out. “Wow, that’s quite a little car, Elise. If you ever want to loan it out, I’d be glad to—”

  “No,” Mom says firmly. “One condition is that only Elise is to drive this car.”

  “Don’t worry,” I assure her.

  “And you have to get your license,” Grandma tells me. “That’s why I had you doing all that driving for me—so you’d be ready to take your test.”

  “This is so cool,” I say as I hug them both. “Thank you so much!”

  “Grandma has offered to take you to the DMV after school today,” Mom tells me. “If you think you’re ready, that is.”

  “I’m ready now,” I say with confidence. “I’ll take the manual to school with me and go over it some more whenever I get the chance.”

  Now Stacie has joined us, and she’s almost as incredulous as I am over this sweet set of wheels.

  It’s time to head to school, and Grandma offers to get us there if we can take the Mustang. “Hey, I’m fine with that,” I say as I hand over my keys. “I just wish it was me behind the wheel.”

  “You can drive, Elise.” She hands me back the keys. “At least until we get to school. Then I’ll have to drive it back.”

  “This is so awesome,” I say as I start the engine. I feel like I’m on top of the world as I drive my sweet blue car to school. What a day!

  That’s when I decide that today is not about Asher and whether or not he’s into me. Today is about being sixteen, having a great car, and just plain happiness.

  Before Grandma leaves with my car, I take a picture of it on my cell phone. I want to sneak peeks at it throughout the day, and maybe I’ll show Phillip too.

  7

  ______

  As usual, I feel awkward and conspicuous when I walk into school. Stacie actually has other girlfriends that seem happy to see her, and I try not to feel envious over my obvious lack of friends. But hey, it’s my birthday and I have a great car, so I refuse to let this get to me as I head for the language arts department. On my way I see Phillip, so I go straight for him, open up my phone, and show him the picture of my new car.

  “My birthday present,” I say proudly. “And if I get my license this afternoo
n, I’ll drive it to school tomorrow.”

  “Awesome,” he tells me. “I’ll bet it can really go.”

  “It’s also got low mileage,” I say. As we’re standing there looking at my cell phone picture and I’m describing how the Mustang’s totally loaded, I feel someone watching us. When I glance up, I notice Asher and Chance nearby staring at me. I toss them both a big smile, hold up my phone, and say, “It’s my birthday and this is what I got.”

  They look kind of shocked, probably because I’m actually speaking to them. I hope Asher’s not getting all worried that I’m about to blow his cover, but since he hasn’t sent me an email in a few days, I’m not sure I even care. Then I see this look in his eyes—kind of a vulnerability or maybe even a longing, or else I’m just imagining things—and I feel guilty for messing with him like this. I just shrug, like I couldn’t care less what they think, then turn back to Phillip, and we talk about my car until the first bell rings.

  In English Comp, I remember the secrets Asher and I shared . . . and I wonder if that’s what made him look like that. Was he freaking that I might tell someone about what happened to him as a kid at summer camp? I so wouldn’t. Or maybe he realized that it was my birthday today and that I still haven’t been kissed. Maybe he even wished he could kiss me. Or maybe he was worried that Phillip was going to get this opportunity. Not that it’s going to happen. No, I’ve decided I’m going to wait for Asher. He is worth waiting for.

  Asher totally surprises me as we’re leaving Spanish. He actually smiles at me, tells me happy birthday, and asks to see the photo of my car. I make sure no teachers are looking as I pull out my phone and turn it on. We’re not supposed to have phones on during the school day, although most kids break this rule during lunch.

  “Wow,” Asher says, “that’s one nice-looking set of wheels. You wouldn’t want to trade with me, would you?”

  I laugh. “Yeah, right.”

  We’re still walking together when we get to the cafeteria, and suddenly I’m nervous. “You probably don’t want Brianna to see me with you,” I say quickly.