“Well, I’m glad I could entertain you,” I deadpan while I finish loading my bags into the back of my truck.
“So, where are you off to?”
“Hiking. I’m going to take pictures around Robert’s property.”
“You take pictures?” he asks, genuinely interested.
“Yep. It’s what I did back in South Carolina before I came here. I’ve been dying to get some shots since the moment I landed. It’s beautiful here.” I smile and look out at the mountains.
“Yeah, it is. And this gives you the perfect excuse to avoid Brant,” he jokes. I could deny that I’m trying to avoid him, but what would be the use? I get the distinct impression James is the kind of man that could easily see through someone’s bullshit.
“Yeah, that too.” I laugh.
“Well, don’t let me keep you. I gotta get back to the pups. Be careful out there.” My ears perk at the mention of pups.
“Puppies?”
James’s face splits into a smile. “Yeah, my husky, Molly, gave birth about eight weeks ago. I have someone coming to look at them.”
My face, of course, gets that dopey eyed look women get when there’s mention of puppies and babies. James chuckles. “You should come over and see them.” I’m nodding before he even finishes his sentence. In my head, I’ve already bought all of them.
“All right, I’ll let you get to your hike. I’ll catch up with you a little later this week and set up a time for you to come see them.” We exchange numbers and James waits for me to climb in behind the wheel before tapping on my window.
When I roll it down, he gives me a sincere look. “Brant may come off like an asshole, but he’s not all bad. Give him a chance to prove it to you and you won’t be disappointed.”
At a loss for what to say, I just answer with a tight smile and a nod. I know there’s no chance of me ever meeting that Brant. He’s made that clear.
***
I’m sitting at the table, going through some of the photos I took last week on my hike, when my phone starts ringing. Pearl. I roll my eyes and hit ignore. Five minutes later, it rings again. Only this time, I smile.
“Charlotte,” I answer with a smile on my face.
“What the fuck, Chuck?” Okay, going to be honest, wasn’t expecting that kind of greeting. I open my mouth, but get cut off again. “Why have I not heard from you in a week? Best friends for ten years. Talk to each other every day, and you take off to the middle of nowhere and I haven’t heard a peep. I’m sitting here, worried. I mean, you’re in Alaska. For all I know, you’ve been dragged away by a bear!”
“I’m sorry. I really have just needed time to think over everything that’s happened the past month in a half,” I answer honestly.
Since the day I found out the truth about Robert, I’ve been spending a lot of time going through the rest of his things, trying to learn everything I can about him and any other family members I could find.
I also looked up the agency my adoption went through to try and find out anything I could about my birth mom. I know, from what Pearl has said, that she wasn’t the best woman, but I still want to know where I came from, find out how she died, and have it confirmed that I have no other living relatives.
“Well, you’re forgiven. Just because you’re off living some wild adventure without me doesn’t give you the right to forget those of us at the Mill Pond Trailer Park.” She’s trying to joke, but I can hear the hurt in her voice.
Charlotte’s personality is the opposite of mine. Where I’m quiet, she’s loud. I’m reserved, she’s outspoken. I spent my childhood dreaming of a man to come whisk me away on a white horse and love me for the rest of my life. She’s refused to let any man get close to her. Char’s longest lasting relationship has been the one she’s in right now.
“You know I asked you to come on this adventure with me. You turned me down because you didn’t want to leave Bobby behind.”
“Yeah, well, Bobby and I are history,” she mumbles.
“Crap. What happened now?”
“What do you think happened? Mommy dearest got her hooks in him. I swear, Eva, I didn’t think there could be a mother out there as bad as Pearl, but Maureen Davis can put her to shame.”
She isn’t lying. Maureen is Char’s alcoholic mother who has made a habit of sleeping with Char’s boyfriends ever since Charlotte turned sixteen and her dad ran out on them with a stripper.
“I’d have to agree with you on that, Char. Bobby was a jackass anyways. Besides, now that he’s gone, you should come here. It’s beautiful.” I know Charlotte’s answer by the huge sigh she emits.
“I don’t know. I met this guy named Jack. I might see where that goes. So, what else is new? I know you still haven’t talked to Elliot or Pearl because they both have resorted to calling me day and night trying to figure out where in Alaska you’ve disappeared to.”
“I’m sorry.” I cringe.
“Don’t be. You know how much I love being able to tell Pearl to fuck off. Elliot too. You did the right thing. Those two were no good for you. I’m happy you’re trying to find yourself, even if I do miss you a shit ton.
“So, tell me, is the sexy mountain man still being a dick since you barfed on his boots?” She laughs, but I’m still not finding the humor in that night. It was humiliating.
I haven’t talked to Brantley since that night because I refuse to go anywhere near where I think he would be. Sadly, just because I haven’t talked to him doesn’t mean I haven’t seen him. I have, twice actually.
The day after the bar incident, I was coming in from the woods on my hike and saw him knocking on the front door to the cabin. I jumped behind the shed and waited until he left before coming out. The humiliation was still too fresh and I really didn’t need to see his anger or hear his smart ass comments.
The next time I saw him was two days ago. I was leaving the store when I saw him outside talking to a woman. A beautiful one. Tall, with blonde hair in a pixie cut. I was driving past when she leaned in to give him a peck on the cheek.
I ignored the sharp pain in my chest. Deep down I know I’m jealous, but I also know I have no right to be. I have no claims to Brantley. Hell, we can’t even be in the same room for longer than seconds without being at each other’s throats.
I chalk my crappy feelings up to being alone. Even with Elliot, I was alone.
It may have been a quick look, but even from the parking lot of the Stop and Go, I could see the affection in her eyes for him. I can only assume he was giving her the same look. I wasn’t brave enough to look at him to find out.
I want to look at a man like that, to have a man to look at me like that. Until Elliot called, saying he wanted me back, I would have never thought he even had true feelings for me. Both Pearl and his dad forced us on each other. Neither of us had a say.
“Hello? Earth to Eva?” Charlotte interrupts the thoughts I got lost in.
“Oh, sorry. I got lost there for a second.”
“I figured. So?”
“So what?” I ask, confused.
“Mountain man, Eva?” She laughs.
“Right. No, I’m happy to report that no more fights have arose between Brantley and me. He made it clear he didn’t want me here—”
“Dick,” Char coughs.
“And then I very graciously threw up on his boots.”
“Awesome.”
“Since then, I have made a point of ignoring him and focusing on finding out everything I can about my birth family.”
We talk for a little longer before a ding from my email draws my attention. I read the first few sentences before my stomach tightens and I exhale heavily.
“What’s up?” Char asked.
“Looks like Robert’s money went into my account today,” I say in a monotone. Most people would probably be ecstatic to find out that they just had close to a million dollars deposited into their account. Not me. Having it doesn’t feel right. I would have rather had my family instead.
&nb
sp; “Ahh. Have you decided what you’re going to do with it yet?”
“No. I just know I don’t want it.” I take a deep breath. “I hate that he died thinking I wrote those horrible things to him,” I confess over the lump in my throat.
“I know, babe. I hate that you’re going through this, but you’re so tough. You’ll get through this and all the other crap. You went up there for a purpose, to find out who you are. You’ve got the tools now, and the agency. Don’t let Pearl, Elliot, or anything mountain man has to say deter you from that.”
“Thanks, Char,” I whisper “I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
“I do. You’d jump on a plane and fly to Alaska. You’re strong with or without me. Now is your time to prove it to all of them.”
Chapter Five
I DON’T WANT TO DIE
“Oh my gosh, I want them all!” I squeal once I walk into James’s barn.
After I got off the phone with Charlotte, James texted me and we made plans to meet the next day so I could see the puppies.
I was apprehensive at first. I didn’t want to run into Brantley. So far, I’ve done a phenomenal job of ignoring him and very much wanted to keep it that way. As gorgeous as his face is, I don’t think I can take another argument.
It’s bad enough that I catch myself thinking about him at weird times of the day, when my mind drifts off or the fact that I’ve had a dream about him every night this last week.
It helps that I’ve now channeled my energies into finding out what happened to my mother, but I still catch myself wondering what he’s doing or who the woman is to him I saw him outside of the bar with.
James was persistent about me coming, and I did really want to see the puppies. After about five minutes of texting back and forth, I finally agreed.
As soon as the barn door opened and I saw all the little pups yelping and rolling around with each other, I knew I made the right choice. James laughs, but little does he know, I’m dead serious. I was thinking about getting one on the way over here, but now that I’ve seen them, it’s official.
I sit on the hay spread all over the floor of the barn and, in no time at all, all of the pups are climbing on me, trying to get me to play with them. “Where’s the momma?” I ask while rubbing one of the puppies tummy.
James takes a seat next to me on the hay. “She’s inside. I figure it was good for her to take a break from them for a while. Plus, they’re old enough to be by themselves now.” We both laugh when the one I was rubbing jumps up and licks my nose.
“I’m serious, I want one. How much?”
We argue over whether I should pay. I win and after he tells me the price, he tells me to pick, like it’s the easiest thing in the world. I look into all of their big dopey puppy eyes and want them all.
Just as I’m about to tell James this, I see one pup standing off to the side, kind of halfway behind a stall door, just looking at us. My heart aches because he looks so sad. I set the pup that was on my lap to the side and slowly crawl over to him, only for him to back away a little.
“Come here, baby. I won’t hurt you.” After a little coaxing, he timidly begins to lick my hand.
“Ah, I see you’ve found the runt of the litter,” James says. I don’t say anything back. I slowly reach for him and this time the pup doesn’t back up. He lets me pick him up. My heart melts when he burrows his wet nose in my neck.
“Well, shit,” James says. I look over at him to see him staring at us, dumbfounded.
“What?” I laugh when the pup begins to lick where his nose just was.
“I’ve never seen that pup warm up to anyone that way. He was a runt and his momma didn’t want anything to do with him. Brant and I had to bottle feed him until he was able to eat on his own. Even then, none of the other pups wanted anything to do with him. They just ignore him. That pup rarely leaves that horse stall.”
The whole time James tells me this, I’m staring in the pup’s eyes. A mother who didn’t want him? Hell, I can relate. I don’t know why anybody wouldn’t want such a cute baby. My heart breaks when I think about the pup all alone in the stall, watching on as his family plays with each other. “He just wants to belong,” I whisper.
My face heats when I realize I said that out loud. James gives me a sad, but sharp look. “You seem like you know how he feels,” he says cautiously.
I give him what I hope is a bright smile, but I can’t keep the sadness out of my eyes. Fortunately, but unfortunately, I’m saved from having to say anything when Brantley storms into the barn, his face resembling a raging bull.
“What the fuck are you doing here?” he snaps. My whole body stiffens. Instead of getting mad and snapping back at him, I’m overwhelmed with sadness.
It doesn’t matter what I do, this beautiful man will never be okay with me being here in Alaska. He will always find some fucking way to be angry with me.
I look over at James and completely ignore that Brantley even said anything. I motion with my eyes to the pup in my hands and then look back at James, silently letting him know that this pup is the one I want.
I put the puppy down and walk over to the door, where James and Brantley are standing. James is glaring daggers at Brantley, and Brantley is glaring daggers at me.
“I’ll be back tomorrow,” I tell James softly, drawing his attention away from Brantley long enough for him to give me a friendly kiss on my cheek.
“Okay, darling.”
My body shakes with agitation when I hear a low, deep growl come from Brantley.
James gives Brantley a smirk, and opens his mouth to say something, but I don’t wait around to find out. I walk out of the barn and quickly walk across the yard to my truck.
When I hear footsteps behind me, I pick up my pace. Stupid big yard. Making me park all way over there. “Eva, wait up for a second. I wanna talk to you,” Brant yells at my back.
Yeah, let me get right on that buddy…not. I’m almost to my truck when Brantley grabs my upper arm and whips me around to face him. This is the last straw. He can say whatever he wants to me, but I won’t allow him to lay a hand on me.
“Don’t touch me!” I yell while I place my hands on his chest and shove him as hard as I can. I can see the shock on his face right before it turns red with anger. “You can say whatever the hell you want to me, Brantley, but you don’t get to grab me. Stay out of my way and I’ll stay out of yours, but I’m not leaving Alaska, so give it up,” I say, breathing heavy from yelling. I notice puffs of cold air coming from my mouth.
I’ve been in Alaska for two weeks and this is the coldest night so far. At least ten below. I look down and attempt to calm down only to snap my head back up when Brantley’s boots come into view.
“What the fuck are you doing at my brother’s house, and why the fuck do you think you’re coming back tomorrow?” He growls. What? Ugh, I can’t keep up with this man. Now he gets to decide who I’m friends with?
“As a matter of fact, James is my friend and he invited me over to see his puppies,” I explain. I don’t know why I’m explaining myself. Brantley doesn’t have any right to know my business.
“I’m sure that’s what he wanted to show you,” Brantley mumbles.
My hackles rise. I know what he’s getting at and that just pisses me off. “You. Are. An. Asshole! How dare you say that to me? You know nothing about me. You may think you do, but you don’t. And as an fyi, if I did have something going on with James, which I don’t, that would be my business, not yours!
“You may not like me, Brant, and I’m truly sorry that you don’t, but that doesn’t mean everyone else has to hate me too and it doesn’t give you the right to say whatever you want to me. I’m a person. I have feelings too.” I whisper the last sentence.
I don’t make eye contact again. I just whip around and jump in my truck, start it, and tear down James’s driveway without a backward glance.
I should have been paying attention to the speed I was going. I should have been focusing
on the road. Instead, I was replaying every fight I had with Brantley, every lie Pearl or Elliot told me. I thought about how bad I missed Charlotte.
I thought about Robert and my birth mom and how I’ll never get to know them, never get to have any kind of relationship with them. I even thought about the dang puppy and how he seemed so lonely, just like me.
If I would have been focusing on the road, I would have seen the deer jump out in front of me in time. If I was watching my speed, I would have told myself to slow down.
I saw the deer too late and when I swerved, I was going too fast. I lost control. The last thing I remember was screaming while looking at a tree that I was driving toward at full speed. The truck didn’t stop until I hit that tree. I blacked out when my head hit the steering wheel.
I don’t want to die. Then? Black.
Chapter Six
I CHANGED MY MIND, JUST LET ME DIE
Crap, my head hurts. Why does my head hurt so bad? I blink my eyes open and wince when I raise my head to look around the cab of my truck. Christ, my neck is killing me too. That’s when it all comes back to me. I just smashed my truck into a tree.
I groan and close my eyes when the cab of the truck begins to spin. I’m about to lay my head back down when I feel something warm dripping down my forehead. I rub my fingers over it, then look. Blood. Ooh, I can’t handle blood. My stomach convulses.
I take deep breaths, once again trying to calm my dizziness and my stomach at the same time. A black fog at my peripheral vision is seeping into my line of sight, threatening to pull me under.
I don’t want to die. I want to scream this, but I can’t get my voice to work. Just as I’m really starting to panic, I hear someone wrenching my door open and cold air bursts in, causing me to shiver.
I want to lift my head and open my eyes to see who it is, but I can’t gather enough strength. “Eva? Shit! Eva, baby? Are you okay?” Brantley. Of course he’s here. Never mind. I changed my mind, just let me die. I want to laugh at his question. Do I look okay to him?
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