“You’ve been one of the best parts of moving back here. After work I’ll stop by the health center and see if Wayne’s available to talk. I’ll pour my heart out to him and let God take care of the rest.”
.***
The cruel March winds slap at my face and steal my breath as I leave work and drive the quarter mile to the health center. Wayne’s SUV is in the lot, so I park and take a deep breath. Father God, help me say the right things. I know he’s my future. Help me tell him that.
The bell above the door jingles as I gently press on the entrance and saunter over to the reception desk. No one is there, or the small waiting area. Carrie Underwood’s latest hit filters through the speakers and seems to be the only activity in the room.
I step into the hallway that leads to patient care. “Wayne? Hello?”
A high-pitched laugh fills the hallway. Definitely not Wayne’s. I shuffle a few more paces. “Hi, is Wayne back there?”
The fun grows louder with a male hoot in sync with the female. I turn the corner and see Wayne standing behind Jill, arms wrapped around her front. Still giggling, Jill turns around, and now they are facing each other, inches apart.
My keys slip from my hands and clang on the cement floor. I reach down for them, ready to flee as fast as possible, a sick twisting inside that’s probably my intestines wrapping in a knot.
Wayne releases Jill and approaches the hallway. “Trish?”
Waves of hurt jumble my stomach as I stand with a death-grip on my keys. “Hey. I didn’t mean to interrupt.”
He turns to Jill, then back to me. “It isn’t how it looks.”
I shake my head. “I guess I understand what pause means now.”
Jill’s tone turns sultry as she beckons for Wayne. “Come back, I haven’t finished.”
I am so done here.
Wayne reaches for my wrist, but I push it away, my voice shaky. “I’m sorry. I have to go.”
He follows me. “Trish, wait.”
I refuse to look back as I push hard on the door, sending the bell into a frenzy. I don’t hear footsteps as I rush out and unlock my car. Only when I’m in the driver’s seat do I dare search for him.
He didn’t follow.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Three times I place a colored pencil on a blank page in my sketchbook only to lift it up and create nothing. Not even a dot. This has been my routine for days.
Dad strolls into the living room and pats my shoulder. “Trish, Mom called for dinner five minutes ago. Are you coming?”
I drop the would-be art onto the coffee table. “Sorry, I got distracted.”
He walks over and sits on the couch. “Are you working on your storefront ideas?”
A sad laugh escapes. “Trying to.”
Dad nods. “Hear anything from Aiden?”
I shake my head. “No. Not yet.”
He nods. “Waiting’s hard, isn’t it?”
I tighten my ponytail. “Yeah. So much is up in the air. Whether I’ll be recruiting more window work though the Greater Chamber. If an official job offer will materialize with Aiden.” I was drained just sharing it. “And then there’s Wayne.”
Dad extends his hand and helps me stand. “I haven’t seen him around. Everything okay?”
We head toward the dining room, my shoulders heavy with burden. “We weren’t in agreement about my lunch with Aiden. Then, I caught him in a compromising position with his coworker.”
He starts to speak, but I shake my head and take a seat. I’ve re-played the scene until I fall asleep. The week feels like a clock on a dying battery. Nothing moves forward. At the very least, I want to enjoy a good dinner.
Mom smiles as I reach for the ladle and scoop some beef stew. “I made bread today, it’s still warm.” She holds the bowl of meat and potatoes I pass to her. “You look thin. You could eat a little more.”
Is this her way of asking what’s going on between Wayne and me?
“I don’t know about that, but I love your bread. I’ll definitely have a couple slices.”
We chew in silence for a few moments, but I notice Mom glancing over my way more than once. She’s fidgeting in her chair and folding her napkin like it’s an origami project.
I clear my throat and focus on her. “Everything okay, Mom?”
She pats the napkin and pushes it aside. “I guess I have a lot on my mind. Things are moving along with your father’s work. I’m thinking about the store, especially if you move again. Then there’s Wayne…”
Dad shoots her a stare filled with enough blinking to be a Morse code message.
I put my fork down. “Mom, I have a lot on my mind, too. There’s so much to sort out, and what I saw with Wayne is hard to unsee. I don’t think we have the future I’d expected.”
Mom pours herself a glass of ice water. “Did you let him explain? I know that Jill girl is known as a troublemaker.”
She sure is. “I left before he could, and I haven’t heard from him. He didn’t let me explain why meeting with Aiden was so important to me. He assumed I was moving because I had one call.”
Dad clears his throat. “Well? Are you moving?”
Is a shrug an acceptable reply?
“Jay, I think Trish should talk to Wayne so they can sort things out.”
Dad sighs, the kind I remember hearing after he got off a long work call with a difficult client. “Honey, Trish is an adult and so is Wayne. Whatever they need to work out, I have faith they will.”
Nothing like talking about me as if I’m not even in the room. “You have a good idea, Dad. Faith. I do need to sort things out with Wayne. As nervous as I am about what he might say, church is the best place to have that conversation.”
Before anyone can mention me in third person, my phone buzzes. I excuse myself and look at the screen to learn its Aiden Parker. “I need to take this.” I scurry to my room for privacy.
“Trish, hey. Thought I’d tell you the latest. I talked to my boss and his boss gave us the green light for a few positions for my team.”
My heart starts pounding as I pick at a hangnail. “That’s great. Is it the position we talked about?”
“It isn’t. That’s why I’m calling. I had it in my head that I’d have a partner, a co-lead, and I wanted you. They want to see how I manage a team on my own for a while. They are looking for me to find team members. Many of the same duties as a team lead for events planning.”
I roll my eyes. “But more of the errand running and less pay.”
“My goal would be to make sure the team works together in planning and executing events. Not just the mundane running around on the day of an activity. I’m holding interviews next week downtown. Interested? I could even take you to the new campus for a tour.”
“I don’t know, Aiden. It sounds a lot like the job I lost.”
“One difference. I have the ability to select who to promote. An interview isn’t a blood covenant. Please say yes.”
I close my eyes and see Wayne holding Jill. Our last time together when he told me we needed to press pause. I can’t reach for any recent happy moments between us. “Okay, you’re right. There’s no harm in going to the interview. I’ll go.”
Aiden wastes no time. “Great. You’ll get an email this week with all the information. It will be from me and my boss. Glad we talked, Trish. See you next week.”
With phone in hand, I barely end the call before it rings again. “What did you forget, Aiden?”
A deep voice speaks, and I instantly realize it’s not my potential boss from New York City. “Miss Maxwell?”
“Hello? Speaking.”
“It’s Ed Sterling from the Greater Adirondack Chamber of Commerce. Do you have a few minutes to talk?”
.***
Sunday service seems long because I know I have to reach out to Wayne and see where we stand. Tell him about my interview with Aiden. That Ed Sterling wants me to return to show my new portfolio. These are things to tell a best friend, and my heart hur
ts that there’s distance between me and Wayne.
I dodge Dora Parks mid-aisle at dismissal as I observe Wayne heading toward the lobby. Shirley greets me with a hello, and I return the gesture with a smile as I jog into the foyer area. Wayne’s ten feet away, talking with Pastor Reynolds and Brooke.
Pastor’s the first to see me approach. “Trish, how lovely to see you. I feel like we haven’t talked with you for a long time.”
I position myself next to Wayne, but not too close. “It has been busy. Thank you for a great message today. I needed the reminder of what my real treasures are.” I glance at Wayne.
He runs a hand through his curls and bites his lip.
Brooke tugs on her husband’s sleeve. “There’s Shirley. We were going to talk to her about that thing.”
Pastor furrows his brow and is about to speak, but Brooke waves him on and he starts to turn. “Good seeing you, Wayne, Trish. Have a blessed week.”
I start talking before Wayne can leave. “We need to talk. A lot is going on. I miss you.”
He looks to the floor. “A different response than a few days ago when you wouldn’t let me talk to you.”
I nod. “I know, and I’m sorry. Can we go somewhere to talk? Please?”
“It’s cool, but sunny. Want to grab a picnic table near the beach?”
Twenty minutes and a basket full of food later, we park across the street and walk side-by-side to the grassy area next to the beach. Wayne sits at the table closest to the steps that lead down to the sand, sunglasses on. His navy windbreaker flaps in the steady breeze.
I can’t stop staring at how handsome he is. “You look good. As usual.”
His sunglasses won’t let me see any physical response. “So do you. What’s this about? That night with Jill?”
“I jumped to conclusions and let my frustrations get in the way. I’m sorry.”
He keeps an even, calm tone. “She’s my partner for the time being. Boss switched her away from Brad. We were arguing about the Heimlich maneuver. I was showing her the correct way to administer it.”
I learned that in elementary school. Jill has to know it, too. “Did you think perhaps she was putting a move on you?”
He traces his finger against the wood grain. “Yes, but in case she was telling the truth, I thought I should show her. Chances are she will have a choking victim while on duty someday.”
Good point. “I also wanted to tell you about my career stuff. Things are happening, and I hate that you aren’t a part of it. Maybe that’s what the ‘press pause’ status means for us.”
Wayne clears his throat. “Trish, I have to look out for the future. I want you in it, so does Noah. But if you’re wavering about where you’ll be, I have to protect my family. I’ve missed you so much. You have no idea how many times I wanted to pick up the phone, or stop at the store to see you.”
My hand moves across the table to find his. “I know. I would never intentionally hurt either of you. I’m curious is all. I want God to show me what’s next. Working at the department store isn’t something I see long-term.”
He squeezes and holds on. “What do you see? Where are you? Here? New York City?”
Fear seizes my throat. “I don’t know. But we promised honesty.”
Wayne doesn’t let up with his gaze. “You’re going to New York.”
I nod. “For an interview. It isn’t official. Nothing is.”
He loosens the grip. “But it sends the same message. That you aren’t content here and that Noah and I aren’t enough.”
I can’t shake my head fast enough. “I also am meeting with Ed Sterling again. He called me. He wants to see my updated portfolio. I’m exploring all my options.”
He breathes in deep, and is slow to exhale. “I love you, Trish. I’ve never felt like this before.”
“But?”
“But, I have to guard my heart and Noah’s. It doesn’t mean I don’t love you, and it sure doesn’t give Jill any chance to manipulate me.”
I realize I’m holding my breath, and that his hand isn’t holding mine.
“Until you know what you want and where you want it, I have to keep my distance. I can’t process why you even want to go to New York if you feel you have a future with me.”
Chapter Twenty-Six
March transitions to April. My interview with Aiden Parker in Manhattan bleeds into my appointment with Ed Sterling in Saranac Lake. Hundreds of miles apart, and two completely different career paths. Yet, both said they would call with information. Like a high school girl hoping for a date, I’m waiting for the phone to ring.
Thankfully, the store keeps me busy. One morning while unloading my first summer shipment, the bell chimes and I glance at the front entrance. It’s Noah, and I swallow hard. I miss him.
He saunters over to the jewelry section, peeking in my direction every minute or so.
Do I go over? Say something?
Noah holds up a charm bracelet. “Would a girl my age like this?”
I stroll over as if I know exactly what I’m doing and what I’m going to say. This teen has my heart as much as his dad does. “Hi to you, too.” I pick up the other end of the bracelet and admire the fairytale themed charms. “Ah, this is a popular one. Most girls I know love this one because it reminds them of their favorite princess movies.”
He rolls this eyes. “Too girlie for me. But I see the slipper. And the mirror.”
I nod and point to another charm. “There’s a book. A frog wearing a crown. A teapot. It really is nice. Is this for Alyssa?”
Noah shakes his head. “That’s over. It’s for Olivia. She’s kind of going through some stuff and I thought this might cheer her up.” He turns it over and looks at the price tag. “Ouch. There goes my allowance money.”
I bite my lip for a moment. “I can give you my discount. Don’t worry about it.”
His crooked grin warms me from head to toe. “Thanks, Trish. Do you wrap?”
I hope this Olivia knows what a great kid Noah is. “I do. I’ll make sure it’s fit for a princess.”
We amble to the counter and I find a box under the register. When I start to wrap, Noah takes out his wallet and pulls out wrinkled bills.
“So, is Olivia a girlfriend?”
Noah shrugs and fidgets with his money. “Not yet.”
He gets his charm from his dad.
I reach for some pink ribbon and measure it out. “She’d be a fool not to like you.”
“Thanks. Trish, I wish you and my dad were still together.”
The scissors feel like a ball of lead as my heartbeat accelerates at Wayne’s mention. “We’re still friends. It’s complicated.”
He pushes the payment toward me. “I disagree. You two were super happy together. Dad told me you guys are in limbo because you don’t know what you want.”
Pangs of loneliness give me an ache inside. “We both want the best for everyone, most of all, you. I had an interview downstate. It has a lot of appeal. So does the work you and I did at the library when you were on break. Both jobs would make me feel needed.”
“My dad needs you.”
My knees nearly buckle with his piercing gaze and confession. “Noah. I miss him and you so much. Every time your dad and I talk, we can’t agree.”
“He thinks you’ll get the job in New York City and leave us.”
This kid pulls no punches, and I feel battered.
“I’m curious about it. My first time there was a disaster. It would be nice to at least hear the company wants me back. I don’t think I’d leave Speculator Falls, but that’s not enough for your dad.”
He nods. “If they offer you that position, I don’t see you taking it.”
I give him his small change back, along with the wrapped box. “What makes you say that?”
Noah shrugs. “You aren’t a little fish in a big pond here. The Trish I know lights up Speculator Falls at Christmas. For real. You create those displays for small businesses. Work with the senior center.
Help your family here. No big company is going to notice you like all of us have.”
The kid’s honesty knocks the wind out of me. “Thanks, Noah. Um, I’ll be praying for Olivia.”
Noah stuffs the change in his pocket, reaches for the box, and heads for the door. As the bell jingles, he stops. “I’m praying for you and dad.”
.***
Even after the weeks of separation between Wayne and me, it’s still awkward to enter the church sanctuary and not sit by him. This Sunday’s no different as I force a smile and a wave as I walk by his pew and join my parents.
Dad moves over and pats my back. “Pastor Reynolds is announcing my retirement today.”
Wow, this is happening. Everything is lining up for Mom and Dad.
“That’s great. Will you two join the senior center?” I can’t picture the two of them in the variety show or playing cards.
He chuckles and looks to Mom, and then me. “We might. Work was always in the way, but we’d like to do some gardening. Take some day trips.”
Mom sighs. “The house needs a deep cleaning. I suppose we should conquer that.”
Before I can respond, Pastor steps up to the platform. “Good morning! Anyone see the tulips starting to bloom? What a beautiful sight. Before we start worship, I thought I’d highlight a couple items from the bulletin.”
I pick up mine and open it, noticing everyone around me does the same.
“First, Jay Maxwell is handing over the keys to his law practice on July third. I know that’s a couple months away, but save the date. We definitely as a church family want to celebrate with him, so stay tuned.”
Fred Beebe leans forward and taps Dad on the shoulder. “You’ll love retirement, and you’ll be busier than you ever were. It’s the craziest thing.”
Dad grins. “No thank you. I’m ready to slow the pace a little.”
Pastor folds the bulletin and turns it over. “The health center is offering a CPR class here on Tuesday, and Wayne Peterson is our instructor. This is a great class for anyone, especially our leaders. I pray we never have to use the technique on anyone, but it’s important to know. Now, let’s have the praise team start a wonderful time of worship.”
Engaged: Surrendering the Future (Surrendering Time Book 3) Page 13