Right Where I Belong

by Krista McGee

  “Brigit wants to go into the medical field, but she can’t decide if she wants to be a doctor or a nurse.”

  “I’m sure you and Pastor Brian are hoping she’ll be a doctor.” Natalia’s father would be thrilled if she were considering a career as a doctor.

  Mrs. Younger shrugged. “We’ve always told our kids we want them to do what God wants them to do. If he wants Brigit to be a nurse, then that’s what we want for her.”

  Natalia stared down at the photos. Parents who love each other and love God and who want their children to do what God wants them to do. “Your children are fortunate.”

  “What about you?” Mrs. Younger smiled into Natalia’s eyes. “Do you know what God wants you to do?”

  Natalia sighed. “No, but my father expects me to make that decision very soon.”

  “Really? Why is that?”

  “Papa has a five-year plan for everything. He expects me to do the same. He is not happy that I am a few months from graduating and I don’t know what I am going to do next.”

  “Sometimes God only reveals his will one day at a time.” Mrs. Younger patted Natalia’s arm.

  Natalia turned a page in the scrapbook. Pastor Brian’s smile beamed as he stood in the baptistery with little Brian. “Unfortunately, my father does not believe in God.”

  “That must be difficult for you.”

  Her soft words touched a place in Natalia’s heart that she worked hard to keep hidden. She closed her eyes against the tears that threatened to spill out.

  Mrs. Younger placed a gentle arm around Natalia shoulder. “We are praying for you, dear.”

  “Thank you.” Natalia hated the weakness she felt, hated needing to be comforted.

  “Soup’s on.” Brian emerged from the kitchen.

  “What kind of soup will we be having?” Natalia sat up and pasted on a smile, relieved for the interruption.

  He laughed as he led Natalia into the dining room. “Sorry. It’s a saying. It just means that dinner is ready.”

  Natalia sat down at the table. Brian’s sisters laid out the meal—roast beef with vegetables, biscuits, and a salad.

  “I don’t think we’ve been formally introduced, Natalia,” the older of Brian’s sisters said. “Of course, Brian talks about you so much, I already feel like you’re part of the family.”

  The glare Brian shot at his sister caused Natalia to laugh. She had never seen him anything but jovial.

  “Anyway, I’m Brittany.” Winking in her brother’s direction, she held a hand out to Natalia. “It’s nice to meet you.”

  “I’m Brigit.” Brian’s other sister had a quiet voice and more reserved demeanor, like her mother. Brigit was Natalia’s height, with blondish brown hair and Brian’s eyes. Brittany’s hair was red, but not as vibrant a red as her brother had. Both girls had their mother’s fair skin and nose that turned up slightly at the end. They were adorable young women.

  “I’m happy to meet you both.”

  “You’re right, Brian.” Brittany flashed a smile. “She does have a cute accent.”

  He pulled out a chair for Natalia, elbowing Brittany in the process. “Oh, so sorry, sis.”

  “All right, you two.” Pastor Brian sat at the head of the table. “Enough fighting. You’re going to frighten our guest.”

  “Please excuse my big-mouthed sister,” Brian said quietly.

  “I heard that.” Brittany leaned across the table. “I’m sorry, but I just can’t help myself. You’re the first girl Brian’s ever brought home.”

  “Natalia is here because she’d like to talk to Dad about apologetics.”

  Natalia was sure the glare Brian gave to Brittany would melt the butter sitting in front of her.

  “And I am so glad we could finally do that. Most of my students don’t want to talk about Bible class outside of school.”

  “Oh, Pastor Brian, that’s my favorite class of the day. I’ve already learned so much.”

  Mrs. Younger placed a hand on her husband’s shoulder. “Before he gets going, why don’t we pray for the meal?”

  The pastor held a hand out to his wife on one side and Brian on the other. Everyone was holding hands. Brian held his out to Natalia.

  Natalia closed her eyes but heard none of the prayer, her heart was beating so loudly in her ears. Brian’s hand felt so perfect in hers. Its warmth rushed all the way up her arm. She was both relieved and disappointed when Pastor Younger said, “Amen.”

  The conversation was as delicious as the meal, and Natalia felt incredibly comfortable with this family. They were genuine and fun, and it was obvious they loved to be together. What would it be like to grow up in a family like this? Natalia allowed herself to dwell on the possibility of being more closely connected to the Younger family. But she quickly dismissed it.

  Brian deserves someone so much better than me. Natalia watched Brian laughing with Brittany, the earlier frustration gone.

  Pastor Brian’s cell phone rang, and the table grew silent. Brigit looked at her father with her eyebrows raised. “Not at Sunday dinner, Dad.”

  He glanced at the caller ID and sighed. “It’s Mrs. Jordan. I need to take it.”

  Natalia felt her face heat up. Mrs. Jordan. Karen’s mother. She was probably calling about Maureen. Pastor Brian stood and left the room before answering.

  Brigit’s fork banged against her plate. “Can’t he just turn that thing off for an hour while we eat?”

  “Hey, Natalia.” Brian turned to face her. “Want to see the backyard? It’s Mom’s masterpiece.”

  Brian was trying to get her out of the kitchen so Mrs. Younger could speak with her daughter. “Sure, I’d love to.”

  He led Natalia through the kitchen and opened the blinds to the sliding glass door. She gasped at what she saw. Flowers and plants everywhere, with a rock path leading to a small gazebo. “It’s spectacular.”

  “This is Mom’s stress reliever.” Brian opened the door, and Natalia breathed in the delicate fragrances.

  “Is her job very stressful?”

  “She’s a pastor’s wife.” Brian shrugged. “That’s not easy. People always have expectations of her. And she is much more introverted than Dad is, so leading Bible studies and women’s events doesn’t come naturally to her.”

  “Your mom’s job is to be a pastor’s wife?”

  “Well, it’s not a paid position, but, yeah. She’s been a stay-at-home mom our whole lives, and she spends her free time helping Dad at the church. And creating a backyard wonder garden.”

  Natalia sat on the bench. “It is beautiful.”

  He sat next to her and stretched his legs. “Hey, sorry about Brigit in there. She hates when Dad gets calls during family time.”

  “No, it was fine.”

  “And sorry about Brittany. She just has a big mouth. And quite an imagination. Big, huge imagination.”

  Natalia laughed. “Your family is wonderful.”

  “Most of the time.” Brian smiled. His teeth looked even whiter close up, and the sunlight did amazing things to his eyes. “But we’re definitely not perfect.”

  “You sure seem like it.” She blinked. “Your family, I mean. All of you. You get along . . . you love each other.”

  “We’ve had our moments.” He leaned forward. “Brittany went through a major rebellion when she was fifteen. She got into some pretty bad stuff. Dad even considered resigning.”

  “Really?”

  “It was bad. Mom was crying all the time. People were constantly calling, telling us what Brittany was doing, where she was, who she was with.”

  “That’s terrible.”

  “You’re not kidding.” Brian sat back, his shoulder touching Natalia’s. “But she finally came out of it.”

  “How?”

  “When she realized her behavior was going to cost Dad his job. Dad had actually written out his resignation letter. He was reading it to Mom when Brittany walked in. She fell apart. She begged Dad not to quit. She even went to the deacons and
apologized for the stuff she did. She started meeting with Pastor Mike’s wife once a week, really got back on track. It was pretty amazing.”

  “Did Brigit ever do anything like that?”

  “No, Brigit’s rebellion was quieter. She’d go for a while without talking to anyone. Or she’d blow up at little things. Or just stop reading her Bible for a while. We all knew she was struggling, but no one outside of the family knew.” Brian smiled. “Kind of like someone else I know.”

  Brian’s eyes were so full of concern. She wanted to tell him everything. How she was homesick, how she was furious at her parents for leaving her stranded. How Maureen’s depression was crushing her. How she felt safe and at peace whenever he was around. But none of those thoughts could make their way past the lump in her throat.

  “What about you?”

  Brian’s forehead wrinkled. “What?”

  “You told me about your sisters’ rebellion. What about yours?”

  “I told you about when I was mad at God after I hurt my knee.”

  “That was it?”

  He grinned. “Once, when I was in eighth grade, I snuck behind the bleachers with Tiffany Weaver and kissed her. On the lips.”

  A laugh burst out. “How terrible.”

  “No, that’s not the worst. The worst was that Spencer Adams had just gotten a brand-new digital camera. He took pictures of the whole thing.”

  Natalia laughed even louder. “Oh dear.”

  “I’m not done.” Brian stood and acted out what happened next. “He went out and printed the pictures, poster-sized, and put them up all around school. Tiffany thought I had set her up, so she was mad. My dad got all kinds of calls from people at church and in the school, so he was mad. Tiffany was dating another guy at the time, so he was really mad. It was not a good time.”

  Brian slumped back into the seat.

  Natalia looked at him and shook her head. “That was a wonderful story. But that was not rebellion. Don’t you have anything better than that?”

  He held up his hands in surrender. “That’s it. Unless you want to give me a better story.”

  Brian leaned forward, and Natalia had the overwhelming urge to grab him by the collar and give him a kiss that would make him forever forget Tiffany Weaver. But I can’t. What am I thinking? Natalia stood to clear the errant thoughts from her mind.

  “Hey, just kidding.” Brian stood and looked into Natalia’s eyes.

  “I know. Sorry. I was thinking about something else.”

  “What?”

  Something I can never tell you. Something I need to get out of my head as soon as possible. “You and Spencer have never really gotten along, have you?”

  Brian sighed. “That was a long time ago. Like I said, if you like him, that’s fine. I wasn’t trying to make him look bad by telling you that story.”

  “No, that’s not it.” She saw the sincerity in his eyes. “I told you, I am not dating. There is no interest at all.”

  “Okay, no talk about dating or Spencer.” Brian sat back down. “How about Costa Rica? Have you decided whether or not you’re going on the trip?”

  “I would really like to. But I don’t think I can get the money.”

  “I thought your dad was loaded.”

  Natalia laughed. “Yes, he is a wealthy man. But he would not approve of me going to another country to help missionaries and tell people about Jesus.”

  “He hates Christianity that much?”

  “He thinks people should be allowed to believe whatever they want and that no one should go around trying to force his beliefs on anyone else.”

  “So no money from your dad.” Brian nodded. “How about your mom?”

  “She might say yes, but then she would never get around to sending it to me.”

  “Scatterbrained?”

  “Just very busy.”

  “I know what the teachers here make, so Maureen is definitely out.”

  Natalia’s laugh lacked humor. “I cannot work anywhere because I don’t have the right visa for that.”

  “Then we’ll just have to pray God brings the money in.”

  “Sure, we’ll pray in a thousand dollars. No problem.”

  “Hey, God’s filthy rich. A thousand dollars to him is nothing at all.”

  Natalia looked at Brian. “You should be a pastor.”

  “What?” His face drained of color. “Where did that come from?”

  “Really. Yesterday you gave me a beautiful sermon. Today you’re challenging me to trust God for money for the mission trip. You do a great job teaching the ESL class. They love you. You would make a great pastor.”

  Brian sat up, his spine stiff. “No way. I grew up in a pastor’s home, remember? I’m not doing that to my kids.”

  “But your family is wonderful.”

  “Wonderful, but not perfect.”

  “And yours will be?”

  Brian relaxed. “No, but I just don’t want to go into ministry. I’ll help out at a church. I’ll be the pastor’s advocate. I’ll take his kids out for ice cream, and I’ll never call their dad if I see them kissing a girl under the bleachers.”

  “Can you not do all that and still be a pastor?”

  “I don’t want to be a pastor.”

  His voice was louder than Natalia had ever heard it. She put her head down, avoiding his gaze. “I’m sorry.”

  Brian put a hand on her leg. “No, it’s me. I’ve just been hearing that for years. Everyone thinks I should follow in my dad’s footsteps. But I don’t want to. And I get tired of hearing it.”

  “I can understand that.”

  “You can?”

  “My parents are both very successful,” Natalia said. “Everyone—including them—expects me to be just as successful. My father asks me constantly if I know what I’m going to study, and he gets upset when I tell him I have no idea.”

  The sliding glass door opened and Brittany stuck her head out. “All right, lovebirds. Time to come in for dessert.”

  Natalia laughed as Brian let out a loud growl. “Not perfect, see? My family is most definitely not perfect.”

  Chapter 28

  Peanut butter pie or red velvet cake?” Brittany’s tone left no doubt as to which she preferred.

  Brian groaned. His oldest sister was really pushing it today. “Britt, let her pick what she wants.”

  “I have never tried peanut butter pie.” Natalia graciously accepted a generous slice.

  “It’s Grandma Younger’s secret recipe.” Brittany winked as she handed it over.

  “It’s from the four-ingredient cookbook we got you two years ago.” Brian rolled his eyes.

  “Way to ruin it.”

  “And you know the reason we got her a four-ingredient cookbook?” Brian was ready to give Brittany a taste of her own medicine. “Because she was dating Bailey Kane, and Bailey loved home cooking. All Brittany knew about home cooking was ‘add water and stir.’ So we got her this cookbook, and that helped the relationship last an extra, what, two months?”

  Brittany blew her bangs away from her forehead. “Not all of us are as lucky in love as you, Junior.”

  Brian should have expected that, but he was still embarrassed. Natalia would never come over again, he was sure of it.

  “Was Mrs. Jordan very upset?” Natalia sat next to Dad and asked quietly.

  Brian knew Dad’s pause meant yes. He also knew Mrs. Jordan. But he hoped Dad would spare Natalia the gory details.

  “She wants to meet with your stepmother tomorrow.”

  Natalia’s eyes widened.

  “Don’t worry,” Dad said. “I’ll be in there and so will Mr. Lawrence. I’m sure it’ll all be worked out.”

  Brian wanted more than anything to take Natalia back outside, to ask her how she was feeling about what was happening with her stepmother, with school. I’m trying so hard to get her to open up, God, but she won’t. What am I doing wrong? But she looked so uncomfortable earlier, he wouldn’t ask her again. Maybe she’d rath
er talk with Spencer.

  Natalia finished her dessert and enjoyed more conversation with Dad about sharing her faith.

  “I’m going to e-mail my friend Carmen this afternoon and tell her some of what you’ve told me. I can’t wait.”

  Dad laughed. “Good. But be gentle. Arguments don’t win people to Christ. Love does.”

  She smiled and agreed with Dad. Brian couldn’t help feeling that this was perfect—Natalia with his family, sitting around discussing theology with Dad. Looking at scrapbooks with Mom. Even getting teased by Brittany. It felt so right. Sure, to me. But Natalia is just being nice. No way does she feel anything more than a polite friendship. The sooner I get that through my thick skull, the better.

  But it wasn’t his head that Brian was most worried about.

  “I’m sorry.” Natalia looked at her phone. “I really should go. Maureen will be wondering where I am.”

  “Just a minute.” Mom brought a plastic container out of the kitchen. “Here are some leftovers for her. Please tell her, again, how sorry we were she couldn’t come. Hopefully next time.”

  “Thank you.” Natalia took the container from Mom and smiled.

  Natalia was silent most of the ride home. Brian didn’t want to force conversation if she didn’t want it.

  “You really do have a wonderful family.”

  “I know.” He pulled into her driveway. “Maureen will get over this. She’s a strong lady.”

  Natalia gripped Mom’s container against her chest. “I’m sure you are right.”

  “You can talk to me, Natalia.” Brian searched her eyes, sensing the hurt in them. “I just want to be a friend. You don’t have to go through this alone.”

  Her eyes filled with tears. She blinked them away and opened the car door. “Thanks. You are a good friend, Brian. I just . . .” Natalia got out of the car, then leaned her head back in. “I need to go.”

  She walked into her town house. Why was she so afraid to talk about what was really going on? Why so closed off?

  Brian pulled out of Natalia’s driveway and pointed his truck home. God, help me help Natalia. And, please, God, help me not completely lose my heart in the process.