“Thanks. A boy can dream. Now it’s your turn. I was serious. I can’t leave without hearing your voice again.”
As soon as the words left his lips it was like someone sucker punched me in the stomach.
This wasn’t supposed to hurt this much. His eyes searched mine as he waited for a response.
“I’d rather hear more about your band,” I mumbled, a pathetic attempt at changing the subject.
He never took his expressive eyes off me as he shook his head, “No, I mean it. I want to hear you sing, Chase. You know, I hear you all the time in my head, but it’s not the same. Please, I really want to be able to remember you like this.”
I almost couldn’t fight back the burning sensation pressing against my eyes.
Tears. They were bearing down so hard that I knew I wouldn’t be able to hold them back much longer.
Trying not to find his eyes, I stared around the rooftop and chewed on my lips, twisting my fingers around in my lap.
“What’s wrong, Chase?” I heard Avery whisper as he moved closer, kneeling in front of me and taking my hand.
Oh, don’t do that, I thought to myself.
The burning only got worse as I shook my head. He sighed and I knew that he wouldn’t stop until he got an answer out of me. I blinked long and hard. Inevitable that tears were going to fall, but if I sang, maybe I could avoid the conversation all together and I wouldn’t have to try to make sense of what was going on in my head. I took a deep breath, sat up onto my knees in front of him, and closed my eyes.
In a hushed, broken voice, I started singing. The lyrics flowed through me and spilled from my lips as though my mind had no control. The words to “Iris” floated out into the night air, meaning more in that moment than I ever could have known.
Before I could finish the chorus, I felt his hand slide against my tear stained cheek and into my hair as he pulled me into him, his lips hungrily searching for mine. That was the moment I had been waiting for. It didn’t just feel right, it felt like my whole world started and ended in the arms of this boy. Regret would never touch this memory.
My hands traveled around his neck and slipped into his hair, softly tangling themselves in the soft blonde strands as I pulled him against me. His hand trailed down my side until it rested on my hip and suddenly grasped onto it, being careful to avoid the newly tattooed side. The fierceness of his touch matched the urgency within me.
This just wasn’t close enough, though. Something inside of me felt like a starving, caged animal desperate to break free for just one taste. I didn’t understand it, but that didn’t matter. My mind and body craved him more than air—more than life. I broke our kiss long enough to push the sides of his jacket off his shoulders and then frantically grabbed the hem of his t-shirt. He helped me pull it over his head and in the dim light from the nearby street lamps, I looked at the most beautiful male body I had ever seen.
Sparrows and nautical stars were beautifully inked on the skin of each of his tautly sculpted shoulders; the words “Lack of Passion is Fatal” scripted across his collarbone. My eyes never had a chance to finish roaming all the rigid contours of his body before I felt his hands eagerly glide up my thighs and push my dress up as he stroked his thumb lazily along my heated skin. I helped him tug my dress off and threw it to the side. He hauled me into his arms; the sensation of his warm body brushing against mine only made me want him more. Avery started to trail a path of lingering kisses from my mouth, down my jaw, and slowly down my neck that sent a rushing tidal wave of goose bumps across my body. When his teeth grazed my collarbone, I shivered against him. His fingertips meticulously skimmed every area of my exposed skin. Avery gently grabbed the side of my head and looked deep into my eyes as he lightly traced his thumb around my lips. With a smoldering look in his eyes, he leaned into me and caught my lips with his own, unleashing a whirlwind of desperation as we frantically tore off the rest of our clothing. Before I knew it, I was laying beneath this man, arching into him, my bare flesh pressed against the hard lines of his body.
What I felt in that moment went beyond want and need.
I whimpered as he began languidly kissing his way down my chest, stopping to draw his tongue slowly over each of my nipples. I don’t know what I loved more, the way it felt or what it was like to watch him. Unable to control my body, my head fell backwards and my eyes closed; soft moans escaping my throat as he continued to lick, kiss, and occasionally nip at my breasts and stomach. When I felt his lips against my inner thigh, I thought I would come out of my skin from the sheer pleasure of it. I gripped the blanket beneath me, clawing at it as I felt the feather-like touch of his tongue against me. I gasped and lifted my head to watch him, my whole body tensing. The view of his blonde head between my legs had me blushing from head to toe. He glanced up and then slowly crawled his way back up my body, my breathing becoming more like panting until his eyes were right above mine. He leaned down, brushing his lips against my cheek as he whispered,
“Don’t be shy.”
I could feel his devilish grin against my skin and it drove me crazy. I wrapped my arms around his neck and my legs around his waist, wanting more of him right then and there.
I kissed him long and hard, pressing my hips against his hips, feeling his length pressing against me. As I arched against him, he let out a deep groan; I loved knowing that I could make him come unraveled. I repeated the move, shifting my hips in desperation as our kissing became even more heated until finally he tore away from me, searching all over until he spotted his jeans. After what felt like an eternity, Avery came back to me, condom in hand. He sat back between my legs, licking his lips and breathing heavily, hesitating slightly as he locked eyes with me. He didn’t want to ruin the moment with words, but he wanted to make sure it was all right.
I nodded softly. The next thing I felt was him pressing against me intimately, his beautiful eyes looking into mine, as he slowly slid inside of me. I cried out, feeling a little twinge of pain when he completely filled me. He stilled for a moment, moaning, the muscles in his neck and jaw flexing slightly. He moved again, easing out slowly and then thrusting into me. I bit my lip and groaned, still hurting a little, but not wanting it to stop. Avery kept easing in and out of me at a steady pace until I started to keep rhythm with him, whimpering every time I felt him leave my body.
Suddenly the thought of him leaving had crept back up exactly when I didn’t want it to. I shook my head furiously, and my hands, with a mind of their own, grasped onto his shoulders. Scratching my nails down his back, I frantically tried to get closer to him in the only way I could.
“Damn,” he moaned, leaning his head back and closing his eyes. That was all I needed to hear as my hips start meeting each of his thrusts.
I wanted more.
“Sit up,” I gasped. He stilled for a moment before hauling me up in his arms and into his lap. I wrapped my legs around him as tight as I could, grasping handfuls of his hair as my lips crashed recklessly into his. One of his hands gripped a handful of my hair, while the other grabbed onto me so hard I’m sure that I’d have a bruise, but it was exactly what I needed to feel. The desperation in his kiss, the roughness of his touch, all if it only matched what I wanted but couldn’t understand.
Our gasps and moans only increased with each grind and thrust of our hips. I could feel something building deep down inside of me as Avery started to kiss and bite at the spot on my neck by my shoulder. I held onto him as tightly as I could, but the feelings surging through me were almost too much for me as I began crying out, my body started to tremble in his arms. A feeling unlike any other rocked through me, leaving me feeling completely weak, and satiated. He held me tightly against him as I continued to gasp his name out against his ear.
“Avery,” I whimpered, feeling his grip on me tighten, his hips speeding up, and his thrusting become even harder.
“Chase,” he cried out against my neck as he finally let go.
We stayed locked together like that unt
il our breathing slowed down.
Suddenly, Avery leaned back and kissed me, only this kiss was unlike any of the others we had ever shared before. I grabbed ahold of his hand that was still locked around the nape of my neck, and kissed him back with all the strength I had left in my body.
As I stared blankly around the living room of my house, I heard their voices as accusing and condemning words spilled from their mouths, and if I had been paying any attention at all, I would have been openly sobbing.
Instead, it was as if I were on the outside looking in. I didn’t feel the need to argue with them, to cry at their harsh words, or do anything really. The thin line that my world had been hanging by was severed. My thoughts were running wild, and not a single one made sense, except how incredibly freeing it felt to be disconnected.
My silence only made them more livid; the anger etched upon their faces still didn’t push me to fight back.
At least, not yet.
I was lost somewhere inside my head, replaying my last moments with Avery.
Wondering…
After lying together, wrapped in my blanket on the rooftop under the stars for what wasn’t nearly long enough, I felt a light kiss on my shoulder before Avery handed me the rest of my clothes.
Blushing, I dressed quickly, peeking at him while he put his clothes back on, wishing I had a real live remote control to press rewind.
Once we were both clothed, we gathered up my stuff, threw it back in to the shed, and made our way back down to the mustang.
My feet felt like cement, dragging the ground with each step. My eyes burned, and my chest felt heavy. It was as if my body already knew what my heart wasn’t willing to accept.
I knew what was coming, yet neither of us would bring it up, even with the silence between us bearing down like a thousand pound weight. Instead, we rode the whole way back to my street in silence, never letting go of the other’s hand.
I forced myself to look up at him as he parked down the street from my house, and turned the car off. The lump in my throat stopped any words out. Closing my mouth, I looked back down, trying to compose myself.
“Chase, I— I just want you to know that this week has been something that I will never forget. You are… you know you don’t have to be what they want you to be. I just need to know you realize that,” Avery finally spoke in a torn voice.
My eyes found his in the dark, and I gave him a weak smile.
I had been telling myself all along that this wasn’t love. It had happened too fast, and I was too young to understand something so complex. That didn’t stop the myriad of mixed emotions that exploded all at once.
“I’ll be fine,” I lied. “Besides, you’re the one with the big dreams. You don’t need to worry about me.”
Although my voice was calm, it was shaky, and a small, foreign voice in my heart cried out for him to just drive away, and take me with him.
I watched his jaw flex slightly. It was obvious that he could tell I was lying and wasn’t happy about it, but what else could I say? What right did he have? He was the one leaving, and not only that, neither one of us had brought up the future!
He opened his mouth to say something, but instead closed it, giving me his best, forced, lopsided grin.
“Well, it’s true what they say. Every thing’s better in Texas. Pretty sure the south has ruined me for all other places,” he said softly, his normal, flirtatious tone of voice practically nonexistent.
Part of me wanted to believe that he was hinting at what I had been thinking since the moment we met—that maybe we had both ruined each other for anyone else—but my brain wouldn’t let me say it back.
I plastered on a fake grin, “Of course it’s true. Just be glad I didn’t have a chance to cook for ya! Then you’d never want to leave.”
The words came out before I could take them back. He frowned and shook his beautiful head,
“Trust me. I’m nowhere near ready to leave.”
The lump in my throat forced its way back to the point where it almost hurt, but I played it off the best I could, brushing my hair back and glancing around the car.
We both sighed at almost at the same exact time, our eyes meeting as we both laughed softly.
“It’s almost 11:30 and I’m sure your parents are going to be wondering where you are,” Avery whispered in the dark.
“Yeah, I should probably get in there,” I whispered back, completely denying my heart what it really ached to say.
He nodded and opened his door slowly. I followed suit as I quietly shut my door behind me and watched as he walked around to me.
Avery rubbed the back of his neck before his dragging pace quickened and he bound around the front of the car. In a flash, his large, masculine frame was pressed against me, both hands cupping my face, tilting it to look up at his. His thumbs brushed my cheeks while his cloudy eyes looked into mine, searching my face for something. I knew exactly what he was looking for, but it didn’t change anything. He was leaving, and this wasn’t supposed to be happily ever after. This was a fling, and it was over. A tear rolled down my cheek and onto his fingers as I fiercely fought to keep any more of them from falling.
I watched him chew on the inside of his cheek for a moment before he sighed and then rested his forehead against mine. I let out a deep breath, not realizing I’d been holding it in. Then I slid my hands over his.
His lips lightly pressed against mine before he said something that caught me off-guard.
“Chase Taylor, promise me that you’ll break free of this place one day. Don’t be two different people anymore. You don’t need to be anything more than who you are right now. Just promise me that, please?”
I didn’t know how to answer that, so instead I just kissed the crazy, beautiful boy in front of me goodbye.
When the ache in my chest was too much, I finally pulled away and began walking toward my house. That walk quickly turned into a sprint despite my concrete feet, my heavy heart, and the endless tears that streamed down my face.
Now, here I sat, getting the ass chewing of a lifetime from my parents for everything under the sun, but I couldn’t focus on anything other than the dried tears on my cheeks.
I finally stood up and just walked upstairs, right passed the rampage, and collapsed into my bed, replacing the old tears with new ones.
Saturday morning came fast. The harsh sunlight bearing down on my sore eyes woke me out of my zombie-like state pretty fast. Looking down, I couldn’t believe that I had actually walked into the house wearing Vic’s clothes last night. On top of being late and looking like a ‘prostitute’, my entire character had been prosecuted last night because the people in town had been talking to my parents about the ‘hoodlum’ they had seen me out with lately.
Swinging my legs over the side of my bed and sitting up, I willed myself not to think about what I really wanted to focus on, or rather, who.
Somewhere between crying and falling asleep I had come to the conclusion that putting so much attention into something I didn’t even understand would only cause me to go crazy, and really, what good would that do? It surely wasn’t going to stop him from hopping on a plane tonight or change the fact that neither he nor I could figure out what had just happened between the two of us.
It didn’t matter now. It was all over.
Out of mind, out of heart, right?
I shook my head, trying to shake off the sick feeling and the urge to cry that had crept up on me. I then headed for the bathroom to get a shower.
After a week, my head felt just as much like a prison as my house did. My parents sentenced me to being grounded for two months and upped my chores tenfold. I didn’t have the energy to put on an act anymore. I didn’t talk to them. In fact, I hadn’t spoken to them since that night. I was barely even speaking to Vic, who of course, pestered me nonstop about Avery. She knew my uncharacteristic grumpiness was more than just my parents’ punishment wearing me thin. I felt bad that I wasn’t opening up to her about every
thing, but I just couldn’t.
In fact, I couldn’t do many things. I hadn’t even listened to music since that last night with him. I couldn’t bear to hum or sing without it reminding me of our time together.
Waking up before my parents did that weekend, I hurried to get the first load of laundry started and fixed an easy breakfast for everyone. I made a fruit salad and set out bagels, almost robotically, and then immediately began dusting. It was only a little past seven in the morning when I finished and trudged back up to my room. I stood in the doorway staring at the room around me and un-ushered, his voice echoed through me.
“You’re so much more than this.”
I shut my eyes, trying to shut him out, but every fiber in my body screamed along with him.
Steadying myself against the doorframe, I opened my eyes again and searched over the room for some sign of something to prove his beautiful timbre wrong. An old desk and chair, a basic lamp, a twin sized bed with a white afghan, white walls, an old clothes hamper, and that was about it.
I closed my eyes, and although I didn’t try to picture anything, it just kind of popped up. A room painted in a deep shade of gray, like Avery’s incredible eyes. Ivory lace curtains and rock posters. I laughed softly at the drastic difference in taste. Pictures of Vic and I framed on every surface and sheets of music plastered all over. A bed covered in a pink and black leopard print blanket, and a ton of large, fluffy pillows. Fuzzy slippers lay on the floor, my guitar propped up beside my bed, and a huge stereo system against the wall just aching to be turned on.
Opening my eyes again, the disappointment seeped through every vein as the drab, white walls around me erased all that I had just imagined. It was almost painful.
Moments later, I found myself sitting cross-legged on the floor, in the middle of my room with my guitar. I don’t remember when I brought it home from work or why, but somehow, the music just started to flow.
Wild Chase Page 6