Two days later, Endor and Triska rode out to explore Lygroes. Triska was bright and eager and laughing, and proclaimed she wouldn't come back until she had seen the entire continent from the northern tip to the southern shore, and all the mountains and ravines and caverns and plains in between. Ceera silently remarked to Mrillis that she didn't doubt Triska would accomplish what she set out to do, but the girl would be a woman grown, with grown children, before she accomplished all that.
I think you're jealous, he offered.
Ceera laughed aloud, even as she scowled and thumped his chest in reproof. Then she cupped both her hands over the very visible bulge of the baby inside her and sighed in sweet, weary contentment as he put his arm around her and led her back into the Stronghold.
The moons until the birth of their child passed in a happy blur of preparation and dreaming, and the atmosphere of the Stronghold seemed brighter. Mrillis hoped that whatever had turned Triska sour would have worked itself thoroughly out of the girl's mind and heart before she returned. Whatever the malevolence that had hovered in the air, its absence affected everyone.
Nainan, who had been quiet and prone to solitary duties, blossomed into a warm, giving person who surprised everyone with a beautiful voice and a talent for telling stories and leading the children in their games. She became Ceera's most constant attendant as the fall rains turned to snow and the growing baby drained more of the young mother's strength. Her whole reason for being seemed to orbit around Ceera's needs. The entire Stronghold orbited around Ceera and the coming child, as if there had never been a child born in the Stronghold. Mrillis wondered sometimes if he was the only one who noticed that Nixtan always prolonged his visits to three, four, sometimes five days, when he came to the Stronghold in his duties as messenger for the Warhawk. Still, he was as surprised as Nainan when Nixtan came to stay for a prolonged visit with the first fierce snows of winter, and announced his intention to court her and win her as his wife.
* * * *
Mrillis sensed Nainan's presence as he approached the door to his and Ceera's rooms. He felt the vibrations of her voice in the door, though he was pleased and a little amused to note her voice didn't penetrate the thick oak planks. He opened the door quietly, not wanting to startle her. If the wide-eyed look on her face had been any indication, she had been just as stunned as he to realize Nixtan's interest. Maybe she had been so blind to his friend's more subtle preliminaries to courtship, that was why Nixtan had made his announcement? So no one would be mistaken anymore about his intentions?
He had spent the last half hour assuring Nixtan that Nainan's sudden pallor wasn't disgust but merely astonishment. Mrillis hoped he hadn't imagined that shaky little smile, the returning sparkle in her eyes when Ceera asked Nainan to help her leave the common room, and the young woman had looked back once at Nixtan before vanishing down the passageway.
"Me? How can he want me? Why didn't he tell me? Why did he have to tell everyone in the Stronghold?" Nainan said, pacing the length of the front room, her arms wrapped tightly around her middle, as if she fought nausea.
"I don't think everyone in the Stronghold knows. At least, not yet," Mrillis offered. Nainan scowled at him, but Ceera stifled a giggle, so he knew that had been the right tactic to take. He at least had startled Nainan out of what was likely a whirlpool of the same thoughts, turning back on themselves over and over with no escape. "I think only a seventh or eighth of the entire population was there when Nixtan made his announcement. In this amount of time, they can't have told everyone else yet."
"Oooh...men!" She threw her hands up in the air, and dropped down on the long, low couch next to Ceera.
"He made his intentions public because he hasn't had much success before of making himself clear. I never realized it, and I should have. He's spent enough time here, staying an extra day or two or three, when he could have returned to the Warhawk immediately." Mrillis shrugged and sat down facing the two women. "If it helps any, I approve."
"No, it doesn't help." She shivered a little, but a crooked little smile caught one corner of her mouth. "Nixtan... wants me? He... He did say he loved me, didn't he?"
"He did indeed. Which is very brave. I was at my wits' end, trying to think of ways to get Mrillis to admit he loved me, without making a fool of myself admitting how I felt if he didn't feel the same." Ceera took hold of Nainan's hand. "What are you really afraid of? You like him, don't you? You enjoy being with him. The two of you can talk for hours of so many things you have in common. Why are you so startled?"
"I simply never thought anyone would want me...that way. Because of who my father is."
"Was," Ceera corrected. "He sired you, but even the magic he wove into your being has been loosened and he has no claim on you. No influence."
"Hmm, true," Mrillis said, as a new thought occurred to him. "But Endor does."
"What?" Nainan sat up straight, and two spots of color brightened her cheeks. "What does my arrogant beast of a brother have to do with this?"
"Are you torn over Nixtan's interest because you want him, and you fear Endor will disapprove? Or because you don't want him, but you want to irritate your brother, pay him back for ignoring you?"
Ceera opened her mouth to retort, but the thought visibly halted in her eyes. She sat back on the couch and rested both hands over the bulge of her child-heavy belly and tipped her head to one side as she considered what he had said. Nainan's gaze turned inward. She sat so still, Mrillis couldn't even detect if she breathed or not. Finally, when the silence grew so deep he could hear the wind howling beyond the shutters, three rooms away, Nainan shook her head and the corners of her mouth quirked up in her usual wry smile.
"Pleasing my brother is among the last things I would consider when making my choice of a life-mate. I must admit, the fact that Nixtan tries so hard to make friends with Endor, and keeps trying no matter how many times he is rebuffed or simply ignored, makes me admire him. And amuses me, because I know it has to irritate Endor, no matter how much he might appear not to care." She sighed. "I think yes, it would irritate him greatly, if I were to follow my heart, which nearly leaped from my chest when Nixtan declared he wanted me." A rarely seen flush pinked her cheeks. "Yet how can I tell if I encourage him because of him, because of me, or because of my brother?"
"Be sure," Ceera murmured, and caught hold of Nainan's hand again. "Take your time. Be honest with him about your misgivings. And consider that you are so startled, so torn, because you still see yourself as an outcast, despite the love the children and their mothers shower on you, despite the place you have made for yourself here. What better way to prove to those few who still scorn you that you are desirable and worthy, than to catch the heart of a man who stands in the shadow of the Warhawk and is highly valued by Wynystrys?"
"And is one of the forgers of the Zygradon," Mrillis added.
"Yes, that. How can we ever forget that?" Nainan nodded and slowly got to her feet. "I need time to think." Her blush returned. "And I think I must find Nixtan and speak with him. I must have hurt his feelings enormously, the way I reacted."
"He already had a good idea that you had no hint of his feelings." He laughed when both women gave him questioning frowns. "That's why he risked making an utter fool of himself, declaring himself as he did."
"Not in private, like you did, half-dragged into admitting your heart's call," Ceera said in a too-sweet voice, fluttering her lashes at him.
The three laughed together, and Nainan didn't seem quite so shaky as she bade them good-night and left.
* * * *
"It's all your fault, you know," Nixtan said, when Mrillis joined him in the stables the next morning to exercise their horses before an incoming storm hit the Stronghold.
"What is?" His laughter caught in his throat as a dozen warped suspicions of what his friend meant flooded his mind.
"I see you and Ceera and I want it, everything you have. And when I think about being a father... The only woman I can see, the only w
oman I can imagine with a big belly and... The only woman I wouldn't mind shrieking at me when she's dragging tired and her spirit is knotted, is Nainan."
"That's when you decided you loved her?"
"That's when I knew we could grow old together, laughing instead of arguing." Nixtan slapped his saddle down onto his horse's back, then mock-shuddered.
"Good." Mrillis tossed his cloak onto a peg before reaching for his own saddle.
"You have reservations about me courting Nainan?"
"Not for you or for her. Ceera and I both agree, the two of you are well matched." Mrillis grunted as he heaved the saddle up and into place, then snorted laughter when his horse nudged him hard with its head, as if in reproof. "I just wonder if the fact that she's Endor's sister factored into your decision at all."
"Would you believe me if I said I'd forgotten he was her brother, until she reminded me?" Nixtan shook his head. "They're so un-alike. Faces as well as spirits. And sometimes I forget Triska is her sister."
"All three do have different mothers."
"Hmm, yes, but Triska and Endor seem cut from the same cloth. Or maybe cast from the same mold." Nixtan finished adjusting the saddle, but instead of picking up his cloak and preparing to swing up into the saddle and ride out, he stepped back and dropped down onto a bench along the wall.
"What's wrong?"
"Endor and Triska... Those two are too well matched, and if it was up to me, they would be kept far apart."
"What have they done?" Mrillis fought a shudder from the chill that ran up his back.
"Nothing. It's just a feeling ..." He sighed and rubbed his face with his palms, looking for a moment like a young boy, heavy with exhaustion. "I saw them together, just before I came here. They were headed into the Taywauk Mountains."
"There are supposed to be Encindi enclaves there."
"Hmm, yes. I reminded them of that. Endor just laughed and said he was taking Triska to test her skill and... How did he say it? Temper her mettle. Triska didn't look excited or confident, but she wasn't afraid, either. I was afraid for her, going to face down hordes of maddened Encindi, cut off from Flintan for the winter. And who knows what else lurks in those mountains. It wasn't a wholesome place to travel even before the Encindi settled there."
"The monsters of those stories we told when we were boys always came from the Taywauk Mountains," Mrillis offered with a tired smile.
"The general feeling I got from some people was that they wouldn't mourn long if those monsters won. Triska and Endor aren't universally loved. The fact that she's Queen's Heir doesn't count for much, after people learn she's the daughter of the Nameless One and after they've met her."
"She might just learn some necessary, painful lessons that will change her mind and heart."
"Let's hope that's what Endor intends. I can't imagine him taking his sister out to get her killed, or worse, enslaved by the Encindi."
Or captured by their father, if he has loyal followers in the Taywauk Mountains, he added silently. He didn't say it aloud. Nixtan would keep quiet on such speculation, but Mrillis had learned that even sharing thoughts through the Threads wasn't completely private and secure, either.
He did share that thought with Ceera. She had a right to know what Endor was doing, what he was teaching his sister, what perils he put her into, because after all was said and done, Triska was Queen's Heir.
"We will deal with Triska and however her temperament changes when the time comes," Ceera said.
* * * *
Mrillis and Ceera gave their blessing to the courtship of Nainan and Nixtan. Ceera encouraged the younger woman to enjoy herself.
"Just because you let Nixtan court you doesn't mean you must marry him eventually. You must follow your heart. Doubts and second thoughts will only sour your marriage if you are not sure before you make your vows," she counseled.
"I am afraid Nixtan might be the only one who will ever want me," Nainan admitted, her voice so soft that Mrillis, on the other side of the common room, barely heard her. And there was no one else but the three of them in there at that time.
"I can't advise you to insist on love or nothing, because I was blessed by the Estall to find the love I wanted. I don't know if I could have resisted another suitor if I believed Mrillis didn't want me. I do know that I couldn't have given my heart and soul as completely to anyone else," Ceera said. She raised her head in that moment and her gaze met Mrillis'. The quiet peace and joy in her eyes, the love that shone there just for him, made him feel as if he held the world in his hands.
More for Ceera's sake than for Nainan's, he warned Nixtan to be kind and not pressure the young woman. "She is precious to Ceera, so for Ceera's sake, I will punish anyone who hurts Nainan," Mrillis added.
"You can punish whatever is left of them after I am done with them," Nixtan countered.
They exchanged somber, determined gazes for a few moments, then a feeling of foolishness overwhelmed them, and they clasped each other's shoulder and laughed quietly.
The two couples spent much of their free time together as the winter storms grew fiercer, darker and longer. Mrillis was content in knowing that if he could not be there for Ceera, Nainan was always with her, to make sure she had enough cloaks against the chill, and to wrap around her legs when she sat down, and most important, to send for him when Ceera grew too weary to walk. Mrillis made no pretense of understanding how a courtship should progress. After all, he and Ceera had always been together and always would be. He depended on Ceera's judgment that Nixtan and Nainan's feelings for each other were true.
The four were together, sitting around a brazier in the common room late one evening, playing a guessing game, when Ceera went pale and clutched Mrillis' hand so tightly she threatened to break several fingers. Then she calmly announced she was in labor. It was Nainan, of course, who had the wits to take command, to send Nixtan for the Stronghold's midwives and to order Mrillis to carry Ceera to their quarters.
* * * *
Ceera named their daughter Emrillian, before Mrillis could quite get his breath back after his first sight of the tiny, wriggling, wrinkled, mewling bundle of heat. He thought about arguing with her, to insist on a name that would reflect more on the baby's mother, but his mind went completely blank and he couldn't think of a single name. Which was ridiculous, because he and Ceera had sometimes worked themselves into fits of laughter over the moons of waiting, dreaming up names for their child, boy or girl. Why was his mind blank now, after all that work?
"Let's hope her name is all that marks her as my daughter," he told Ceera, after he put their sleeping daughter safely back in her mother's arms.
Finally they were alone, after the midwives, Nainan, and the other ladies attending Ceera had cleaned her and settled her and left the room. Mrillis knew better than to sit down, despite the wobbling in his knees. He knew he might never stand up again.
"Don't be silly," Ceera whispered. "You've nothing to be ashamed of."
"No, maybe not, but I'm suddenly starting to see things from the eyes of our guardians, when we were children. How we must have terrified them, making them wonder if we would destroy the World or tangle the Threads so badly no one would have imbrose any longer." That earned a weary burst of giggles from her, and he smiled. "I want our daughter to have an ordinary, happy childhood. I want her to discover her imbrose and her calling quietly and peacefully, and not have people compare her to me every time she turns around. It's a heavy burden we've put on this tiny kitten, love, giving her parents with such a full history."
"I know. But we have climbed so high up the mountain, we have given her a good starting point, so she will climb even higher." She gently lifted the blanket that swaddled the newborn and gazed on the tiny perfection of fingers and toes and ringlets of pale hair.
When mother and child slept, Mrillis forced himself to leave them and go wash up and get something to eat. He decided he would bring some blankets from the sitting room and curl up on the bench next to the bed,
so he could be near them but not disturb Ceera. He felt that heavy aching of exhaustion settle into his shoulders and make his head light as he stepped through the doorway from the bedroom, and for a moment thought the sight before him was a hallucination.
Nixtan stood with his arms braced on the wall, with Nainan trapped between his arms. He slowly lowered his head toward her up-tilted, tear-streaked face. Mrillis' first impulse was to leap to Nainan's rescue, but he hesitated.
Then he saw several other details. Nainan's hands slowly crept up Nixtan's chest, to rest on his shoulders, and a smile just as slowly brightened her weary face. Mrillis saw her eyes close and Nixtan's lips part before he realized they were about to kiss. He turned his head, to give them some privacy, and was glad he hadn't spoken immediately. After all, how many kisses had other people interrupted between him and Ceera? He knew how it felt to have a sweet moment stolen away--or worse, spied on. Feeling like a dolt with his brain wrapped in clay, Mrillis stepped backwards, to retreat back into the bedroom.
"We know you're there," Nixtan said, voice muffled. He lifted his head and grimaced at Nainan when she let out a sputtering little laugh. "Your timing, as always, is perfection."
"Sorry. I'll just keep passing through." Mrillis gestured at the door from the sitting room into the passageway.
"This is your quarters. Why should we drive you away?"
"Can I offer my congratulations?" It struck Mrillis that Nainan's blush looked good on her. Why had he ever thought that Triska was the prettier of Endor's sisters?
"Not yet." Nixtan took his hands from the wall and stepped back, releasing Nainan. "But soon, I hope."
"You're still worried about Endor's reaction?" Mrillis guessed. "Your brother has some authority, but you are not dependent on him. Your first allegiance is to the Queen of Snows and the Stronghold."
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