by Jessie G.
“When have you known me to say something I don’t mean?”
“So...does that mean we can’t fuck without him? That we’ll never have time alone?” Javier couldn’t find a less selfish way of asking and it made him feel a little guilty. After all, he was the one who pushed for a third and still believed they had enough love between them to give the right person. But to never have time alone with Saul, the one person he trusted with the very worst of him?
“No, pequeño, that’s not what I said. We’ll need some time for us, won’t we?” Saul fixed him with a serious stare. “You realize that works both ways, right? How will it feel when we take time without you?”
Javier had been thinking about it for so long that he knew just how to respond. “Knowing you were getting what you needed? I wouldn’t be jealous or hurt, Saul, I’d be happy. We’re talking about creating a relationship together with a man who wants us both.” Saul lifted his head and looked past him, alerting him that Kyle was coming back. “Do you think he’ll be able to set aside his insecurities when we spend time without him?”
“I hope so.” As Saul got out of the truck to help Kyle with the bags, Javier smiled. For too long Saul protected and cared for him, but he always knew they were on borrowed time. When the moment came, he was prepared to die for Saul, and now he knew Saul would be fine without him. Kyle would know how to take all the guilt, grief and anger, and then he’d know how to ease Saul back. How could he possibly be jealous of the man his lover would come to love, the man who would save Saul from himself? Javier already loved Kyle for that alone.
Chapter 17
Kyle
“You crazy fucker, where’d ya learn that?” Javier growled into the earpiece. Whatever Red’s response was had him growling some more. “No fair! Tell Bull he can’t help!”
Kyle was sitting crossed-legged on the couch, going over his schedule while Javier played video games online with Red. The vulgarities continued as those long slender fingers flew over the controller, but Javier’s smile never faltered. In the moment Javier was happy and relaxed, and it had everything to do with Red. He wondered what type of man Red was to inspire such a response from Javier.
“You’re staring at me instead of your schedule. That’s not going to get you organized.” Javier spoke without looking at him.
It was true. Despite his best efforts, he couldn’t stop watching Javier long enough to make sense of his schedule. Like his reaction to Saul, the draw went beyond looks. “I like staring at you.”
“I like when you stare at me…oh hell no! Was that Bull again? You can’t tag team me when Saul’s not here.” The normally soft, sexy rasp was only intensified by the heated words.
“Would it be okay if I sat behind you? The couch is deep enough.” Deep and plush and he could envision the three of them curled up together on it enjoying a lazy day together. Another best effort he was failing at was keeping this weekend in perspective. Little things like breakfast with the ragtag group that lived there and plush couches had him thinking of the future. No, it had started before breakfast when they lay entangled in bed after sex, talking in hushed tones about absolutely nothing. It had felt so normal in a less than normal situation. Eventually they drifted from the bed to the bathroom to the kitchen and he couldn’t help how natural it felt.
Javier turned from what was apparently a cutthroat game and frowned at him. “How will that get your organizing done?”
It wasn’t going help at all, but he knew the schedule by heart. The only reason it was open on his lap now was because he was trying to figure out how soon he could come back. It was too fast, too risky and nothing he would admit out loud. It didn’t change the fact that it was at the forefront of his mind. “It won’t, but I’m not having any luck concentrating on it now. All I can think about is having you sit between my legs so I can feel the way your body vibrates when you play the game.”
“You’re horny?” Across the couch Kyle could hear Red’s laughter and smiled at their antics. “Oh shut up, Red, I’m having an important conversation!”
“I’m not horny.” It was surprisingly true. Not that he would turn down any opportunity to have sex with them. How could he explain to Javier that he just wanted to enjoy being together—to touch and tease and talk—beyond the sex? Saying that would bring the whole atmosphere down and he just wanted to enjoy the moment. “I’m just itching to feel you against me.”
Javier shrugged and looked back at the television. “We can try it. Bring your book with you so we can go out when Saul comes down.”
When Javier scooted forward to make room for him, Kyle was encouraged. Still he moved cautiously, sliding behind Javier until that perfect ass was cradled between his thighs. “Good?”
“I guess.” Javier wiggled a little, as if testing his position. When he picked up his book and pretended to focus on his schedule, Javier relaxed. A few minutes more and Javier was yelling into the earpiece, his body moving and vibrating as he played. Another few minutes and Kyle was fairly certain he was going to explode in his jeans.
“You’re not focusing.”
“What?” How the hell was he supposed to focus? The more relaxed Javier got, the more animated his body became, the more torture he inflicted. It had seemed like such a casual thing to put them in this position, but Javier moved with a natural sensuality that made every movement sexual…and torturous.
Javier glanced back and looked pointedly at his book. “On your schedule.”
“How do you know?” These two men had freaky senses. First it felt like Saul was reading his mind after his argument with Tex, now Javier seemed to know what he wasn’t doing without looking at him.
“You keep looking at my ass.” Javier laughed. “Yes, Red, my perrrrrrrrrrrrfect ass!”
How could he not laugh with them? Seeing Javier this animated was really friggin’ hot. “Will I ever live that down?”
Through the earpiece he could hear Red yell a definitive No! that had Javier giggling again. “I don’t think so.”
“Well, it is pretty perfect and it looks pretty perfect between my legs.” What was the point of pretending otherwise? He liked everything about the way Javier looked and felt against him. As close as he was, he could hear Red making gagging noises through the earpiece. It was definitely time to turn the tables. “Red doesn’t ever sit between Bull’s legs?”
“Red and Bull fuck like rabbits. It’s not safe to go to their place unexpectedly.” Javier’s laugh was a little evil. “Yes, big brother, it was necessary for me to share that! And stop helping Red or I’ll tell Saul you cheated!”
Shaking his head, Kyle went back to his book and forced himself to focus. Despite knowing months in advance about the Bisou thing, Tex still had him scheduled for an appearance the morning of his flight to Paris. It would be a mad dash through LAX, but with any luck he’d be able to sleep on the flight. In Paris it looked like he might have his mornings free which would be a nice break. Then it was another mad dash to get back and meet the group in Vancouver. Thankfully, it looked like he had nothing after September eighteenth. He could fly from Vegas to New York, crash somewhere for the night and be on the road early on the nineteenth.
“You should know I’m pretty fucked in the head,” Javier said out of the blue.
Looking up, Kyle saw Javier was still focused on the game. Oddly, the admission didn’t come as a huge shock. Not that he would have called him ‘fucked in the head’, but he was definitely unique. “Are you?”
“Yeah, I’m not dangerous or anything crazy like that. Just, a few wires are crossed and things switch themselves around in my mind. That psych doc in prison said it was a defense mechanism to protect myself.” All that and still those capable fingers flew over the game controller as if he hadn’t just admitted to being in prison.
The idea of this fragile man in prison made his stomach churn in dread. Not in fear of Javier, but fear for him. What could he have possibly done to wind up there? “Do you believe that?”
> “It’s as good an excuse as any to explain why it happens. Just thought you should know.” Javier shrugged as if what he believed didn’t matter.
“Why were you in prison?” Kyle figured since Javier opened the door he would walk through it. Here he was daydreaming about a future with them without knowing their past. More behavior that he could only contribute to an overdose of Latin testosterone.
“Saul will tell you all that. I don’t talk about it.” Javier looked back again, his gaze pointed. What had seemed so casual and almost obtuse had a purpose; Javier wanted him to get some answers. “I’m not so far gone that I don’t know there’s still some damage to fix, but I’m so much better than I was and I needed to be the one to tell you that. Do you think you’ll come back?”
Another opportunity to say no, to disengage and run, to do the smart thing. So why was he still sitting there? All the big red warning flags unfurled, slapping him the face, and all he could think to ask was, “You don’t even know me, Javi. How do you know you want me to come back?”
“I told you, I like you.”
It couldn’t be that simple, could it? No, not when the unknowns included prison time and psych doctors. He liked them, really liked them, and had seriously been considering a possible future, so of course it couldn’t be that simple. “Maybe I snore and leave my clothes all over the floor and the cap off the toothpaste and forget to clean my dishes.”
Javier gave him the oddest look, one that seriously questioned his sanity, and maybe he really was the insane one. ‘Cause seriously, anyone with half a brain would have run by now. “Maybe you’re weirder than I thought. What the fuck does any of that have to do with liking you?”
Kyle wasn’t that naive. In the early stages it might not matter, but down the road something just that insignificant and stupid could end a relationship. “I don’t know. People get irked by the strangest things.”
“People are strange.”
If there were truer words, Kyle didn’t know them. So he asked the question that was weighing the most on his mind. “What would I do here?”
“Work, play, fuck around with us. Live. I get the impression you haven’t really been living lately.” Javier’s feelings were starting to make a lot of sense to him. He didn’t weigh them down with over thinking and he shared them as if they should already be obvious. And despite a schedule that would make any world traveler jealous, Javier was right, he hadn’t really been living in quite some time.
“I’ll have to find a place to live.” That seemed like a logical first step. There wasn’t any rush to find a job, he had been very careful with his money and had plenty saved to last for a while. The idea of doing nothing for a while was really appealing.
“Like, separate from us?” Javier wrinkled his nose. “Then what, we’d do some crazy dating thing? You could organize it in your little book...Javi on Monday, Saul on Wednesday, Javi and Saul on Friday. Does that sound as ridiculous to you as it does to me?”
“Isn’t that what people do?” The way Javier said it made it sound ridiculous and yet was he just supposed to move in? “They spend time getting to know one another, making sure their interests are compatible, and see if they actually like each other as people beyond the physical attraction…that sort of thing.”
“How long does that usually go on?”
“I don’t know that there is a set time frame for it. Weeks, months, hell I know people who date for years.” More importantly he knew, after being on his own for so long, that he needed his own space. Was it any wonder he’d never had a successful relationship?
“Years?” Again Javier twisted to look at him seriously, almost gravely. “Saul and I could be dead in a year, then we’ll have wasted all that time doing things people do.”
“Javi…”
Before Kyle could express his horror, Javier shot up off the couch and started crying. “Shit, Red...Red! No, don’t cry please. I’m sorry. Oh god, Bull...”
Swallowing back the sudden overwhelming panic, Kyle followed and took Javier’s earpiece. “Bull?”
“What the fuck? Why the hell would you push him like that? Get Saul and make sure he calls me when he’s got Javi calmed down.” The angry voice boomed in his ear and had him taking a step back. He’d never been so grateful for the sound of dead air, saving him from actually formulating a reply.
Tossing the earpiece aside, he followed Javier who was pacing the room liked a caged animal. If Bull heard the whole thing, then he knew Javier had led him through every turn in that conversation. So how could he be faulted for following Javier’s lead? “Javi, look at me.”
Immediately Javier stopped and turned, hunching into himself as he sobbed. “I shouldn’t have said that when Red could hear. He knows they want to kill us, but he’s...he’s broken like me sometimes.”
“Bull will take care of him. Let me take care of you. Listen to me okay, just listen to me.” Despite Bull’s order, Kyle knew he had to calm Javier down before he went in search of Saul. “I don’t know why you think you could be dead in a year and I know you’ll tell me to ask Saul. What I do know is that you have a great family here, Javi, men that love you and need you. For them, for Saul, for you...and for me…you need to think about living, not just in the moment, but for a long time.”
Javier huddled into him, his whole body shaking with emotion. “Are we going to have a long time with you, Kyle?”
“How can we when you say things like that?” Kyle knew he should be treading cautiously, but the question was unfair. Javier seemed to expect him to just accept the bits and pieces he was willing to share, uncaring of their effect. How could he ask him to commit with so little information?
“What’s going on?” Kyle looked over and saw Saul standing in the archway. Javier immediately pulled away and burrowed against Saul, leaving Kyle standing there alone under that angry gaze. As Kyle relayed the conversation he could see Saul getting angrier, could see Javier trying to make himself invisible and it all just became too much.
“Is it true that someone wants to kill you?” When Saul nodded he felt the tentative foundation crumble beneath him. Of all the possible things he thought Saul would tell him, he never once believed it was life or death. How dare they bring him into their lives knowing this was hanging over their heads? How dare they make him want them knowing it could all be taken away like that? “How could you do that to me? Bring me here, make me want you...how dare you?”
“Kyle…”
No, he didn’t want to hear excuses. If this was all true, and by the look on Javier’s face it was impossible to think it was a lie, what was he setting himself up for? To be left behind? To be expendable? “Have you really, truly thought about what having a third means? What are you going to do when you have to decide between his life and mine? Today I’m just the guy you want to fuck through the wall. Expendable, right? In six months what will I be? If I’m still just that guy then you’re denying us both and if I’m not, well then my presence puts you in an impossible position, doesn’t it?”
Saul jerked back as if he’d been sucker punched. “You think I can’t protect you both?”
“How the fuck would I know? You haven’t told me anything!” Kyle stalked around them. “Why the hell would I stay another minute knowing that you wouldn’t hesitate to sacrifice me for him? And why wouldn’t you? You love him. Me? I’m just the…the stupid little whore.”
Chapter 18
Kyle
“Go away.” Privacy was obviously not to be expected since none of the doors in this fucking house had locks. Kyle didn’t look when the bathroom door opened. Only one person would bother to come after him, possibly to yell at him for upsetting Javier. Or to tell him to pack up and get out. Yeah, that seemed like the more likely scenario. Luckily he already packed up the few things he’d taken out, so the only thing left to do was call a cab. So why was he standing in the shower instead of putting this crazy house in the rearview? Fuck if he knew.
When strong hands grippe
d his hips, he flinched at the unexpectedness of it. Those hands dropped like stones and other than the harsh breath of rejection, there was no other sound or movement behind him. Rejecting Saul was no more his intention than insulting him had been and he’d done both in short order. But what choice did he have? They brought him into a dangerous situation with no care for his safety. Selfish didn’t begin to cover their actions.
The weight of the moment pressed in on him. If he wanted to be done, he could leave that rejection hanging in the air and just walk away. Saul would let him go, Javier would forget him, and he could go back to the path he was on. One hot dance, one smoking hour of sex, it was nothing to build a future on.
Saul took a step away and he turned. It was as if that step pulled him around. Face to face, he took a good long look at the darkness inside the man. Saul wasn’t making any attempt to hide it. So still, every muscle clenched, absolutely no expression, and eyes that promised death to anything that crossed his path. This was the man he wanted, the darkness calling to him like a beacon toward home. No matter how dangerous it was, he was physically compelled to respond. “There you are.”
Saul snarled as Kyle leaned in and rubbed his cheek against that brick wall of a chest. That was okay—snarling turned him on and he intended to hear it again and again for the rest of their fucking long life.
“You may contort yourself into some big cuddly bear for him, but this man right here is the one I want. My beast, you just want to be let off that leash, don’t you? Free to run, free to fly, free to be the savage that you are. Free to tear apart anyone who would dare hurt him.” The deep growl gave him pause and Kyle looked closer. Shocked by what he saw in Saul’s gaze, Kyle whispered, “Oh, we’re in big trouble here aren’t we, my beast?”
“The leash as you call it remains for his safety.” Even his voice was different—deeper, raspier—and it sent a shiver down Kyle’s spine. “I promise that you were never in danger. I wouldn’t have done that to you, but why should you believe that? The reality is that I’m a very selfish man and I very selfishly wanted you for myself...for Javi. It’s no excuse, the blame begins and ends with me, and when you go I will selfishly ask for one more thing. Be gentle with him.”