by Jessie G.
“In a storage unit in New York.” Even to his own ears it sounded pathetic. It hadn’t always felt that way; there was a long stretch of time that he really had loved the nomad life. Squirming under that cautious stare, Kyle rushed to say, “I wasn’t really sure where I wanted to go once my contracts were up. I figured I’d empty the unit, pack up my car and pick a spot on the map.”
“How do you like Miami?” Javier asked without turning, his tone matching the look in Saul’s eyes.
“Better than I thought,” Kyle teased softly. “It’s certainly been very welcoming.”
Something in his brief answers seemed to satisfy Saul and he finally relaxed a little. Kyle wondered if Saul ever fully let down his guard and trusted anyone enough to see him completely uninhibited. “We’ll pick up your bags after breakfast.”
“Thanks...” Kyle paused and fished a cell phone out of his pocket. “Sorry, this is Tex.”
When he rose to take the call in private, Saul stopped him. “Take it here, Kyle.”
Under the weight of Saul’s stare, Kyle looked at the phone again. Nothing good was going to come from his conversation with Tex. The man was going to rant about his behavior, probably issue a few hollow threats and...well, he just wasn’t ready for Saul to defend him. “I should…”
Saul insisted, “Take it here. I won’t say a word.”
With eyes that expressive, Saul wasn’t going to have to say anything to get his point across, but Kyle resumed his seat and accepted the call. “Hey, Tex.”
“Morning, Kip.”
Tex’s insistence on using their screen names was irritating, at least to him. He knew some of the guys adopted their public persona almost to an extreme. The pseudo-fame was nice, but Kyle never wanted to forget who he was. “What’s up?”
“Just checking in. Lance said you told him his services weren’t needed last night. That you left the club with those two guys you were dancing with.”
Kyle frowned at the phone. Tex was never this calm even when he wasn’t mad. “They weren’t needed and, yes, I did leave the club with them.”
“Ryder said you didn’t come home last night.”
What the hell? Now Tex was checking up on him? Kyle was a twenty-eight year old man who’d been on his own since he was sixteen. “No, Daddy, I didn’t come home last night.”
“Do you need me to pick you up?”
Talk about alternate realities, what rabbit hole had he fallen into? “What’s the deal, man?”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean that worried tone. How long have we known each other? You’ve never given two shits about who I go home with or concerned yourself with checking up on me after. I already know you’re pissed off that I didn’t hang for the group photos or put on your skin show, so cut the shit and just start the tirade.”
“No tirade. You’re a grown man and in a month you’ll be a free agent. What am I going to do, fire you?”
“Honestly, now you’re just freaking me out. Did you raid my stash? Because you are so not this laid back?”
A harsh breath came through the phone before Tex laughed darkly. “Truthfully, I’m just tired. We have known each other forever and I’ve known for quite some time that your heart hasn’t been in it. You stayed two years too long. Once you needed to get high to get fucked, you should have gotten out. I should have offered you an out.”
“But I’m a money maker, I know. You’ve told me plenty of times.” This was getting them nowhere. What was the point of remorse at this late date? Kyle was getting out, doing what he should have done then, the rest was just water under the friggin’ bridge.
“You’re one of the most popular models we’ve ever had. Still, I’ve always prided myself on doing what’s right for my boys and I let you go too long. I was up all night going over your upcoming scenes, trying to figure out if there was a way to break those deals.”
Now that surprised him. “Why? I didn’t ask. In fact I don’t want to break those deals. As my round of farewell performances, I’ll make the most money per shoot than I’ve ever made. You know me and my nest egg, I like to see it grow.”
“I know you didn’t ask, but...”
“But?” Kyle prodded when Tex trailed off.
“If you had the choice to walk away now and just be done, or make twenty thousand dollars, what would you chose? For most that would be a no brainer, but I know you, Kip. I know you.”
Of course Kyle knew what the dollar amount would be. He’d played hardball on the deals. When his ‘retirement’ was announced, every model and their mother came out of the woodwork trying to get in line to fuck him. Tex had run with the idea of a farewell tour and the fans were eating it up. It was the most watched streamed series in the history of the company’s website. In addition to his per scene fee there was a hefty bonus if he completed the tour, thus the twenty thousand dollars.
That Tex would think he’d take the out over the money showed how very little the man he’d worked a decade for knew him. “Tex, for ten years I have fulfilled every contract, deal and exchange. I’ve given you no reason to think I won’t see this through to the end, even with my behavior last night. I sat for both signings and took countless photos with the fans. I put in the time you asked me to put in and more.”
“We all saw you with them. That was more than just you hooking up for a one night stand…”
What did Tex think he saw that had him so worried? “And even if it was? Nothing’s changed.”
Tex was silent for a long moment and, as it lengthened, Kyle braced himself. Finally, Tex asked, “All right, so you’re still mine for a month?”
“Minus the days I’ll be in Paris for the Bisou shoot.” Sometimes Tex pretended to forget about Kyle’s other obligations and caused him conflicts. It was a piss poor way to do business, especially when his modeling contracts drew attention to his porn career.
“Labor Day week.”
“Right, Labor Day week.” Kyle wondered if Saul and Javier had ever been to Paris and the idea of enjoying it with them had his mind racing again. It was the only reason Tex’s next words blindsided him.
“So, if I said I lined up a last minute event for tonight you’d…”
“...go fucking ballistic. You said I had two days!” Kyle had to stand and pace, to reconcile that the soft placating tone was all a bullshit act! Just a way to soften him up for the blow! “We’ve been on the road for three months, Tex. Non-stop events, countless scenes and I did it all without complaint, and without a single fucking day off! I need a break, why is that so hard for you to understand?”
“You think I don’t know that!” Tex exploded right back at him. “I’ve been with you every step of the fucking way!”
“Really? Then you get on your back and don’t forget to moan for the fucking camera!”
“You made the choice ten years ago to fuck for pay, not me!”
“So, if I’m just a whore getting fucked for pay then you’re just a pimp making your living off my ass!” A strong body trapped him against the wall and Kyle’s eyes snapped open. Saul didn’t say a word, just let his full weight anchor him. Big strong hands braced on either side of his head, caging him in. Immediately Kyle became aware of the rise and fall of Saul’s chest, it was deliberately steady, and those eyes were saying breathe with me.
It was then that Kyle realized he’d been yelling and that Javier was witnessing this fight. Frantically he tried to see around Saul in search of the other man, but it was impossible to see beyond him. Pressing the phone to his chest, Kyle whispered, “Javi?”
Saul’s expression never changed, but Kyle had already learned that everything he needed to know was in those eyes. “Fine. All of this isn’t directed at him, so he’s tuned it out.”
Kyle looked around his flesh and bone cage before focusing on Saul eyes again. Saul was trying to calm him, for him? Not for Javier? “This is for me?”
“Yes.” Apparently it was just that simple.
With hands tha
t shook slightly and eyes unwavering, Kyle put the phone back to his ear and spoke softly, “Tex, enough. I’m taking these two days, just like you promised me, and I’ll be at the airport Monday morning at ten, just like I promised you. I’ll do everything I’m contracted to do—every event, scene and shoot—but you can’t add to the schedule anymore. We’ve had a good long run together, don’t make me walk away hating you.”
The other man inhaled sharply. “Hate me? I...have I really been riding you that hard?”
“Yes. You’re mad at me for walking away and you’re punishing me. I understand that and I understand you. That doesn’t change the fact that if I’m going to sacrifice myself on your cross for the next four weeks, I need these two days.”
Without hesitation, Tex promised, “They’re yours. I’ll see you Monday.”
When he ended the call Saul took his phone, switched it off and tucked it in a back pocket. Kyle was officially off the grid until Monday morning. Still he remained caged against the wall, and every second of his confinement ramped him up. Would Saul restrain his hands, hold his neck, and lock him in place the way he so desperately craved?
“You do know what you want, don’t you, Pup? To be pinned down and surrounded, anchored…” Kyle nodded, and then almost immediately shook his head. Yes, he wanted all that and more. It was the more he didn’t know how to articulate. “If you’re open to me, I can give you everything you want.”
If not for the steady rise and fall of Saul’s chest guiding his own, he’d be panting by now. Somehow Saul read him perfectly and he didn’t think it had anything to do with his facial expressions. Right then he hoped Saul could read his desperate desire to be kissed until his head exploded.
A slight grin teased that stern mouth. “A little land mine explosion, or a full on nuclear blast?”
“How do you do that?” Instead of being scared, the idea of a partner so attuned with his needs was hard to resist. That’s what he’d seen between them, Saul knowing and providing exactly what Javier needed without words. Without Javier even knowing what he needed because he trusted Saul just that much.
“It’s a secret.”
“Full on nuclear blast.” The how didn’t matter at all when Saul’s mouth was on his, forcing his head back so that every inch of him was either touched by Saul or by the wall. There was no hesitance, no easing into it. Saul dove in, forced his mouth wide and took. Took and gave and gave some more. Muscular legs forced his own together, trapping them in columns of steel, then those arms slid down the wall until their hands were entwined. Essentially he was completely locked down, nearly invisible and still that mouth took and gave some more. With his body confined, his mind emptied of everything but the man who captured him, the man who would make him fly.
Kyle sucked in a sharp breath when that brutal mouth suddenly freed his, and then whimpered at the soothing stroke of a healing tongue across his bruised lips. Javier continued to gentle him, easing his way in as Saul drifted away. When his eyes finally focused, both his men were standing close, anchoring him to them, one smiling softly, and the other barely restraining his desire. His men. Just the thought made him grin and Javier chuckled softly.
“I like the way you think, surfer boy.”
Chapter 16
Javier
“Why hasn’t he run?” Javier watched Kyle jog up the stairs to the company apartment before looking over at Saul.
“That’s a good question.” With his head back and his eyes closed, Javier couldn’t read Saul’s expression but he heard the wariness in his tone. Despite Saul’s lack of interest in his suggestion of a third, Javier knew Saul was as interested in Kyle as he was. He also knew his lover well enough to know that bothered him.
“Do you think he needs us as much as we need him?” It didn’t seem possible. As broken as his mind was sometimes, Javier knew that their wounds were without equal.
Red might be the only person they knew whose wounds ran as deep. Like him, Red knew he was broken, knew that his past would never be far from his mind. Seeing Red melt down that day in the office had scared Javier breathless. Had he looked like that during the six months after his release from prison? So helpless and scared and desperate, hiding inside his own head because the real world terrified him? Poor Bull had looked devastated when he saw Red huddled on the floor and begged when that was the furthest thing from Bull’s nature. But he’d knelt there on the floor and begged Red to come back to him. Even now, months later, they would catch that glint of fear in Bull’s eyes. Had he done that to Saul?
Javier knew he had. Saul treated him with such caution, as if he were a china doll that would break with the slightest pressure. He’d tried so hard to prove he was stronger and believed that the little separation he’d inflicted on them had made him stronger. Logically he knew he could fight; Saul had insisted on teaching him how to defend himself, how to kill a man if it was necessary. Javier would never be a victim, he’d fight to the death before he’d let anyone use him again. Yes, he was stronger than the man who’d walked out of the Florida prison system and collapsed in the arms of the man he loved.
But he was still broken and his mind often changed gears to protect itself. Yet Saul always kept up. No matter which way Javier shifted, that solid foundation never wavered. Knowing he’d never be Saul’s solid foundation had prompted the conversation of a third. Eventually Saul heard him out and considered his reasoning, but ultimately believed no one in their right mind would take them on.
Who would want a monster? Saul had asked him softly. A killer who let the man he loved be used over and over again. Though he never blamed Saul—they both had loved ones they were sacrificing for—he knew Saul was tormented by what he saw as his failure. It didn’t matter that he’d been forced on Saul and that it was his uncle who failed him so terribly. His love had taken the full brunt of it and Saul wore it like a shield.
Who would want a monster? Javier did and he believed that Kyle wanted Saul, too.
As he watched them in the kitchen that morning, Javier realized he was seeing that monster for the first time since they escaped Durango’s mansion. There hadn’t been an unyielding bone in Saul’s body when he trapped Kyle against the wall. Under the restraint and brutalization Kyle bloomed, the sounds nearly animalistic as Kyle took all Saul would give. One look at Kyle as they separated and Javier knew he would have submitted right there on the wall if Saul had taken him, uncaring of who might have walked in. Some instinct had him soothing their surfer boy, easing him down from the edge, and Javier saw the spark of recognition in those pale blue eyes. Kyle looked at them as if they belonged to him. Once calmed, Javier stepped back and let Kyle ease Saul down. It had been a beautiful dance, one that he wasn’t afraid of, but Javier still didn’t know why Kyle wasn’t running as fast as he could.
“I think he likes you,” Javier teased.
“Us, you mean,” Saul was quick to correct.
“Yes, we both bring something to the table, something he’s responded to. That doesn’t change my original statement. You set him on fire and he returns the favor. That passion you bury when you’re with me, you don’t have to hide it from him.” It felt important to stress that he understood his limitations and that he was okay with someone else giving Saul what he couldn’t. Not just someone. Kyle. Javier knew, felt it deep down in his soul, that it had to be Kyle.
“I don’t hide it from you. I simply temper it and I’m happy to be able to do that for you.”
It was a sacrifice Javier hated. More than he hated every man who ever put their hands on him, more than he hated Durango and Terence. Saul gave so much and he gave so little in return. “Tempering your passion…it’s hardly fair to you.”
“Javi.” Saul sighed and raked a hand through his hair. “If he’s smart he’ll walk away Monday and never look back.”
“Well then I hope he’s as stupid as we are because I want him and I know you do, too.” Denying it would be a lie and one of Saul’s little white lies wasn’t going t
o cut it, so Javier wasn’t surprised when he didn’t respond. “What do you think about his job?”
Saul’s grin was quick and dirty. “I think he’ll be an adventurous lover.”
“For sure!” Just thinking about it made him want to do it again. “He certainly knew how to handle us both this morning.”
That had Saul looking over. “How’d that make you feel? Watching him push me over the edge? Seeing me grab him like that?”
Javier shifted in the seat so Saul could see the answer in his eyes. “It was hot. And he didn’t push you over. Maybe had you on the edge, but you let him think he had. You fought hard not to let go completely because you didn’t want to scare me. I think if we keep pushing that line, and he seems to know how, you’ll finally feel comfortable letting go with me.”
“It’s possible, if you keep telling me how you feel when we try.”
“Of course I’d tell you. Who else would I tell?” Until Red came along, Saul was the only one he ever really talked to. While he loved their little family, Javier never considered them confidants. There was something about Red, something he recognized, that made him comfortable enough to talk with. Not to the extent he did Saul, but it was nice to have a real friend. Sometimes he thought he must have had friends before the nightmare started, but he could never really remember anything about them.
“Just want to make sure we’re all communicating. Kyle included.”
“Of course,” Javier agreed, but there was still so much going on in his head that if he didn’t share it with Saul, he’d go crazy. “This morning you said your pups don’t fuck without you. Did you mean that?”