by Jessie G.
Saul looked at all the people around him, all eagerly asking him to jump on board with the ludicrous plan, yet his eyes kept coming back to Trick and Chase. What was their part in this little fiasco? Finally Chase looked at Trick before clueing him in. “It would be suicide for Evan or Master Clay to be wired. As Liam said, Durango will bring in his own people to work the club and Evan will provide two bar-backs to give them a hand in the unfamiliar environment.”
Kyle’s cousin was going to be in the club. If something happened to him, how would Saul ever be able to face Kyle, knowing it was his fault? Before he could lose his mind, Trick said, “I’ll be in the club. Ric’s got all contingencies covered on the outside and Clay’s not going to leave Evan’s side. There’s no way I’ll allow Chase to go in without me. The least I can do is keep your boy safe while I’m in there.”
How much more outlandish could this get? Did they all have a death wish? “Who the hell is going to keep you safe? Durango and the MC have a long history…”
Trick cut him off. “No reason for the MC to be at this party. Running drugs doesn’t get us invites to the fancy shit. Anyway, Durango wouldn’t know me from a hole in the wall. The drugs aren’t my side of the business.”
Trick was looking at him like he missed something important, like he was asking the wrong question. The screaming pain in his head was like a siren warning him not to dig, but what choice did he have? What was he missing? What was said that he didn’t pick up on? When it hit him, Saul looked at Javier, but there was no way anyone at this table would put Javier in the same vicinity as Durango. “Who’s the second bar-back?
When no one answered him, Saul looked around the table again. There was only one logical person even if it defied all logic, and only one person who could have helped him. “Bull, what did you do?”
“He didn’t do anything. I called him three days ago.” Kyle stood in the doorway. His tan had dulled, his pale hair darkened, and his beautiful blue eyes were shadowed and bleary. Still, he stood there. He’d come back.
“Kyle,” Javier whispered reverently. For the first time since that fateful day in Durango’s office, Javier didn’t look to him for a cue. He burst out of the chair and ran around the table, catching Kyle up in a hug that nearly toppled the exhausted man. “You came back!”
As the two murmured softly, Saul could feel Trick’s eyes on him. Demanding he step up to the fucking plate. Too bad he’d been knocked on his ass. Kyle was back and planning to be in the bar when Durango was there. When Jacky blew shit up. How the hell had he failed so miserably at keeping this man safe?
“Saul.” Javier and Kyle were looking at him expectantly. Hell, everyone was looking at him expectantly.
Will you come after me? Those words had followed him long after he watched Kyle’s plane take off. In a perfect world he would have chased and romanced and loved Kyle until they were both stupid with it. Without a word he beckoned Kyle forward, knowing he was selfishly asking for more when he’d driven himself into the ground already.
No one dared to move as Kyle straddled his lap and cuddled in as if he could no longer hold himself up. “I was always coming back, Saul. I heard all your reasons, but this is where I belong. Let me help you. Let me go in with my cousin—we’ll protect each other. Trick will protect us both. Please understand why I have to do this.”
The only thing Saul understood was that every person who meant anything to him was going to be in danger. Total strangers who meant nothing to him were going to be in danger. For him? What the hell did they see in him that they would bother?
Chapter 23
Javier
Javier was elated when Kyle walked into the office, but that excitement had been short lived. Their bright, beautiful, surfer boy looked beat down. A month ago he’d peeked at the organizer Kyle had been trying to sort through and couldn’t imagine anyone surviving the grueling schedule he was putting himself through. There hadn’t been a single day that was blank and when he flipped back to the weeks and months prior, it was more of the same. It had just been a guess when he accused Kyle of not really living life, but there was the proof.
“I’m worried.” He tugged on his lower lip and looked over Kyle’s sleeping body to Saul. In all their years together, he couldn’t remember ever seeing Saul as angry as he was now. He understood the anger and the worry for everyone involved. At the same time, Javier was so grateful to all their friends, beyond grateful, and he really believed they could succeed.
“About what, pequeño?”
It took him a minute to sort through all the various worries in his head. “He’s been traveling for thirty days, non-stop, and then he got in his car to drive straight through to get here. Our surfer boy looks like someone ran him over and backed up.”
“Hmm, I’m sure compliments like that will make him feel much better.” The soft chuckle was forced, but it was a start. Then Saul looked at him closely, too closely. “How do you know he’s been traveling non-stop?”
It was impossible to lie to Saul, so he tried his best innocent expression. “I might have looked at his organizer while you two were in the shower.”
When Saul’s gaze sharpened, he wanted to cringe, but he held his ground. “Javi, you can’t go snooping through Kyle’s personal things.”
“I wasn’t snooping.” Well, okay, he was snooping, but there was so much he wanted to know. Kyle called to him just as much as Saul did and he wouldn’t pretend otherwise. “It was open on the couch. I picked it up to bring it upstairs for him and glanced at it. Non-stop, Saul, how does anyone live like that? I just want…”
Saul’s gaze softened in understanding. They wanted the same thing, Javier was sure of it. “Tell me what you want.”
“I want to take care of him. See him enjoy life. He told me I had to think about living instead of…” Javier stopped, reminding himself that he vowed not to say it out loud anymore. “You know what’s been on my mind lately. He told me he fears I’ll give up.”
“He’s right. You do have to think about living. We talked about this, about getting the most out of every day.” It was tempting to call Saul out on that bullshit response. He knew Saul only thought about making sure he lived and was happy. It was time Saul took stock of his own life and started wanting happiness for himself.
“Yes, but even when we didn’t say it, it always felt like we were making a pact to live every day in case it’s our last. What if we stopped thinking like that? What if, instead of just living every day, we start making plans for the future? We haven’t done that in a long time.” Just saying it made him want to immediately start making plans. Red called it a bucket list and suddenly he couldn’t wait to make one with Saul and Kyle.
“It’s a good idea, Javi.” Even though Saul didn’t say the ‘but,’ he still heard it. It’s a good idea, but the danger is still very real.
“We could, Saul. The plan is good and we have so many people standing with us. How can we lose? I know I can do anything with you by my side. You need to trust me, us, everyone who is willing to go into this with us. And we have to look forward.” Javier leaned toward him, needing Saul to see how serious and eager he was. Saul always gave him what he needed. “I don’t want just a little time with you or him, I want forever. Will you promise me forever?”
“If it’s within my power, I’d promise you the world.” Saul leaned over Kyle and kissed him softly. “I can’t lie here right now. I’m gonna go work out. Stay with him?”
“I’ll keep him safe.”
When Saul walked out he settled down with Kyle securely in his arms and sighed. Looking forward did sound good, but Saul’s caution was justified. The danger was real and they didn’t know what Kyle’s plans were. That didn’t stop him from hoping. In reality, they didn’t know anything about him, yet he was confident that Kyle was the one that would bring them together. It was selfish and he knew they were asking too much of a relative stranger, but there had to be a reason he came back.
Chapter 24
Kyle woke alone and disoriented. Unmoving, he thought over the last few days. Leaving New York and everything he’d become over the last ten years. Packing up his car with all the things he cared to carry forward and heading south. It had been a foolish thing to drive it straight through, but once he started, there was an imperative to get there. To see Saul and Javier and confirm that the feeling was real and not just something he’d built up in his head.
That moment when Javier realized it was him and came running had stolen his breath. Javier had gathered him up, showering kisses wherever he could reach, all the while whispering concerns over how he looked. It had seemed so natural to just settle into that embrace and let Javier’s concern warm him. When was the last time someone had been that happy to see him, that concerned and affectionate? For that alone the trip had been worth it and he could have stood forever with those arms around him. Then Javier stepped back, placed a gentle kiss on his lips, and they faced Saul together. The look Saul gave him seared him on the spot and had they been alone he knew his exhaustion wouldn’t matter to either of them. Instead of being put off, those dual reactions just made him feel whole.
A small sound reached him, not quite a sob, and he eased around until he found Javier crossed-legged on the floor. He didn’t think he ever sobbed during meditation, but Javier was very obviously in a meditative position and everything about him indicated that he’d gone very deep. Whatever he found there made him cry. Carefully, not wanting to interrupt, Kyle continued to shift for a better look. Despite all other outward appearances of total calm, a steady stream of tears fell.
Then those eyes opened and nailed him to the bed with a well of pain so deep it appeared bottomless. Javier blinked once, then again, and it was gone. A few deep breaths and he was back in the present. Without a word he rose and went into the bathroom, and when he returned, the tears had been washed away.
“Morning.” He lifted the blanket, encouraging Javier to join him.
“More like afternoon,” Javier teased, sliding in close and gathering him up.
The way Javier was looking at him made his heart race a little. Tender, eager, wanting...there was so much happiness in a gaze that only moments ago held so much pain. “I’m a little out of it. Afternoon on what day?”
“Friday, the day after you arrived. For someone who says he can’t sleep like the dead, you were pretty much done.” Javier nuzzled his neck, his warm hands stroking wherever they could reach. It wasn’t sexual so much as it was comforting. “Foolish to risk yourself by driving straight through.”
Kyle tilted his head, granting Javier an all access pass. Of course, Saul had laid down that my-pups-don’t-fuck-without-me rule and no doubt Javier was a stickler for the rules. Shame was, as much as he could go for a little good morning fuck, he wanted to be a stickler for Saul’s rules, too. “I just wanted to get here.”
Javier peeked at him cautiously. “Are we trying, then?”
“If you and Saul still want me, yes.” Kip would have said something bold, flirty and confident. Kyle wished he could fall back on that crutch, but he really needed to let it go. Figure out who he was without it. Was he going to be the painfully shy, always-keeps-his-head-down geek from Shitsville? Or was there a middle ground between Kyle and Kip that would work?
“Is that really in doubt?” Javier lifted his head, his gaze serious. “You look much better than you did yesterday. I was worried.”
“I admit I was exhausted and right now I feel groggy, like I got too much sleep, but it’ll even out.” When Javier stroked the hair back from his eyes, he didn’t bother to hide his sigh. There was something about that soothing, gentle touch that made Kyle’s chest ache. As if Javier was trying to express his feelings with every caress. He arched into it, wanting more. After the month he had, he wanted to be soothed and gentled, then he wanted to fly, and then he wanted it to start all over again.
Javier responded, feathering his hair and stroking his face as if he had all the time in the world. He never knew anyone who savored every touch the way Saul and Javier did. “I’m sure you hear this often, but you really are gorgeous, Kyle.”
Kyle tried not to squirm under the praise. It was a good thing if his lovers found him attractive, right? It was just really important that they see beyond the body image, more important than he could probably express. “No, it was an unforgiving business. Usually I heard about the things I should work on. I’m glad to be leaving that behind. The past is the past, right?”
“Sometimes, and sometimes we have to learn from it to move forward.” Javier leaned down and kissed him softly. “I know Saul told you everything. I just don’t understand why you came back.”
“That’s a conversation we should all have.” Javier’s laughter was the last thing Kyle expected. Maybe it was the last few days catching up to him, but that laughter felt like a slap in the face. “I’ve never done this before. Hell, it’s been a long time since I tried to have a relationship with one guy. Now there are two of you, with your own very deep intimate connection. To come into that, it’s the biggest risk I’ve ever taken. I don’t want to get hurt.”
Javier’s laughter died, replaced by a trembling frown. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to laugh...it’s just Saul said the same thing about us all communicating and shit. And you don’t have to worry about getting hurt, Saul will protect you.”
Kyle didn’t like that frown, didn’t like that he caused it, but he needed Javier to understand. Saul insulated him for a long time and Kyle understood, he really did, and at the same time he needed Javier to be cognizant of his part in the relationship. Not just for his sake, but for Saul’s. “I didn’t mean physically, I meant emotionally. On so many levels I’m an intruder, invited or not.”
Javier nodded slowly and Kyle was encouraged to see him thinking about it. “It’s on us to prove to you that we want you here.”
“Prove it to me by doing what you said. Love each other more by loving me together.” There was no doubt in Kyle’s mind that once he owned his part, Javier was going to be amazing. A natural romantic with a nurturing soul. Exactly the man Saul needed, without any prompting or cues, and maybe then Saul would believe what any blind man could see. Javier’s love for his protector was real and deep and unwavering.
Javier nodded again, his eyes bright with excitement and promise. “You’re right.”
“Speaking of each other, where is your growly half?” Having gotten his dose of warm and tender, Kyle was more than ready for a double shot of hot and rough.
“Growly? Yeah, that fits, but that would be our growly third, right?” Javier teased and it warmed him to think that way. They wanted him to be a part of them. Not a side piece, not a passing amusement, but a real part of them. “Saul’s at work. We didn’t want you to wake to an empty house, so I took a day. And he took your car. You drove from New York on a spare? He’s...growly about it.”
Well, that didn’t bode well, did it? Saul was already pretty growly from the big ambush at the Bennett Group. Though it hadn’t been his intention, he was pretty grateful he’d fallen asleep in the elevator. It probably saved him from a righteous ass chewing. Course he missed out on what promised to be some great angry sex, but at least that gave him something to look forward to. “It wasn’t from New York, just Georgia.”
“Yes, well it could have been from around the corner. If you haven’t noticed our man has a bit of a protective thing going on.” Javier chuckled when Kyle pretended shock. “And he’s got a bit of a heavy hand about it.”
Impressed by the sarcasm, Kyle could only tease, “You are the king of understatement today, Javi.”
“Well, I don’t want to scare you off so soon.” They shared a laugh and a kiss. “He said he’d swap your car for our truck when he took his break, in case you wanted it this afternoon.”
Just the idea of getting behind the wheel again had his whole body cramping in protest. Other than gas and bathroom breaks, and grabbing junk food he could ea
t while he drove, he didn’t stop until the tire went flat. Changing that bitch on a dark stretch of I-95 in the middle of the night had not been the highlight of the long journey. Whoever said Georgia cops were everywhere never prayed for one at three in the morning. “I don’t think I’m driving anywhere for a few days, but I do need to get my stuff out of it. At least my duffel.”
“It’s all in my old room. After you fell asleep, I sat with you, but he got restless. Went down and worked out, unloaded your boxes and got your car into the garage in the back.” Javier flushed guiltily under his questioning gaze. “It’s the room on the other side of the bathroom. For a while we were separate, sort of. I was trying to prove a point, but I think it hurt him instead. It’s sometimes hard to tell the difference.”
It was probably a healthy combination of both, neither of which Saul would really show Javier. More of that protective insulation that Kyle didn’t think was doing either of them any good. “In a relationship, isn’t anger just a byproduct of hurt?”
“I never thought of it like that.” Once again Javier looked thoughtful and Kyle figured he pushed enough for the moment.
“Hurt for you or by you, both would make a protective man angry.” Sighing, Kyle rolled to his back and stretched. “I need coffee.”
“No doubt.” Javier shifted away and stood. “I’m sure you’re hungry too. So, will it be egg whites or are you ready to live dangerously?”
“Ha, I think I’m already living dangerously. But you really don’t have to cook for me. I’m good with a piece of fruit or we can take a walk down to the bagel place.”
“Kyle.” Javier’s grave tone stopped him cold. “It would...I would enjoy taking care of you.”
“It’s been a long time since anyone cared to.” Kyle borrowed Kip’s careless smile. The last thing he wanted from either of them was pity. “I’ll need a little time to adjust.”
“Between Saul and me, you’ll be a pro at being cared for in no time.” It sounded nice and he was eager to see if it was true. First they had to start believing in their future and stop thinking any day could be their last. If he was going to let himself fall, that mentality had to change.