by Jessie G.
“Let me get a shower first and then we’ll talk food.”
After Javier left the room, he went through the bathroom to the other bedroom and found his boxes piled neatly against one wall. Equal in size to the bedroom they shared, with similarly appointed furniture, the room was otherwise abandoned. In the room they shared there were personal touches, a few photos and some plants, things that just made it feel lived in. Javier had indicated that if he came back he could just move in with them and he wasn’t totally opposed to the idea. First he had to find out if that’s what Saul expected, then he had to figure out how to explain that he’d need his own space. Living with so many others in the same house left little options for places to just be alone, so it was entirely possible Saul would understand. If they kept the room, not as a bedroom, but a space that any one of them could take a time out and get their head together...Saul might be open to that.
Duffel in hand, he went back to the bathroom, adjusted the taps, and let the hot water bring him back to life. When he first started shooting porn he was still living in the dorms at college. When school was over and his traveling increased, it had always seemed pointless to pay money for a place he would never be in. Instead he went from hotels to corporate apartments to friends’ couches with relative ease, so communal living didn’t bother him at all. Still, if they started looking toward the future instead of living day to day, would they be interested in a place to call their own?
Chapter 25
Saul
Saul let himself into the house and followed the humming to the kitchen where Javier was working at the counter. Music from the iPod filled the room and Javier was happily humming along. When was the last time they had music in the kitchen? The whole scene just felt happy and right. With Javier lost to the task, Saul remained unnoticed and took the opportunity to enjoy the sight. They were almost the same height, but their builds were completely opposite. Javi was all lean muscle where he was bulkier with heavy muscle. Where Javier was lighter skinned and smooth, he was darker and scruffier. Whenever he looked at the few pictures of them it always surprised him how they complemented one another. But then the camera didn’t show how undeserving he was of the angel he’d been given.
“You’re home!” The shock at seeing that excited response kept Saul rooted in place as Javier crossed the kitchen and threw his arms around his neck. There wasn’t a second’s pause, nothing tentative in the movement or a shadow in his eyes. It was so unlike Javier that for a second Saul wondered if he was just daydreaming. “I missed you!”
Hearing it made him smile and he only hoped it was true. It also made him want to grab Javier and bury his face against the slender column of his throat, but he didn’t want to ruin the moment. With a caution that was almost painful, he rested his hands on Javi’s hips and pressed a soft kiss to his forehead. “Did you?”
“Yes, so much in fact that I decided to make your favorite for dinner.”
“You’re cooking dinner this early?” A trail of light kisses had Javier tilting his head back for more and Saul took the encouragement. It wasn’t the rough and ready method he preferred, but maybe Saul could learn to appreciate the slow and gentle approach if it got him where he wanted to be.
“The meat has to marinate, you know that.” Javier shivered when he suckled his ear and whispered, “Harder.”
Fearing they had different definitions of the word, Saul increased the suction incrementally and took a chance raking the tender flesh with his teeth. “Good?”
“Uh huh, and I have another one that needs your attention, too.” Shocked by the sexy demand, Saul worked his way between both ears as Javier burrowed closer.
Eager for more of this new side to his lover, Saul encouraged, “I do like when you make demands like that.”
“Oh? How long are you home for? I have more demands.” Javier’s throaty laugh was the sexiest thing he’d ever heard. Javier was flirting openly with him, rubbing that delicious body against his and voicing his wants without caution. What had changed?
“Not nearly long enough, but you keep them in mind for later.” A part of him wanted to blow off the rest of the work day and take advantage of the moment. A bigger part wanted to enjoy the anticipation and find out if this was just an anomaly or if it would still be there in a few hours. How fucked up had he become that he was testing his lover’s interest instead of just living in the moment? But it was Javier who said they needed to look toward the future. Did his future hold more moments like this or was this just a rare, bittersweet encounter?
“Count on it. Saul?” Javier pressed closer, his long, slender fingers tugging and gripping at Saul’s hair. “Hold me tighter. I promise I won’t break.”
Needing exactly that, Saul wrapped Javier up. Even though he’d asked for it, Saul was surprised when Javier didn’t squirm or fight to get away. Instead the arms around his neck tightened, telling him silently that this embrace was okay.
“Well now, that is a beautiful sight.” Kyle’s voice was thick, but Saul didn’t immediately look over, couldn’t. This moment with Javier held so much encouragement that he didn’t want it to end. That voice only made him want more from both of them. What had changed in Javier? Kyle.
“Did I mention that our surfer boy slept until noon?” Javier teased, but he also didn’t pull away. Dark eyes remained focused on his, telling him silently that the moment had been only theirs. Saul appreciated the assurance, but he wasn’t jealous that Kyle had somehow bolstered Javier’s courage, he was grateful. Javier looked to him for strength, protection and guidance, and had been content in the insulated world Saul built for him. If Kyle could inspire Javier’s courage, get him to spread his wings a little, and this was the result, Saul would only be supportive.
“Noon? Lazy ass bastard,” Saul teased.
“Now I’m not sure which part of that hurts me more.” Forced amusement laced that emotion and a warm hand stroked his back as Kyle tried to slip past them. “Coffee?”
Before Kyle could slip away, he snagged him around the waist, pulling him flush against their sides. Javier immediately did the same, trapping Kyle to them. “Coffee first? You disappointment us.”
Kyle let his body go lax, leaning back against their arms as if he were suffering their attention. Fucking bastard even tossed his head and rolled his eyes. “This better be an epic kiss if you think it should replace coffee.”
“Did that sound like a challenge to you, Javi?” First Javier went all flirty and demanding, now Kyle was tossing out the sexy challenges. Was it Christmas? His birthday? If it was a glimpse at what life could be like for them, Saul was up for whatever challenges he had to face to hold onto it. Especially ones issued by either of these men.
Javier looked over at Kyle and smirked. “Remember, you challenged us.”
Kyle’s arms came around them and he widened his stance, deliberately bracing himself. The little shit was mocking him. Tossing his head and mocking him. “All I hear is talking. Either lay it on me or I’m making a mad dash for the coffee pot.”
Javier leaned in first, licking the corner of Kyle’s mouth, teasing and darting away. When Saul neared Javier turned that teasing tongue on him, coaxing his own out to play. Their dueling tongues teased at Kyle’s lips, torturing him, and he groaned. That sound had them both angling for his mouth, stroking until he opened beneath them. It should have been an awkward dance, but Javier was so attuned to Saul that it became the perfect torture.
In unison, they pulled back slightly and took in the result of their efforts. Kyle was a vision of decadence—head thrown back, lips slick and parted, pupils blown. Saul wanted to keep him just like that all the time. When Kyle realized they stopped, that kiss-swollen bottom lip jutted out in the cutest fucking pout and he begged, “No, no, don’t stop.”
Another of those sexy, throaty chuckles filled the room and Javier leaned in to nip at that pouty lip. “I think that means the challenge has been met.”
“Bastards,” Kyle grumbled.
“I’d like nothing more than to stand here all day kissing you both, but one of us has to go back to work.” Enjoying this totally uninhibited, impromptu moment, Saul knew he was a lucky bastard.
Kyle pulled away first and looked around disoriented. “Fine, that was epic. I still need coffee.”
“Have I told you how adorable you are today?” Javier laughed at the withering glare Kyle shot him. “Fine, fine, coffee it is. You two sit and I’ll get it. Saul, do you have time to eat?”
“Sure.” Saul snagged a chair and pulled Kyle into his lap.
“I don’t think this is going to get you back to work.”
“Ah, Kyle, another challenge?” Saul’s voice promised he was up to it.
Javier laughed at them as he placed Kyle’s coffee on the table. “You’re in big trouble with us, baby.”
Kyle ignored them both as he wrapped the mug with both hands and took that first sip. Fascinated, they both watched him sigh blissfully. It was almost insulting that the coffee produced the same sigh as their kiss. “I slept too long. That’s the only reason you two have the upper hand.”
Javier leaned in and licked a drop of coffee off Kyle’s lips, making him groan. “You keep telling yourself that.”
Kyle leaned back against Saul’s chest, sighing again. “You make a surprisingly comfy chair.”
“Yeah, you’re not going back to sleep.” As nice as Kyle felt in his arms, they had a little business to take care of. “Tell me how long you drove on that spare. It was nearly bald.”
“From Georgia. It was the middle of the night. It’s not like I could find a garage that was open to replace it.” Kyle shrugged and peeked up at him through impossibly long lashes. It was endearingly uncertain. “I just wanted to get here.”
“Because you spoke to Bull.”
“Bull wasn’t happy when I said I’d drive straight through, but it was my choice to make.” Kyle lifted his stubborn chin. Saul would never have to guess Kyle’s feelings; the color of his eyes always gave him away. Now, dark with determination, Saul knew he wasn’t going to like anything Kyle said next. “I called Chase first, told him I was coming back and…well, I guess I needed someone to tell me I wasn’t crazy. Or that I was. He told me about Ric’s plan, that he and Ty were part of it. That’s why I called Bull. We have a lot to talk about, but I meant what I said yesterday. I was always coming back. You can’t blame them for my actions. Getting here to you and Javi, getting far away from my old life, they were the imperatives that pushed me.”
“When did you talk to Ric about his plan?”
“While I was driving.” Kyle toyed with his coffee mug as he picked his words. “Look, I may not know what demons are driving Ric, but I do know he sounded pretty horrified. He knows what he’s done, but this plan could work.”
Saul wasn’t so sure Alaric knew what he was doing. He used Kyle’s obvious exhaustion as an excuse to leave without setting Alaric straight, but the truth was he was too angry. Anything he might have said in that moment wouldn’t have been helpful. No, Saul needed time to cool down and plan before he approached Alaric again. “This plan could go sideways in a hundred different ways.”
“Yeah, it could. But if it works, if it gets your brother out, isn’t that a great first step? Make it clear that you won’t be blindsided again, force him to work with you to plan the next move. Trust me, he knows what he’s done.”
“And that’s absolution enough?”
“Do you know why he’s doing this?” Of course Saul knew why Alaric was involved and it didn’t escape his notice that Davin was nowhere in Alaric’s grand plan. It wasn’t that he wanted Davin at risk; he didn’t want any of them at risk. Alaric would need to understand that before any absolution was given. The man had asked too much by putting Saul’s people on the line to get justice for Davin.
He’d deal with Alaric on his own. What mattered now was that imperative Kyle spoke of. “You really are a little insane, Kyle. Why would you take this on?”
“There isn’t enough time to have that conversation, Saul, but we will tonight.” Kyle was right, there wasn’t enough time, but they couldn’t move forward until they had the conversation.
Chapter 26
Saul
“That must have been some lunch break.” Red looked entirely too serious when Saul walked into the office. At Alaric’s meeting, Red had remained quiet and supportive, and this morning he’d been working with Owen, so they hadn’t really had a chance to talk. Bull had been right in that he had no say in what Red did or didn’t do. That didn’t change the fact that Saul hated the idea of Red being involved. Knowing how horrible Red’s life was before he met Bull made him as fragile and precious to Saul as Javier. Unlike Javier, Red would chafe at such a description. He was strong and proud, a survivor who never gave up. “Sometimes I feel like the ground shifts underneath me. You look like an earthquake just happened.”
Yeah, the past hour with Javier and Kyle had resembled an earthquake, rocking him on so many levels. “That’s as good an explanation as any.”
Red stood and came around the desk, pulling him into a hug before Saul could gauge his intention. “You’re family, a big brother I never knew I wanted. The man I love is going to fight for you and I’m going to do whatever I can to bring you both home safely. We’re making that choice, it’s not yours. If something happens, that’s not yours to take on either. Look at me.” When Red pulled back he could see the sincerity behind the words. “You’re not alone.”
Having failed so miserably in sending Kyle away, Saul knew he wasn’t going to succeed any better in talking sense into Red. That wouldn’t stop him from trying. “You and Bull have too much to lose.”
“And you just took on a third. We all have something to lose. Don’t make mine more important than your own.” What could he say? Yes, he just took on a third, but even before Kyle, he had someone too precious to lose. They had gotten so lost in the mutual need for revenge that he hadn’t been able to see that. It had taken Kyle and this crazy family he’d somehow acquired to take the blinders off. Red nodded, as if he’d seen the realization hit him hard, and pulled away completely. “You need to know something.”
“Funny, I was thinking shit couldn’t get any worse than that meeting yesterday. Now I see that look on your face...” Saul rubbed the back of his neck and paced away.
Thankfully Red didn’t make him wait. “The morning you took Kyle to the airport I was prepared to just distract Javi, thought he’d do that separation thing he does. He didn’t. In fact he wanted to talk to me alone. Javi told me he’s been piecing those years together, forcing himself to go back and look at them. He said it was important to remember so he could be stronger.”
Feeling as if someone swept his legs out from under him, Saul fell into the nearest chair and gaped at Red. “He’s been piecing those years together alone?”
“Yes. A while ago he asked me to teach him how to meditate. I didn’t realize why and honestly I’m not sure I would’ve refused if I knew. There are things in my head I wish I could forget, but I don’t think I’d be better off for it.” Red looked at him earnestly, wanting him to believe what he was saying. “I know why you helped him separate those memories. At the time it was the most humane gift you could give him. Now he’s strong enough to stand up to them.”
“Do you really believe he’s strong enough?” Sure, Javier had come a long way, but strong enough to face those demons alone? No.
Red shrugged. “It doesn’t matter what I believe, he believes it. That’s all that matters. That and the strength he draws from you.”
“What did he tell you? What does he remember?” All the control and containment was going to hell fast and he was too far behind to get a hold on it again.
The reassuring smile Red gave him did nothing to ease the knot in his stomach. “He remembers the day you met very clearly. Remembers begging you to do what they were asking and the horror on your face when you realized you had no choice. He remembers look
ing up at you and knowing with absolute certainty that no matter what happened next he was supposed to be with you. That you were supposed to stand together.”
“If you tell me he thinks he fell in love that day, don’t. It’s impossible. And it’s not love, Red, it’s not. It’s a dependency on his captor.” How many times was he going to have to say it? What words would he have to use to convince them it was the truth? And if it wasn’t, why couldn’t he see what they saw?
“You’re not a fool, Saul, why would you say something so stupid? You weren’t his captor then and you aren’t now, he always knew that. Durango was his captor, Terence was his captor, so why are you taking on that responsibility and erecting a wall between you?”
“I don’t deserve him or Kyle, or your friendship or any of the others who keep telling me I should let them fight with me. You’re all making me into something much better than I am.”
“I know bad men. Javi knows bad men. You did bad things. Who in this garage hasn’t?” Red’s earnestness was painful to hear. “You know what else I know? That I don’t fear a single one of you. Are you hearing me? I do not fear you.”
They were the last words he expected to hear, hadn’t even known he needed them. “Why not? Why the hell not?”
“I’ve met evil. I know what it looks like and how it makes me feel. Your heart is strong even if your morality is a little skewed, but you’re not evil. Whatever reasons you had for what you did then, in your heart you suffer for them.”
Maybe, but it was the evil inside him that wanted to destroy everyone who dared hurt this little brother. “I hope you’re right.”
“You know how fond Bull is of saying people come together for a reason? Javi came into your life to save you from sliding too far from who you really are. You came into his life to save him from the men who would abuse him. Had you not been that man you believe is so bad, had you not been walking that edge, neither of you would here now. You were meant to save each other and after meeting Kyle, I can see how he is supposed to be the bridge you both need to get there.”