Come A Little Closer

by Kim Karr

  I stopped tapping, unsure if I was talking about Antigua or Jaxson.

  A sadness hit me. I’d lost my job and basically become an indentured servant to a man who I didn’t even really know, and I was attracted to him. Attracted beyond words.

  Not understanding what was happening to me, I tossed my phone down and decided that drink sounded pretty good.

  I poured a generous amount and swigged it down. The whiskey was smooth as it flowed down my throat.

  And then I drank another.

  It was just to calm my nerves down.

  I wasn’t like my father.

  After pacing back and forth, and waiting for a text that still had yet to come, I picked up my phone again, and this time brought up my browser.

  Curiosity got the better of me, and I typed two words into my browser—Sundance Photography. The link to his website popped up instantly. I clicked it and read what came up.

  ***P E R M A N E N T L Y C L O S E D***

  Jaxson Cassidy

  SUNDANCE PHOTOGRAPHY

  ABOUT WEDDINGS MODELS PROJECTS COMMERCIAL INSTAGRAM

  Welcome to the official site of Sundance Photography.

  Jaxson Cassidy is an award-winning wedding, portrait, landscape, and fashion photographer.

  He is a Sony Artisan of Imagery who is about to pursue his passion as he takes on the biggest assignment of his life shooting the upcoming year’s Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition.

  Look for it, and for what’s next in the coming months.

  Award-winning.

  I had no idea. I clicked on the tabs and spent the next twenty minutes soaking in all things Jaxson Cassidy, actually, Sundance, the photographer.

  When I was done, with only a slight hesitance, I typed his father’s name. It was not an invasion of privacy since he’d told me about him. I clicked on the first article.

  GULF WAR MYSTERY ENDS

  U.S. Department of Defense

  August 2, 2009

  A nearly two-decade old mystery surrounding the first American soldier lost in the gulf war has been solved. Remains recovered in Iraq have been identified as Captain Michael Cassidy, whose jet went down on January 17, 1991. His military status, which has been missing in action, will be changed to killed in action. His family looks forward to bringing his body home.

  Rivers of tears coated my cheeks as I envisioned Jaxson cleaning up the yellow ribbons that had become a part of his life. I didn’t read anymore. I couldn’t. My father came home from his tour. Although I had seen pictures of those yellow ribbons tied around our trees, I wasn’t old enough to remember them. I never looked at myself as lucky, but I did right then.

  I stared at the picture of his father for a long time before closing the window.

  I had one more name to type into the search engine. Jaxson Cassidy. I knew what they said about curiosity.

  Google brought up so many choices that I felt a little overwhelmed. Who knew if these hits were all him. However, the one I knew without a doubt that was him, was the engagement announcement from nearly two years ago because his handsome-as-sin face was staring back at me.

  The headline read:

  Cassidy—Easton Engagement

  Bile ran up my throat when I looked at the picture of him with the cutest blonde woman. She had her arms wrapped his neck, and they looked so very happy.

  I poured another drink.

  What had happened to them?

  And why did I feel so possessive over a man I hardly knew?

  I knew the answer—I wanted what they had. A relationship. A partner. Someone to talk to about my deepest darkest sins, my fears, my highs and my lows.

  Forcing myself, I skimmed the article. His fiancée was a wedding planner whose parents were both deceased. He had grown up in Jacksonville but moved to Atlanta for college. The two of them met while he was there, and both wanted to travel and see the world.

  Well, at least Jaxson was doing what he wanted.

  I couldn’t read anymore. My heart broke for him, and I hated that he had watched his ex-fiancée marry another. I’d never been engaged, but I was certain any kind of breakup like that had to hurt.

  Really hurt.

  My head was buzzing.

  It was time to stop snooping.

  Closing down the browser, I glanced out into the private courtyard and sighed.

  I didn’t like being alone with myself.

  Thinking about who I had become.

  I pulled up my contacts and decided to call Simon. I could face him now. Take responsibility for leaving him to clean up my mess.

  The call connected and I got his voicemail. I left him a message begging him to return my call.

  Simon.

  Where are you?

  Why are you shutting me out?

  I knew why. Because I had left him to take care of my mess, and I knew I had to find him and make things right. And I would, just as soon as I paid off my debt to Jaxson.

  I looked around.

  Paced.

  Alone.

  I was alone.

  I needed something to do, and drinking wasn’t the answer.

  I still had sand on me from the day’s shoot, and I decided to occupy my time by taking a shower in the outdoor paradise.

  This was the first time Jaxson had left me alone. I guess he felt comfortable I wasn’t going to run.

  It wasn’t like I had any place to go.

  Then again, maybe he just didn’t care anymore. I wasn’t sure what triggered the coldness in him, but I really wanted to know. To understand why he would keep me around when it was obvious he didn’t really want to be near me. When he came back, I would ask.

  What could it hurt?

  With resolve in my head, I stepped outside. The palm fronds rustled in the sea breeze like impatient children wanting to run and play.

  I understood that.

  Crossing the outdoor veranda, I stepped into the shower oasis. The curved wall with its stained-glass window was lined with a creamy-white brick and the bamboo floors were soft under my feet.

  The area was private, only open to the villa’s veranda.

  I pulled the yellow tank dress from my body and tossed it aside, but then I picked it up and neatly folded it. I had three dresses. One orange, one yellow, and one green. All obnoxious and bright, and so not me. But still, I was thankful for the clothing Jaxson had purchased for me because otherwise I would still be wearing the hotel robe or nothing at all.

  I carefully unwrapped my bandages. I felt so much better and I knew I didn’t need them any longer. I was healing, physically, anyway.

  Naked, my nipples peaked in the outdoor air, and I reached to turn the spray on.

  Warm water trickled out from the six jets and the large showerhead. I looked up at the blue-blue sky. It was so tranquil. It almost made me forget I was here for a reason. A bad reason. Because I had sinned. Stolen. And now I had a penance to pay.

  A warm breeze swept in and I closed my eyes, imaging being here in another reality, for a completely different reason.

  For love.

  I picked up the decadent soap that smelled of coconuts and my clit started to pulse. Every nerve in my body had felt heightened since Jaxson. Cravings I’d never had surfaced in the blink of an eye. Needs I wanted to fulfill. Urges I needed to satisfy.

  In the midst of the chaos of my life, sex was the last thing I needed to be thinking about.

  And yet I couldn’t stop.

  I ran the soap over my body and thought about him. The way his hands roughly touched me that night. The way my skin sparked under his fingers. The way he lit me up.

  I stopped at my breasts, and with the bar of soap, I circled my nipples.

  I wanted to forget all the bad.

  Feel something good . . . if even for a little while.

  JAXSON

  IT WAS LESS THAN A twenty-minute ride back to the resort from town.

  The driver, a spry seventy-year-old, took me through the main streets of St. John�
��s, the capital of Antigua.

  As he did, I looked around for inspiration.

  Streets filled with people and the sounds of Caribbean music emanated from boom boxes. Food stalls, cars, SUVs, vans and trucks clogged the lanes.

  We passed wood-and-cinder-block homes and low-rise buildings, bars, dancehalls and banks, so many banks, and still, I found no inspiration. I was too frustrated, so I gave up.

  “What’s with all the banks?” I asked my driver.

  “Offshore banking is big here. Anyone who wants to hide money comes here or to Barbados, where the financial sector is much larger.”

  “Interesting.” My gut churned. Acid rose, burning a path through my chest. Was that why Sadie was here? I glanced out the window.

  I saw chaos.

  I felt chaos.

  Chaos for a completely different reason, and it had nothing to do with the three beers I’d consumed a short while ago. No, it was because of her.

  I glanced at the text on my phone that had been blazing through my mind since I received it days ago. I rubbed my hands over my face and then reread it for at least the tenth time.

  Finn: I searched for a connection between Simon and Moongate, but couldn’t find any. In fact, this Simon seems to have vanished from the face of the earth as soon as he was released from the system more than eight years ago.

  Me: You sure?

  Finn: As certain as I can be. No driver’s license, no credit cards, no taxes filed. It’s like he doesn’t exist.

  Me: Maybe he doesn’t.

  Finn: I’ll keep searching. He has to be somewhere because he’s not dead. That, I’d have found.

  Me: Can you dig around for some information about a kid by the name of Riley Houston? The only thing I know is that he was in a hospital in Savannah recently.

  Finn: I’ll see what I can find.

  Fuck!

  Had Sadie been lying to me this whole time?

  Was I being played?

  JAXSON

  THE FORTY-ACRE MANICURED REFUGE OF white-painted villas, sea grape trees, coconut palms, and a bounty of orange blooms came into view.

  The place was serene, and yet I felt anything but calm.

  With a sudden sense of urgency, I grabbed my bags and paid the driver as soon as he stopped. I had questions I wanted answered, and I wasn’t waiting any longer.

  Rushing past the front desk staffed with sharp, jovial women who were waving at me, I said a quick hello and exited the building as fast as I’d entered.

  Outside, an old woman in a floppy hat sold T-shirts and beachwear under a coconut tree. She tried to get my attention. “Come look,” she called from the other side of the fence.

  I shook my head. “Another time.”

  Behind her, I watched a middle-aged couple venture into the water under the waning sun. The woman shivered, and the man wrapped his arms around her. They were in love.

  Love.

  Fuck love.

  It brought you nothing but heartache.

  With a maelstrom of emotion whirling inside me, I passed a guest sleeping on a lounge chair in the shade and thought, now that was the life. It would be such a great picture if I had my camera because it represented the way of island living perfectly.

  I took in the quieter surroundings as I strode down the path, hoping for inspiration to come for tomorrow’s shoot, but again, I found none.

  My mind was on her.

  Was she a liar?

  Was she really bad?

  I had to know.

  Inside the villa, I dropped my bags on the terra cotta tiles and looked around. She wasn’t in the living room. I strode into the bedroom, and again, she wasn’t anywhere.

  Had she left?

  Run?

  Immediately, I searched for my camera. At first, I didn’t see it. Fuck, had I been taken again? But then I spotted my gear, and it was right where I’d left it. Untouched.

  Relieved, I allowed my gaze to soften. That was when I spotted her phone lying on the bed.

  Sadie wasn’t in the villa, but she hadn’t run. Her phone and her purse were still here. She must be out on the beach. I reached for her phone. I knew I shouldn’t invade her privacy. It wasn’t right. Yet, I had to know if she was for real.

  Unable to stop myself, I clicked the side button to turn the device on and it came to life. It would hold answers to my questions that she might not be truthful about.

  It wasn’t locked, and I immediately went to her text messages. The one on top was a string of conversations with this supposed Simon.

  So he was real.

  I felt an odd sense of relief, and how fucked up was that?

  The first text I saw was from today. Not even thirty minutes ago, and she’d sent it.

  Sadie: How’s Riley?

  There was no response. She was concerned, but if I dug down into my gut, I already knew that. And I hated there was no answer to her question. He’s doing well. I took care of everything. Anything.

  I hated the motherfucker.

  I scanned the next set of messages.

  Sadie: I got the two camera bags and some cash.

  SIMON: And what else?

  Sadie: I don’t have time to get into it.

  SIMON: Meet me at Huck’s Diner near the Park-n-Fly in thirty minutes, and I’ll take care of cashing everything in.

  Sadie: Okay.

  Anger pulsed through me. Sure, she’d told me about this, but reading it brought that feeling of being had right back. Clutching the phone tightly, so I wouldn’t throw it, I read some more.

  SIMON: You get in okay?

  Sadie: Yes.

  SIMON: How’s the fishing?

  Sadie: I’m not sure.

  SIMON: Are you using the bait?

  Sadie: Yes.

  SIMON: Then it won’t be long until you get a bite. Don’t forget, only the big fish gets the net. And two, not three, not five, not one.

  Sadie: I won’t forget.

  Unable to read anymore, I clicked the button on the side and the screen went black. She hadn’t been playing me. These messages all appeared legitimate.

  Wrong.

  Fucked up.

  Yet, legit.

  So where was this asshole?

  Hiding?

  With Finn on his ass, he wasn’t going to be hiding for long.

  He would find him.

  And when he did . . . I was going to be knocking on his door.

  JAXSON

  GUILT CLAWED UP MY THROAT.

  I told her to stay with me, vowed everything would be okay, and then I turned my back on her. Thought the worst of her. Doubted her.

  That wasn’t like me.

  I started to think the new me wasn’t the type of man the old me would like very much. Sundance was a far superior human being to Butch.

  I went to the kitchen and grabbed a beer. My buzz was wearing off, and I wasn’t ready to see things all that clearly. Foggy, they looked pretty fucking bad.

  It was hot.

  Really fucking unbearably hot.

  I walked toward the open door to catch a breeze.

  I tugged at the neck of my T-shirt, hoping to find some kind of relief. When the warm breeze blowing in did nothing to cool me down, I pressed the cold bottle to my forehead in search of reprieve and stepped out the door.

  The sound of water alerted me to exactly where Sadie was. In the shower. With a harsh shake of my head, I rushed a hand through my hair and rubbed at the tense muscles coiled at the base of my neck. I shouldn’t walk her way. I shouldn’t invade her privacy. I shouldn’t think I had the right to see her naked.

  Then again, the week had been full of should nots that I ignored, so why stop now?

  Besides, I’d spent the last five days doing my best to ignore the constant urges to take her that poked and prodded at me relentlessly. Thinking it was best for me to keep her at a distance, I pretended she was only my assistant.

  The truth was, she was more.

  The truth was, it was tearing me
up when she looked at me for comfort and companionship, and I gave her shit.

  The truth was, I fucking wanted her. So much it’d become this crushing weight on my chest.

  And worst, I’d gotten used to how unbelievably good she felt lying next to me.

  Sleeping in the same bed, which I claimed was a necessity, might not really be. The resort was full, however Abigail canceled her room at the last minute, so there was a chance it was still available.

  I never asked.

  And if that made me an asshole, then that’s what I was. I’d come to want that time with her. Looked forward to that time of night. Almost needed it to calm down my humming body. No matter how wrong our situation was or fucked up us together seemed, I just didn’t fucking care anymore.

  I hastened my stride and found her under the spray. Naked. The girl was perfection personified. Every inch. Every curve. All of her.

  One hand was on the bar of soap, and the soap was running down her chest. Quiet, I watched. Down. Down. Lower still.

  Fuck, was she going to touch herself?

  Her eyes were closed, and I wondered if she was thinking about me as she ran that bar of soap down her taut belly and then in-between her legs.

  I leaned against the wall entrance and cleared my throat.

  Those doe-like eyes flew open, and she gasped. “Jaxson.”

  My hands were shoved into my pockets and my lazy gaze drifted to where the soap had stopped in her hand.

  Dropping the bar, she covered herself like she had so many nights ago. I had to force myself not to laugh. “I thought you weren’t going to be back for hours,” she squeaked.

  I grinned and pushed off the entrance to step into the massive shower. Water soaked me, but I didn’t give a shit. Inches from her naked form, I bent and picked up the soap. Handing it to her, I said, “Don’t stop on my account.”

  Taking the bar, she set it down on the holder and then turned the water off. “That’s okay. I was just about finished.”