by Trio, L. M.
“So, does the Superstar walk on water, too?” Jeffrey asks sarcastically, breaking the silence as we watch Mikey hold her close on the dance floor.
“He thinks he does,” Mya snaps, causing us to laugh.
“So does Deanna. It’s always Mikey did this, Mikey does that,” he says, attempting to imitate her voice.
“I know what you mean, but you have to understand… they grew up together, they’ve known each other since they were little,” I say laughing sympathetically.
“Oh, I know. I’ve heard all about it,” Jeffrey replies, laughing. I can’t help noticing a twinge of jealousy in his voice, though. When they finally decide to rejoin us, Deanna takes Jeffrey’s hand as they take a walk outside.
“I thought you guys forgot about us,” I say, teasing Mikey.
“Not quite. Guess what I’m stuck doin’ tomorrow?” he asks. I shake my head, having no clue. “She begged me to take him golfing so that she can spend the day alone with you.”
“You agreed?” I ask, amazed.
“Of course,” he answers.
“That was so nice of you. I’m shocked.”
“Yeah, well. I have my moments,” he jokes as he downs his drink and turns to Mya. “So what got into you tonight? You look pretty hot. You look like a girl for once.”
“Moment over,” she says dryly to me while giving him the finger.
“What?” he asks innocently. “I’m just kiddin’. You look good. I was complimenting you.”
“Thanks. Is that what that was?” she replies sarcastically just as Deanna and Jeffrey rejoin our table.
After another round of drinks and setting up plans for the next day, Deanna and Jeffrey decide to call it a night. Mikey had Jeffrey doing numerous shots and they are beginning to take effect. Apparently, on Mikey as well. His glazed-over eyes follow Deanna until she is no longer in sight. I notice his mood change once she’s gone. He orders another round of drinks from the waitress. I can tell he’s up for an all nighter, but I’m tired; it’s been a long day. Somehow, he manages to coax Mya to hang out and drink with him. If you’re looking to drown your sorrows, Mya is the perfect person to do it with, I think to myself as I say goodbye.
“Don’t drive home if you’re drinking,” I warn Mikey before heading towards the door. He smiles and holds up his glass to salute me.
Later, I replay the evening in my head as I climb into my bed. It was a good night, I decide. I sometimes forget what it’s like to have a good night. I’m happy with the success of the fundraiser and proud of myself for the sale of my paintings.
I’m so exhausted from the busy week that I conk out the moment my head hits the pillow. When I wake, I realize that I didn’t hear Mya come home last night. I creep through the living room, expecting to find Mikey asleep on the couch just as he’s done in the past when he’s had too much to drink and am surprised to see that he didn’t stay. I know he had a lot to drink before I left, and by the looks of it, he seemed as if he was planning on having a few more.
After showering, I try to quietly open the squeaky bathroom door and am startled to find Mya standing outside, waiting to use the bathroom.
“Did you let Mikey drive home last night?” I accuse.
“What do I look like, his mother?” she replies sarcastically.
“No, but, he was drinking… A lot. How much longer did you stay?”
“Till closing,” she says dryly.
“Mya!” I shout.
“Relax, princess. He didn’t drive home,” she says slyly as she nods her head towards her room.
“Mya, you didn’t?” I ask, mortified.
“Yep. You never told me Mr. MVP was so good in bed,” she replies casually, giving me a devilish grin.
“I told you before, I wouldn’t know. We’re just friends; always have been. I cannot believe you. Now what?” I ask, shaking my head in disbelief.
“Jesse, not everyone is like you. Some of us are totally cool with having a one night stand. That’s it! We both get it. He was feeling bad about Little Miss Cheerleader being in love and I was just… feeling bad, as usual. So, why not? It was fun and I have to admit, he lives up to his reputation. Not that I would ever tell him that,” she says, giving me a wink.
“Mya!” I screech, embarrassed by the way Mya is so casual about sex. “I cannot believe it… You and Mikey? You despise each other.” We laugh as Mya shrugs her shoulders, heading into the shower.
Not long after, I step from my room, dressed and ready to meet Deanna. Mikey is sitting at the counter, eating a bowl of cereal, and Mya is nowhere in sight. His head is resting in his hand, looking as if he has been run over by a truck.
“Good morning,” I say cheerfully, entering the kitchen. “Sleep well?” I add, giving him a wink.
“Don’t start,” he grumbles.
“Start what?” I ask, playing innocent and trying desperately to hide the grin that is forming on my face.
“You know what,” he shoots back. “It’s not a big deal. She’s cool about it. Not everyone is like you.”
“Oh my God!” I say, unable to control my laughter. “Did you two rehearse that? That’s exactly what she said.”
“You know what I mean and don’t go blabbin’ to your sidekick today.”
“Why? I thought it’s not a big deal,” I continue the bantering, knowing he’s not in the mood. The funny thing is, he’s already agitated. If the hangover isn’t enough, the thought of spending the day with Jeffrey has to be making him feel just as bad.
After my teasing, Deanna meets me at one of my favorite little cafés. We order lattes and muffins and not even two minutes into the conversation, I can’t help but blurt out Mikey’s rendezvous with Mya.
“Mikey and Mya don’t even like each other! She is Mrs. Dark and Gloomy and he is Mr. Optimistic and Positive,” Deanna squeals. “Mya did look pretty last night, though, wearing normal clothes, rather than Goth-ing it up as usual,” she weighs in.
I nod my head in agreement and we laugh about it, although I notice a hint of jealously that Deanna tries to hide.
“I’m left out of everything. The three of you spend so much time together. I should have never gone to school in Phoenix.” She pouts.
I feel bad and try comforting her by reminding her that Mikey is away most of the time, especially now, since he’s playing ball with his new team. Not to mention, she would have never met Jeffrey if she didn’t go to school in Arizona. She half-heartedly agrees; although, not convincingly.
I laugh to myself wondering how long it’s going to take before they both realize they are happiest with each other. I’ve been watching the same scene play out since high school. Mikey hooks up with some random girl, Deanna gets jealous. Deanna falls for someone, Mikey gets jealous.
We shop in some of my favorite boutiques as we stroll along Seventh Avenue and find some really nice things. I’m enjoying spending the day with Deanna. It feels good having her here; I miss her. I, too, secretly wish she never attended school in Phoenix, but I don’t say it aloud, since I know she feels bad enough about being so far away.
***
(Deanna)
Later that day, we pick up a late lunch and find a spot in the park to eat.
“I was thinking… Why don’t you come spend the summer with me?” JJ asks.
“I would love to, but I can’t,” I reply without giving me an explanation. I can tell by the look on her face she is waiting for me to elaborate, but, I’m afraid to have this conversation with her. “JJ, I need to go home. My mom needs me. Why don’t you come home this summer for awhile?” She begins to shake her head, disagreeing with the suggestion. “My mom would love to see you, and I’m sure David would love for you to come home… It’s been a long time,” I say softheartedly.
“I… I… can’t… I have work… I can’t go home… Is Maria okay?” JJ stutters. I see that the mention of home upsets her.
“She’s fine,” I reply apprehensively, stalling with my news.
I kn
ow David would be thrilled to have her home for the summer. It’s been almost two years since the last time she was home. My mom and dad have only seen her a few times since she’s moved to Florida. It was during their visits to attend Mikey’s games.
“I don’t know, maybe I’ll come and visit,” She exclaims, but I doubt there is any truth to her words.
“Will you at least come and stay for a couple of weeks this summer?” She asks me.
“Yeah, sure,” I agree with empathy while taking her hand. “J, there’s something else I need to tell you.”
I can instantly see her face go white and her body tense up. She knows what’s coming even though it’s been a long time since I’ve spoken of him to her.
“He’s home,” I say bluntly with a sorrowful smile.
She tries to hold back, but her eyes betray her and begin to fill.
“When? Have you seen him?” She manages to choke out while grasping my hand tightly.
I know it tears at her heart to hear his name and I feel for her knowing what she has been through. Even though she doesn’t talk about it, I know it’s upsetting to her that she hasn’t been home to visit David or my Mom and Dad. My Mom and she were close and in some way it helped her with the loss of her own mom.
“I haven’t. It’s only been a little over a week. He’s not home-home. He’s on a work release program. He gets picked up at a halfway house in AC in the morning before work and has to be back when he’s finished for the day. He’s working at the garden center. Mr. & Mrs. McKnaulty tweaked his hours so he gets to spend an hour or two a day at home before heading back in the evening.”
I can see that she is filled with so much emotion. “Your mom and dad must be so happy… and you,” she says, brushing away the wetness from her cheeks. “Is he okay?” She asks, her voice quivering.
“They’re relieved he’s out of there. My mom’s not sure if he’s okay or not; she says he’s different, she’s worried. She can’t tell what he is feeling. He’s quiet, he doesn’t say much. She is hoping that he is just a little overwhelmed right now and doesn’t want to push,” I answer sadly.
“What does Mikey think? Has he seen him?” She asks, trying to steady her hands.
“He thinks he just needs some time. JJ, I know this is hard for you. You told Mikey and I that you didn’t want to hear his name, but now… I just thought you should know.”
“Has Mikey seen him?” She repeats, not commenting on my previous statement.
“Yes, Mikey sees him as often as he can. He was there the day he was released.”
She nods her head as if she has expected this all along. She’s quiet and I can tell that she is processing our conversation although she has barely said anything.
“Are you okay?” I ask.
“Yeah, I’m fine. I’m happy for him. It’s just strange hearing about him, but it was a long time ago. I’m fine, really,” She answers casually, trying to convince me and herself. “I hope everything works out for him. I’m happy for all of you. I really am. I know it must have been hard on you,” She adds awkwardly, trying to maintain her composure.
She knows I can see through her façade, I know that it rips her apart to hear his name. She doesn’t ask any other questions, and I don’t offer any other details in fear of making her more upset.
***
(Jesse)
Mikey calls later that evening to check on me. I dismiss it as if it is old news and I tell him I’m fine. Later that night, while lying in bed, I come to the conclusion that my dad must know as well. I can only assume they are all trying to protect me.
Suddenly, my body begins to shake uncontrollably and the tears begin to flow. There are so many emotions running through my body, relief that he is safe, angry that he didn’t contact me, hopeful that he will, scared that he’ll never be the same, sad at the way it ended, and once again, angry that he didn’t try to fix it, and angrier that I still care so damn much that he didn’t. Around and around it goes until I finally cry myself to sleep.
The next day, after a restless night of sleep, I get up bright and early, although my first instinct is to stay in bed. I have to keep my mind busy with other things. I cannot go down that road again.
I step into the Frank Simone Art Gallery a little after ten in the morning and ask to speak to Mr. Simone. He’s happy to see me and offers me a job on the spot. This is the much needed distraction I was hoping for. Frank, as he asks to be called, believes it’s time for me to start getting more exposure and he says this is the place to do it. He is well respected in the art community and is known for discovering new talent.
When I relay the information to my art professor, he assures me that this is an opportunity of a lifetime for someone my age. Dad and Deanna are ecstatic when I tell them the news, but, at the same time, disappointed that I won’t be able to have time to get home this summer. Between working at The Blue at night, the Gallery during the day, and finding time to paint in between, when will I ever find the time to go home?
At least that’s what I convince myself.
Chapter 4(Luke)
As I sit here, tapping my foot on the tethered-brown, worn sofa, staring out of the dirty glass window, waiting for my ride, I try to remember the last time I felt this anxious. Maybe it was the day of the draft? Could it have been that plane ride to Georgia after the night I kissed JJ for the first time? I’m not sure, but those were the last times I can remember my stomach feeling jumbled inside and feeling somewhat excited by the feeling. I arrived at the halfway house late Saturday afternoon. Today, Monday is the first time I’m allowed out on my own to go to work.
The McKnaultys, who have always been good to me, offered me a job at the garden center. Mikey and I had worked for them since we were fifteen and it was the only job I ever had growing up. They’ve always liked us, and over the years had gotten to know my family. My dad went to them with the terms of my work release program, and they didn’t hesitate when agreeing to employ me while I finish out the remainder of my sentence. I’m approved to be signed out from seven am till five pm each week day.
I’m looking forward to getting outside and doing landscaping again; I’ve been cooped up for so long that I can barely wait to be in the fresh air each day. Plus, I’ll have the opportunity to stop home every day before heading back here, which is about a notch or two up from the cage I’ve been living in.
To be able to eat my mom’s home cooked meals, or stop in WaWa or McD’s for lunch, seems so unreal to me. I jump from my seat even before the truck has had a chance to stop.
As we drive past my old high school, I think about how much my life has changed in a few short years. I had it all back then; everyone looked up to me, tons of interviews and newspaper articles told of my success. Now, I’m a joke… or a tragedy, rather. I don’t know if I’ll ever go back to baseball. I’m never going to be able to live down what happened. No matter what I do, how hard I try, or how good I am, the media will never let it go. It’ll be the first thing they mention whenever they talk about me. Who needs that? I think to myself, blowing off the idea. I decide to think of something else. I don’t want the bad thoughts to ruin my day. This is a good day. I’m free at last, at least until five, anyway.
It’s been twenty months and nineteen days since the last time I’ve been in my home. The guys were told to knock off a little earlier today, giving me extra time to spend with my family. Driving down the familiar tree-lined streets where I’ve grown up, everything looks the same, yet, feels so different. Most of my friends are gone, moved on to college.
As the McKnaulty’s Garden Center pick-up truck turns onto my street, the first thing to catch my eye is JJ’s house. I feel a stabbing pain in my chest, a pain so sharp that it takes my breath for a moment. There’s a car in her driveway that I’m not familiar with. Then again, I look across the street and there’s a car in my own driveway that I’m not familiar with,either. It’s been too long. Looking at her house, especially her bedroom window—the same one I cli
mbed in and out of a million times—makes me briefly smile to myself, but the feeling doesn’t last for long, it’s replaced with the guilt and heartache I feel.
Does she know I’m home? Will she come see me? I’m not the same person I was then. She won’t like the person I’ve become, I think to myself.
I slowly open the door leading into the kitchen and my senses fill with the aroma of my mom’s cooking. A sense of cautious relief comes over me. I know she’ll have a million things prepared for me. My mom, dad and Mikey are sitting around the kitchen table when I step through the door, all eyes pointing in my direction.
“You guys are in the same spot I left you in. Did you ever move?” I ask, attempting to crack a joke.
My mom jumps from her seat with tears in her eyes as she runs to me, with my dad right behind. She hugs me hard and long, and then my dad joins in. I can barely breathe and feel as if I may cry myself, but am unable to shed a tear. I’ve worked so hard at not showing my emotions over the last twenty months, I assume I must have forgotten how to feel anything.
When they finally let me go, Mikey rises to greet me. “Hey, man,” I say, surprised to see that he flew home to be here. “What are you doin’ here? You didn’t have to come.” Mikey has stuck by me through everything. He’s the one person I could dump on while I was inside. I didn’t have to pretend that everything was fine with Mikey. He grabs me and pulls me into a bear hug, trying to hide his own misted eyes. “Yeah, well, I wanted to. I had to check in, make sure you’re takin’ care of yourself,” he jokes.
My mom interrupts, rattling off a hundred different things she made me for dinner. I’m feeling overwhelmed and uneasy, I’m not really up for eating, yet I don’t want to hurt her feelings. I hug her again and tell her I’m starving. I can tell it’s hard for her to let me go each time she takes me in her arms.
We sit together and eat while making useless small talk. I can feel the tension in the room. I know it’s me giving off the negative vibes, but I don’t know how to fix it. We talk as if we’re strangers.