by Trio, L. M.
“So much for gallantry,” Maria laughs, mumbling to herself.
It makes her happy to see us laughing. She knew something went down between me and Luke earlier. The last thing she needs is for her boys to be arguing. I know she thinks of me in that way.
“Is everything okay?” she asks, looking at me curiously.
“Yep, everything is going to be great. I promise,” I assure her, giving her a peck on the cheek, hoping to ease some of her tension.
Deanna and I continue the bantering as we head to the rec room to watch a movie. It feels good to be home and spend a couple of days together. I’ve missed this. I’ve missed her. Just as we finally agree on a movie, Luke appears, standing in the doorway.
“Hey, can I talk to you for a second?” he asks meekly, looking at me.
“Yeah, sure,” I reply, springing up from the couch and handing De the remote.
I follow him out to the garage where Luke closes the door behind us to give us some privacy and takes a seat on the weight bench.
“Look, I don’t know what is wrong with me. I’m sorry. I was way, way out of line. I shouldn’t have talked to you like that,” he says with sincerity. “And if you are with her, I have no business saying anything about it,” he adds, looking down at the carpet, unable to face me.
“No problem, I understand,” I answer sympathetically. “Let me be clear… ” I say, making sure I have his full attention. He looks up at me. “Nothing is going on between us now… or in the past. You should know that. We are friends. That’s it,” I state firmly. “I can’t believe you would think somethin’ like that. I never know how to handle that subject with you. Do you want to know about her? Do you not want to know about her? It drives De and I crazy. Trust me, I feel on edge about that subject, too. I know that you know I see her often. You can ask me anything, I’ll be up front.”
Luke rises from the weight bench and starts pacing the room like a caged rat. He runs his hands through his hair. I know he is struggling with moving forward, but I want him to get past it. I take his place on the weight bench and straddle my legs over the side while I patiently wait for him to gather his thoughts.
***
(Luke)
This is it. This is what I’ve been waiting to hear for two years. It’s now or never. I pace the floor, trying to rid the lump from my throat so that I can get the words to move past it.
“I still love her,” I blurt out, glancing timidly in his direction. Mikey sits quietly and gives me his full attention. He lets me continue, letting me say what I have needed to say. “I want to know about her; how she’s doin’, what she’s been up to, has she moved on, does she ever ask about me?” I figure I might as well put it all out there at once. My heart is jumping out of my chest. At this moment, I literally feel as if I’m having a heart attack as I stare at him waiting for a response.
“Finally,” Mikey says dramatically, throwing his arms up in relief, shooting me a smile. I would have laughed if I wasn’t so damn nervous, anticipating his answer. “Since she’s moved to Florida, she keeps really busy with school, work, painting, work, volunteering, and work.” He laughs, shaking his head, referring to the amount of time she spends working. “She’s moved on as far as those types of things go. If you’re asking if she’s involved with anyone, the answer is, not yet. I think there is someone who is interested, but she has yet to act on it. They’re friendly. It took her a long time to get to this point. I’m not goin’ to lie to you… you messed her up for a while.” I shake my head knowingly, hanging on his every word. “I don’t mention you to her, neither does DeDe. You both made it clear you wanted it to be that way. De and I felt if either of you asked, we would tell you what you wanted to know. De told her you’ve been out since April. She asked how you were and nothing more.” Mikey isn’t trying to hurt me, he’s being honest, which is what I expect. “You have to understand, it was hard… ya know? The way you left things with her.”
“I know,” I answer, full of sorrow. “It’s okay, go on.”
“Basically, De and I act the same way with her as we do with you. I guess it’s our way of trying to be a friend to both of you. You never ask for details and neither does she.”
Fair enough, I think to myself, considering how things went down between us. “Thanks, man, I appreciate you bein’ honest. Does she look the same?”
“Sixteen… maybe seventeen tops.” Mikey shrugs. This time, we both burst into laughter. We always made fun of her looking young for her age. “Nah, I’m kiddin’, she’d kill me for saying that, but honestly, she looks exactly the same.”
Mikey fills me in on her daily life, her job at The Blue Martini, the fundraiser this past April and how she sold her first paintings. I wish I would have been a part of it. He tells me about her job at the gallery. She must love it. I remember how she loved her job at the museum.
I ask if Mikey thinks this friend of hers is a good guy. Mikey replies that he believes that he is. I nod my head accepting his honest answer.
“So, what are your plans?” Mikey asks curiously.
“I got my release date. August 20th. I’ll still be on probation for the next couple of years, but they’ll allow me to play ball wherever I’m called to play since it’s my career.”
“Is it?” he asks, raising an eyebrow, challenging me to give a commitment.
I laugh. “Yeah… I guess it is.”
“Good. I thought you were goin’ to work for Mr. & Mrs. McKnaulty for the rest of your life, planting shrubs,” he jokes. “So… what about JJ?”
“I’m still a wreck, you see how I am. I’m fine some days, like today. When we were workin’ out, playin’ ball, I felt great; two minutes later, I’m actin’ like an asshole. Most days I feel like a piece of shit, a loser. I’m angry most of the time. I wouldn’t be any good to her right now.”
“Can I be honest?” he asks.
“Yeah, sure.”
“Not to make you feel worse, but… you put her through hell. She thought you blamed her for what happened. You shouldn’t have ended things the way you did, you should have tried to make things better, even a letter would have helped. There’s no sense talkin’ about what should have been done, though; it’s over, move on. My opinion is, work at gettin’ yourself back together again before contacting her, she deserves to have the real you, not the screwed up version of you.” He laughs. “You’ve got some issues to work out. I think today was a big step… you’ll get there.”
“I agree one hundred percent. The last thing I want to do is disrupt her life. God, I never blamed her. I wrote her a hundred letters, it’s what got me through most days. Problem is, I never sent them. I’m proud that she stuck with her plans and that she’s doin’ what she loves.”
“Is there anything you want me to say to her? Do you want me to mention your name? See what kind of reaction I get?” he asks.
“Thanks, man, but no. It’s not fair to put you in the middle. You’ve been a good friend to her. I wouldn’t want her to feel like I had you pump her for information. When, or if, the time is right, I’ll talk to her. Besides, I got to work on gettin’ this together first,” I say, pointing to my head.
Mikey agrees and gives me a pat on the back. He assures me that he is there for me whenever I need to talk. At that moment, it’s almost as if a monstrous weight has lifted from my shoulders. I’m determined more than ever to get myself together, emotionally and physically, to take back my career and the life I once knew.
Chapter 6(Jesse)
The heat is sweltering, even in the morning as I walk to the gallery. I duck inside my favorite café to get some air and have a cup of coffee. I sit in my preferred spot by the window, watching the tourists stroll in and out of the many colorful shops along the avenue. I keep myself buried in my work, not wanting to think of anything else.
I love working at the gallery; it makes me happy, along with my evenings spent at The Blue. By the time I arrive home, I’m too exhausted to think of anything besides sleep.
I dedicate the remainder of my free time to painting. Painting plays a big part in ridding myself from the anxiety that overwhelms me knowing that Luke is home.
Thankfully, I’m back in school now. Another welcoming distraction. I have somewhat of a light schedule this semester, leaving time available to work at the gallery, which also counts towards my internship, earning credits while working.
As I sip my coffee, I have thoughts of my mom and other things. What would she think of my life? Would she be proud? Would she be upset that I haven’t visited her grave? I talk to her often. I hope that she understands. Is this what she would want for me? I wish I had just one more chance to talk to her again.
I think about my life now; I feel as if I’m in a good place. I love my jobs, school, apartment and I’ve come to love living in Florida. I realize I probably would never have been here if it wasn’t for Luke.
Once again, I’m hit with a hard dose of reality. Luke has been home since spring, he’s had access to a phone and computer. Not once did he try to contact me. I was sure that if he wanted to reach me, Mikey and Deanna would tell him where he could find me.
Would I have gone to see him if he called? As much as I’d like to think I wouldn’t have gone back, the truth is, I would have been there in a second. Not anymore, I say to myself as I take my last sip of coffee.
The bitterness I feel towards him begins to take over my emotions. I’m annoyed at myself for not getting over it. I crumble the plastic cup and toss it in the trash can on the way out of the café, waving to the girl behind the counter as I leave.
By the time I reach the gallery and take a few deep breaths, I’m already feeling better. Walking through these doors in the morning always makes me feel better. Frank’s been such a good friend to me and we’ve grown close over the last few months. He’s taught me a lot and has given me the opportunity to show off my work. I sometimes forget the age difference between us. We have a lot of the same interests. He’s taken me with him when he is out visiting galleries throughout the state, purchasing new pieces for the gallery. I like seeing him in action. He introduces me to his many clients and contacts in the art world.
Frank is usually all business in his fancy Armani suits, seeming so worldly and grown up compared to me. Sometimes, we’ll have dinner before an art show or have lunch at the sports bar down the street. It’s those times that he lets down his guard and opens up a bit. He told me about his brief marriage of three years. He met her in Paris while he was studying abroad. They had only known each other for a few weeks before marrying. He brought her to the states, but she never could adapt, things fell apart, and she ended up moving back to France.
As I walk through the front entrance of the gallery, Frank is rushing out, nearly knocking me over. “Oh sorry, Jesse. I’m late.”
“Where are you going?” I ask, disappointed he is leaving so quickly.
“Meeting in St. Pete’s at ten thirty,” he replies.
“Ohhh… Traffic. You’re cutting it close,” I say, glancing at my watch.
“That’s why I’m rushing.” He laughs. “Jazz is in the back. Don’t forget, Wellingtons will be in at eleven.”
“I know. See you later,” I call out.
He flashes his handsome smile and gives me a wave as he jumps into his convertible, which is parked in its usual spot outside the gallery. The Wellington’s are big clients of Frank’s. They have a lot of money and have been clients of his for years. He knows what interests them and he found a beautiful piece at an auction last week that they are stopping in to view.
“Good morning, Jesse,” Jazz says as she comes from the office in the back of the gallery.
“Hey, Jazz.” Jasmine does most of the book work in the office. It’s mainly just the three of us in the gallery during the day, so I’ve gotten close with her, too. Jazz is in her late twenties and is really beautiful. She reminds me of a supermodel. She’s dating one of the football players from the Buccaneers. Frank always jokes that he keeps us around so he can get good seats to the Buccaneers’ and Rays’ games. He met Mikey when I first started working here, but knew of Mikey before I had introduced them by reading about him in the paper.
“Did you see Frank before he left? He wanted me to remind you about—”
“The Wellingtons. I know. I saw him as he was rushing out,” I answer.
“He loved your painting you brought in yesterday. He hasn’t stopped talking about it.”
“I know; he told me. What do you think?” I value her opinion, Jazz knows a lot about art. Sometimes I wonder if Frank is maybe just a little partial to my work.
“Honestly… he’s right. I think it’s really great, Jess.”
I trust her to be honest with me. I think Frank is, too, but sometimes I question it. I sense that his feelings may go beyond friendship.
Jazz always jokes with me, “In the three years I’ve worked with Frank, I have never seen him spend as much time at the gallery as he does since you’ve been here.”
I laugh and tell her she is crazy.
“I’m telling you girl, he is definitely interested in more than your artwork,” she says while I deny it and bring up our age difference. Jazz assures me that our age difference is not a big deal. I’ve talked about it with Deanna and Mya as well. They agree that age should not be a factor if I’m developing feelings for him.
The meeting with the Wellingtons goes well. They love the painting and agree to touch base with Frank in a day or so. Jazz and I order salads from the bistro across the street and are sitting in the office having lunch when I realize I have three missed calls from Mikey and one text that reads, ‘pick up phone!’ I dial his number immediately. He knows I’m working and never calls three times in a row.
“Yo! Where’ve ya been?” he asks the second he picks up the phone, not bothering to say hello.
“My phone was off… I’m working, what’s up?” I ask.
“Guess where I’m headin’?” he asks, excitement filling his voice.
“I don’t feel like guessing, just tell me,” I answer dryly.
“You’re no fun,” he jokes.
“No kidding. What’s up?” I ask sarcastically.
“I got a call from the Rays this morning; they want me to play for them tonight. Their catcher is on the DL and they want me to start,” he sounds ecstatic.
I know instantly what this means. This is the chance they’ve been waiting for their whole lives. Twenty-one and he’s being called up to the majors. I let out a joyful scream, scaring Jazz to death.
“Oh my God, I’m so happy! I can’t wait! Are you so excited? When will you be here? I want to come see you play!” I was hitting him with a thousand questions, rambling and not giving him a chance to answer any of them.
He laughs. “Are you kiddin’? I’m out of my mind right now! It’s awesome. I’m at the airport about to board. I don’t even know all of the details of what I need to do. I’m heading right to the stadium from the airport; otherwise, I would try to get you tickets.”
“Don’t even think about that. I’m going to get them right after we hang up. Call or text when you know more!”
“You got it,” he answers eagerly.
I excitedly explain what all the commotion is about. Jazz immediately picks up the phone and texts her boyfriend asking if he can get tickets for the Rays’ game tonight. Minutes later, she receives a text and shows me the screen. “Done. 2,” it reads.
“Oh my God, thanks so much. You’re awesome,” I say, giving Jazz a hug. My next call is to Cheryl, explaining why I will not be able to work tonight. It’s hard focusing for the rest of the day. I can’t believe he is actually playing at Tropicana Field tonight.
I call De the second I know she is out of class. She has just learned the news herself. We scream excitedly on the phone together.
“I am so jealous. I can’t believe you have tickets and I am stuck here!” Deanna hollers, excitedly.
“I know. I wish you were here to go with me!”
“De, what’s wrong? You’ve only been back a couple of weeks. Is everything okay between you and Jeffrey?” I ask with concern.
“Yes, it’s fine. I made a mistake by coming back here. Everyone I love is back East. I thought about it last year, but then I met Jeffrey. I thought I would be okay, but days like this, hearing about Mikey. I want to be there. You know I’m happy you two are close, but he used to call me. I heard it from my mom. I’m sorry I’m being a downer right now. I’m just feeling sorry for myself.” She says sniffling into the phone.
“De, please. With all the times you’ve listened to me over the years… if you’re serious about this, it can be done. Transfer into USF,” I say excitedly, determined to have her close to me. “You can live with me and Mya.” I feel so bad for her. I’m always so wrapped up in my own issues that I had no idea that she was feeling so bad.
“I don’t know. I’m just babbling. I would love to be with you and Mikey. Not that I don’t miss my family, but… my mom says Luke is doing better, he’s playing with the Renegades again so he’s not around either.”
I tense up at the mention of Luke. I have no idea what is going on with him, nor did I know that he was playing ball again, especially for the Renegades, the first team he and Mikey were assigned to in the minors. I remember all of the trips I took that summer to see him play. I try to brush the thoughts of him from my mind and focus on Deanna. This is about her… not him.
“I would love for you to be here, my room is plenty big enough and I have the extra bed,” I offer, ignoring her statement about Luke, trying to focus on Deanna’s needs.
“Is Mya going with you to Mikey’s game?” she asks with a twinge of jealously.