by Ronna Gage
His grin affirmed that he’d heard her, but she got the feeling he wasn’t listening to her. He continued watching the droves of people milling around the terminals at the airport, going from one gate to another. Her eyes fixed on his buffed chest and then roamed down to his bulging arms and narrowing waist. His perfectly polished belt sat straight with his gig line. He looked rugged in his uniform.
“I am so proud of you.”
He looked down at her. “I’m a little nervous.”
The look of apprehension settled in his eyes and almost penetrated her heart. “What, you?” she jested. His small confession surprised her greatly. “I’ve never known you to be nervous.”
“Well, it’s silly, really, but what if you need me? I won’t be here for you.”
“I’ve got that all figured out. It’s like I told you last night. We have the computer connection, phone privileges, and if I just have to see you and can’t stand another moment without you, I will hop on a plane and fly over there.”
“No, you won’t just hop a plane. I don’t want you flying to that godforsaken area.”
“Landy—”
“It’s too dangerous.”
“Boy, you need to get going,” his grandfather Joe interrupted. “They just called your flight number.”
Landy wrapped an arm around Rae Anne. “You heard me,” he whispered in her ear. “Grandpa Joe.” He extended his hand to his grandfather for a hand shake.
“You better give me a hug, Landon Laurent, or I’ll whip your butt,” the older man warned.
Under the weight of the two men, Rae Anne struggled to breath. The three of them held onto one another for a moment in silence. “I love you guys,” Landy said to them, breaking the tension in the air. He stepped back, turned toward Rae Anne, and smiled. “Give me a kiss good-bye.”
His lips touched hers.
“Landy, I—”
“I want another one.” His lips touched hers again, and then pulled back.
“Landy.”
“Another.”
“Landy!” she screamed before he lay claim on her lips.
He cupped her face and then his tongue filled her mouth with peppermint flavor.
“Boy! Get on that plane,” his grandfather ordered.
“Yes, sir.”
He looked down at Rae Anne. “Call me when you can. I love you.” He grabbed his bags and ran for the boarding area.
Grandpa Joe and Rae Anne laughed hysterically at the bumbling antics to get to the boarding agent.
“He looks like an old Jerry Lewis movie in a way,” Joe remarked with a chuckle.
“Wait! I’m here!” Landy hollered to the boarding agent who had one hand on the door and was hanging up the intercom phone with the other.
Landy turned in the corridor and blew them a kiss. She blew one back, and like some corny movie, he acted like he’d caught it in his hand, kissed the enclosed favor, and stuck it in his pocket next to his heart.
Rae Anne’s heart soared. She stood until the door closed between the terminal and the plane. Tears blurred her vision. Landy will be on his way soon.
Grandpa Joe put an arm around her shoulders. “You did great, kiddo.”
“How?” The empty space in her heart almost choked her with emotions.
“You let him go. He’ll be stronger for it, and he’ll be back.”
She and Grandpa stayed in the terminal until his plane taxied out the runway. Neither of them moved until the plane was out of sight.
Chapter Four
“Please, God, just a little weight will do.” Rae Anne stepped on the scale and crossed her fingers. “One pound!” She’d gained almost six pounds since Landy’s departure six weeks ago. “This is getting out of hand.”
She stomped to the phone by her bedside, picked it up, and out of habit dialed the familiar number to Landy’s grandfather’s farm. He’s in Iraq. Outraged, she slammed the phone down before the first ring and then fished out the hidden box of chocolates in the nightstand. “I miss you so much,” She cried, popping one chocolate in her mouth. Tears stung the back of her lids. She closed her eyes and let the rich chocolate soak her tongue.
Most of their lives, she and Landy had been inseparable. She couldn’t recall a time that she didn’t have him around. No matter the time of day, Landy was there. “Help me get through this,” she whispered in prayer and then popped another chocolate into her mouth. Ten chocolates later, the emotional letdown subsided, and her ability to function returned.
She snatched the framed photo of the two of them from the dresser. “It’s your fault, Landy.” She pouted and slapped the mattress with her hand. “Because of you, I’m eating like a damn horse. I eat when I’m lonely, when I’m bored, when I’ve fallen so deep into a depression I can’t breathe. All because of the large hole you created in my life with you leaving.”
She walked to the writing table and sat down. Delicately, she fingered the stationary and huffed. “God, a small letter from Landy, please.” She looked at the clock on the wall above her desk. “Any minute now the mailman should come with the mail.” Every day she looked forward to a little communication from Landy. “At least I can keep in touch with him through letters.”
She saw the mail truck pull up, the man set something in her box, and then drive away. She jumped up from the table and bolted to the semi-darkness of the afternoon. Opening the mailbox she saw a single letter. She pulled it out and squealed with delight. “I got a letter!”
Rae Anne quickly clicked tore open the envelope and began reading and answering the questions line by line.
Hello, honey, how are you?
“I’m fine. I miss you so much.”
I’m feeling better now that I am writing to you. How is everything there?
“Terrible. Since you’ve been gone, I’ve gained some weight.”
What are you doing? You better be taking care of yourself.
Rae Anne answered the statement she made with her heart, forgiving the generic vagueness of it from his end. “I think it is emotional eating.”
I keep remembering our last night together a lot of the time…
“So do I.”
I even had a dream you were pregnant!
“Pregnant? No that can’t be, I’d know, wouldn’t I?” she let the awkwardness go for now. “I miss you like crazy. Hell, I even miss my dad. He and the staff are gone all the time campaigning now. It leaves me lonelier than I thought. I don’t like being alone in the house. Nothing I’ve planned is going right.”
I miss you, honey. I think of you all the time. I hope you and your father are out campaigning a lot. I know how you hate being in that large house all alone. To think of it makes me crazy.
“I think of you too. I get so lonely here without you. My dad is embarrassed by my newfound weight.”
Don’t worry too much. We’ll be together in a few months, and I can’t wait to make up for lost time.
Landy’s positive attitude always made things seem smaller than they really were.
“Promises! Promises!”
Are you still swimming and working out?
“Yes, I’m swimming a lot. I go to the gym when I can and take walks in the park. I’m going to go ahead and move to Corpus Christi. It is eight weeks early, but at least I will have something to do.”
When are you planning to go to Corpus? I know you told me, but I can’t remember if it is at the end of July, first of August or when.
“In a week.”
Rae Anne, don’t worry, just remember one thing…I love you.
“I love you, too.”
Go to bed and get some rest. I’ll talk to you soon.
Okay. I hate that you aren’t here to kiss me good-bye.”
Although the letter was short, she enjoyed the daily transmissions with Landy. It was a joy she shared with no one—especially her father.
* * * *
“Leaving for school ahead of schedule turned out to be the best thing for me.” Rae Anne told her fa
ther on the phone.
“I insist that you call in and tell me what is going on at the Corpus headquarters.”
Rae Anne rolled her eyes, “Yes, sir.” Does he not hear anything I say?
“Good girl. Tell me how you’re moving to Corpus Christi so early is the best thing to happen?
“Well, for starters, I know what I want to study.”
“Wonderful. And what is that?” Her father sounded satisfied, to her excitement.
“Marine biology.”
“That’s not politics.”
His criticism stung, but she let it go. “I know, but I’ve also learned to make my own decisions, to take care of myself, and most of all that I can live alone.”
“You must be referring to your Landy.”
“Yes, Daddy, I am.”
“Well, I figured he was just a phase you were going through. Out of sight, out of mind they used to say.”
Rae Anne looked down at the small bowl of soup she was picking at. Her father would absolutely flip if he knew that the separation was only making her heart grow fonder and that Landy sounded almost panicked by her overdue contact with him when she moved.
“I feel a little more mature than when I left.”
“When does the marine biology class end?”
“The preparatory class ends in a few weeks.”
“I am glad you’ve chosen a good field.”
“Well, you know how much I love to swim with the dolphins.”
“Rae Anne, princess, I must go now.”
Figures. When things turned to her wants that didn’t conform to his plans for her, he always found reason to shut down. “Okay, Daddy. I will call you…”
“Every week with a full report on headquarter business.”
“Bye, Daddy. I love you.”
“I love you, too, honey.”
Rae Anne hung up the phone with a deep emptiness in her heart. She inhaled and immediately became nauseated.
Landy’s words flashed in her head. Maybe you’re pregnant.
“No, I can’t be.” She grabbed the planner from her briefcase and counted the days since her last period. “Forty days.” Her mind ran rampant with thoughts of how that could be possible. “It’s just nerves. You’ve been under incredible amount of stress. It’s no wonder you’ve gained weight: emotional binges, Landy’s absence, your father’s only focus is on politics. Your whole world is turned upside down.” She placed the calendar back in her tote. “I’ll wait a week.”
* * * *
Most days, Rae Anne felt great, in the best possible mood and successful in her goals. The classes, endless freshman activities on campus, and campaigning at her father’s Corpus headquarters when possible filled in most of her time. But the nights proved to be most difficult. Her eating binges got out of control, her moodiness grew, and the struggle between contentment and depression spun her insides into a bungled mess. Frustrated, she gave up her usual eating bender and went straight to bed.
In the glow of the TV in her room, she lay on her side staring at the framed picture of her and Landy on the nightstand. She sat up and picked up the photo album of Landy in Iraq. She fingered the outline of his face and his put-on smile. “I need to see a doctor. I don’t feel like myself when you’re gone.”
Exhausted, she fell asleep immediately to wonderful snippets of dreams of her and Landy’s reunion.
“Hey, sweetheart.”
The airport crowd dwindled to the two of them. His unbuttoned Hawaiian shirt revealed the sexy dark hair on his chest. He took purple and white lei from his neck and gave to her. “I’ve missed the hell out of you.”
“Are you upset that I’m fat?”
He placed his finger over his chin and scanned her body. His gaze returned to hers. “There’s more of you to love.” He grasped her about the waist. “It’s time to work it off.”
“How are we to do that?”
”I figured lots of playtime and sex.”
Delighted by his acceptance, Rae Anne found peace. Landy didn’t care about her weight gain. He shrugged it off.
“We’ll have so much fun.”
“You bet your ass.”
“Landy Laurent! You should be ashamed.”
He pulled her to him and kissed her forehead, “Never in the name of love.” His lips smacked hers.
Rae Anne felt like her old self. In her heart, she knew Landy would love her no matter what and look at her with love, not like some kind of ogre had replaced her, which was what she always felt like around her father.
The telephone ringing startled her to awkward awareness. In half a daze, she almost expected to hear Landy’s voice. “Hello?”
“Rae Anne! I need you in Washington,” her father informed her.
“Daddy?” She looked at the clock by the bed. Eleven o’clock.
“Yes, it seems the votes here are slipping, and I need to make a public appearance with my family…”
“I will be there in a week for Thanksgiving. We can do some recovery, damage control.”
“See you then. Love you, bye.” Click and the conversation ended.
The silence enveloped her, and she plummeted to another level of loneliness so intense that her heart broke. She reached over to the other side of the bed and felt the cold lump of a pillow beside her. Tears filled her eyes for the umpteenth time. “Landy, I miss you so much.” At the point of desperation and anger, she pulled out the phonebook and spent the rest of the night searching for doctors and crying out her sadness.
Chapter Five
December 1990
Mesmerized by the fat snowflakes falling outside of the bay window in her father’s senatorial office, Rae Anne concentrated on the enthralling picturesque view. The new snow fall covered the grounds with a white blanket of perfection. Her mind imagined horse-drawn carriage rides and snowball fights. Landy would love this kind of weather. Especially now, with him living in Iraq.
“Miss Jamison?”
Rae Anne turned to greet her father’s assistant, Sarah Folsom. Her cheerful smile soothed the melancholy the hazy winter day had added to her demeanor.
“What can I do for you?” she asked.
“Are you having a good time in Washington?” Sarah asked.
“The weather here isn’t what I expected at all. In fact, I’m not big on cold winters.”
“Coming from Corpus Christi, that change can be a struggle to adjust, but you will.”
“I suppose so. I planned to take a walk in the park today, but I guess that’s off.”
“A walk does sound lovely.”
Rae Anne turned back to the window. “I thought about the park over there. It seems to beckon me to come and visit.”
“It is a good park for a picnic date too.” Sarah winked.
Rae Anne sighed. “My Landy is in Iraq.”
“He is? I didn’t know you had a boyfriend.”
“Actually, he and I plan to marry when he returns.” She smoothed a hand over her not yet existent baby bump. “I’ll have a nice surprise for him when we meet him for R and R in the spring.”
“He doesn’t know about the baby?”
Rae Anne shook her head. An awkward silence ensued. But she saw no need to discuss the details further. Hell, I haven’t gone to many doctor’s appointments. That should be a shared experience between me and Landy.”By the time we see him, the baby won’t be too hard to miss.
Sarah set the papers down on Robert’s desk. “I came in to ask you for a favor.”
“What can I do for you?”
“My mother is coming in this afternoon, and I have to pick her up. Would you please finish the data entry assignment for me?”
“Sure. It will help keep me busy.”
“You’re the best. I will do what I can to repay your help.”
“No, don’t worry about it. Have fun with your mother.”
“Okay, thanks again for helping me out. Anytime you need something the offer still stands.”
Rae Anne smiled at th
e bright-eyed woman standing in front of her. “I want you to have fun.”
She watched Sarah leave the office, a slight skip in her stride. “It’s moments like these, Mom, that I miss you the most.”
She grabbed a handful of pretzels and stuffed two of them in her mouth. “Stop eating! You’re going to be big as a house when Landy comes home. You’ll never get into that swim suit if you keep this up.”
Agitated by her sedentary vacation—her father’s typical response to her eating and the extra pounds—and, of course, her anxiety over hearing Landy’s voice again, Rae Anne grew restless and walked to the window that overlooked the Potomac River.
The snow is really coming down hard now.
Just looking outside sent chills through her body, she shook in spite of the warm office—and pregnancy hormones. She rubbed her arms. As she stared out the window at the beautiful landscape of white and ice, thoughts of Landy and the last time she communicated with him was by a cold, lonely letter a week ago.
I hope you are okay.
I will be out of the area for awhile and won’t be able to call or write you. But don’t worry. I can’t tell you where or why I’m going it’s top secret.
“You’re kidding, right?” She knew she could be melodramatic, but he didn’t have to tease her with his whereabouts.”
Rae Anne, this is my job. I will call you when I get back into camp.
That was the day she hated him not using the phone. She had so many questions. How long will it take? Is it very dangerous? Will the Marines be in combat?
A whole week had past and no word from him.
During the six months of his tour, she’d never gone that long without talking to him, which disconcerted her more. Ugly thoughts of doom sped through her mind. She walked past a mirror and stopped to view her expression. Outwardly, she looked the same except for the weight gain. The news of her pregnancy shocked her more than anything, but after that passed, and the news set in, an overpowering relief washed over her. Her sanity was still intact. The great depression she had come under after Landy’s leaving had been intensified with the hormone surges of her condition.