Gage, Ronna - Paradise Mine (Siren Publishing Classic)

by Ronna Gage

  “Rae Anne it has been a year since…”

  “I know how long it’s been.” Rae Anne jerked her hand free. “I’m the one who lives it.”

  “We’ve all lived with it in a sense…”

  “No, Father. You don’t live with the thought that he could still be out there unable to get home…”

  “Rae Anne, do stop with the melodramatics, will you please?” Robert fumed in his seat.

  “Melodramatics? Dad, they didn’t find his body. Grandpa Joe is stuck between mourning his grandson and living with the hope that he’s alive. Do you know how hurtful and exhausting that is for him? And I…”

  “All right, Rae Anne.” Robert threw his hands up in surrender. “You win. The announcement that you and Marcus are dating has somehow turned to this never-ending topic of Landy Laurent.”

  “You started this one,” she shot back at him.

  “Frankly, I’m getting tired of his ghostly existence in my life,” Robert stated in frustration.

  “Give me a break.” How can he even say that Landy’s death has affected his life? He didn’t even care about him.

  “I can’t take this same, old, drawn-out episode, Rae Anne,” her father warned.

  “Who can? But until I find a body to rest at peace, I will always wonder.”

  “I have used all my influence to gain information of his remains. No one knows anything about him. It’s as if he vanished off the face of the earth.”

  The silence in the limo was deafening.

  “What more can I do?”

  Rae Anne shook her head in shame. Why do Daddy and I always argue? “Dad, I’m sorry. Let’s not talk about Landy anymore. You’ll never understand what I’m going through.” She looked back at him that time. “I thought you would be the one person who would, seeing how Mom died so quickly and tragically.”

  He nodded in some decorum of peace. “Yes. I guess I did have the luxury of saying good-bye to her. I will always be grateful that she felt no pain when she died. It was like she fell asleep and never woke up.”

  Robert took Rae Anne’s hand again. “Your Landy is gone now. I think it’s time you let someone else come into your life. Who knows, it may be just the thing you need.”

  “I know, Dad. I’m trying,” she told him honestly.

  On most days, she did try to go on with her life.

  Chapter Fifteen

  I am trying to go on. The statement she made a week ago echoed in her head like a continuous sound bite from a tragic play. Rae Anne paced her apartment, avoiding the emotional confrontation of letting go. She sat on the sofa, replaying the memories of the love and happiness she once shared with Landy. The joy of swimming with him, riding bikes together as children, watching him work out. Her body rocked back and forth with each numbing pang of heartbreak it endured with the recessed memories which surfaced. His hearty laughter filled her mind, and the image of his smile captured in her memory haunted her constantly. “I can almost see you,” she whispered to the walls around her. Sensing a presence, she looked up. “Landy?”

  In front of her, his face grew plainer. She shivered. The sparkle in his eyes shone with love, and his seductive grin teased her with a daring challenge but didn’t convey to her the task to conquer. She smiled at the apparition.

  “I remember how you used to tease me. You’d poke fun at my attempts to overpower you physically in our wrestling matches. I fought until I grew tired, and then you would make your move. Later, we spent the better part of our time together making out like crazy.”

  The grin turned into a silent laugh. Almost as if he too remembered the same thing. Her heart plummeted at the loss of sound, but to see him laugh hardened her heart with yearning.

  “I often dreamed of our bouts. They would be different in their endings. We would make love afterward.”

  Her hands gripped the cushion on the sofa. Landy’s spirit showed concern in his eyes at her remark.

  “The pain in my heart is sometimes unbearable when I have these flashbacks.” She sobbed, and the first tear of the night fell. “You were the best time I’ve ever had.”

  His eyes brightened with pride.

  “Each memory not only caresses me with a love I’ll never forget, but they cut so deep, almost to the bone, and the pain is devastating.” Like an oozing, festering wound that couldn’t heal, but doomed her to a life alone….until she died. “I feel so empty…weak.”

  She felt his presence beside her now. Her gaze fell to the empty spot next to her on the sofa. His image flickered, and then vanished. “No, Landy wait!” she screamed. “Don’t leave me in all this misery,” she cried.

  His image reappeared. She laid her head on his lap but felt the velvet soft material of the sofa. She squeezed her eyes shut. “I’m afraid if I open my eyes I will not see you there, that you’re just a mirage, another figment of my imagination.”

  Rae Anne waited and hoped for a touch, a feeling, anything to let her know he was truly there…but nothing. The clock ticked louder each second of the hour. “I wish you could come back to me and bring back my smile and take these tears away.” She wrapped her arms around her shoulders and rocked herself to console the hurt rooted deep in her depression.

  “What I wouldn’t give to have your arms around me now.” A feathery touch rested on her shoulder, and then down her back caressing in a familiar way. “Landy.”

  The strength and warmth of the slight contact comforted her in her hurting. Hot scalding tears rolled down her cheek. In an instant, her anger shot forth through the blackness of her despair and willed her to fight the effects of the sinking hole of emotions. She jerked up, sat forward, and rocked until the manic mood swing subsided. Lashing out in her anger, she hit the marble coffee table with her fist. “I don’t want phantom touches. I want you back.”

  She stood up and faced the fading image. “This isn’t fair! I’m supposed to be happy and married to you. But that was taken from me.”

  With her ranting over, alone and lonely, she inhaled to calm her jittering mood. Broken in spirit, she came to one conclusion. “I can’t go on any more. Living without you is too hard.” She stomped to the bedroom. Seeing the antidepressant/anti-anxiety prescription bottle on the nightstand, she stopped in the doorway.

  “It’s been a year and I still have to take those damn pills. Will it ever end? They are the only way to a peaceful night sleep. I can’t do that forever.”

  Weak and spent, she leaned against the threshold. The idea of a nap sounded good until her eyes focused on the queen-size bed. Now, it didn’t seem so inviting. “Am I the only person in the world that lost the love of their life?”

  She stared blankly at the bed. “The nights are so long. Facing them alone is almost too much for me to take. But, if I endure them, I will be stronger for it.” She shook from the emotions she kept locked up inside. She couldn’t breathe. To do so would only make the hurting worse. A nagging chill overcame her. “I need a hot shower.”

  Within seconds, the water heated to billowing plumes of steam; fogging the mirror above the vanity. Stepping inside, she let the coolness in her bones be warmed to the water’s heat and relaxed her on the spot. The water fell on her back, stinging her skin. The stresses of the emotional roller coaster and the sudden release set her nerve endings at the surface of her skin on high alert. They hummed with throbbing need to heal and feel. She gave over to her tears and the ache that consumed them. Violent tremors racked her as she sobbed. The memory of Landy’s departure replayed in her mind: images of his smile, his face, and the breathy good-bye kisses—the last one she received.

  “Why?” she screamed. “Good-byes are the saddest words ever to say. The day you said good-bye, my love, you took all the happiness I had. And when you died, I knew it would never return. Now, I have to deal with these setbacks of depression that hold me hostage.” She slid down the tile wall of the shower. “I wish…desperately to be a child to run to my dad to kiss this pain away. But there’s no such kiss is there, Land
y. Not even from a loving parent like my mother. Only you can mend this broken heart…and you’re gone. The day you left you…were so… proud, strong…and full of hope. Life is so cruel, breaking us apart this way. But I have to go on, Landy. I have to make a life for myself without you. Please understand…my love.”

  Rae Anne squinted to close her eyes. The tight seal showed no light, just the blackness inside. She sat huddled in the shower, naked, sobbing until she cried out her last tear. The running water turned cold, deepening the renewed chill.

  Chapter Sixteen

  November 1992

  “Congressman Marcus Carmichael!” The crowd at Marcus’s campaign headquarters eagerly chanted his name. Winning the Virginia Congressional seat, Marcus beamed with victory.

  Rae Anne hugged him. “Congratulations.”

  “Thanks.” He held her. “I couldn’t have done it without your support.”

  “Great comeback. Remember that in public.” She teased with a smile.

  Robert and Samantha eased in behind them. “You did it, my boy!” Robert commented. “And by a landslide.”

  Marcus turned around to greet him. “Thank you, Robert. I couldn’t have done it without your backing.”

  “Yes, you could have.” Robert hugged the younger man. He turned to his daughter. “Rae Anne, is there anything you want to say to Marcus?”

  The two men looked at her waiting for her comments. Hating to be put on the spot, she looked at her watch. “You have a victory speech to give, Congressman Carmichael.”

  Marcus took her hand, and then drew it to his lips. “Ever the motivator,” he jibed and sent a wink to her father.

  “She should be. God knows she’s practiced it all her life,” Samantha gushed.

  Marcus looked at Rae Anne. “Will you walk with me?”

  Rae Anne looked from her father, to Samantha, and then back to him. Smiling she accepted the invitation. “Of course.” She and Marcus walked up the staircase and then onto the stage. The cheers grew louder with each step they made to the podium. Everyone applauded with thunderous uproar at their appearance.

  Rae Anne tip toed to whisper in his ear. “Remember, keep it sweet and short,” she suggested under her smile.

  He laid a soft kiss on her cheek. “Yes, ma’am.”

  Before she could move to the side, Marcus grabbed her hand. “Stay with me.” He looked over the waiting crowd, raised his hand to silent them, and cleared his throat. “I would like to humbly accept the victory in our honor. You, my supporters and voters, and I, your humble servant, have earned it…”

  Rae Anne focused on the crowd. People cheered with excitement. Banners with his name on it waved above the audience. Roars of agreement, acceptance, and support vibrated the rafters with echoes. Marcus knows how to draw in a crowd. She knew Marcus’s speech so well she had it memorized. Her thoughts wandered to those lectures and speeches of the upcoming week. She and Robert would collaborate with Marcus on new policies and strategies for the upcoming legislation and form a tight-knit team.

  Per Daddy’s request.

  “….and in closing, I would like to thank the man who believed in me and stood at my side, Robert Jamison.” The crowd erupted in applause for the twenty-second time. “Robert, it would be my honor to ask for your daughter’s hand in marriage.”

  Say what? Rae Anne’s attention shot back to the two men beside her. The rambunctious mob grew quiet and held their collective breath. She stood stock still in total surprise.

  “I would be humbled to have you as a member of my family.” Her father acknowledged publically.

  Wait! What? This is my life! She wanted to scream. You have no right.

  Marcus turned toward her; his eyes glistened with mixed emotions now: happiness, anticipation, and victory—but no love. “Rae Anne, I couldn’t think of a better time to ask this than now.” He took the small box from his lapel. He got down on one knee in front of the election crowd. “Will you marry me?”

  Rae Anne despised Marcus’s audacity to put her on the spot. How could he? She looked at Samantha for help, but the woman gawked at her with teary eyes and a smiling face. She then found the “dare you” challenge in his eyes. As per Daddy’s request. The former comment rumbled in her mind. Feeling trapped, she did the only thing available to her and not make a public spectacle of herself. A loving smile in place she replied.

  “Yes. I accept.”

  On the ride home, no one spoke of the surprise proposal. Robert made sure that he and Marcus kept busy talking about the upcoming week. Rae Anne gazed at the two of them with fury. Every once in a while, Marcus dared to peek at her but quickly turned away from her glare.

  Coward!

  The limousine came to a stop in front of the Jamison house, and Rae Anne didn’t wait to be ushered out by the driver. She rushed out of the car before either of them made an attempt to stop her. In her wake, she slammed the front door in their faces after she entered the house. She stamped to the den, opened the small refrigerator, and grabbed a bottle of water.

  “You two will make a wonderful Washington couple. And together, we will make a powerful political family,” Robert announced from the corner.

  Rae Anne folded her arms over her chest, looked at Marcus and then her father. “Was that part of the plan all along?”

  “What plan are you referring to, princess?” her father asked, innocently surprised by the act; shadowing doubt of any doing on his part for the act that bothered her now.

  She glared at him. “Don’t give me that. You know exactly what I mean.” She was fully aware of her father’s expectations for her life. In the privacy of the house, away from the public eye, etiquette and manners didn’t count. She would find out the truth.

  “Robert, if I may,” Marcus interrupted. He turned to Rae Anne. “Rae Anne, there was no plan of attack here. I acted on impulse and did what I felt to be natural. I would have made it a private affair, but in doing so would have spooked you.”

  Seething from the shock, she blurted out her present feelings. “Yes, and now I feel trapped.”

  Marcus took a step closer. “I didn’t want you to feel that either.” His hands rested in front of him in a relaxed, vulnerable, position. “You and I work well together. We have been seeing one another exclusively for a year, and so, I acted with my heart.”

  Rae Anne couldn’t argue with his logic. In her experience so far, that she was a little gun-shy about proposals wasn’t his fault. She narrowed her eyes at him. “Don’t ever test me like that again. The next time, I won’t be so politically correct.”

  “Deal. Now, let’s talk about a wedding date.”

  Rae Anne bowed her head. “I can’t. Not just yet.”

  “Why not?” Marcus asked quite confused by her announcement.

  “I have to let Landy’s family know.”

  Marcus shook his head. “Whatever for?”

  Robert huffed. “Princess, why start up that trouble again?” His frustration was apparent in the way he shifted from one position to another.

  “I feel I owe it to him.”

  “I don’t understand. What do you owe them?” Marcus asked.

  “I would rather he hear it from me than to hear it on the news.”

  Marcus nodded. “I will stand by your decision and let you do what you feel is necessary. But, Rae Anne, we do need to start plans for the wedding.”

  Rae Anne held his gaze. Marcus Carmichael became the one thing that no one else thought of being a friend, her ally. He focused all attention on her, and with his patience, she grew stronger. He listened as she spoke of her feelings for the future, her dream of becoming a marine biologist, and her issues with loving a dead man. Marcus gave her the room needed to continue her studies in Corpus Christi. He lost nothing in his friendship with her, and now it seemed he had all to gain. What’s more, he was exactly what her father approved for her. “You have been so patient with me. I ask for a little more and time.”

  “I will give you all the time you nee
d.” He hugged her to him.

  Samantha rejoiced. “I couldn’t be happier for the two of you. Champagne for everyone.”

  Marcus whispered in her ear. “The inner-circle society, along with the polls of Washington, and Robert Jamison himself, wants this union to happen. I think it is the perfect fit for our career paths.”

  A sudden chill filled her. If Marcus had an ulterior motive in being her friend, she hadn’t seen it coming. Until this very second, with his comment, his prize for his patience turned out to be the one thing Rae Anne had to give, but for another man.

  She was to be his wife.

  * * * *

  Robert looked at Samantha, and then to the loving couple before him. He put into motion the events that were unfolding before him long ago. He was Washington’s favorite matchmaker. In finding Marcus, Robert made a wonderful match for himself—in Rae Anne’s soon-to-be husband.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Rae Anne read the tabloid headlines and almost laughed in hysteria.

  Congressman Marcus Carmichael and Rae Anne Jamison to Marry.

  One wedding binds two prominent political figures into one big happy senatorial kinship.

  She looked at her image in the mirror. The white, Vera Wang wedding gown fit her like a second skin. The off-the-shoulder neckline sat low, revealing her cleavage. The bodice clung tightly to her now-slim body, and her blonde hair hung down her back in a wave of curls. The tiara of pearls and diamond gemstones settled prettily on her head. “I have a church filled with Washington elite, and yet I can’t summon up the courage to leave this room.” She exhaled a rush of tattered nerves from her body. “This doesn’t feel right.”

  In a single gaze, she flashed to an image of Landy in the corner of the room smiling at her. She closed her eyes. “You can’t do this to me now. Please leave me alone. I’m not that strong.”