by Rae Kennedy
“We better not. It didn’t work out too well last time.”
He takes a step back, the devious smile back on his lips. “Yeah, I wouldn’t be able to keep my hands off you, anyway.”
What? He licks his bottom lip. The strumming in my belly is at full force at the way his eyes are devouring me.
“Haley? There you are.” I turn to see Adam. He looks wholesome as can be in his baseball uniform. I need to be rescued before my body completely betrays me. I run to him quickly.
“Hey! Let’s go inside, I’m getting cold out here.”
We leave Cade on the balcony. Adam and I stay at the party for another hour or so, dancing and talking. He knows a ton of people here—laughing and carrying on conversations with a bunch of people I don’t know. He doesn’t introduce me, either.
Right now, Adam is exchanging stories with two other guys about this year’s rush. The guy dressed as a banana keeps snorting and shifting in front of me until I am completely squeezed out of the circle. My red solo cup is still half full of the vodka-cran Court mixed for me. She made it so strong I’d almost think she was trying to get into my pants. I finish it in three large gulps.
Adam finally sticks his head out of the circle.
“Hey, you want to get out of here? Go to my place?” he asks.
I was beginning to think he’d forgotten about me.
“Sure.”
* * *
As soon as we are inside his apartment, I jump on him. Our mouths connect and I wrap my legs around his waist and he carries me easily to the couch. He smells so good. I quickly begin unbuttoning his shirt. He removes my plastic devil horns and tosses them on the coffee table. Before I know it, my dress is hiked up to my waist and he is on top of me, kissing me hard. I squeeze him with my thighs and curl my fingers through his hair. He pulls back.
“Whoa, babe—you’re pretty drunk.” His lips are red and shiny and our breaths are still uneven and heavy.
I try to pull him down again but he holds himself up.
“Let’s wait until you’re sober. Okay?” Shit. I feel ready, but he’s right. “You want to watch a movie or something?”
“Sure.” That sounds nice. I guess.
Adam gets me some water and puts on a boring war movie. Okay, it wasn’t really boring—just not my thing. Is he trying to sober me up or put me to sleep? Adam doesn’t seem that into it either. About half an hour in he is yawning something fierce. Lame.
“You mind if I just take you home? I’m tired and I’ve got a busy day tomorrow.”
He always seems to be busy “tomorrow” but I do my best to hide my disappointment. “Yeah, no problem.”
On the ride home I try to figure out if I am more disappointed that I don’t get to stay with him or that he doesn’t seem to want me to stay.
* * *
I shower when I get home. I feel much better, but when I crawl into bed I am restless. I’m anxious and unbelievably sexually frustrated. I can’t turn my mind off. I’m seriously contemplating masturbation, but it just doesn’t seem to do it for me lately. I lay there for several minutes, just still, trying not to think about Adam—or Cade.
I must have dozed off because I am pulled awake by loud whispering and giggling in the hallway. I am perturbed. Then it sounds like someone is stumbling, falling into the wall, immediately followed by more laughing and shushing.
“Cade!” More laughing. “Stop!” Her voice is clear. His response is too deep and just sounds like vibrations through the door. They close Cade’s door and then it is quiet. I close my eyes again and try to find my way back to the dream I had been having.
Then I hear a moan. Barely audible. Then another one, soft. Then a deeper one—Cade.
I pull my pillow over my head to muffle the noises. But they start coming louder, turning into rough grunts. I can make out the distinct thumping of the headboard against the wall. And now she is spewing out-loud “Ohs” and “Yeses” and “Oh Gods.” I can’t take it anymore. I am practically suffocating myself with my pillow. I feel like kicking and screaming and throwing breakable objects at his door.
Did I just turn into the old lady yelling at the neighborhood kids to stop rough-housing on her lawn? I am getting crotchety. Here I am, alone in my bed on a Friday night while everyone else seems to be out having fun, having sex, living their carefree college lives—I want that too.
So I text Adam.
Me: Will you come over?
Adam: It’s really late
Me: I’m in bed and I’m sober (that’s mostly true) Come join me
He doesn’t respond for a few minutes.
Adam: K be there in 10
I unlock the front door then run back to my room and put on the sexiest pair of black lace underwear I own and a matching black bra. I slide under the covers and wait for Adam, my heart pounding loudly.
The door cracks open slowly as he walks in. He closes it noiselessly behind him.
“Hey.”
“Hey.”
I sit up, letting the blankets fall to reveal my skimpy bra. It barely holds in my ample breasts. He smiles as he removes his coat and peels his shirt off. He walks over to the side of the bed as he undoes his jeans and drops them to the floor. I haven’t seen this smile before. It isn’t sweet or shy—it is too confident. Maybe it is his lusty smile?
He crawls on the bed toward me. I swallow hard and my hands are sweaty. He kisses me, and I am sure he can feel my lips trembling against his. I am hyperaware of the heat of his body and his large arms on either side of my head, caging me under him. He pulls back the covers and looks up and down my body. I have always been proud of my slim-yet-curvy figure but suddenly I feel like I am about to sprout some hideous deformity and send him running.
I don’t.
Instead, he removes his boxers releasing his erection. I think I might hyperventilate. He lays back over me, resuming our kiss. The kiss is getting more frantic, his tongue wet and sloppy over mine. He trails his fingers down my stomach and rubs them over the thin fabric of my panties.
“Oh, you’re so ready.”
I am?
Before I know it, he has swiped my underwear off and rolled the condom on. I close my eyes and wrap my arms around his shoulders as he shoves himself inside of me. I let out a small gasp from the feeling of being stretched and the sudden fullness.
I grip his back and he moves back out and in again. I am happy I don’t have any pain or the discomfort sex has brought me in the past, but there is still a little too much friction. My body is putting up too much resistance.
His head is at the pillow above my head and his shoulder is smashed into my face, making it hard to breath. His right hip bone is also digging into my leg with each drive and I keep trying to shift my bum over to ease the constant jabbing but his weight on me is too much. He starts speeding up, his thrusts becoming more erratic and I can’t meet him with any type of rhythm.
He is obviously near the end of his enjoyment. Shouldn’t I be screaming his name by now?
My mind drifts to the sounds that had come from Cade’s room earlier. I wonder if she is still here, if he is awake. Maybe they are just resting for round two. Adam starts pounding into me even faster, his breathing is sporadic, and he is sweating. On me. He is literally sweating on me.
He finally shudders over me then collapses on top of me. His body is damp and heavy and hot. I suddenly feel like he is going to suffocate me. Thankfully, he rolls over onto his back, panting hard.
After his breathing quiets he kisses me quickly on the lips and stands up.
“I have an early study group in the morning. You don’t mind if I head home, do you?”
Is he serious?
“Um. That’s fine.” It isn’t.
He dresses even more hurriedly than he had undressed twenty minutes ago.
“I’ll call you later,” he says. Then he leaves, closing the door behind him and I am left sitting in my bed—naked, except for the black lacey bra he never attempted to remove.
And alone.
CHAPTER 10
The next day I sleep in late and stay in my room studying all day. Midterms are going to kick my ass. Around dinnertime, I decide to take a shower and freshen up. I also realize I am famished. I put on my super soft pink sweats and a tight black tank top before heading to the kitchen.
Cade is in the kitchen, cooking.
Of course.
I open the fridge casually without making eye contact. I was hoping to find something quick to eat, but suddenly, under the pressure of Cade watching me, the full refrigerator literally has NOTHING in it.
I mean nothing. I am beginning to panic. I am obviously taking an unnaturally long time at the fridge. Then I realize I am standing with the door open and the coolness is making my nipples harden. Shit. I close the door and Cade is chuckling behind me.
“Everything all right over there?”
I turn on him and glare. “Yes.”
“Looking for something in particular?”
“No.”
He can tell I am flustered and being extremely short with him. I just hope he doesn’t notice my nipples at full attention. But he is looking at my face. He looks a little sad.
“Haley?”
“Yeah?”
“Hey, sorry if I was a jerk to you at the party yesterday.”
“You were a jerk to me yesterday?”
He looks at me confused, nose scrunched, ring protruding from his bottom lip. I continue with an explanation.
“Because yesterday was probably the nicest you’ve been to me in a couple of weeks. You actually said words to me.”
He looks at the stove and is silent for a while.
“You want a grilled cheese?” He lifts his baby blue eyes to me. My stomach grumbles. He breaks into a big smile, full of beautiful white teeth. “Yes, then?” His gorgeous face is perfect when he smiles.
“Sure.”
He lights up. He starts pulling things out of the fridge and spewing out options. “We’ve got cheddar, provolone, pepper jack... Do you want ham or tuna with it? Or grilled onions or jalapenos?” He looks at me expectantly, arms full of cheese.
My mouth is agape, and I am a little overwhelmed.
“What am I doing?” He smacks himself on the forehead. “First, we need to choose what kind of bread. Let’s see... We have whole wheat, sourdough or rye.” He looks at me again in question.
I am finally able to speak. “I had no idea a grilled cheese could be so complicated.”
He bites his lip, tugging on his thin silver ring. “You’re right. Ham and cheddar on sourdough sound good?”
“Sounds great.”
I sit on a stool at the counter and watch him make us two identical sandwiches. His arms, covered in black ink, flex as he slices and butters the bread then places them on the skillet with a sizzle. It smells delicious. He moves fluidly around the kitchen, putting things away as he goes. He flips the sandwiches with no hesitation and they are perfectly golden brown.
We eat at the small bistro table across from one another. The first bite is amazing with the melty cheese oozing from between the buttery-crisp slices of bread. I hum my appreciation.
“So how’s the boyfriend?”
Boyfriend? I suddenly realize it is almost eight o’clock and Adam hasn’t called me yet. That is unusual.
“He’s great.”
“No plans with him tonight?”
I guess not. “Nope.”
I look at Cade as he eats. His jaw taut under his smooth skin while chewing, his long lashes against his cheeks, his dark blond hair all pushed up to the top of his head.
I become very curious. “It’s Saturday night. Why aren’t you out?”
He looks up at me an amused smile. “I got so shitfaced last night I decided to give myself a night to recover.”
“So you’re staying here?”
“Yup. You?”
“Uh huh.”
* * *
After we eat, I help Cade do the dishes. He washes and I dry. I remind myself next time to be the washer as he takes every opportunity to splash me with the soapy water.
When we are finished I saunter into my room where my phone is charging. I check it. Still no call from Adam. He is really anal about schoolwork—he probably just got caught up studying. I decide to just call him myself and see how he is doing.
It goes to voicemail. Oh well. I don’t leave a message. He will see that I called and that is enough.
I go back out to Cade, who is still in the kitchen. Glass bowls are strewn on the counter and he has a big scoop in his hand.
“You look like you could use some ice cream.” He raises his eyebrows suggestively at me.
I walk up to the counter. He has bowls filled with toppings: little candies, sprinkles, whipped cream, and a hot fudge sauce simmering on the stovetop.
“Shit, Cade. You discovered my weakness.”
“Oh yeah, what’s that?”
“Anything smothered in steaming chocolate.”
“I’ll have to remember that.” A smirk tugs at his lips.
He scoops me way too much ice cream and I proceed to cover it with way too many toppings.
“This is going to go straight to my ass,” I say looking at my heaping bowl.
“This ass?” He smacks me hard right across my bum as he leaves the kitchen, carrying his equally massive bowl of ice cream. “Looks fine to me,” he calls over his shoulder.
I join him on the couch and we watch an old sitcom marathon. Maybe it is the sugar rush or just Cade’s silly laugh but the show seems much funnier than I remember. At one point, Cade is doubled over laughing, hand clutching at his belly until the laugh becomes silent and I can only make out a wheezing sound. He is trying to catch his breath as he wipes a tear from his eye and it’s contagious. I can’t help but laugh back at him. By the end of our laughing fit over nothing, my stomach aches and my cheeks are sore. I can’t remember laughing like this in forever.
When I finish my ice cream, I am stuffed, and suddenly freezing. Cade notices my shivering and pulls the blanket down over us. We are on each arm of the couch, our feet meeting in the middle.
“Damn, your feet are freezing! Get away from me with those things,” he teases.
“Warm them up for me.” I smash my cold feet up to his and rub them up against as much of his skin as I can.
“Stop! Your feet are like weapons. First the smell and now they’re like icicles.”
“Oh shut up! What’s with you and my feet? You’re like obsessed.”
“I am?” Then he looks genuinely confused and I remember the infamous foot-rub-orgasm. I feel my cheeks get hot. Maybe I am the one obsessed.
“Never mind. I’ll go get some socks.”
“No, it’s fine. They are practically warm now after stealing all my heat. Guess that’s what I get for being so hot.”
I swat him on the shoulder.
“Abusive!”
“Shut up.”
We laugh to several more episodes together, his warm toes against my feet the entire time.
My eyelids are beginning to encroach on my vision. When my eyes start to glaze over, I lay my head on the couch pillow and doze off easily.
Suddenly, the support drops out from under me and I am aware of arms around me. I am just disturbed enough to realize Cade has lifted me off the couch. I am able to wrap my arms around his neck and my head falls heavy to his chest. I am still too out of it to form any sounds or open my eyes as he carries me down the hall. He smells like the air after it rains. Then he is lowering me and the softness of my mattress comes up to greet my tired back. The warmth of his body is no longer around me. I want to open my eyes. I can still feel him standing near me. I want to hug him to me.
Then I feel his hands on my hips. His fingers are between my sweatpants and my underwear. Then he slowly slides my pants down to my ankles before removing them completely. The chilly air hits my legs and I squirm as chills run up from my toes. It’s just enough to wake me to the poi
nt that I realize Cade is undressing me. Cade. My Cade. I’m not sure if I should try to stop him or beg him to keep going. Then the thick blankets are over my body. He tucks them up under my chin and down my sides. I can’t remember the last time I was tucked in like this.
I can smell him. His breath is warm and sweet on my face. I desperately want to open my eyes. I try but I can’t. His lips are soft as he lightly touches them to my forehead. He lingers there for a few seconds as he takes a full breath.
“Night, Hale.”
* * *
The next few days, I am consumed with studying for my three midterm exams and writing two huge midterm papers. I am too busy to do much of anything else. I do get in a shower here and there. Luckily, Cade has started making me breakfast again so I’m not going totally hungry. I’m also still up studying when he gets home at all hours of the night, so when I hear him come in, I take a break and watch him cook. Sometimes I will help, but mostly I like to watch. I look forward to that time of the day more and more.
It is the longest I have gone without hearing from Adam. On Tuesday, I am surprised I don’t see him in class for the test. It is a large class but that still seems odd. I figure he is just as swamped as I am with school. Even more so actually—I know he is taking seven more credits than I am. I tell myself that I am too busy for any type of social life this week, anyway. I decide to not worry about it until after the week is over.
Thursday afternoon, I turn in both of my papers and have only one exam left the next morning. I am studied out. The small print in my textbook begins to blur into one large gray mass. That seems like a legit reason to call it quits. I need literally anything else to do for the evening.
I take a shower and do my hair for the first time in four days. I put on my light worn-out jeans with the holes in the pockets and strut into the living room.
Cade has just finished putting dishes away when he sees me.
“What are you up to tonight?”
I stretch across the couch. “I don’t know. Hanging out with you.”
“Oh really?” He saunters over and sits down on the floor with his back to the couch. He leans his head back against my leg.