by Beth Wiseman
Josie smiled and thanked her, even though she knew prayers would go unanswered. Why would God possibly help someone who’d turned away from Him a long time ago? Josie could recall a time when she had a closer relationship with God, before she married Robert. But Robert didn’t believe in God, and slowly over time, Josie’s own beliefs had veered to questioning whether or not such an entity existed.
But with little time on her side, she couldn’t help but speculate about God. And the possibility of heaven. Or hell.
After dinner, Josie served everyone coffee in the living room. Noah said Dr. Phillips had agreed to meet with Josie on the following Thursday at Lancaster General to evaluate the tumor growing inside her brain stem.
“Thank you for setting up this appointment.” Robert took a sip of his coffee. “We really appreciate it.”
“Yes, we do,” Josie echoed to be polite. She’d enjoyed meeting Noah and Carley. Dinner conversation had been light and engaging, but she was ready to spend some quiet time with Robert, fill him in about her day with Linda.
“We’d like to put you on our prayer list at church,” Noah said. “There’s nothing like the power of prayer.”
“That would be great.” Josie glanced at Robert, who merely smiled. “We’d appreciate that.”
“I don’t know if it’s ever come up, but I grew up Amish.” Noah pushed back dark wavy locks, and Josie tried to envision the doctor with a bobbed haircut and sporting suspenders and a straw hat.
“Really?” Josie’s eyes grew wide. “What happened?”
Noah set his coffee cup down on a coaster on the coffee table. “I had a strong calling to become a doctor.” He paused. “If I’d made that decision before I was baptized, things would have been a lot easier. Instead, I was baptized into the faith, then chose to leave, and I was shunned by my family.”
“Oh, no.” Josie said. “I remember when I was growing up here, I heard of a man getting shunned. I didn’t know him very well, but I just remember that he couldn’t have anything to do with his family, not even sit down and have a meal with them.”
“I had a terrible time understanding the whole shunning process,” Carley chimed in. “But, luckily for Noah, his family eventually came around, and the bishop has pretty much looked the other way and allowed members of the community to visit his clinic.”
“So, you have a good relationship with your family now?” Josie took a sip from her own cup of coffee.
“Yes, I do. But it took a while. My brother, Samuel, had a really hard time accepting me back into the family. It’s a long story. I ended up giving my nephew one of my kidneys, and I think everyone had to take a good long look at the whole issue of shunning.”
“Wow. That’s amazing,” Josie said. “How is your nephew now?”
“David is great. He’s had no trouble since the transplant.” Noah paused, glanced at his wife. “We’ve all been very blessed. My other brother, Ivan, and both my sisters eventually came around, and we don’t flaunt it in front of the bishop, but we all spend time together. My sister, Mary Ellen, was sort of the cheerleader, pushing everyone to play nice.” He chuckled. “And my niece, Linda, even worked for me for a couple of weeks a year or two ago, doing some filing for us. So, we’ve all come a long way.”
Josie’s heart began to thud against her chest. She glanced at Robert who had begun to squirm in his chair, then Robert stood up, and offered to pick up everyone’s coffee cup, almost a rude gesture that the night should come to an end. Josie knew he didn’t mean it that way, and she could tell by her husband’s worrisome expression that he was fearful Josie had heard Noah loud and clear.
“Linda is your niece, and Mary Ellen is your sister?” Josie stood up when Carley and Noah did.
Robert set all the dishes haphazardly down on the coffee table, spilling coffee out of one. “We’ll have to do this another time,” he said smiling. “This has been great getting together like this.”
Carley and Noah began to move toward the door. “It really has been fun.” Then Carley turned to Josie. “Oh, and yes, Linda is the name of Noah’s niece and Mary Ellen is his sister.”
The two women locked eyes, and Josie knew her own eyes were big as golf balls. As if connecting to Josie’s thoughts, Carley’s bulged too. “Linda . . .” she whispered. “Your Linda?”
Josie nodded to Carley.
Friday morning, Mary Ellen was busy deep cleaning the downstairs in preparation for worship service at their home on Sunday. Abe and the boys were at her brother Ivan’s house, helping him paint his fence, and Linda had gone along to visit with Katie Ann. Mary Ellen knew that Katie Ann was lonely, no children to take care of. No one was quite sure why they hadn’t been able to have children. Once, Mary Ellen mentioned the possibility of adoption to Katie Ann, but Katie Ann wouldn’t hear of it. “The Lord will bless us when He’s ready,” she’d said. Ivan and Katie Ann certainly knew that Linda was adopted, so she didn’t understand why they wouldn’t mull over the possibility, but it was not her business.
Her thoughts drifted back to Linda and Josephine as she finished up dusting, giving the mantel a final swipe, when she heard a knock at the door.
She saw Noah at the screen door. “I needed a break.” She pushed open the door to the den. “Come in, mei bruder.” She narrowed her brows. “What are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be at the clinic?”
Noah blew out a heavy sigh and scratched his forehead. “Yeah, but I need to talk to you about something.”
Mary Ellen stuffed her cleaning rag in the pocket of her black apron. “You look so serious. Everything is all right, no? Jenna, she is okay? Carley?”
“Yes. Everyone is okay.” Noah sat down on the couch. “Do you remember when I told you that I’d recently met an attorney that I was helping find a doctor for his receptionist?”
Mary Ellen sat down on the couch beside Noah and thought for a moment. “No, I don’t think so . . . Ach, wait, the girl with the disfigured lip?” Mary Ellen recalled a conversation she’d had with Noah a few weeks ago at his office. She’d taken Matt to see his uncle for a deep cut he’d gotten while working out in the barn. As Noah stitched up Matt’s arm, he’d told her about the lawyer he’d met who offered to help his receptionist. “I remember, you said you thought a lot of this man.”
“Yes, I do. He seems to go out of his way to help others, often without taking any money for his services. I admire his work ethics.” Noah sighed. “Carley and I dined with him and his wife last night.”
“That’s nice,” she said hesitantly. She knew Noah well enough to know that he was trying to get to a point, and it must be an important point to cause him to leave the clinic on a Friday morning to come talk to her.
Noah blew out a long breath. “Samuel told me about Linda, about her being adopted. He didn’t want me to find out from someone else, since her birth mother has come looking for her.”
I should have known what he was coming to talk about. “It has been a hatt situation.” Mary Ellen rubbed her forehead. “We just never spoke of it, and of course we took Linda in when you were away.”
Noah stood up from the couch. He didn’t look like a doctor in his blue jeans, loafers, and a bright yellow shirt—a “golf shirt” is what he’d called it in the past, which didn’t make much sense since Noah didn’t play golf. Noah always dressed that way when he worked at the clinic. Seemed to make people in the community more at ease when they saw him wearing it, as opposed to what doctors usually wore, either starched white shirts or those blue pants and shirts that looked like pajamas.
He tucked his hands deep into the pockets of his pants and paced for a moment. “Robert is the name of my friend.” He glanced at Mary Ellen. “His wife gave up a baby for adoption.”
Mary Ellen rose from the couch and walked toward him. “Why would they, Robert and his wife, do such a thing if they are married?”
“No, no. They didn’t give up a baby; she did. A long time ago.”
Mary Ellen tilted her head to one side
and waited for Noah to go on.
“His—his wife’s name is Josephine.”
Mary Ellen put her hand to her chest and hoped that Noah wouldn’t confirm what she knew to be true.
“Yes, Linda’s mo—I mean the person who gave birth to her.”
“And you are friends with these people?” Mary Ellen’s brows leaned into a frown, and she knew that she had no right to feel betrayed, yet she did.
“I’ve been friends with Robert for weeks, but I only met Josephine last night when Carley and I ate dinner with them. I’ve been trying to help them—”
“I don’t want to hear.” Mary Ellen held one hand in the air, then turned her back to Noah. “I have to hear about Josephine from Linda, and it’s hard for me.” She covered her mouth with her hand, as if that would prevent her from spewing the vicious thoughts in her mind where Josephine was concerned. She’d given her baby away, and she should have respected that decision. Mary Ellen turned slowly around to face her brother. “Do you understand, Noah? Do you understand that her being here is a complete upset to our household? Not only was Linda upset, but Matt and Luke began to question whether or not I’d actually given birth to them, even after Abe talked with them. It’s just all been terrible, and I’m afraid . . .” She choked back tears.
“Afraid that Linda will leave to go be with Josephine and live in the Englisch world?” Noah put a hand on her shoulder. “That’s not going to happen.”
“How can you be so sure?”
Noah stared long and hard into Mary Ellen’s eyes. “Josie is sick.”
“What do you mean, sick?” Mary Ellen folded her hands in front of her.
“That’s what I was trying to tell you. I’m helping them get in to see a specialist at Lancaster General. It usually takes months to get an appointment to see Dr. Phillips, but I knew him well when I worked with him at the hospital, and he is doing this as a special favor. When Robert told me about Josie, I wanted to help, to make sure they’d utilized all their options.”
“What do you mean, this utilizing of options? What does that mean?” And what is wrong with her?
“Mary Ellen . . .” He paused as his eyes saddened in such a way that Mary Ellen feared what he would say. “Josie is going to die within six months because she has an inoperable tumor on her brain. I want Dr. Phillips to have a look at her. He could be their last hope, and Dr. Phillips is a brilliant surgeon.”
Mary Ellen folded at the waist and grasped her knees. “Oh, no.” Her insides twisted in agony as a stab of guilt bore into her heart.
Noah wrapped his arm around her shoulder. “Mary Ellen, are you all right? I didn’t realize that you knew Josie that well, or at all. I mean, I know Linda will be upset.” He paused. “She just wants to know Linda while she has a chance. They moved here just for that reason.”
“Oh, no,” Mary Ellen said again. “Dear Lord, forgive me. Oh, Heavenly Father, forgive me.”
Noah latched onto her shoulders and forced her to a standing position. He faced her and said, “Mary Ellen, what is it? Tell me what’s wrong.”
“Oh, Noah,” she cried. “I’ve done a horrible thing. I’ve sinned a far greater sin than I could have imagined myself to do. Oh, Noah.” She leaned into his arms. “This is my fault. It’s my fault she’s dying.”
Noah pushed her away. “What? What are you talking about?”
“I prayed, Noah. I prayed to God to make her go away, to leave here, and—”
“Mary Ellen, listen to me. This is not your fault. Josie has been sick for a long time. Do you hear me? You didn’t have anything to do with her brain tumor.”
Mary Ellen sniffled and felt her guilt subsiding a little, but then she thought about the beautiful Englisch woman only a few years younger than her and how her life might be tragically cut short. Only moments earlier, she was wishing and praying for Josephine to go away, but never like this. Then she remembered the specialist and hoped her guilt would be even more relieved. “Will your friend, this Dr. Phillips, be able to save her?”
Noah sighed. “I don’t think so. But I want him to review her test results, just to be sure.”
They were quiet for a minute. Mary Ellen sat down on the couch, propped her elbows on her knees, and put her chin in her hands. “Linda finds out that she has a mother, only to have her taken away.”
“You’re her mother, Mary Ellen.” Noah sat down beside her.
Mary Ellen rubbed her tired eyes and sat quietly, thinking. Then she turned to Noah. “You will let me know about this meeting with Dr. Phillips, if he can help her or not?”
“Yes. I will.”
“Maybe we shouldn’t say anything to Linda until we know for sure.”
“I agree.” Noah paused. “Mary Ellen, do you think maybe it’s Josie’s place to tell Linda?”
Mary Ellen swallowed hard. “Ya, I reckon so.”
“I need to get back to the clinic.” Noah stood up and walked toward the door. Mary Ellen got up and followed him. “I just wanted you to know what’s going on. Linda might need you more than ever in the near future, especially if she gets close to Josie.”
Mary Ellen nodded, then thanked Noah for stopping by. After the door closed between them, she stood where she was and bowed her head.
Forgive me, Lord.
8
STEPHEN HELPED LINDA ’S FATHER AND TWO BROTHERS set up benches in the family’s den in preparation for worship service the following day. When Stephen’s family hosted worship, they removed a wall partition that separated a small den from a larger living area, but the Huyard’s den was exceptionally large and all the benches fit nicely after moving the couch and two rockers into another room.
As was tradition, they lined several rows of benches for the men facing one way and more benches for the women facing toward them, leaving room in the middle for Stephen’s grandfather, the ministers, and deacons.
Stephen poked his head into the kitchen and saw Linda pulling a loaf of bread from the oven. Someday, she’d be baking bread in a home they would share together, just as soon as Stephen could build up enough courage to ask Linda to marry him. He loved her plenty, that was for sure, and they were both planning to be baptized in the fall, but being married to Linda would mean that she’d see him without his elevated shoe on, hobbling around the house off-balance. She’d told him over and over that it didn’t matter to her one bit.
He smiled when he recalled Linda pulling her dress up slightly above her knee to reveal a birthmark she’d had since birth, an oblong circle of red that ran a good four inches up her leg. “See, I’m not perfect either,” she’d said.
But she was perfect. Warm, loving, beautiful, and a great cook. He’d eaten plenty of meals with the Huyards since he and Linda had started dating a year ago, and many of those meals Linda had prepared. She was going to make a wonderful wife, and Stephen knew he needed to just go ahead and do it, ask her to be his fraa. They would publish their announcement in the paper and most likely wait until the following November or December to get married, when they were both almost nineteen and after they’d both been baptized into the faith.
Stephen helped Luke shift the last bench into place just as Linda rounded the corner into the den.
“Looks gut.” She folded her arms across her chest. “And I finished all my chores.”
Good. Stephen was ready to have some alone time with Linda. He playfully raised one brow in her direction and waited until Luke was out of earshot. “Let’s get out of here.” His eyes met with hers, and he couldn’t wait to hold her in his arms, kiss her again.
“I can’t. Josie is picking me up at three. Didn’t I tell you?”
Linda had filled him in about her time with Josie, but he couldn’t recall her saying that she was spending Saturday afternoon with her. He was pretty sure she hadn’t or he would have remembered, but he tried to mask his disappointment since he knew all this was hard on Linda.
“I’m sorry.” She reached up and touched his arm. “But we’ll see each oth
er here at worship tomorrow.”
“Ya. It’s all right. I know it’s important for you to get to know this woman.”
She kicked at the wood floor with her toe and tucked her chin. “I guess. It’s just all strange.” Linda lifted her face to his, gazed into his eyes, and pressed her lips firmly together for a moment. “I just don’t know what she wants from me. I mean, she’s nice enough and all, but I have a mother.”
“Maybe she just wants to be your friend.”
“That’s what she says.” Linda tilted her head slightly to one side. “Do you think it’s okay to be friends with her?”
“Ya, I reckon so.”
“I think we’re gonna go eat and go to a movie.” She shrugged. “Which I guess is all right since I’m at the age to do these things.”
Stephen nodded, disappointed he wouldn’t be spending the afternoon with Linda, but glad that she seemed to be handling this news about her mother much better than she had in the beginning. He thought back to her uncontrollable sobs when she’d first told him.
“Want to walk me to my buggy?”
She smiled, and he hoped there would be a good-bye kiss in store for him, but when they got out to the buggy, Linda’s aunt and uncle, Katie Ann and Ivan, were just pulling in.
“It wonders me what brings them out here.” Linda brought a hand to her forehead and blocked the descending sun as they pulled in. “We see Onkel Samuel and Aenti Rebecca, and even Onkel Noah and their families all the time, but we only see Onkel Ivan and Aenti Katie Ann at worship usually.”
“Why do you think that is?” Stephen whispered as Katie Ann was climbing out of the buggy.
Linda shrugged. “I don’t know.” She waved her hand. “Hi Aenti Katie Ann and Onkel Ivan.”
Katie Ann lifted a brief hand in Linda’s direction, but kept her head down as she walked toward the house. Ivan trailed behind her and smiled briefly.
“Mamm said she thinks they’re sad because they don’t have no kinner,” Linda said after her mother let them into the house. “They’re old not to have a family.”