Fade to Us

by Julia Day

Lisa lowered her voice. “A meltdown?”

  “Yes.”

  She frowned. “I was planning to rehearse the girls’ ensemble again before we bring in the band tomorrow.”

  “You’ll have to do it without Natalie and me. Now, I’m sorry, but I have to go.” I ran through the curtains and into the shadows of backstage, hunting for Natalie, but she wasn’t in any of her typical hiding places. In the lounge, I grabbed a bottle of water and my purse, then headed through the side exit. I knew I would find Natalie pacing in the garden.

  She didn’t look my way, but she must’ve known I was there, because she diverged from her current path to head for a tree. She circled it, fists thumping, mumbling to herself.

  “Natalie, if you need your meds, I have them with me.”

  “Stop. Talking.”

  I clamped my lips together. At least she hadn’t asked me to leave. I held out a bottle of water with one hand and her pill with the other. She looped past me three more times before ripping both from my hands.

  “When you’re ready to go home, I’ll be by the car.” I crossed to the parking lot and leaned against the trunk of the car—easily visible to my stepsister—to wait. It took fifteen minutes before the edgy pacing slowed.

  Spinning abruptly, she stomped toward me. Her hands were empty of both the pill and the water. “We can go now.”

  A movement from the lobby drew my eye. A brooding Micah stood in the window, arms crossed. I slid behind the wheel without any indication that I’d noticed.

  The drive home was made in silence. She was out of the car before I’d put it in park, but I was determined not to let this wound fester. I ran behind her, catching up by the time we reached her room.

  She slammed the door shut in my face. I counted to twenty, then knocked.

  “What?”

  I opened it. “What do you want to say to me?”

  She was lying on her bed, staring at the ceiling. “Don’t you think it’s bold to confront me when you’re to blame?”

  “I didn’t intend for you to find out this way—”

  “Failed at that, too. Who knew?”

  “The other campers didn’t. Jeff didn’t.”

  “Did Lisa?”

  “Yes.”

  “Jill?”

  “Yes, but she thought I should tell you.”

  “What about Micah?”

  “Him, too. He thought you should know.”

  “So you’re saying you’re the only one determined to deceive me?”

  “Yes.”

  She opened her mouth and panted. “If I hadn’t surprised you today, I still wouldn’t know.”

  I inched farther into the room. She gave no reaction. Good. As long as I could keep her talking, I might be able to keep her from losing it. “I was trying to avoid the reaction you’re having now.”

  “Clearly, that was a legitimate concern.” She rolled off her bed, away from me, and crossed to the window. For several long, painful seconds, she stared out, her fingers plucking at her knuckles. “Do you have suggestions for how I’m supposed to recover?”

  “No.”

  “In summary, my mentor is dating my stepsister. You knew I would hate that, so you kept it quiet and involved other people in the conspiracy. And you hoped I would never find out because you had no plan for how I would get over the betrayal.” She collapsed onto the floor and drew her legs to her chest. When she spoke again, her voice sounded like a lost child’s. “I knew him first. We were connected first.”

  “You still are.” I started across the room but halted when she shrank away from me. “My relationship with Micah doesn’t change yours.”

  “Yes, it does.” She bowed her head and her hair slipped forward, shielding her face. “I’ve noticed the changes, Brooke, which says a lot because I don’t notice social stuff. He’s had less time to talk to me. He takes too long to respond to texts and knows things before I tell him.”

  “He’s busy with the show, and I am the director’s assistant. Of course, we talk. That was true before we started … getting closer.”

  “Do you ever talk about me?”

  “Some.”

  “Do you tell him private things about our family?”

  Had I? I frantically combed through my thoughts, but nothing came to mind. “I can’t remember.”

  “Then you probably have, because you would remember if you had specifically decided not to. I guess I get why he’s been different lately. He’s changed you. You’ve changed him.”

  “Change can be good.”

  “Shut up with the justifications.” Her head lifted. “I can’t trust you anymore. I know that people can’t always tell the truth, but it ought to be for a good reason, and yours wasn’t.”

  “I thought it was.”

  Her voice had softened. Saddened. “It was all a lie.”

  “No, it wasn’t. He refused to lie to you, and I didn’t either.”

  “You let me believe things that weren’t true. Call it what you want, but that’s deceitful. You’ve become more important to him. He’s taken parts of you away from me.” She slammed her fists against her legs. “I don’t get this. You say I’m your sister. Is this how sisters treat each other? Because if it is, I don’t want to be one.”

  My eyes stung with tears, and I tried to blink them away. “I was trying to protect you.”

  “Sure, Brooke. Believe that if it makes you feel better. Except let’s think about how it worked out. I’m worse off. Honor is important to Micah, so he’s worse off, too. But you? You’ll be fine.” Her phone hummed. She pulled it from her pocket, glanced at the text, and tossed the phone onto the carpet. “That’s from Micah. He wants to know if I’m okay.”

  “Are you going to respond?”

  “No. He’ll text you, and you can tell him.”

  On cue, my phone buzzed with the Micah tone.

  I’ll drive over after dinner

  I stared at the screen, wracked with shudders.

  “What does it say, Brooke?”

  Why had he sent the message now? “He’s coming over to see me.”

  “I get a text. You get him. It did change things. Go away, Brooke.”

  “Natalie—”

  “I want to be alone. I think better without people around.”

  I left and trudged into my room. Behind me, the lock on her door clicked.

  I dived into my bed face-first, shaking and dizzy. Thanks to the pill, she hadn’t melted down. But I hadn’t been prepared for the dejected, logical, betrayed Natalie, and that was somehow worse.

  29

  The Innocent Person

  Micah’s text arrived around eight.

  I’m here

  On my way

  When I walked out the door, Micah was waiting on the steps to the veranda, leaning against the banister. I stopped on the step above him. Our eyes were at the same level.

  He enfolded me in his arms. “How are you doing?”

  I leaned into him, and breathed in the rightness that he always brought. “It’s been a rough evening.”

  “Sorry. What about Natalie?”

  “She’s confused and sad.”

  “Will she be okay?”

  I started to say that her meds were working—and stopped. This was what Natalie meant about privacy. I hadn’t liked it when she’d violated mine. I couldn’t do the same to her. “Eventually.”

  “I’ll talk to her tonight.”

  Was she standing at a window, reliving that horrible moment all over again? I hoped not, but if she was, I couldn’t let her see us like that. I pushed him away.

  He held on for a surprised second before letting his arms drop. “What’s going on?”

  I skipped down the steps and into the yard, out of the light cast by the house. Out of earshot of anyone who might be listening from a window.

  From the beginning, I’d known that Natalie would hate the thought of us together. She now believed that two of the people she relied on most had deliberately fooled her. My
relationship with Micah could only succeed if it had remained a secret from her. We lost the gamble.

  I had to fix this. My irritating, opinionated, cranky stepsister had crept into my heart. I wanted her life to be the best that we could make it. Knowing I’d made it worse was killing me.

  I’d been selfish. I’d reached for something I shouldn’t have and set this disaster into motion. The failure was all on me.

  “Brooke?” Micah stood by my side. “Tell me what’s wrong.”

  Dread twisted in my gut. There was only one option available to us, and I could hardly bear telling him. I gestured between us. “We are wrong. We have to … change.”

  “How?”

  I was such a coward. I couldn’t get the words out, so I just shook my head.

  He exhaled softly. “Whatever is happening here, we’ll survive it. Natalie will get used to the idea.”

  “I don’t know if she can. She thinks we’ve abandoned her for each other.”

  “She’ll never understand how relationships really work if you shield her from every negative emotion. You can’t be held hostage to her feelings.”

  Yes, I can. “How would you feel if your sibling had stolen someone you cared about?”

  His jaw clenched. “I can tell you exactly how that feels.”

  Damn, I’d forgotten. He did know.

  Micah was the innocent person in this mess. I hated how much my decision would hurt him, but I couldn’t let that affect what I had to do. There’d been too many blows for my stepsister this summer, and this might be the one to make her crack. “I have to do what’s right for Natalie.”

  “Which is…?”

  “We have to end.”

  “What?” He shook his head as if he hadn’t heard me correctly. “You’re breaking up with me?”

  Grief swelled inside me, clogging my throat. I had to answer him, but it was so hard to force the word past my lips. “Yes.”

  His eyes widened with horror. “You can’t mean this.”

  I didn’t want to mean it, but Natalie had to come first. “I’m sorry, Micah.” My response came out in a hoarse whisper.

  “No, Brooke. This is insane. Natalie won’t learn about the world if you protect her from everything that’s bad. She needs a sister, not a servant.” He stepped closer.

  I stepped back.

  “Don’t do this.”

  “I have to. She can’t take any more. Her happiness is important to me.”

  “And mine isn’t?”

  I hesitated, not sure how to respond. Of course it was, but how could I compare them? “Micah—”

  “Shit. I got my answer.”

  “She’s my sister. She has to win.”

  “There is a third choice. You can have us both.”

  He hadn’t seen her a few minutes ago. Both wasn’t possible. “No, I can’t.”

  “Aahhhh. I don’t believe this.” He turned his back on me, his hands clawing through his hair. “Please, Brooke. You’re more than a girl I’m dating for the summer.” He spun to face me and pleaded with bleak eyes. “You’re my last thought before falling asleep and my first thought in the morning. You’re the person I tell my dreams to, even the private things I don’t tell anyone else. I can’t imagine me without you.”

  My legs were trembling. For almost two weeks, I’d had this smart, talented, humble, beautiful boy look at me like I was a gift. Treat me like I was necessary for his happiness. I couldn’t imagine me without him either. “For my whole life, I’ve felt out of sync with the people I l—” I stopped. Not ready to use love. “With the people I care about. I’ve wondered if I would ever find someone who felt the same way about me that I felt about him. Then I met you. Now I know how equal feels.”

  “Then don’t give up on us. We’ll find another solution.”

  I shook my head. “We would’ve ended in nine days anyway.”

  “Not for me. Do you think I could’ve walked away from you?” He searched my face, anger twisting his lips. “Wait. Have you never thought about what came next? Were you just going to stick with your original plan—to dump me after the show? To say, ‘Thanks, that was fun, good-bye’?”

  “I didn’t have a plan. I haven’t let myself think too much about the future.”

  “So, I’m just a temporary boyfriend who will conveniently disappear in a week.”

  “No. You’re so much more, but Natalie wins. Why can’t you understand that? She will always win.”

  “A game can have more than one winner.”

  “Not this game.”

  He stood before me, his face in the shadows, breathing hard as he battled to accept the end. Minutes ticked past. The breeze picked up. Thunder rumbled in the distance. And still we stood here, watching each other in agonizing silence.

  “Okay.” His shoulders slumped in defeat. “I guess there’s nothing else to say.” He took one of my hands in his, then the other, and closed the gap between us. “I can’t bear this.” His lips touched mine. Lingered. Drew away.

  He would be breaking my heart, if it weren’t already broken. “Micah.”

  “No. Don’t.” He released our hands and stumbled back a step. “Well, then. I’ll just…” Whipping around, he jogged to his car. Seconds later, it roared away.

  I closed my eyes, not wanting to see him drive out of my life. Micah had been mine for ten amazing days, and now I’d lost him.

  It hurt to breathe. Sinking to the grass, I laid on my side and cried.

  30

  A Force Too Intense

  Natalie hadn’t come out of her room last night, not for dinner or anything else. She let Jeff in once, but even that didn’t last long. She must not have said much to him, because he left looking puzzled but with no accusatory look, toward me.

  It was ten on Saturday morning before Natalie wandered into the kitchen, looking for breakfast. I was sitting at the table, saving a change to Jeff’s website. Micah had emailed the video around two a.m. I’d stared at the subject line of the message for five minutes before reading it. The video was uploaded now.

  Natalie leaned against the island and reached for the fruit bowl. “Will we get to take a car to the arts center today?”

  I frowned. She seemed quiet and somber, but I couldn’t sense any anger. “No, somebody will have to drop us off.”

  She peeled her banana and took a bite. “What did Micah say last night when he came over?”

  “We broke up.”

  “Huh. He didn’t tell me that.”

  “You’ve talked to him?”

  “We texted last night.”

  “When?”

  “At ten-thirty.”

  Two hours after he’d left here. Wow. “Did he mention me at all?”

  “No. He wanted to know how I was doing. Nothing else.” She took another bite of banana. “I didn’t expect you to break up.”

  “I didn’t either.”

  “This is more logical for you both. I’m not sure what the point of that relationship was. You’re better off this way. Less complications.”

  “Natalie, stop.” I snapped the lid down on my laptop and stood.

  “Are you crying?”

  “Yes.”

  “Why?”

  “It killed me to give him up.”

  “Huh. What about Micah?”

  I gave a bitter laugh. “He resisted. Strongly.”

  “Then why…?” She frowned. “Clearly, my meltdown had something to do with it, but what were the other reasons?”

  Micah’s voice rang in my head. Natalie won’t learn about the world if you protect her … I checked the clock. We had two hours before we had to arrive for the rehearsal with the band. Enough time for her to recover from a bad reaction to the truth. “There were no other reasons.”

  She tossed the banana peel in the trash can, then turned to me, her expression blank. “I won’t thank you, since I don’t know what I think. But I’m not glad either.”

  Her reaction was milder than I expected. “Okay.”
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  “What will it be like for the two of you backstage?”

  “We’re mature. We’ll work it out.”

  * * *

  We rode in complete silence to the theater. Jeff dropped us off and pulled away. The Daltons were walking in from the parking lot.

  “Hey,” Natalie called.

  They stopped.

  She marched up to him and said in her not-quiet voice, “Brooke dumped you.”

  Lisa gaped at him, then me, and back again at him.

  “She certainly did.” His gaze met mine for a hard few seconds before returning to Natalie.

  I stood, frozen in place, unprepared for how cold he was.

  “Why didn’t you tell me when I texted you last night?”

  “I expected you to find out from her.”

  “Correct assumption, in this instance.” She gestured toward me. “Will you be okay if she’s around?”

  I glared at Natalie. “She is standing right here.”

  He shrugged. “We’re mature enough to make it work. Excuse me.” He stepped around her and jogged toward the lobby doors.

  Natalie gave a satisfied nod. “He said almost the same thing you did.” She ran after him.

  I watched him, forgetting for a moment that I wasn’t alone.

  “Wow,” Lisa said and followed her son.

  When I entered the rear of the auditorium, Micah and Lisa stood at center stage, having an animated discussion. I had to press my lips to hold in a moan. We’d made it past the first awkward moment. It had been even more painful than I would’ve guessed, but it should’ve made things easier. It hadn’t.

  They didn’t see me. I shifted uneasily on my feet. Although I couldn’t hear the words, it felt wrong to be here.

  The movement must have drawn his attention, because he scanned the shadows and found me. He looked at his mom, muttered, “My decision,” then stalked behind the curtains.

  Lisa remained in her spot, arms crossed. “Did you hear any of that?”

  “No.”

  Her voice lowered. “We were talking about whether you should stay.”

  The sentence jolted me. Why had I never considered that possibility? The thought of leaving left me shaken. “He wants to fire me?”

  “I suggested it, but he disagreed. He thinks you’re too critical to the production.”