The Mimosa Tree

by Antonella Preto

  ‘I find that hard to believe,’ I say amazed that man could be considered desirable in any way.

  ‘It’s that rock’n’roll thing. Everyone’s a sex god when they’re the lead singer in a band. Look at Nick Cave. I mean he’s really ugly but you wouldn’t turn him down if he asked, would you?’

  ‘Um, I think I would prefer to get to know him first.’

  ‘A fuck’s a fuck,’ she says shrugging. ‘The world could blow up any day now, so if someone’s offering, take it! This is no time to be discriminating.’

  ‘I’ll keep that in mind.’

  ‘Don’t worry. You’ll get plenty more offers tonight. Everyone does.’ And she walks away.

  On the one hand, two people talking to me at a party within minutes of my arrival is a pretty good thing. In most social situations I’m usually the weird girl with no friends standing on her own and looking awkward and out of place. On the other hand, the fact that almost everyone here is weirder than me is more than a little disturbing. When I feel someone else come up beside me I brace myself for what’s to come.

  ‘Apocalypse!’ I say, relieved it’s someone I actually recognise.

  ‘What did he say?’ she says without looking at me.

  ‘Who?’

  ‘My boyfriend. He poured you a glass of wine.’

  ‘ That’s your boyfriend?’

  ‘He looked upset. Did you say something to him?’

  ‘Not a thing,’ I say and don’t even have to try to sound convincing. She turns slowly to look at me, points her chin down so I get the full benefit of her coal-smudged eyes.

  ‘Find your own cock,’ she says and knocks the glass of beer out of my hand before turning and disappearing into the crowd.

  Now I am really bummed. I am not sure what I imagined this party would be like, but I really didn’t expect this. This gathering is about as different as you could get from one of my family parties, and I have no idea what to do. Sadly, I think I would be more at home with the oldies down the road. With a growing feeling of discomfort I start to look around for a quiet corner to hide in until Via comes to pick me up, when I hear one of my favourite songs: ‘Ask’ by The Smiths. The crowd must like it too because there is a big cheer and people start jumping up and down and singing along. I get pushed back to the sidelines as the square paved area where I am standing begins to fill with more and more people. Suddenly, everything seems all right.

  Then I see Harm pushing through the dancers towards me. Instinctively, I look around to see if perhaps he is walking towards somebody else, but there is nobody but me looking back at him. He seems to speed up as he approaches, and I think I am going to have to jump out of his way or get crushed against the wall but before I can react he leaps the final metre, wrapping his arms and legs around me and we tumble to the ground laughing.

  ‘I love this song,’ he says.

  ‘Me too,’ I say loudly.

  He pulls me to my feet and begins spinning me around in a crazy dance. ‘I’m so glad you came,’ he says when we finally stop moving and he clasps both my hands in his and begins to drag me into the crowd. I think we are just going deeper into what has become the dance floor, but instead he pulls me straight through to the other side then down a narrow walkway at the side of the house. The walkway stops abruptly at a large bush with long weeping branches and clusters of tiny blue flowers shaped like little trumpets.

  ‘Where are we going?’

  ‘In here,’ says Harm, pulling apart the branches to reveal an open centre inside.

  I step through after him and he lets the branches snap back into place, sending a shower of flowers down over our heads. It’s difficult to see anything until Harm lights a candle. Inside this cavernous bush someone has gone to the trouble of setting up a kind of lounge room, complete with a rug, coffee table and an old couch that is missing an arm. Harm sits down and motions for me to do the same. The couch tilts heavily towards him and as I have the side with no arm, I have to tense my whole body to stop myself from sliding into him.

  ‘You like my place?’ he says taking a small tin out from under the couch. He opens it up and it’s packed with what I now know is marijuana. He sticks papers together as we speak.

  ‘Must get cold. And wet.’

  He laughs. ‘I have a room inside, but this is my thinking space, you know? I come here to get away from things. You want a drink?’

  I nod and he reaches behind the couch, pulls out a bottle of bourbon. I could have handled beer, or even wine, but I’ve never had bourbon before and I have no idea what it tastes like. He doesn’t even mix it with anything, just pours it into a glass and hands it to me. When he isn’t looking I take a sniff of it. It smells like something I would find in Dad’s garage. Harm raises his own glass at me before gulping it back in one swallow. ‘Cheers,’ he says and as he looks away I toss my drink over my shoulder. Thankfully he doesn’t notice.

  ‘So you spend a lot of time here?’

  ‘A bit. Apocalypse can get pretty full on. It’s good to have somewhere to get away.’

  ‘I saw her earlier. She told me not to upset her boyfriend.’

  ‘Andrew?’

  ‘That’s it. He lives here as well, right? I imagine it’s nice to get away from him too,’ I say.

  ‘Nah. Andrew’s really cool. We get on really well. You know he’s the lead singer of No Future. You heard of them?’

  ‘No, sorry.’

  ‘Oh, you’ve got to. You’ll love him.’

  So everyone keeps telling me. ‘Hey, this is great,’ I say, leaning back and looking around our little grove. There’s a spider, like a marble with legs, working an enormous web. Above us the moon peeks through the tangle of branches. It feels magical, like a fairy grotto and it makes me feel like I am twelve again.

  ‘I thought you’d like it.’

  ‘I do. I wish I had a place of my own.’

  ‘You could move out.’

  ‘Yeah, right,’ I say laughing. ‘My parents don’t believe in children moving out until they are married.’

  ‘That could be arranged,’ says Harm with a nudge.

  ‘Well that’s a nice offer, but I like you too much to inflict my parents on you. They would never leave us alone.’

  ‘That would be an interesting change. I’m not used to having parents that hang around much. Mine are always going somewhere or doing something.’

  I start fantasising about what it would be like if I didn’t have strict parents or snooping aunts, how it would feel to have some privacy. For as long as I can remember I’ve been trapped in a world of bossy giants. Well, they’re my size now, but in my mind that is still how I see them: looming over me, wagging fingers and telling me I’m doing everything wrong.

  ‘My parents never leave me alone. They have no life.’

  ‘My parents have a great life,’ says Harm pouring us both another drink. ‘It just doesn’t include me.’

  ‘That doesn’t sound nice,’ I say, but I am still struggling with the idea of parents ignoring you being a bad thing.

  ‘When they are around they just fight all the time anyway and that’s worse. I’m used to being on my own now. It’s a lot easier without them.’

  I swish the bourbon around in my cup as I think about what Harm has said. Maybe I can’t relate to having parents that aren’t around much, but I know what it’s like to have parents that fight all the time. When my parents fight I feel trapped. I get confused, like I want to stop it, should be able to stop it, but I never say or do the right thing. When I was a kid I remember hiding in my room and praying to God to just lift me away. That’s when I still believed there was a God, and that all I had to do was look up at the ceiling to ask him for things. He never did help me. Maybe that’s why I don’t believe in him now.

  ‘You going to drink that?’ says Harm.

  ‘Yes,’ I say, thinking, why not? I hold my breath and take a sip. It’s like drinking antiseptic. I can’t help screwing my face up in disgust.

&nbs
p; Harm smiles then raises his arm, and this for some reason causes the couch lean to intensify. It catches me off guard and I slide across into him.

  ‘Sorry,’ I say and try to move away, but he wraps his arm around me and holds me there. He says nothing, just stares and smiles, and my world is awash with green iris and smoky eyeliner. Everything is perfect, and just as I imagined this moment would be. A breeze ruffles the branches and blue blossoms fall around us like snowflakes.

  Then he starts sniffing the air.

  ‘What?’ I say.

  ‘What’s that smell?’

  ‘There’s a smell?’ I say, hoping to God it’s not me.

  He wrinkles his nose and narrows his eyes as he tries to pinpoint where it’s coming from. ‘I think it’s salami.’

  ‘Oh my God,’ I say, horrified, and push my hand into my pocket where Mum’s sandwich has been crushed between us. I hold it up for Harm to see. He smiles and pulls me closer towards him.

  ‘You are a strange girl, Mirabella.’

  ‘And that’s a good thing, right?’

  ‘It’s a very good thing.’

  He pushes my hair back from my face, and he must be the only person ever who has been able to do this without getting shoved. Mum’s sandwich drops to the floor with a soft thud as I let go and relax into his arms. I can feel his breath on my nose.

  ‘Who you got here then?’ says a voice, and the leafy grove shakes violently as Andrew pulls aside the branches and steps in.

  Without warning, Harm jumps out of his seat and I fall heavily onto the couch arm. I sit up straight and rub at my shoulder as I wait for Harm to send Andrew away. At least, that’s what I am expecting him to do, but Harm surprises me by welcoming Andrew in.

  ‘This is Mira,’ he says indicating to Andrew that he should sit next to me.

  I feel pretty strongly about not letting that creep anywhere near me and as I leap up to get away from him I scrape my head against a low branch. I cry out in pain but neither of them seem to notice or care. I think I am looking about as uncomfortable as I can, stooping low to stop my head from banging into more branches and pushed into a corner as far from Andrew as I can manage, but Harm isn’t even paying attention. As Andrew lies back on the couch and puts his feet up, Harm hurries to get him a drink.

  ‘Got anything stronger?’ he says after sculling the glass and then disposing of it by wedging the empty cup between some branches.

  ‘I got some of this,’ says Harm, slipping the joint he rolled earlier from his pocket and handing it to Andrew. Andrew turns the joint in his fingers, examining it from every angle before placing it to his lips.

  ‘Andrew has been teaching me how to roll,’ he says to me. ‘I think I’m getting the hang of it.’ He looks at Andrew for confirmation and is rewarded with a slow nod. Harm holds the lighter as Andrew applies some short, sharp sucks to get it lit.

  ‘Am I interrupting anything?’ says Andrew looking me up and down as he smokes.

  ‘Nothing at all,’ says Harm. And I feel like he’s stabbed me.

  ‘That’s too bad. I was hoping I could join in.’

  ‘So how’s the party going?’ says Harm either ignoring or not hearing the insinuation in Andrew’s words.

  ‘Nobody fucks, that’s for sure,’ he says, glancing at me. ‘And the music is shit.’

  Harm laughs like it’s the funniest thing he’s ever heard. ‘Yeah, that’s what I thought.’

  ‘I like it,’ I say, angry that Harm is acting so weird. He liked the music too. We danced to it. ‘I think the music has been really good.’

  Andrew turns towards me menacingly. ‘You a musician?’

  ‘No.’

  ‘Then shut your stupid gob.’

  Harm laughs like Andrew’s just kidding around. ‘Don’t let him freak you out. Andrew likes to sound tough but it’s all an act. You want some?’

  ‘I have to go,’ I say as the grove begins to fill with smoke.

  ‘Really? But you just got here!’ says Harm, and the surprise in his eyes is genuine.

  I don’t want to go, I just want to get away from Andrew. I want Harm to come with me. I want to understand what happened on that couch, and I want to know why it ended so quickly. I just want to be somewhere that feels safe.

  ‘My lift will be here soon.’

  ‘That’s too bad, honey,’ says Andrew and he releases the joint from his mouth with a kiss. ‘We could have had a nice time.’

  I look at Harm, willing him to say something to make things better but he just looks confused. I have to leave.

  ‘Bye,’ I say and struggle to find a way through the branches.

  Harm gets up to help me, but when he touches me on the shoulder I brush him away. In my hurry to get out I almost fall out of the bush. I walk quickly back to the party.

  ‘I’ll see you in class!’ he calls after me but I ignore him.

  Back at the dance floor, things are going off. The floor is packed with people and the music is loud and awesome. They are playing another of my favourite songs but I just want to get out of here. I weave through the crowd. I am so angry I push a few people, not because they are in my way, but just because I can. When I get to the other side of the crowd I see Apocalypse standing there, arms crossed and bosom heaving with anger.

  ‘Where is he?’ she demands.

  ‘Who?’

  ‘Andrew.’

  ‘Andrew?’

  ‘Of course fucking Andrew. Did you upset him?’

  ‘He looked fine to me.’

  She leans closer and grimaces. ‘You were with him?’

  ‘Listen,’ I say putting my hands up to try and get her to back off a bit. ‘Your boyfriend’s a jerk and I’m not interested in him.’

  She grabs me by my coat. ‘ Nobody speaks about my boyfriend like that.’

  Then she punches me in the face.

  I fall to the ground and before I can even understand what is happening to me, she jumps on top of me and starts thumping at my chest, my arms and my head. I can feel her hitting me, but nothing hurts so I think she can’t be hitting me very hard. I don’t try to hit her back, I just put my arms up to protect myself. I can hear her growling and grunting as her arms flay. Finally, she stops and I push up on one elbow to see Andrew holding her off the floor while she is still kicking and screaming. Though she struggles hard, Andrew holds her easily, and he looks at me and laughs like this is the funniest thing he has ever seen.

  ‘Are you okay?’ I hear Harm say, and I feel him putting his hands into my armpits and lifting me onto my feet.

  Though I felt strangely calm during the attack, as soon as I feel Harm’s hands on me I get this great rush of grief and anger. The feeling seems to start in my chest and gather in my arms and when I push Harm away he falls back heavily and looks at me stunned.

  ‘Don’t touch me,’ I say, and there are tears coming out of my eyes and I know my nose is frothing with snot but I don’t care. ‘Don’t anyone fucking touch me,’ I say again and run through the house and down the street and past the oldies party and further still, until my face starts to ache, until my chest starts to ache and until my arms start to ache so much that I have to sit down. I lean up against a big tree trunk and slip into a hollow. I cry like a baby.

  ***

  By the time Via arrives to pick me up, the oldies party has finished. There’s a dim light coming from one of the windows of the house. I imagine the old couple that live here are probably sipping hot chocolate in their pyjamas and discussing the highlights of their lovely party, oblivious to the angry Italian woman trying to crash down their gate and demanding to know who has left her niece standing alone on the road. Down the street, Harm’s party is still in full swing and I can see people milling around on the footpath laughing, clinking beer cans and sharing smokes.

  ‘Don’t they have any sense?’ she says trying to push me aside to get through the gates. ‘Look at those criminals down there,’ she says pointing back to Harm’s house. ‘Imagine what could hav
e happened to you!’

  ‘Forget it, Via. Let’s just go home.’

  ‘Rich bastards. They wouldn’t treat their own children like this.’

  ‘It’s my fault. I left without telling anyone.’

  ‘They should have been watching you! What is wrong with these people? You’d think old people like that would have more sense.’

  ‘Please, Via. Can we just go home?’

  ‘I am not letting them get away with this.’

  ‘Please, Via. I’m hungry.’

  She stops pushing and looks at me. I try to keep my eyes hidden behind my fringe, as I am sure they must be swollen and red with crying.

  ‘What’s wrong with your face?’ she says.

  ‘Is this another one of your ugly jokes?’

  ‘No,’ she says, gripping my chin and turning my face back and forth like she is seeing something new there. Her eyes narrow as she examines my features carefully and I wait nervously for her to notice a bruise or a scratch or something that will make her ask me more questions.

  She pulls my eyelids up to see inside. ‘Are you on drugs?’

  ‘What? No!’ I say, pulling her hand away.

  ‘Are you feeling sick?’ she says, feeling my forehead for a temperature.

  ‘I’m fine, Via.’

  ‘No you’re not. Something is wrong with you, I can see it.’

  Her eyes fix on mine and I feel naked. Usually I would just look away, but there is something about how she is looking at me, and there is something about how I need her to be looking at me right now that makes me stay there and take it.

  After a moment, her expression softens and she takes my cheek gently in her palm. ‘It can be hard to be young,’ she says.

  ‘I’m just tired,’ I say but I can feel the tears welling.

  Via runs her fingers across my cheek so that my tears spill. She smiles sympathetically and slips her arms around my shoulders. ‘You are a strong girl, just like your mother. Understand?’ She waits until I nod my head, then she squeezes me against her side and leads me back to the car. ‘Let’s go home. I think you’ve had enough for one night. I’ll come back and deal with those bastards later.’ But when I look up at her in horror she smiles to let me know she is joking.