“Yes, but, Papa, please come home.”
“I can’t just yet, but ask Mama if I can take you to lunch on Saturday.”
“I will, but Papa, I cry every night because you and Mama are angry at each other.”
“No, we just had a misunderstanding.”
“Are you going to make up?”
“Yes, darling, yes.” He listened to himself lie.
“Then why don’t you come home.”
“We’ll talk about it on Saturday … Okay?”
“Okay, Papa. Grandma’s here and said when I spoke to you to say she loves you.”
“Grandma? … Oh, that’s nice. It must be wonderful seeing her.”
“Yes, but not like you, Papa.”
“But we’ll see each other Saturday … Oh, ask Vincente if he wants to come.”
“Papa, would you mind if just you and I had lunch this time … just the two of us?”
“No, darling, I’d love that… now, you’ll be sure and let me know if it’s alright with Mama?”
“She’ll say yes … I know it.”
“But you’ll call anyway, tomorrow?”
“Yes, Papa … Papa, I love you.”
“And I love my little cara mia.”
“I’m not so little any more, Papa. I’m fourteen … almost fifteen.”
He paused and cleared his throat. “Sometimes I forget.”
“Good-bye, Papa, I’ll call tomorrow.”
“I’ll be waiting.” With all his freedom, how free was he … that’s what Roberto had said about possessions. He, of course, had meant material things, but children were flesh and blood … the other possessions one could sell, rid one’s self of, but children? His reprieve from such thoughts was the phone ringing …
Getting back to work was impossible for Victoria. The week away had left her unfulfilled, the memory still so fresh that she couldn’t launch into the batch of mail and phone calls that lay on her desk. By eleven o’clock, realizing it was impossible to concentrate, she gave up, calling her secretary, saying she was going home and would be back in the morning. But home was not exactly where she was going. First, she stopped at Guide’s, the greengrocers who also sold a vast assortment of Italian delicacies, where she purchased all the ingredients for the cannelloni, which she’d had many disasters at trying to fix, but with the aid of Mrs. Guide, she was now confident that tonight’s would be superb. Excitedly, she proceeded to the poultry store where she bought a large tender four-pound hen, then to the florist and finally, to the bakery. She cooked, and cleaned the apartment, arranged the flowers, set the table. It was four by the time she had finished. Getting into a tub, she relaxed and lay back. How much she had changed this year. Once, she had thought of nothing except a career. In fact, it was so important to her that Tom Lang had taken second place. Victoria had warned him before they were married that she’d never let anything interfere with that and he had accepted it… for a while … but then he became tired of fixing scrambled eggs for himself or ordering Chinese food and one thing led to the next until the mild arguments began … that led to the larger ones until she said “I told you so, Tom,” and he said “You did”, and she said “I think it’s best while we’re still friends to call it a day,” and that’s what they did, went their separate ways. Of course, Victoria never said “I was right and you were wrong,” nor did Tom. What had happened to two nice people was a case of college love and a difference of interests. He was an architect and she, an attorney … or maybe it had nothing to do with that … really … because the last time she saw him, quite by accident, he was happily married to a doctor, a pediatrician, no less and they had one little girl whose picture he showed to Victoria with enormous pride. The child was perfectly adorable and at the time, she could scarcely remember that once he had been her husband for four years. When she had met Tom, they were both in school and it wasn’t like a marriage at all, just like two roommates. But suddenly, at thirty-six, she felt barren and life had no permanency. Her career no longer seemed so important nor her ambition so urgent. So today, doing what she did, cooking, cleaning, getting ready for Dominic to come home, seemed so much more worthwhile and rewarding than any case she ever tried and won. At seven, she could scarcely wait to hear the key in the latch and when she did, her pulse raced as she ran to greet him. The lights were dimmed, the music played softly, the wine was chilled, the candles glistened and glowed, the cannelloni was bubbling in the oven, the salad was ready to be tossed and the French bread was ready to be toasted. They exchanged the same kisses and embraces, then talked about unimportant things over their drinks before dinner, but something in Dominic’s manner made Victoria say, “Dominic, you’re very quiet.”
“Am I… I hadn’t meant to be.”
“Did something happen today?”
“No…”
She did not press the issue, “I didn’t stay at the office.”
“You didn’t … why?”
“Oh, just wanted to play hooky.”
“That’s not like you.”
“I know … but I just wanted to play house.”
He laughed, “And you did an excellent job … everything was so delicious and beautiful.”
“Thank you, darling … I don’t suppose the cannelloni was quite like your mother’s, but I tried.”
“Don’t tell my mother, but it was better.”
She lowered her eyes, then took a sip of coffee, “I won’t… because I’ve never met her.”
There was no answer. Obviously, Dominic couldn’t say ‘you will.’ Instead he answered, “It was delicious, darling. I loved it… but you best of all.”
“Do you, Dominic?”
“Yes, Victoria … I wouldn’t think you’d have to ask me that.”
“Oh, darling, I’m not really asking, of course, I know you love me.”
Something had gone wrong … the questions, the answers didn’t seem like them at all. There was a peculiar strain she felt all through dinner.
Later, as Dominic sat reading, he seemed so far away.
“Dominic, I’ve been so happy today … I hate going back to the office.”
He stopped reading, “Do you really? That’s a new Victoria.”
“I don’t know. Something has happened, I can’t explain. I think I just want to be without obligations, no regimentation. I don’t know what’s come over me.”
“I’ve felt that way myself when things get to be too much.”
“I don’t know, Dominic … I’m beginning to feel I’ve missed so much not having children. Do you miss your children?”
He took her in his arms and said, “Yes … but it doesn’t make me love you less.”
“Oh, Dominic, after being so happy all day, I suddenly feel so inadequate.”
“Why? Have I made you unhappy?”
“No … no, darling, it’s just me.”
“It’s more than that, isn’t it?”
“Yes.”
“What?”
“Your mother … I think not being able to know her or ever meeting your children.”
“Darling, in time all of that will change.”
“How?”
“I really don’t know just now, but one day it will be different.”
“It all seems so futile.”
“You don’t really mean that, you couldn’t.”
“I don’t, darling, I’m sort of confused this evening. I simply sensed something this evening I can’t come to terms with.”
“About me, you mean?”
“Yes, you seem so withdrawn … almost like you’re pretending.”
“You’re right… you just know me too well.”
“Something’s on your mind, isn’t there?”
“Yes.”
“What is it?”
“Well… Gina Maria called.”
“And you realized how much you wanted to see her.”
“Yes.”
“That’s natural.”
“I know, but it makes me fee
l guilty.”
“Why should you?”
“Because I have a luncheon date with her and you can’t be there.”
She sat silent for awhile, trying to put down the feeling that this was a part of Dominic’s life she would never be able to share. “But I have to see my children, darling,” he continued, “what else can I do?”
“Oh, Dominic, you’re making me feel so ashamed … as though you could read my mind.”
“Much more than that … I can understand your feelings. You feel left out.”
“Thank you for knowing me so well, but, darling, it has nothing to do with jealousy … only my foolish dream that I could’ve been friends with them, knowing, of course, that’s impossible.”
“Someday, darling, when they’re older and have more understanding and realize how important you are in my life.”
“I know, darling, I know you’re right. Now, sweetheart, if you’ll excuse me, I’m tired. I think I’ll go to bed.”
“Alright, but remember how much I love you, and need you.”
“Mr. Rossi, your mother-in-law, Mrs. Posata, is on the phone,” the receptionist said as Dominic sat shocked, wondering what the hell he could say to her.
Finally, he answered, “Yes, put her on.”
“Dominic, darlin’, this is Mama Posata. How are you?”
“Fine, Mama, and you?” he said evenly, trying to make his voice sound elated to hear from her, which was far from what he felt.
“I couldn’t be better, Dominic … unless you were home so as I could see your sweet, shinin’ face. What are you doin’ for lunch this afternoon?”
He thought fast … should he, shouldn’t he … he’d have to see her eventually, so why procrastinate? “I’m not busy at twelve-thirty. How would that be?”
“Just fine, Dominic, darlin’.”
“Is there any particular restaurant you’d like to go to?”
“Any place at all, darlin’, where it’s quiet and we can talk.”
He sighed, this was one lunch he could live without. “What about the Fairmont?”
“Why, that’s just about my favorite place.”
“Good, shall we say twelve-thirty then … in the lobby?”
“That’s just perfect and, Dominic, I can’t tell you how happy I am about seein’ you.”
“Thank you, I’m looking forward to it.”
Well, twelve-thirty couldn’t come around fast enough to get over the ordeal of seeing his mother-in-law. They sat in the quiet of the Camilia Room and ordered. She was the epitome of charm and grace. Not once did she refer to the separation which he knew had brought her on this mission. She spoke about everything else, about Bobby … how wonderful it was for one of the children to show such cultural ability and, of course, the others … my dear, what exceptional minds, just like his, she assured him, and Gina Maria … well, that one was a beauty if there ever was, “Why before you know it, Dominic, darlin’, I swear you’ll be leadin’ her down the aisle and what a happy day for you. My goodness, I simply can’t believe it, the way time is goin’. Why, Dominic, look at me … I’m an old lady. Seems like only yesterday you and Catherine were married. Time surely does march on, doesn’t it though?”
“I should say.”
“And you’re right, darlin’, before you know it, Christmas will be here and then the New Year always follows and all us gettin’ older. A funny thing, Dominic, I’ve been alone a long time now, but you know somethin’ … you never get over your first love. I coulda married, but could you imagine me, tryin’ to replace my Angelo? Oh, my goodness, the very idea is just simply ludicrous. Your first love is your first love and nothin’ can come between that.”
Dominic wiped his sweating palms on the napkin. He looked at his watch and said, “Mama, I can’t tell you how wonderful it was seeing you … now, I really have to get back to the office.”
“My goodness, Dominic, I had no idea I was detainin’ you. I hope you’ll forgive an old lady for ramblin’ on, but I haven’t seen you in some time.”
“I regret that … it is a pity, but you’re looking wonderful… you’ll never grow old … you’re just as lovely as ever.”
“Why, thank you, Dominic … and you’re my same handsome son. That’s how I’ve always thought about you. Oh … I’m gonna have dinner with your Mama tonight. Yes, indeed, she’s always been one of my very favorite people.”
“She feels the same about you, I know.”
“Well, we’ve been friends a long time.”
Dominic shook his head. She took the last swallow of coffee, then said, “Darlin’, you go on your way … I know you must be very busy.”
“Yes … well, again, it’s been very nice seeing you …”
She interrupted, “We’re gonna see each other again, Dominic … you don’t think I’m gonna remain in this city and not see my favorite and famous son-in-law, now, do you?” she said, smiling. “Why, Dominic, I’m the most proud mother in the world. I always knew you were gonna be someone of importance.”
“Thank you, for saying that … it’s very kind of you.”
“Oh, come on now, you’re just bein’ too modest, Dominic.”
He wasn’t at all modest, he was just damned uncomfortable and couldn’t get away fast enough. “Well, Mama, again, what a lovely surprise this has been.”
She reached up and kissed him which he returned. As she saw him go through the revolving doors, she thought, I haven’t even begun to surprise you.
The rest of the afternoon was filled with a million conflicting thoughts, all of which had been meant to achieve the desired results that Violet Posata had so carefully planned. He was aware of her strategy, making sure she made no mention of his separation from Catherine, but still, he had been uncomfortable, knowing that she knew all the reasons. At the end of the day he could hardly wait to see Victoria.
Saturday came and when he left, it was with tremendous ambivalence, but Victoria was sweet and casual, “Have a good time,” she said.
“I hate leaving you.”
“Oh, darling, please don’t… after all, it’s not for another woman.”
She looked at him, smiling, trying to reassure him that she accepted this as part of their lives. But when he left, she sat down with a drink in her hand and thought if it were another woman, I think I could fight that, but how do you fight this, and yet, she reasoned, if she did or said one thing to discourage his relationship with his children, he would choose them. When he returned that evening, Victoria was dressed and waiting. No mention was made as to his afternoon, for which he was more than grateful. As she fixed him a drink he said, “How would you like to go dancing at the Mark?”
“I’d love it.”
“Okay, we’ll finish this, then get your coat. I think it’s about time I took my best girl out to celebrate.”
In the weeks that followed, he spent Sundays with the children, which always left Victoria at loose ends, but when he returned in the early evening, she would have dinner prepared and try to be recovered from the depression she had fought.
Then the week before Thanksgiving Violet Posata paid Dominic a visit at his office, dropping in late that afternoon without having called in advance, hoping he would be able to see her. It was simply the chance she took and, as it happened, Dominic was just getting through with his last client for the day. He picked up the intercom phone when it rang. “Yes?”
“Mr. Rossi, Mrs. Posata is in the reception room waiting to see you.”
Goddamn it, he thought. It was five and he and Victoria had theater tickets. He had promised her he would be home about six and he still had some paperwork to do before leaving. Angrily, he said, “Send her in … in about five minutes.” He then called Victoria on his private phone and, when he heard her voice, his heart skipped a beat. “Sweetheart, I’m going to be a little late, I’m afraid, but something came up which might detain me.”
There was a moment of silence, then she asked, “Do you think we’ll be able to make the
theater?”
“Oh, I’m sure and if it’s alright with you, we’ll have something to eat later.”
“That’s alright, I understand.”
“Thank you, darling, but I’ll be home as soon as I can get this out of the way.”
“I’ll be waiting.”
He wanted to say I love you, but she had already hung up, leaving him looking at the silent phone. Mechanically, he pressed the button, “Have Mrs. Posata come in.”
Standing up to greet her, it was difficult for him to try and be cordial, but if there was a trace in his manner that indicated his dismay, she certainly gave no indication as she said, “Dominic, darlin’, I hope you’ll forgive me for bargin’ in on you, but I thought that maybe this was the best time after office hours.”
“I’m glad you did. However, I have a business conference in about twenty minutes.”
“Oh … well, I just would like to talk to you for just a few minutes, darlin’ … may I sit down?”
“Forgive me, please do.”
She sat across from him as he seated himself behind his desk. “You look a little tired, Dominic. Maybe you’re overdoin’ things.”
“Today was a little hectic and long.”
“I can imagine so, Dominic, I’m not gonna carry on a lot of sweet talk with you and get right down to the reason I wanted to see you.” He sighed, knowing what was coming, but he remained silent. “Dominic, I know you’re aware of why I’m stayin’ with Catherine and, of course, I also know what happened between you. But before I begin, I also want you to know I’m not judgin’ you nor puttin’ the blame on you.”
He looked at her, clearing his throat and running his tongue over his dry lips, “Thanks—but before you begin, would you like something to drink?”
“I think that would be nice, Dominic.”
“What would you care for?”
“Anythin’… a little brandy if you have it.”
“Yes,” he said going to the bar, pouring a brandy for Violet and a bourbon for himself. He couldn’t go through this without a little something to fortify him. Handing her the glass, once again he sat down behind the desk, took a swallow, then said, “I don’t want to be unkind, but really, I think this is a subject I’m not quite up to discussing.”
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