Beyond the Checkpoint

by Addison M. Conley

  Nathan. Ali swallowed.

  Amazing how the agency seemed to overlook little rule breaks when they were the ones in trouble. Ali took a long sip of the tea. This could be a good break from the family, and a hell of a lot more challenging than the work routine around here.

  “How long is the assignment for?”

  “At least a year, beginning in February. Possibly longer. We would fly you back for Dalton’s court-martial and give you two weeks of personal leave. I’ll be frank. The other person has turned us down citing hardship on his family. To be fair, you need to think about the impact on your family and any relationship that you have.”

  A slight blush ran up his cheeks as he turned away to sip his beverage. For a man in his late sixties, he seemed to be doing the best he could.

  “We need a timely reply. Otherwise, we will be forced to select you or the other gentlemen.”

  There was a knock on the door, and Andrews excused himself.

  Sitting alone in his large office, she ticked off the pros and cons.

  Lynn. I don’t know where the hell we stand, and it’s for damn sure, I’m not going back in the closet. Maybe we weren’t meant to be after all…My family will be upset but will get over it…I need a new work environment to challenge me…Think of the adventure. I’ve always wanted to explore Australia’s nature preserves and its cosmopolitan cities. It sounds exciting…Oh, my Australian friends mentioned the Sydney Gay and Lesbian Mardi Gras is in late February. Who knows? Maybe I’ll meet someone…This could be really good for me. A genuine smile lit her lips.

  “Sorry about that.” Andrews softly closed the door. “As I was saying, we’re crunched for time and have to make a decision in the next 48 hours.”

  “I’ll take the assignment.”

  Andrews’s eyebrows shot up. “Don’t you want to think about this and discuss the move with your family?”

  “Sir, this is an opportunity to expand my horizons by working with our coalition partners. I have the skills, and I’m available to go immediately.” She extended her hand.

  They vigorously shook hands. “Wonderful. We can start the paperwork tomorrow.”

  “Yes. Thank you, sir.”

  Nothing in life is perfect, but a change of scenery in a non-war zone may be just what I need to feel alive again and back on my feet.

  Chapter 33

  December 2010 – NSA Headquarters, Fort Meade, Maryland

  Sinking down in a cushiony chair in the foyer of the NSA director’s suite, the bacon and eggs Lynn consumed earlier now gave her heartburn. Why has Admiral Kent called this meeting?

  The room was warm and stuffy, and the volume of the TV playing in the background was irritating. Every office in headquarters had to have one or two screens on one of the major news channels. Overseas, most chow halls had the TV tuned to the Armed Forces Network. It seemed she could never escape the constant barrage of news.

  Someone entered the foyer and turned up the volume. “Yesterday, the House voted 250 to 175 to repeal the ‘Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell’ policy, sending the issue to the Senate. Efforts to overturn the 17-year-old law, banning gays from openly serving in the military, now has the backing of three key Republicans. Senator Olympia Snowe of Maine said she would vote to repeal the law, joining fellow Maine Senator Susan Collins, and Senators Lisa Murkowski of Alaska, and Scott Brown of Massachusetts…”

  With DADT on the verge of falling, Lynn felt cheated. If only the circumstances and the timing were different, then I would have had the opportunity to have a family. She rubbed her lip and tightened her jaw. The lack of closure with Ali only added to the pain. Why hasn’t Ali returned any of my calls or emails? Stop. Shake it off.

  “Major, Admiral Kent will see you now.”

  “Thank you, ma’am.”

  She saluted Kent, then fear crept into her body at the sight of Blair’s rigid posture.

  “Sit, Major.” A lump formed in her throat at the sound of Kent’s harsh tone. “I’ll get to the point. We’ve been discussing your eligibility for promotion.”

  Blair was sitting back with one hand over his mouth and methodically twirling a pen with the other. He didn’t take his eyes off of Kent.

  “I’m honored to be considered.”

  “Unfortunately, Master Sergeant Evans filed a complaint.”

  The muscles of her body constricted, and the slight pulsing in her temples now throbbed. Lynn expected opposition from Blair but not Evans.

  “He claims you slept with Ms. Clairmont.” He took a deep breath and let it out. “If you recall, I told you at the beginning of the op to go up to the line but never cross it.”

  Evans, you malicious, sack of shit. Taking a deep breath, she carefully considered her words.

  Kent folded his hands on the table. “We talked to Ms. Clairmont.”

  Lynn’s soul screamed to fight, but her body gave up. Shit, who cares if I slump into my chair. My career’s over. Ali was the most honest person Lynn had ever met. She could see a situation where an investigator put the screws to Ali. And Blair’s got it out for me.

  Lynn was shaking inside. “And what did Ms. Clairmont say?”

  “That she made advances toward you, and you resisted.”

  Lynn couldn’t believe her ears. Kent didn’t give her a chance to reply.

  “A panel has been convened to review Evans’s accusation. Their decision will determine whether your package goes before the promotion board or if charges are brought. Mr. Blair and I have been summoned to provide testimony. And while you succeeded in the mission,” the admiral waved his hand in the air, “I’ve had to think long and hard. Evans’s allegation is serious. We go before the panel this afternoon.”

  Blair had dropped the pen and was brushing his trousers, then looked at her for the first time. He softened his posture but didn’t say a word. His face looks disappointed. Or is it pity?

  Kent tapped his finger on the table. “At the beginning, I was willing to give you the benefit of the doubt because I trusted your integrity. I expected you to put duty above everything and not act on your affection for Ms. Clairmont. Having this brought into the open and scrutinized is an annoyance.”

  Here it comes. Lynn clenched her jaw waiting for the hammer to fall.

  “Mr. Blair had specific concerns, but he has fully convinced me that you should be promoted to lieutenant colonel.”

  Wow. “Thank you, Mr. Blair.”

  He nodded, then brushed his pant legs again.

  The admiral cleared his throat. “Rather than finish your term at Fort Meade, I’m suggesting South Korea. That’s what’s currently available, and it would be a good fit for your career.” Kent shoved paperwork her way. “Read the fine print carefully. The panel meets at 1400. The room number is on the sticky note. Bring the papers and don’t be late.”

  Blair said, “You’re a good officer, Major Stewart. You completed the mission and kept everyone safe. I’m sure this will be behind you after today. Don’t waste this opportunity. Serving in the military and government service are far more satisfying than getting out and becoming a contractor. The choice is yours.”

  Back in her office, Lynn scoured through the papers from the admiral. Her mouth hung open. Signing meant lying. Lynn’s signature was giving her solemn oath that she had turned down Ali’s sexual advances. Not signing meant a discharge.

  She tried to call Ali, but there was no answer. Maybe, she’s in a meeting. She called Paul Taylor. Since the 2008 deployment, he had left the service and was a contractor at NSA. With luck, maybe he could tell her how Ali was doing.

  “Hi, Paul. Have you heard from Ali lately?”

  “Yeah…ah…Have you checked your email?”

  Her stomach dropped. “An hour ago, but I didn’t see anything. It’s been a little busy here.”

  There were several seconds of silence. “Check your personal email. I’ll send you my cell number. You can call if you want to talk. I’m leaving early today.” He hesitated again before saying, �
�I’m sorry, Lynn.”

  Lynn switched to the unclassified system for internet research. A warning appeared along with terms of agreement. Accepting the terms meant she was subject to monitoring, but she didn’t care at this point. She needed to know what was going on. Click.

  Dear Lynn,

  I’m sorry I haven’t spoken to you. The military warned me not to contact you about Evans’s accusation. They said if we talked before your review board, it would appear that I was conspiring with you. I hear the board meets today. Hopefully, everything turns out okay. You deserve this promotion. No one has worked harder than you. Your devotion to duty and integrity is second to none.

  This isn’t easy for either of us. Lynn, I care tremendously for you, but our careers are on opposite trajectories. I was given the opportunity for an assignment in Australia, and for several reasons, taking it was the right thing to do.

  I planned to leave after New Year’s, but things have changed. I’m now at Dulles, waiting to depart for L.A. where I’ll catch the flight to Sydney. I hate goodbyes, and I’m sorry I didn’t tell you in person. Take care of yourself.

  Love Always,

  Ali

  Lynn’s breathing was shallow. Her eyes filled with tears as she reread the message. The door opened, she hit the logoff button, spun around, and ducked her head in the adjoining file cabinet.

  “You okay?”

  The last thing she wanted to do was have a conversation with her office mate. “Yeah. I have some things to do.” She kept her head down and aimlessly rummaged through the cabinet until her colleague was absorbed in his computer. Taking a breath, she shut the cabinet drawer and grabbed the paperwork and her hat and coat. “I won’t be back the rest of the day. Have a safe drive home.”

  Rather than taking the tunnel between buildings, Lynn walked outside. The wind was bitter cold. The sky was gray and threatening to snow. She wanted to feel something other than the deep agony of losing Ali.

  Publicly, Lynn appeared picture-perfect with a string of successful projects. She couldn’t remember when she worked less than twelve hours a day. Other than her breakdown in 2008, she always completed a job above and beyond what was asked. And it’s all been at a terrible cost to my personal life.

  Lynn stepped inside and headed to the cafeteria. She sat in the back corner away from others, passing the time until the panel convened. The alarm on her watch jolted her back to reality. She swigged the rest of her coffee, which was now cold.

  Walking numbly through the corridors, she barely got to the room on time. Her body might have been sitting in the chair attentively, but fear tumbled inside her head while the panel members discussed the validity of the charges.

  “Major Stewart. Major!”

  Lynn snapped out of her haze. “Yes, sir.”

  “You’ve heard our discussion and the admiral’s recommendation, but it seems you haven’t signed the paper.”

  A young lieutenant placed the signature page in front of Lynn. She stared at it.

  “Well, Major. Is there a problem?”

  “No, sir.” Lynn signed. “Everything occurred exactly as Ms. Clairmont stated. I thank you for the opportunity to continue to serve.”

  “Do you have anything further to add before our final deliberations?”

  “No, sir.”

  “Dismissed.”

  She saluted and marched to the hall to wait for the final decision. How ironic? On the cusp of DADT’s defeat, I just might be one of the last ones kicked out.

  Within an hour, the admiral walked out smiling. “Looks like your promotion package will move forward. Are you going to take my recommendation on Korea or do you have another suggestion?”

  Lynn plastered on a hollow smile and shook his hand. “Korea will be fine, sir.” Kent walked off, but Blair remained.

  “You are a good officer. I wish you luck.” Blair patted her shoulder. “I think you deserve a long weekend. I’ll put in the paperwork. Take off, Major. That’s an order.”

  “Thank you, sir.”

  He took some steps then turned back around. “Thank you for your exemplary service.” His voice was soft and almost remorseful. “Hopefully, this dark period of our country’s history will be over soon.”

  Lynn drove home on autopilot. The loud click of her condo’s deadbolt sounded like a prison lock. She dropped everything and crumpled to the floor, knees drawn to her chest, and sobbed.

  Part III

  2014-2018

  Chapter 34

  September 2014 – NGA Headquarters, Springfield, Virginia

  Four Years Later

  Ali tossed her handbag next to the desk and plopped down at her computer. Staying up late to watch a movie had been a mistake. Lavender wafted to her before the steaming mug of black tea was set in front of her. She grinned at the President’s Daily Briefing Team emblem on the extra-large mug. A chocolate croissant appeared in front of her.

  “Good morning, Ms. Mentor. Looks like you could use a little more energy.”

  Ali shook her finger at Carla. “I knew you’d make it. What cabinet member do you support?”

  “John Brennan.”

  “Wahoo!” Ali high-fived her. “Oh, he’s tough. But it’s a large PDB team. You’ll learn a lot.”

  “Yeah, if I ever get past research and actually get a chance to brief him.”

  “You will.”

  After completing her assignment in Australia, Ali had returned to her old division with new vigor. When asked to teach briefing techniques to a few students, she jumped at the chance. Carla was one of the best, and the only one to be accepted on the President’s Daily Briefing Team.

  “Thanks for all the help. I couldn’t have done it without you.”

  “It was your hard work and accomplishments. I just gave you a little shove. I’m so happy for you. Next, I want to see you brief President Obama.”

  The phone rang, and Ali’s eyes shot to the caller ID. “Sorry, I have to take this.”

  “Talk to you later.” Carla waved.

  Ali answered on the fourth ring.

  “Hello…Yes…I’ll be there.”

  Staring at the treat in front of her, Ali didn’t feel hungry anymore. Her muscles were already beginning to tremble. She clutched the mug and walked out.

  Chapter 35

  An hour after the call, Ali waited in the cold reception lounge. Security always seemed to schedule the polygraph on a symbolic or inconvenient day. Twice it occurred before a holiday and once on her birthday. Today was Friday. What a way to start a weekend. And before lunch!

  For the most part, she managed to tune out the TV playing in the corner until she heard the words “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell.” The announcer mentioned the station would have a special story tomorrow at six. The third anniversary of the official end of DADT. A picture of Stephen King splashed on the screen, reminding viewers to tune in to the All-day 67th Birthday Movie Marathon on Sunday.

  Ali swallowed her sadness along with a sip of her tea. Sunday, the twenty-first of September was also Lynn’s forty-first birthday.

  She scanned the room for the remote. Not finding one, she climbed one of the plush chairs, stretching to reach the off button. Punching at it, she nearly toppled over, and then jumped down. But the silence did nothing to hide her expression of loss. Ali bowed her head and pinched her nose. If I had only given her another chance.

  She pulled a tissue from her handbag and dabbed her watery eyes until they were dry. Like every other time, Ali had chosen the easy way out. Running and hiding had been her only option as a child. As an adult, it was a crutch she still clung to.

  She couldn’t use that crutch today. The polygraph always dredged up the horrible truth. No one could help her, not even Lynn. The tightness in her chest suddenly made it difficult to breathe. Calm down. Breathe. In. Out. Reaching for her tea, she knocked it over.

  “Shit.”

  Ali scrambled to her knees and hurried to sop up the tea as it seeped everywhere.

  �
�Ms. Clairmont, we’re ready for you now.” A man with a crewcut opened the glass door between the lounge and security offices. “Don’t worry about that. I can have someone clean it up.”

  Ali collected the PDB mug—empty and now chipped—and her handbag. She forced her body upright and forward, attempting to display a smile.

  “Thank you.”

  The examination room was more sterile than the lounge. The walls were annoyingly bright white, and the fluorescent lights beamed down like in an auto mechanic’s garage. The focus of the room was an imposing chair. The tubes that would be strapped to her chest and stomach lay stretched out. Waiting for her were a blood pressure cuff and something that resembled a whoopee cushion. The esoteric apparatus tracked blood pressure, pulse, respiration, muscle movement or twitch, and the skin’s electrodermal response. And of course, video to record everything.

  Looks like an alien abduction system.

  The test was designed to measure anxiety levels and physical reactions when the test subject was asked questions. The tester would repeat the questions about espionage, loyalty to the country, and other subjects, over and over in a monotone voice. Each set of answers would be scrutinized for variations and anomalies.

  “I’d like to remind you that it’s important for you to sit completely still and look straight ahead.” He sat at a desk to her right, barely out of her peripheral vision.

  Stupid test. I bet if they could get away with it, they stick a probe inside me.

  He went through a series of questions. “Let’s have a break.” He turned off the machine, and the needles stopped. “Is something going on today? You seem to have problems.” He leaned against the wall, looking down on her.

  “No.” And here we go with the insinuations.

  These sidebar comments were not part of the polygraph. One way or another, the test had gotten to every single person she knew.