Disrespectful Diva (DJ #2)

by Helen J. Barnes

  I think that lets him know where he stands and if he’s got any brains he will do as I ask and let me have some head space. I hand the phone to Shaz and she reads what I’ve put and nods in agreement. “Junk foods?” She asks and I shake my head, not hungry after my breakfast. “Mind if I grab something?” Shaz asks and I giggle.

  “Make yourself at home, bitch.”

  Chapter 13

  The next day I call Pops and tell him I’m not coming in for a few days. I can’t face being around Dom just yet. Pops has been filled in on the whole situation and tells me to take all the time I need. My diary was pretty light on clients in this week anyway, and one of those bookings was Hot Ice. I highly doubt we’ll ever seen them in the studio again after Jason got hit a wall. Shaz thinks it’s a good decision and stays home with me, telling me she has completed the contract with Serious Soundz so she has plenty of free time.

  We spend Monday repeating our Sunday tradition and I keep my phone switched off. Dominic is good to his word and besides an initial text agreeing to give me space I haven’t heard from him. Tuesday Shazza gets this crazy idea that a spending spree will cheer me up so I find myself driving to Westfield with an uber excited Shaz and a credit card loaded and ready to rock. I generally prefer to shop online because shopping can be a nightmare with people constantly stopping me and I’ve actually had to phone Baz before to help me out. My theory today is that it’s a Tuesday and everyone should be busy at work so I’m hoping I won’t get mobbed.

  After parking we make a beeline for Victoria’s Secret PINK. After all, I’m not quite depressed enough to have all my haircut off or but the whole purpose of today’s mission is to cheer me up. And a substantial deduction to my bank balance later, I do feel brighter. I walk away with three new bras from the Date collection, five pairs of panties and a pair of sweats for chillaxing.

  We duck into River Island and I manage to walk out £100 lighter but with some hot as hell leather buckle boots. Shaz treats herself to a black leather biker jacket with faux fur collar and some sunglasses that she knows are pretty pointless seeing as it’s October but apparently they were just ‘her’ and had to come home with us.

  We are just tucking into a Nando’s for lunch and discussing our phone upgrades when I hear someone shout Shazza’s name. My heart sinks and takes my appetite with it when I turn to see Lucy Hart heading towards us. I think she recognises that she is the last person I want to see but she smiles politely and greets us both.

  “Hey.” Is all I can manage but Shaz seems genuinely happy to see her.

  “Hiya, sweets. Been shopping?”

  Lucy lifts various bags for inspection and I clock a Victoria’s Secret bag.

  “Well I think we worked hard enough in the studio this last month so I deserve a splurge.” Lucy smiles and I try to smile back but my hearts not in it. “I was just going to refuel before I hit MAC.”

  “Go grab your lunch and join us, if you like?” Shazza offers and I refrain from kicking her under the table, but mentally, I am boiling her head in a vat of searing hot fat.

  “Oh, are you sure?” Lucy looks from Shaz to me and I curl the corners of my mouth up but I don’t think it can quite be labelled a smile. “I totally understand, Tara, if you don’t want my company. I mean, I’m sure you two have loads of catching up to do and I know you and Dominic aren’t having a great time either…” She trails off and I’m surprised by the fact that she seems genuinely sorry to have brought it up.

  I toss her comment away, playing light on the subject. “Don’t worry about it.”

  “Well, if you really don’t mind I would love to tag along.” Lucy smiles and inwardly I sigh.

  That shit on my cheer-me-up-shopping-splurge.

  While Lucy is ordering her meal I turn to Shaz with accusing eyes. “What?” she fakes innocence.

  “You didn’t plan this? We just happened to bump into her?”

  “I swear, I had no idea she would be here today. Listen, Tara, just give her a chance. I swear you’ll find she’s not the ditz you imagine.” Shaz promises and I agree to be polite, even if spending with her doesn’t appeal right now.

  We chat idly through lunch about the music scene in general and I learn that Lauren ended up snogging Grotzy last night during the cake fight.

  On the way to MAC I feel a little like a spare part, an unwelcome tag along as Lucy and Shaz joke and chat. I quietly listen but they even have ‘in jokes’. I don’t get at all. What the hell do jelly beans have to do with Alton Towers theme park? I shrug it off and head off to a different counter and start browsing, wanting to pick out a nice silver eye shadow pallet.

  “Tara, do you think this would suit me?” Lucy asks and I turn with every intention of shrugging and not answering but her face is so full of innocence and warmth that I feel guilty being obviously cold.

  I approach and see she is holding a pallet with dark, kohl colours and I feel a little guilty but I’m honest with her. “You want my honest opinion?” Lucy looks wary but nods. Could she be any taller, I feel like I’m talking to Baz or Dom she’s so tall next to me. “Truthfully I think with your already dark features the dark makeup would be.., too much. Like, horror movie dark. I think you should stick to lighter colours. Your trademark pinks and whites suit you and I don’t think you should change who you are to.., fit in.”

  Okay, so, I worded that as nicely as possible and I’m not lying, she just wouldn’t look right trying to mimic the gothic look Shaz and I have rocked for years.

  Lucy looks at Shaz who laments with her eyes and Lucy puts down the pallet and tries to smile but I can see I’ve probably hurt her feelings. I really didn’t mean to. “It’s not that I’m trying to copy anyone. I just.., feel like a change. You know, a break from the glitter?” She follows this with a sigh and I feel an empathy for her. I know the feeling when the ‘image’ you live behind starts to grate and you wanna break free. An idea strikes me.

  “Well, instead of going to the opposite end of the spectrum why don’t you just funk up the pink? Go punk? Like this.” I offer her a hot pink and purple pallet of eye shadows. Lucy’s eyes bulge but Shaz looks at the colours and smiles.

  “Lucy, you could so rock this, it would look amazing on you,” she enthuses and Lucy looks from Shaz to me then back to the hot pinks.

  “Not much of an image change though is it? I mean, baby pink and glitter to hot pink isn’t much of a transformation.” She seems dubious.

  “Well, if you really wanna go wild then take this pallet to the salon and funk up the fro?” I dare and she blinks in surprise.

  “Really?”

  “Girl, you would proper turn some heads with some crazy bright highlights in your flaxen hair!” Shaz encourages and I see Lucy is tempted.

  “I don’t know if I dare.” Lucy nibbles her lip.

  Didn’t she just say she wanted a change for god’s sake?

  “You could have wash in and wash out colours, even I dare do that,” I taunt.

  “Would you? Hell, if you’re both having it done then I want some too. Buy that pallet Lucy, we’re off to the salon,” Shaz whoops and Lucy nods.

  “Fuck it, let’s go,” Lucy laughs and I blink.

  Did she just say ‘fuck’?? I didn’t realise she even knew the word existed!

  Oh, shit. I’m having pink highlights? Thank god I suggested temporary ones.

  “Holy fuck balls!” I stare open mouthed at Lucy, her long jet black hair has thin slashes of hot pink from root to tip throughout the whole of her head. I have to admit, it looks better than I anticipated. “Kudos to you, Lucy, it looks the shizzle.”

  “Thanks, Tara. I love it. I don’t think I’d ever do it permanently but it’s the break from the norm I needed.” She smiles, flicking her hair back over her shoulder. Shaz follows her out of the salon into the waiting area where I’ve sat nursing a coffee waiting for the next available hairdresser.

  “Whatcha think? Is it ‘me’?” Shaz directs her question at me and I look at the e
qually hot pink spikes of colour in her equally jet black cropped hair and nod.

  “You both look great. I’m not so sure it would look so impressive in my blonde hair though.” I inspect my locks doubtfully. I look back to Shaz and Lucy who trade a ‘look’ and I know they’ve both doubted I’d follow through on this dare.

  “Listen, Tara.” Lucy starts before moving to the chair beside me. “I know you probably suggested this to bolster me on and if you did this for my benefit then I appreciate it, but if you don’t want to go through with it, don’t worry about it.”

  Shaz looks at the floor and I glance between them, confused. Are they thinking I’m not a team player? I do I want to be part of a team which includes Lucy? I take in their pink dyes and straighten in my seat. I’m not backing out on this one.

  “I’m touched you think I’m considerate enough to suggest we do this purely for your benefit, Lucy, but I didn’t. You’re not the only one who needs a break from the bullshit.” I stand and head through to the salon, determined to go pink. It’s only when I’m in the seat that I question exactly why I am getting this done. Am I worried Shaz is getting too close to Lucy and I wanted to show her I could be spontaneous and fun, too? Am I doing it because I need to do something radical to feel in control? I haven’t felt at all in control lately.

  “So, you’re joining the pink parade?” The young stylist asks me before popping a bubble with her gum. I meet her gaze in the mirror and shake my head.

  “No, I want something slightly different.”

  An hour later we walk out of the salon and I’m sporting violet purple streaks through my pale tresses. As the queen of goth purple is the closest they were going to get me to pink. Plus, I’ve always preferred to be a little unique.

  “I think you look phenomenal, Tara. You should wear colour more often, soften the image.” Lucy winks and I laugh.

  “Maybe I will. Take a leaf out of your book?” I quirk an eyebrow. I can see Lucy doesn’t know if my comment is narky or not

  “If you have pink nails, I’ll have black,” Lucy dares. I chuckle, she knows I don’t mean my sarcasm and I realise she isn’t quite as sensitive and prissy as I predicted. I have to admit I’ve ended up quite enjoying myself and the spontaneous colour splash has perked up me, strangely.

  “You’re on. Next time we go on a splurge you can take me for my first nail bar visit,” I promise and Lucy hits me with a high five. I catch Shazza’s eye and she looks proud. Of who? Probably herself, for actually getting me socialising outside my usual realm of the Xtreem team? Is she proud of me? For letting my guard down? Proud of Lucy for daring to try something new? Either way there is a jovial energy amongst the trio of us.

  “Juicy Couture?” I suggest.

  “You read my mind.” Lucy concurs with a wink.

  On Thursday Shazza is recording a track at Epic Records with Dayton and I spend the day at home devouring the latest novel by my favourite author, but I find my mind keeps shifting and I’m staring at my Kindle, thinking about Dominic.

  I sigh and put my eReader to one side, seeing a notebook and pen on the table that Shaz has left lying around. I let my thoughts wander back to Dom and start writing lyrics, just random sentences that pop into my mind whilst I’m thinking about how hard it’s been this week without him.

  My arms crave to hold you, my lips miss your heat.

  My heart is frozen, without you, it refuses to beat.

  Your lies pierce me, they splinter and stab.

  The wounds refuse to stop bleeding, to heal and scab.

  But the pain I can’t stand, that’s too hard to bare.

  Isn’t just the betrayal, it’s the fact you’re not there.

  I want you here, need you here.

  But letting you close again fills me with fear.

  Dare I risk my sanity on you again?

  If you hurt me twice then I’m equally to blame.

  The words just flow and I release all my thoughts onto the paper, purging my mind of my revolving feelings and emotions. Surprisingly it makes me feel better and gets my creative juices flowing. I’m not just missing Dominic, I’m missing my studio. Avoiding him and Xtreem studios is stopping me using the best therapy I know to let my anguish out – through music.

  Friday Dom calls for the third time in twenty four hours and I reject the call again. He was doing a great job of giving me my space until Wednesday night, that was when the calls started and they have increased in frequency for each day I have refused to speak to him. I’ve had a lot of time to think and come to the conclusion we have a lot to discuss but today is not the day. I type out a quick text to put him out of his misery.

  Dominic, I’m pretty busy at the moment. I’ll call you tomorrow. We have to talk. I’ve had time to think things through but I want one last day to myself. Please respect that. Thank you for giving me my space. I got the flowers, I love them. I’ve never been sent flowers before so thanks. Speak soon. Xx

  I’m not lying on any count. I’ve never been bought flowers before so when a bouquet of two dozen long stemmed roses arrived I was surprised and flattered. The fact that they were a rainbow of colours rather than just the tradition red made me ponder his choice, until I read this accompanying card, which read ‘Tara, I sent you a rainbow of roses because one colour doesn’t say it all. I hope these express my love, passion, appreciation and my apologies. I love you and miss you. Dominic xXx’

  Even Shazza looked impressed with his effort and I have to admit, I’ve smiled every time I’ve looked at them. I know we are going to have a long, and predictably, deep discussion which may well even be painful, but I’m putting it off for one last day.

  The producer in me has taken enough time off work and I couldn’t resist starting a track that’s been playing in my head since my writing session on yesterday. I’m making do with the small home studio but having fun regardless of the limited equipment. I’m planning on taking the track into the studio with me next week. Shaz is just making us bacon sandwiches when Dom texts back.

  I’m so pleased to hear from you. You have no idea how hard it’s been not being able to speak to you. I’ve had to stop myself coming to your place so many times. I miss you like crazy, sweetheart. I’m glad you liked the flowers. I know it’s your birthday tomorrow. Pops told me you don’t celebrate but I want you to come somewhere with me, please? Just to talk. I swear it will be quiet. Private. You’ll come with me, won’t you? xXx

  Go somewhere with him? I don’t like the thought of being around people, but he did say it would be private.

  Where? Xx

  It’s a surprise. I promise you’ll love it and it will give us the time and space we need to talk. Please, let me take you with me. It’s a special place to me. xXx

  Time to talk privately is what we need and I suppose it wouldn’t hurt. I am tempted, I just wish he would tell me where he plans on taking me. I hate surprises. I hesitate and Shaz comes in with lunch, a quizzical look on her face. I show her the text messages.

  “Give the poor bastard his chance to explain. It’s only a day trip,” she mumbles before tucking into her sandwich. I hit reply, surprised by Shazza’s slight relent in her permanent hatred towards him.

  Okay, I’ll go with you. What time are you collecting me? Xx

  Thanks, I promise you’ll like it. I can’t wait to see you, it’s killing me. I’ll collect you at 7.30. Pack for overnight. xXx

  Overnight? You never said it was a stopover. What else do I need? Xx

  Passport, warm clothes, toothbrush and your fine self, that’s it. Thanks, Tara, for hearing me out and giving me a chance to explain. I love you xXx

  Okay, but be warned. I will kill you in your sleep if we end up in a nightclub for a surprise party or something. I mean it, Dom. See you tomorrow. Xx

  No parties, I swear. xXx

  I put my phone down and am left wondering just what he has planned. I hope he doesn’t pull some crazy shit because I meant it when I said I don’t want to celebrate. I shake
away the thought and hit playback on the partial track I’ve produced. Shaz is tapping her foot in time to the kick and drum loops I’ve put together.

  “Sounds sweet, bitch. You missed work?”

  “Like you wouldn’t believe. I’m itching to get back in the studio. I was tempted to go in the middle of the night,” I chuckle.

  “Which have you missed more? Work or Dominic?” Shaz quizzes. “Serious answer, no bullshit. Tell me the truth.”

  I wince. As much as this track has been playing in my head for days, Dominic has been on my mind almost constantly. I’ve been itching to write this track but I’ve ached for Dom. I’ve missed his smirk, his teasing, his emerald eyes and I’ve missed his touch. Damn, I’ve even missed his arrogant banter.

  “I’ve missed Dom so much more, Shaz. Like, achingly missed him, in here.” I put my hand on my heart. “I’ve missed him like I miss my parent’s, only, I could call him anytime I wanted so it was different, but the same. Am I losing it?”

  Shaz smiles a watery smile and shakes her head. “No, babe. You’re in love.”

  Am I though? How do I know? I’ve never loved anyone in this way before. I know he means a hell of a lot to me.

  “How do I know it’s love?”

  “Can you imagine never seeing him again? Do you miss him like that even when you know you’re going to see him tomorrow? Do you feel like a part of you is missing while you’ve had this time away from him?”

  “No. Yes and yes again. But, Shaz, part of me is so.., so fucking mad at him right now. I want to see him but I can’t promise I won’t want to rip his bollocks off when I do.” I admit and Shaz laughs.

  “That’s because he hurt you. If you found out Billy had banged Lucy would it bother you?”