The Desire to Touch

by Taylor, N

  “Maybe?”

  “Just stop and get dressed.”

  “I have nothing to wear and I feel like a beached whale, I’m not going!” I flump onto the bed and bury my face into the piles of clothes strewn across it.

  “You’re doing it again, quit toying with the voices in your head because I will work my magic and you will look beautiful!”

  “In 30 minutes?” I lift my head from the bed

  “Yes, now the black dress or the blue one you wore last night? I’m sure we can steam out the creases quickly,” she laughs

  “Well, whatever, I had a bath earlier I don’t have time to go again.” I know I’m being obstinate but I’m in an awkward mood now.

  “Did you tidy up…you know,” she points down to my private area.

  “Yesterday but I’m certainly not going to be offering that up.”

  “Don’t be so pissy! It’s best to be prepared though, nothing worse than letting the dog see the rabbit and finding out the rabbit is a rabid wild hare!”

  This conjures up images in my mind that bring nervous giggles up from my stomach and make me laugh.

  “Right get dressed and then I shall work my magic on your hair and makeup.” Meagan ushers me into the bathroom and thrusts the black dress into my arms.

  After a rush job of dressing, hair and makeup I stand in front of the mirror while Meagan stands behind me admiring her handy work.

  “Well, Cinderella you will go to the ball,” Meagan say’s, pleased with her efforts.

  I can’t quite believe it - I’m pretty stunned at the reflection looking back at me, I’m wearing a sleeveless black shift dress, black high heels and silver drop earrings.

  “Let’s not forget the final piece,” Meagan reaches into my top drawer and pulls out a thick silver geometrically shaped bangle and passes it to me to slip on.

  I slip it on then play with my hair, admiring what she has done. Just a simple side- parted messy bun with a few loose ends hanging down all complimented by the understated nude makeup, with minimal eyeliner.

  “Wow.” I feel so grown up and I look my age!

  “You like? Well even if you don’t it’s tough. I love it, its 8:55 so you’d best get going.” Meagan grabs my black military jacket off the bed.

  I groan as my stomach starts doing summersaults, “Do you really think this is a good idea?”

  “Yes! Now come on, I’ll walk down with you so you can’t back out.” Meagan rushes into the spare room to collect her bag and then meets me by the door.

  We travel down in the lift together and the whole time she is going over and over things I must and mustn’t do.

  “Please Ellie, just tonight let go, act at being the old you if only for a little while.”

  “Will you please stop making me nervous then, please.”

  As my nerves start getting stronger the duo reappear, Devil girl is dressed up as the hot dominatrix and Angel girl is wearing a beautiful white maxi dress – note to self - get one, it looks good on her.

  We leave the lift and we walk through the lobby as Earl passes. He nods in acknowledgment then double takes and stops, “Off somewhere nice?”

  I smile back curtly.

  “Well he’s a very lucky guy, does your uncle know you’re off out?”

  I freeze and my face drops then Meagan jumps in,

  “I will let dad know, it’s fine, I will pick her up.” Turning away from Earl she drags me to the entrance.

  “He’s so nosey, it really winds me up.”

  “It’s only because he cares Meagan, look I don’t think I’m ready for this. I am way to nervous and what if...”

  “Look,” Meagan grabs me by the shoulders, “I told you just stop over thinking things and for god’s sake stop playing with that bangle!” She swipes my hand away from being able to touch it.

  “I have my phone and I will come and get you whenever, wherever you need me to ok?”

  I nod, that reassures me and I feel slightly better. We walk out of the front door and the Midnight blue Bentley is waiting.

  “Nice car!” Meagan whispers in awe.

  We slowly walk down the steps towards the car, I look around and no one seems to be in it waiting. We turn around and see Trey talking to Frank the doorman, Trey smiles and walks over towards us – I change my mind, I want to go back, I want to go back.

  I subconsciously go to take a step back but Meagan is behind me holding me in place and foiling any plan I had to run.

  “Ellie,” he pauses, “You look beautiful.” He walks towards me, looking so amazingly handsome, turning me weak at the knees. Trey is wearing a thin white jumper and jeans, his hair is gelled into a messy style and all the stubble he had last night has gone. His jaw is so soft looking I could quite happily bite along it, whilst his blue eyes sparkle in the night light.

  I’m speechless again, then I feel Meagan’s elbow in my back prompting me,

  “Thank you,” I smile.

  Meagan jumps in offering her hand for Trey to shake.

  “Hey,” she’s all flustered trying to act cool, “I’m Meagan, we met last night, thought I’d introduce myself now I’m sober,” She ends it with a little laugh, desperately playing aloof.

  Treys eyes are locked on mine and he doesn’t seem to want to release me to greet Meagan. Finally he moves his attention to Meagan and shakes her hand. I hear the little giggle of ‘Oh my God’ come from deep behind her big all American smile.

  Meagan turns to me and leans in to hug me and whispers in my ear, “Old Ellie, just for tonight.”

  I hug her back, “Keep your phone on loud then.”

  “Shall we?” Trey holds out his hand for me and, taking a deep breath, I take it. That feeling is there again sending the butterflies mental inside my belly.

  Chapter Eight

  We walk towards the car and I turn to smile at Meagan as Frank runs down to open my door. Trey releases my hand and goes around the other side and gets in. Frank holds my door open and I slide into the car; the seats are amazingly comfy and the interior is gorgeous. As Frank closes the door I look up to Meagan, who gives me a wink and a thumbs up whilst waving her phone at me, so I nod in return.

  “You ready?” Trey asks.

  I take the biggest breath in, one that makes my chest heave – ‘Be old Ellie’. I turn to him and smile, “Yes.”

  Trey starts the engine and we glide away so silently, I instinctively start fiddling with my bracelet – I can’t stand the silence but I don’t know what to say. This is almost painful!

  “Music?”

  I say a little prayer heavenwards – ‘Thank you!’

  “Yes please.” I smile.

  “Anything in particular?”

  “As long as it’s not death metal we’re good.”

  He chuckles, “Shame, I like a bit of throat screaming.”

  I look at him shocked - he does not look the type, oh crap! great way to start the evening Ellie, foot in mouth yet again.

  “Sorry, whatever you like.”

  “Relax, I’m joking,” he smiles an amazingly beautiful smile.

  My phone buzzes I reach into my bag and get it out,

  “Your cousin checking that I haven’t tied you up?”

  Oh Christ, I swallow loudly, “More than you know.” I glance out of the window looking at the streetlights flying past as we glide along the highway, I close my eyes and take a steadying breath then return to my phone.

  Meagan xx

  17 Sep 2012 21:14

  Relax Dad is fine with u out, pls relax & have

  an amazing time – leave the bracelet! ;) xx

  I put my phone back in the bag and stare out of the window as we glide over Williamsburg Bridge. I am so thick - I haven’t even asked where we are actually going!

  ‘Old Ellie, old Ellie’ I chant under my breath.

  “Where are we going?” my voice is surprisingly calm and not mousey or shy – my Angel and my Devil are applauding me. Yay, go me!

  Trey loo
ks at me briefly, “My house.”

  Overdressed! I am definitely overdressed, argh!

  “Oh, where is your house?”

  “Long Island, told you I lived close.” He grins like a child.

  “An hour away? That’s close enough” I can’t help but laugh, more for the fact I am so close to home, I can escape should I need to.

  I feel so much more comfortable now; I just sit back in the chair, making sure I sit ladylike. I look up at the dark sky and drift away while Trey flicks through music to play. He skips past one and without thinking I say, “I like this one,” Again I shock myself at how calm I am.

  “This one it is.” He laughs putting it back on.

  Annie Lennox singing ‘A Whiter Shade of Pale’ fills the car and I return to drifting back off and admiring the skyline from the car window.

  “Are you warm enough?” Trey asks

  “Yes, thank you.” The silence isn’t so awkward anymore, it’s actually quite comfortable and it’s nice not having anyone ask if I’m ok every five minutes.

  The journey seems to go really quick and before I know it we’re driving down a long road that has huge trees either side. We slow and pull into a set of gates that are hidden far back into the trees. Trey pushes a button near his steering wheel and the gates open slowly onto a lane that is dimly lit by old fashioned street lamps. The lane is edged by perfectly trimmed hedging that glows under the lamps. The lane is quite long and eventually leads to an Edwardian style house, no, house is the wrong word - it’s a mansion, it’s huge. We leave the lane and pull onto a sweeping gravel driveway that sits just in front of the half-brick, half-timber palace. I am catching flies again trying to pick my mouth up off the floor.

  “This is your house?”

  “Yep,” He turns off the engine and climbs out, I follow his lead and open the door and try to exit the car ladylike with the duo whispering in harmony ‘Do not fall over when exiting the car’.

  Trey comes round to me and closes the door behind me, then walking up to a massive glass front door shaped like an archway. He opens it. I am walking along eyes darting left and right trying to take in the beauty of the building, I bet it’s stunning in daylight, very British looking with ivy growing up the side. I turn to look at the front lawn and I can’t see much because its so dark but there are a couple of huge trees lit up like the house. I turn around again and, walking forwards, so dumbfounded I do not see the step up in front of me sending me spilling forwards onto my knees.

  “Shit Ellie, are you ok?”

  No, I am bloody embarrassed, I’m on my knees and way too overdressed for your house, do I look ok? Angel girl is bending down pleading me to keep graceful. Graceful? That left the minute I fell arse over tit! Devil girl has left - through embarrassment I guess.

  Trey appears at my side. His hands slip around my waist helping me to my feet, I can feel my mood going downhill rapidly.

  “Got me at your feet already,” I grumble. I stand and brush myself down, removing Treys hands from my waist.

  “Well that wasn’t the entrance I was expecting.”

  “Not what I was planning on giving,” I can’t help but give a small smile as he does have a look of worry on his face and in his beautiful blue eyes. To know his worry for me is over nothing, feels so warming.

  “Come on,” he pushes the door open and waits for me to enter.

  We enter into a massive reception area. I take a few steps in and in front of me is a sweeping staircase, from the size of it I reckon it leads to Narnia. “This way. We’ll go to the living room and have a drink.” Trey walks through a set of double doors and I follow down a hallway that enters into a huge living room. The room is probably half the size of the house, we walk down a few steps into it and there are pure white carpets throughout. In the centre is a half-moon sofa that could fit about twenty people on and in front of that is a glass coffee table that is bigger than my double bed, hanging over the table is a massive crystal chandelier.

  I take a few steps in, near enough on tiptoes because I do not get the fascination with white carpets. I am totally going to spill something in here.

  “Please, have a seat, wine?”

  “Yes please.”

  Trey disappears and I continue looking around, there are pictures everywhere on every wall and on every window sill. I have to be nosey, so I walk over and start looking at who is in the pictures. There is a very glamorous lady in a lot of the first set, she looks every bit the film star, comparable to Monroe in the sepia style, smoky-lensed, photos. I move to the next set and there are pictures of two little boys, one is not smiling in any of the shots and then there is another little boy in other pictures who smiles when he’s alone in the pictures with the lady but, when both the boys are together neither child smiles and the lady looks pained. There must be at least fifty pictures on this wall alone, it really sticks out from the theme of the room. I look to the next wall and there are more and a grand piano that looks untouched with more pictures on.

  This all smacks of feminine touch, let’s see, this is where the Swedish model glides in with her 8ft tall legs and scratches my eyes out.

  “It’s my mom.”

  Trey has appeared behind me with two glasses of wine, taking me by complete surprise. “I am such a bad host, please let me take your coat.” He walks over and places the glasses on the table then walks back to me and stops in front of me. He starts unbuttoning my coat, he doesn’t look at me but keeps his eyes on the task in hand, I try to keep my breathing still and calm, knowing his hands would be hovering over my stomach and the gigantic scar that covers it.

  “The pictures,” he continues, “My Mom, she has this thing with photo’s. When we were younger she was always taking us to have pictures taken,” the corner of his lip twitches up as if suppressing a memory. “Then, when I moved here, she helped decorate. Every time she comes to visit she brings a couple of pictures with her. I’ve been here two years now and to begin with I used to put them in the cupboard, but I don’t have the strength to argue with her anymore.”

  He reaches my top button and unhooks it, then looking directly into my eyes he parts my coat slipping his hands under the lapels slowly running his fingers along my neck to my shoulders making me clench deep down within. Trey’s hands are so soft and as they touch my skin the whole of my body becomes alive and every nerve ending is extra sensitive, slowly he lifts my jacket off my shoulders. Breaking the stare first Trey walks behind me and slips the coat down my arms, I pull my arms free and he folds the coat, placing it on the back of the sofa.

  “This place is lovely, huge though. Do you live here alone?” I ask walking over to the floor to ceiling glass doors to see what’s outside.

  “I like having space,” he answers becoming very closed off.

  I press my nose against the sparkling clean glass of the doors to see through, there is a pool that is bigger than my apartment. Trey stands behind me and passes me my drink, I take it and gulp down a few well-needed, thirst-quenching, gulps of wine.

  I feel a hand rising behind me then all of the outside lights up like a Christmas tree, I turn quickly and see Trey has turned on the lights for me to see. The pool has under - water lighting showing its glorious size, there is decking leading to a bar and dozens of seats and tables all surrounded by millions of little white lights lighting it all up.

  He must throw a lot of parties, I can’t imagine him sitting out there on his own then again after all ‘the pictures with girls’ mentioned, I’m sure that’s where he has all his orgies. I’m not dense - he’s a star, he probably has orgies, just him and all the playboy bunnies. Now all I can see is Trey and playboy bunnies fornicating by the pool side and in the pool. Damn it! I try to blink the images away but the jealousy monster is starting to rear her head from deep within and I can feel my mood starting to drop, more so than before. The façade of ‘Old Ellie’ will be harder to keep up if I keep tormenting myself.

  ‘Stop it woman just stop it, he’s not y
ours to get jealous about!’

  Devil girl and Angel are both fighting some green-eyed monster that’s trying to battle its way up from middle earth.

  “Very romantic.” Shit! Did I think that or say that?

  “Can’t say I’ve thought of it like that for a while.”

  I did say it! ‘Oh dearie me, this wine must be going to my head already.’

  “Are your feet holding up tonight?” he laughs.

  “Just about.”

  It’s only standing still for long periods of time and then the burn starts to set in on the balls of my feet.

  “Errr Ellie?” Trey sounds panicked.

  “Yes?” His tone takes me by surprise and I use all my will to fight the urge to grab my bracelet.

  “You’re bleeding!”

  “What?”

  I turn to look at him and see him staring down at my leg, I follow his gaze and look to my knee and there’s a line of blood trickling down. I must have sliced it open when I fell. I glance back at him then it hits me he has a white carpet! I look over to the stairs and there’s nothing – phew, then I look to the pictures where I stood for a while and from there to where I stand now is a treasure map of blood drips across his beautifully clean carpet, CSI would have a field day!

  “Oh my God your carpet, I am so sorry.” I gasp instinctively, bending to cup my knee to stop anymore drips falling. I am bloody mortified and I can feel the lump in my throat starting to rise again, ‘Swallow it, just swallow it away!’

  “It must’ve been from your grand entrance,” He smirks, eyeing over the carpet.

  “I’ll pay for it to be cleaned, I am so sorry.”

  Before I know it my bangle is encased by my left hand and I’m squeezing it so hard my hand has gone numb, pay for it? Who am I kidding – it’s blood on white carpet, that won’t come out for shit!

  “Forget about it, please come in the kitchen and let me clean you up.”

  I pretty much slobber all over my hand and then slap it back on my knee to try and stem the bleed, Mum always said your own spit stops the bleed. Anyway what am I saying - the cut is more like a gash, I bet I could see bone if I had a proper look.