The Desire to Touch

by Taylor, N

“How can someone so beautiful be so blind?” he takes my phone from my hand. He called me beautiful, I flush and the butterflies start up once more.

  “Look.” He holds out my phone so on the screen I can see his cell and email had been added to my contacts, he then opens my reminders and shows that he’d set an alarm at 8:45am to email him once I was at work.

  That is the cutest thing I think anyone has ever done for me.

  “I must have cancelled the reminder when I grabbed my phone from under the bed,” I bite my lip through self-anger.

  “Well, it’s not like I waited all day to hear from you.”

  “Much,” I add still blushing from the earlier compliment.

  “Come, there’s somewhere I want to take you, why are you looking at me like that?”

  I’m still smiling.

  “What?” his beautifully well-chiseled face now mimicking my heartfelt smile.

  “Nothing, just that’s really…well cute.” I smile and play with my sleeves.

  “What the phone thing?” he rolls his eyes, “We’ll have less of that. Come on it’s getting late.”

  I follow him out to the main doors and notice he hasn’t taken my hand, we walk out the door and Michael is behind us shadowing our movements. I glance behind and smile at Michael, either he doesn’t see me or he’s too busy scanning the street because he doesn’t acknowledge me. He walks away from the hotel and towards a white convertible Audi with its roof down, parked curbside.

  “Is Michael ok?”

  “Yeah why wouldn’t he be?”

  “I don’t know he just seems distracted.”

  “No, he’s like this when we’re out.” Trey replies all matter of fact, “Just ignore him I do, I thought we could go out for a drive in my new toy?”

  I look at the car and think ‘Oh shit my hair is not going to withstand this, one gust of wind and I’m going to look like I’ve taken to licking plug sockets.’

  “My hair,” I look at him worried.

  “You look lovely, your hair’s fine.”

  “Now yes, but later it won’t be. Can I run up and grab a hair tie and a bag as I have nothing with me.”

  “Really?” He looks at his watch.

  ‘Oh shit, I need a hair tie if nothing else.’ I turn to look at the main doors pondering whether to run back to my apartment but Marianne walks out of the doors – my little silver lining.

  “Marianne?” I call over to her.

  She turns and spots me and walks in my direction, “Hey Ellie, are you ok?”

  “Yeah, I’m ok thanks, you? Have you got a hair tie I can pinch?”

  She catches sight of Trey behind me and instantly she turns into a rabbit caught in headlights, fishing around in her bag she pulls out a tie and hands it to me, the whole time her attention is on Trey.

  “Thanks”

  “Ellie is that…?” She whispers.

  “Trey Thomas yes he’s my…erm my…”

  “Friend, nice to meet you.”

  Trey holds out his hand to shake Marianne’s and after about three minutes of staring at him, mouth open, she finally responds.

  “Oh my, oh wow,” she coughs, “H…Hi.” She stumbles out.

  Friend…Friend? I stand with the best false smile I can muster but behind the gritted teeth I am confused as hell. He’s introducing himself as my friend so that’s it we must just be friends…this I can deal with but I will not let myself get swept up in the lust and sex again, that’s not me.

  “It’s so lovely, no amazing…oh my god.” Marianne has turned into the bumbling idiot that is watering at the mouth.

  “Oh, just you wait until I tell the girls who I have just touched,” she laughs, “Sorry met.” Her nervous laugh starts to take over and I think I can hear her knees knocking.

  “We should be going,” Trey grasps me tightly around my waist.

  “Yes sure.”

  “It was lovely to have met you.” Trey smiles and with an authoritative grip on me he starts to lead me away, I guess I know where I stand.

  I smile and hold a hand up to wave at Marianne, and she waves back,

  “Bye, bye Ellie.”

  We turn and walk toward the car, I can’t help but feel downtrodden like that errant child again.

  “Right, are you ready? I want to test this baby’s speed,” he strokes the car admiring it.

  I quirk up my lips into the best smile I can.

  “What now?”

  Ok that question takes me by surprise.

  “Nothing,” I squeak.

  “Something’s obviously wrong.”

  “I just felt it was a bit rude leaving Marianne like that that’s all.” I shrug.

  “I don’t do public meet and greets Ellie and I want to go out before the night hits, not just that, I don’t want to be photographed out here.”

  Not a prima donna, my eye.

  “Right, sorry I will not allow a public meet and greet to happen again…sir.” I grab my sleeves again – why…why didn’t I wear a bangle!

  His lips twitch up into a wry smile and he walks towards me but stops keeping a safe distance.

  “I’m sorry I didn’t mean it like that, I am just used to doing things a certain way – my way.” He nods as he says it and from that I take that as my cue to agree with him.

  “Ok,” I force a smile but I’m really not sure about this now.

  He keeps his face impassive and still stays at arms length away,

  “Come on, there is somewhere really special I want to take you, if it’s not too late by the time we get there.”

  I glance quickly back at the hotel and try my hardest to think of an excuse so I don’t have to go but in the back of my mind I can hear Meagan “don’t over think things”, so I swallow hard and try to find my inner self to take control.

  “How many cars do you own?” I’m trying hard not to slip into one of those moods.

  “Five.”

  More money than sense springs to mind.

  “Two vintage and two motorbikes.”

  Ok definitely more money than sense. I raise my eyebrows at him but he seems oblivious as he opens the car door for me to get in. I slide in, thank God for my cropped trousers, I scoop my hair into a low ponytail and silently pray that does the trick. I pull down the vanity mirror and see that very little of the mascara I applied earlier is still on and my under eye bags are starting to creep through Aubrey’s makeup I used.

  “Where are we going?” I ask closing the mirror.

  “Well I thought we’d try and see a stylist friend of mine but I doubt we’ll make it before she’s gone to Paris.” He sighs, “So, if not, we’ll see where we end up.”

  “Oh I thought you didn’t introduce your friends and the current girl?”

  “Well she’s not that kind of friend, more of a work acquaintance and I don’t introduce girls to people like Kyla and Sean.”

  “Ok…” confused now, “Are you going for a new look?”

  “It wasn’t for me.”

  Both the duo are staring over my shoulder at him with their jaws on the floor, who the hell does he think he is?

  “Michael looks ok to me.”

  Trey smiles and laughs inwardly as he masters the traffic weaving effortlessly in and out of all the hustling busyness.

  “Hey do you fancy the beach? It will definitely be too late to see her now, it’s another forty minutes on from mine but if you fancy you could stay the night?”

  “I don’t think so,” I snort.

  “No?” he turns to me in shock.

  “Eyes on the road please!” I squeak, bracing myself as we nearly run a red light. I look behind and see that Michael is following closely in a blacked out Audi Q7.

  “Huh.” He shakes his head.

  “Are you angry?”

  “No, no.” he laughs, “I’ve…I’ve never been turned down before.”

  I can’t help but laugh, “How does it feel?”

  “Strange, but the night is still young.” He grins
a wicked grin at me that melts me instantly.

  “So how was work?”

  Oh bless he cares, or is he being polite and passing time? Oh now I’m worried, again I look for guidance from the duo but they obviously don’t answer on command.

  ###

  After half an hour we pull off the freeway and drive into a little town and I’m still nattering on about the party and all the organising I’ve done.

  “Well it sounds like a good party.”

  “Yeah maybe ask me that night, or after it’s happened.” I fuss with my sleeves again.

  “Oh I intend to.”

  What? The party is not for another four weeks. What do I read into this or maybe he was invited? I will have to check the list tomorrow to see if he is on it.

  I start to shift in my seat uncomfortably as I feel so hungry, I place my right hand palm down over my stomach in a vain attempt to dull down the grumbling.

  “You alright?”

  “Yeah, getting a bit peckish now.”

  “Not a problem, I know a nice little place around here.” He navigates the streets as if he’s there all the time, he then pulls up outside a little restaurant and Michael drives past and parks up down the road.

  I open my door and slide myself out as ladylike as possible.

  “I wish you’d stop doing that,” he grumbles.

  “Sorry?”

  “You’re supposed to wait for me to open the door, like a gentleman.” He gestures his hands.

  “Oh. Sorry,” I panic so I re open the car door and sit back down.

  Trey gets out and leans into the car, I look up at him and his ear splitting smile makes my heart convulse into my mouth.

  “Oh no, that moment is long gone.”

  The Trey from last night and inside the hotel is back, putting me at ease once more but the Diva from outside can jog on because I will not be sticking around for him.

  I put on my poshest voice and tut, “well you can’t get the staff these days.” I climb out of the car and add a little slam for effect.

  “Not cool, Babe.”

  Babe? So I’m babe but still in the friend bracket or am I a friend with benefits? This is too confusing.

  He holds his hand out for me to take as we walk along the sidewalk past some shops until we reach a little Italian restaurant, Trey opens the door for me then follows me in and a little dark haired, thick mustached man comes running up to greet us. Trey releases my hand as if I have just burnt him.

  “Senior Thomas so lovely to see you again, the usual table?”

  “That will be great Giuseppe, thanks.”

  Giuseppe turns and offers me a polite smile, “This way please.”

  We are led to the back of the long, narrow restaurant and sat in a private little booth. I notice that even though it’s fairly busy, no one has batted an eyelid that Hollywood’s greatest thing since sliced bread has entered the room.

  I look around at all the artificial foliage that cascades down the dark bare brick walls, “It’s very quaint.”

  Trey leans across the table and looks me in the eyes, “Picking up the lingo I see.”

  “We use that word in England too.” I roll my eyes.

  The waiter arrives and stands, note book and pen in hand, ready for our order.

  “A beer for me and a white Pinot please.”

  The waiter disappears and Trey and I are left just staring into each other’s eyes, how I want to jump across the table and kiss him properly and passionately like last night but we are soon disturbed when his phone rings.

  He picks up, “Hi…where? Ok give me five.” He hangs up and turns his body away from me. He looks out of the window and the smile that crossed his face not three minutes ago has gone, the atmosphere now icy.

  I look down to my sleeves again and start twisting the ends with my fingers, why does this feel really uncomfortable now? I feel a lump of uncertainty rising from my stomach.

  The waiter arrives and places the drinks on the table, I reach for my glass and nearly send it flying, through nerves but luckily I save it before any is spilt. I put it to my lips and drink as much as I can whilst staying lady-like, I look at Trey who has a look of disgust on his face.

  “Quick save,” I try for a nervous tight-lipped smile but he looks straight through me.

  “Are you ready to order?” The waiter has arrived again.

  “Can we have a few more minutes,” Trey say’s without even looking.

  ‘Ask him what his issue is’ Devil girl demands, ‘Maybe excuse yourself and leave’ Angel girl suggests. Where the hell have they been all day?

  I look down at my sleeves, “Have I done something wrong?”

  “No,” he sighs, “I should never have brought you here.”

  “It’s nice, I really like it.” Now I sound desperate.

  “There’s a photographer outside and if he sees me, he’ll get pictures of us and sell them.”

  ‘Yep, he’s ashamed of you’ Devil girl scowls.

  I shake her away, “I’ll leave then? I’ll grab a cab and go home.” I take my phone off the table and slide my chair back to leave.

  “No, go to the toilet and wait for five minutes then leave, head straight out of the restaurant and head to the right then walk round the corner, ok?”

  “What?”

  “Babe please can you just do that?” Trey’s voice is adamant.

  “But I don’t understand why?”

  “I don’t want to be pictured with you!”

  Ouch! His words cut deep into my stomach like a knife and they twist around pulling my heart out. I’m ‘Babe’ one minute then the next I’m the elephant man.

  “Ok,” I blink wildly trying to swallow what he’s said, “It’s all a bit melodramatic but fine.”

  Still without even looking at me he snaps, “I cannot be seen out with you so I need you to do this for me.”

  ‘Yep, knife - chest go on push deeper, please by all means go for it.’

  “Ellie, please?” he looks up at me from his phone as he pushes a series of buttons.

  “Fine,” I grunt at him and so, very angrily, slide my chair out and stand looking for the ladies. I see them and storm off huffing.

  I go in and use the amenities while I’m there. Finishing up, I wash my hands and stand staring at myself in the mirror wondering what the hell is going on and why am I allowing him to speak to me this way? Old Ellie would have told him to do one! The hurt in my stomach is starting to gnaw away at me, is he really worth all this pain, some guy you’ve known for a few days? I can’t say yes but the duo, who blow hot and cold worse than Trey, are arguing the answer between themselves.

  “I can’t be seen with you…I don’t want to be seen with you” echo’s in my mind, if that’s the case then why is he always around me, chasing me?

  I need to find my inner self, Old Ellie needs to claw her way back to the surface and she’ll nip this in the bud before long.

  I reach around and grab my hair and pull the hair tie from it. Running my fingers through it I loosen my blonde now straight hair in the hopes I can bring my old self out, I take a deep breath and leave the toilets.

  I walk out of the door and through the restaurant, Giuseppe smiles politely at me as I walk past him, reaching the front door I swing to the right and head down the street for a bit until I reach the corner. A huge part of me is begging me to carry on across the road and leave him where he is, but my little nagging Devil is egging me on to see where this leads and, if he’s nowhere to be seen, then she’ll allow me to cut all ties with him. Begrudgingly I walk round the corner and continue for a bit, I swear at myself under my breath for being such a tit. After about thirty yards I feel arms around my waist and suddenly I’m being dragged backwards into an alleyway, I scream and within a split second a hand comes up to cover my mouth silencing me instantly. The feelings of past torture comes flooding back and all I can do is shake, my breathing becomes heavy and fast as I’m dragged further into the alley. I feel the col
d sweat moving through my body like a tornado and the blackness slowly creeps up until all I can see is black.

  “Fuck!”

  Chapter Thirteen

  “Sshh, its ok,” Trey whispers as I slowly come too.

  I open my eyes and realise I’m slumped on the floor being cradled by him, my head is all tingly and my body feels limp and lifeless.

  “What happened?” I mutter.

  “Babe you passed out, I’m sorry, it was me - I grabbed you.”

  I sit myself up and out of his lap, I shake my head trying to bring myself too, then I try and stand. Trey stands and lifts me up like a fallen toddler; he holds me tight and scans my face all over making sure I’m ok.

  “I’m really hungry and you scared the shit out of me!”

  Trey pulls me in close and lays my head on his chest right over his heart, I can hear it beating and it’s so soothing knowing his big arms are protecting me.

  “Oh,” he says and pulls me away so he can check me once more, I see his eyes are wide, “Guy! Of course I am so sorry, why didn’t I think…how fucking thick.”

  Trey pulls me in tight once more and holds me so tight that every muscle in his arms starts to squeeze the newfound breath in my body out.

  Yes let’s run with Guy that’s a simple explanation - I think to myself, “It’s ok.” I say and close my eyes relishing in his embrace.

  “I didn’t think Ellie, I snuck out the back door of the restaurant and asked one of the waiters to take my car for a spin, we swapped tops and he put on a cap. Michael followed my car and the photographer followed them, so he fell for it.”

  “Good thinking batman,” I can’t deny that was quite clever.

  Trey tips my head back and scans me yet again, “I’m fine.” I laugh and he kisses my forehead.

  The spark shoots through me as his lips touch my skin and like a magic elixir I feel a second wind of energy, my batteries are recharged and the events of earlier are once again forgotten.

  “I’m ok now. Really I’m fine.” I smile up at him.

  “Wow, it doesn’t matter how many times I see it, your smile still takes my breath away.” Both of his hands are around my face and before I can blush, his lips are on mine and our tongues are caressing each other once more. Leaning his forehead on mine he pants, “Right let’s get you some food, I don’t want you passing out again – I have plans for you!”