by Mary Ting
“Then why are you shaking?” he asked, concerned.
“It’s a bit chilly,” I replied, not realizing I was shivering. It was partly from the cold and partly from my body reacting to how I was really feeling—terrified.
“I’m so sorry,” he said, while holding me tightly with both arms. Then he rubbed my back and my arms. I couldn’t believe I was in his arms again. I didn’t know if he was going to leave me, so I had to think fast. The only reason he would stay is if I were afraid.
I looked up at him helplessly and said, “Yes, I’m afraid.” Feeling ashamed for premeditating, I glued my eyes to the floor. I wasn’t totally lying because I should be deathly afraid, although his presence gave me peace and comfort.
“Let’s go inside and get you out of the cold. I’ll wait until your mother comes home. Would that help?”
I nodded happily, suppressing a big grin as we walked in. It was a bit uncomfortable leading him toward my bedroom, but at the same time, I was feeling electrified. It didn’t take me long to get ready for bed, and he was staring out the window the whole time. He didn’t utter a word, and I didn’t ask him a single question. His back was still toward me as I got into bed. I wondered what he was thinking about.
“Penny for your thoughts,” I said cheerfully, trying to get his attention.
He turned to face me, still deep in thought. “I don’t need any of your pennies, but you would go broke.”
“That many?” I asked. I was hoping he would open up and tell me what he was thinking about, but he just stood there staring at me. Feeling uncomfortable, I asked, “Can I ask you a question?”
“No more questions. Lie down and go to sleep,” he ordered.
He didn’t sound friendly, and I was beginning to think that he didn’t want to be here. I didn’t move; I sat on my bed and glanced at him. He just stood by the window, with arms crossed, and stared back at me. He appeared to be looking straight through me, perhaps, searching for words.
He sighed heavily and finally said, “Life is so unfair, even for us. Sometimes the unfairness hits hard, like a ton of bricks. Sometimes, I wish I could be human and experience life again. I feel like we are being punished for who we are.”
I felt horrible. His words struck right through my heart. He took a deep breath again and gave me a look as if he was about to confess. “All of this, it’s my fault,” he said, then looked away.
I was confused. What could this beautiful angel possibly have done to look so distraught that he felt like he had to confess to a human?
He continued. “I, alone, have put you in danger. If I had the will to just let you be, then you would not be in this position.”
I gave him a puzzled look.
“You don’t remember all the times you visited the Crossroads before, do you?
“No,” I said, shaking my head. I felt confused and frustrated as I tried to remember how many times I dreamt about being there.
“Let me explain. You were just a child when I first saw you at the Crossroads. You only stayed there for a very short time, and you would disappear without warning. Periodically, you would reappear. And no matter how many times you visited, you always looked lost and confused. As I watched you grow up, I wanted to reach out to you, but I couldn’t. I didn’t tell anyone about you. I watched you from the other side, protecting you so you wouldn’t be found. Somehow you entered the realms of our world while following Margaret.
“The first time you tried to enter by yourself, I should have let you be, and you would have just disappeared, but I let you in. It was me. I was being selfish. You made me feel things I didn’t know I could feel. I didn’t want you to leave, and when I knew you were about to give up, I stopped you from leaving. Now these evil beings won’t leave you alone.” He turned his back to me again.
I didn’t know what to say. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. Although I had feelings for him, I was overcome by the thought that he could have those same feelings for me. He was an alkin. We would be impossible, but something inside me didn’t care. Even if it meant that we could only be together for a short time, it was better than never being with him.
He continued. “Phillip asked me to be your guardian angel to look after you, not to complicate things. He trusted me to not let my human emotions get in the way. I told him I wasn’t ready, but I don’t blame him. He didn’t know that I had seen you before. He didn’t know that I had feelings…I mean…these human emotions are too powerful, and I don’t know if I can control myself,” he said, looking down ashamedly. “The Royal Council took away my memories of life on Earth. They should have erased my emotions as well. Then I would just feel nothing. Training to be more like an angel than a human is nearly impossible when you already have these feelings. How do they expect us to…? These temptations…we’re half human.”
I knew what he meant because I felt them too. In the midst of knowing that he actually cared about me more than a guardian angel should, I lost all sense of reasoning and blurted, “I’m glad you stopped me, and I don’t care about the fallen!”
His response was not what I had expected. “You don’t know what you are talking about. You almost got killed.”
I was overwhelmed by all this. My head was spinning out of control. Feeling frustrated and struggling for the right words, I started to cry. As he saw the first drop of tears, he dashed toward me, wiped the tears off my face, and struggled to find a way to comfort me.
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” he said over and over again.
It should have made me stop, and I should have tried harder to control myself, but I couldn’t, nor did I try. I cried even harder; I cried for his pain, I cried for my pain, I cried for the frustration and the unfairness of life. All of these thoughts circulated through my head. Suddenly I was lifted from my bed. He held me tenderly while my head lay contentedly on his shoulder. My sobbing softened as I tried to control the lingering, small gasps of air when I realized I was in his arms.
As he held me tighter, we stood there, our bodies melting perfectly into one. I could see a low beam of light projecting around us. It felt so warm and pleasant. I felt a sense of belonging I had never felt before. I had known him for such a short time, yet I felt like I had known him all my life. Both of us held on, not wanting to let go. Now we were cheek to cheek, my face rubbing against his affectionately, as one teardrop found its way to the ground.
The relentless thumping of my heart made me breathless. Butterflies in my stomach were fluttering a hundred times faster. I was panting with thirst—thirst for his love, and thirst for his kiss. As his lips started to inch toward mine, a sensational feeling shot through my veins from head to toe; I wanted so much to kiss him.
I couldn’t believe what was about to happen. We both knew it was wrong, yet it was undeniably what we wanted. I could feel his breath on my lips. I could almost taste his sweetness. Then he stopped. He leaned his forehead onto mine and let out a frustrated heavy sigh.
“Thou shall not touch,” he muttered. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what’s gotten into me. Please forgive me. It won’t happen again.” He was serious and sorrowful.
Realizing what could have just happened; he sat at the head of the bed and lay me down next to him, both of us silent and still catching our breaths. Forgive him? There was nothing to forgive. I wanted him just as much, if not more. The tone of his voice made my heart ache, and I realized I needed to be cautious of my own actions and lead him not into temptation. But I didn’t know if that was possible. Every time I was around him, I was overflowing with happiness, and it was hard to control my desire for him.
He started caressing my hair gently, producing a different kind of pleasure. I wanted to hold on to him as long as I could, so I turned to my side and hugged his leg. Being able to physically hold him made this all so real. But it tortured me that I would only see him when danger arose. Gradually, my heart found its rhythm again, and at the same time, I was falling asleep. I didn’t have the stamina to fight sle
ep even though I knew he would disappear into the clouds. Drained from all that I had endured that day, I eventually succumbed to sleep.
Chapter 9
I stared straight up at my ceiling, reliving the moment when we almost kissed. It had been exactly a week since I last saw Michael, but I could still feel the heat rush through my body and feel the excitement of what could have been every time I had these thoughts. He was my guardian angel. That was why he stopped. What was I thinking? Angels and humans did not have relationships. That was how this craziness all started in the first place. But I couldn’t keep myself from thinking what it would be like to kiss him.
Then suddenly, Michael’s words haunted me. Even animals are allowed to receive and give love. I tried to hide you and protect you from being found when you would mysteriously appear at Crossroads. Why was it that I couldn’t remember how many times I had dreamt about being at the Crossroads, other than the recent visits? Still, with all that I had endured, it was hard to conceive that what appeared to be a dream was, in fact, real. What was real to me was the emptiness I felt after he had gone. Why did Michael have to go back? As my guardian angel, why wasn’t he allowed to stay with me at all times? Wasn’t it reasonable, or was I being selfish? I stopped thinking when there was a soft knock at my bedroom door.
“Claudia, are you awake?”
I cleared my throat. “Come in, Mom,” I said cheerfully and sat up.
The door opened. “Happy birthday, honey!” she said excitedly and planted a kiss on my cheek. “I didn’t know if you were awake or asleep.” She sat on the bed.
It hit me when I heard my mother’s voice. It was my birthday. What should be one of the happiest moments of my life, turning eighteen, was not all that exciting. It was the last thing on my mind.
“Do you have any plans?”
“I do have to go to work today, and I promised Gamma that I would stop by her house afterward. That’s okay, right?”
“Sure it is. She’ll be so happy to see you.”
“I see her every Sunday, but she called me to make sure I would visit her on my birthday. I’m planning on having dinner with you as always. Were you thinking I had forgotten to include you?” I asked, smiling.
“Well, I thought perhaps you wanted to spend the evening with your friends.”
“No, Mom, it didn’t cross my mind. That’s our time together. After all, you did give birth to me. You deserve some credit,” I said, teasing and leaning toward her. “Anyways, my friends and I are going out this Friday. I was gonna tell you about it. I mean, I was going to ask you if I could go out with them.”
“Of course,” she said.
She looked so happy. I was glad that I didn’t make any plans. “Yes, I did raise you, no biggy,” she laughed. “Where would you like to go?”
Just as I was about to answer her question, my cell phone buzzed three times, letting me know that I had three text messages. She nodded her head, giving me permission to check. “It’s from Patty, Kristina, and Maggie wishing me happy birthday.” I quickly texted them back and then faced Mom, feeling guilty for not giving her my full attention since we hardly got to spend time together.
Refocusing and thinking about her question, I asked, “How about the same restaurant we always go to on my birthday?” I really didn’t feel like celebrating, but given the fact that she had made special arrangements at work just so she could take me out, I couldn’t refuse.
“Are you sure?” she asked.
I nodded.
“Okay then, how about six?
“Sounds great.”
“Maybe you can convince Gamma to go out to dinner with us. She already turned me down,” she said as she placed a box in my hand.
“What’s this?” I asked, blinking in surprise.
“Something that I’ve been saving up for, something you deserve. And it’s about time you get rid of your bike.” She winked.
I was completely stunned. Getting rid of my bike meant only one thing. Was it what I was thinking? Could it really be a car? I continued to stare at the box.
“Aren’t you going to open it?” she asked excitedly.
I held the box with both hands. The beautiful design of the wrapping paper made it difficult for me to undo it. It was designed with my favorite flower—stargazer lily. I slowly untied the pink ribbon and carefully peeled off the layers of tape one by one. I paused for a few seconds, then opened the box. My eyes glued themselves to the object, and I was in shock, wondering if what I was seeing was real.
“I…I…don’t know what to say,” I said, feeling overwhelmed with excitement. I couldn’t believe I was holding a set of car keys. “Is this real, Mom?” I couldn’t believe I said that. What a stupid question!
“Of course it is, silly! Do you think I would give you a set of plastic keys as your birthday present?”
I laughed. “No…no…of course you wouldn’t, but I can’t believe it’s real. Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! You bought me a car!” I shouted with excitement. “Thank you! Thank you!” I squeezed my mom so tightly she could hardly breathe.
“Let’s go take a look,” she said as she stood up from my bed.
“You mean, it’s in the driveway?” I was beyond excited.
“Come on! What are you waiting for?”
I was in my PJs, but I didn’t care. We both ran out as she pulled my hand, leading me out the front door faster than I could keep up. There it was…a shiny black Honda Accord EX. I must have given her a look that questioned if we were able to afford it, because she answered before I could even ask. “Don’t worry. I got a good deal and sorry…it’s not brand-new,” she said apologetically.
I circled the car. I couldn’t believe this thing in front of me was mine. I didn’t care that it wasn’t brand-new. I never even imagined I would even get a car. I didn’t know what to say.
“Mom, don’t be sorry. This car is perfect.” I unlocked the door and got in. Looking around and touching everything made it so real. When I got out, I started rambling with excitement. “Mom, I don’t know what to say. This is so cool. I…I…I’ll pay for gas. I have a job. Patty, Kristina, and Maggie are going to totally flip. I can’t believe it. I…”
She interrupted my chatter and hugged me. “Just say thank you, honey. That’s all. You’ve been so responsible, and I’m so proud of you. You deserve it.” I calmed down and tenderly hugged her back. “I have to go to work now, so I’ll see you at six.” She kissed me on my cheek and left.
I couldn’t wait to go to work to show Patty my new car. I slowly got ready for work since I had plenty of time, repeatedly looking out the front window, awestruck by my car. I couldn’t believe I had my very own wheels.
As I walked from my bathroom to the front window, I noticed a box on my desk. It was a plain beige box with a purple ribbon tied into a bow. I wondered who had placed it there. I had already gotten a gift from my mom. Then Michael crossed my mind. He knew my birth date, but he couldn’t have, or could he? Then I thought how silly I was being. Why would he even bother to give me a gift? He was my guardian angel, not my boyfriend.
I held the box in my hands and took a deep breath. I slowly untied the bow while anxiety crept through me. Inside the box was the most beautiful necklace I had ever seen. A silver chain was looped through beaded crystals in the shape of a butterfly. I picked up a note that read:
Dearest Claudia,
To the world you are one person, but to me, you are my world. This crystal will warn you if any fallen are nearby. I will be there to protect you.
In my heart, in my soul—M
I couldn’t believe it. Did I read this right? I read it again. I was his world. I kept saying it over and over again. I was floating in air. At least I knew that he was thinking of me. Carefully I held the necklace to my chest and took a deep breath. His words were so beautiful; it swept me off my feet. There was a strangeness about receiving such a beautiful gift from an angel. How would I explain this to those close to me? Keeping any guy in my life a se
cret would be virtually impossible. Yet one like Michael, who nobody was to know about, left me with uncertainty about how to handle the situation. Nonetheless, I happily accepted his gift.
Hearing rumbling sounds from my stomach reminded me I hadn’t eaten breakfast. I went into the kitchen and got myself a bowl of cereal. Eating while admiring the necklace, I was unaware how much time had passed. I quickly got ready, jumped into my new car, started the engine, and just sat there, wondering if I could actually drive it. I had driven my mom’s car with her, but this was different.
Realizing that the necklace was still in my hand, I placed it around my neck. I lowered the front shade and opened the mirror. Tiny little facets of light glistened inside the car. It reminded me of Halo City.
I raised the shade and mentally prepared myself so I wouldn’t be late for work. I can drive this car, I thought to myself. There is nothing to it. As I talked my way through my apprehension, I set the shift to D and slowly stepped on the gas pedal. This was definitely faster than the bike, and I loved every moment.
What would have taken me thirty minutes on my bike only took me five in my car. I should have factored the time difference, but I’d rather be early than late. Patiently I sat in the car waiting for Patty. Feeling the extra weight on my neck, I looked into the mirror again. Just then I was startled by loud knocks on the window. Patty was jumping up and down with excitement. I almost knocked her over as I got out to join her.
“Happy birthday! You got a car! This is so cool! I can’t believe it! Now you can pick me up! We can go anywhere!” she said as she hugged me.
She kept rambling about what we would do as we headed inside. As I walked behind her, a familiar scent sweetly danced around me. In front of the cash register was a vase filled with stargazer lilies and various colors of beautiful butterflies mixed in. The only people who knew that these were my favorite were my mom and Gamma. Patty was busy taking care of a customer, so I walked straight to the vase. I was curious who they were for. It was presumptuous to think that it was for me and not for Patty, but it was my birthday after all. There was a note,